Chapter 14 Solana #2
“No you don’t! You see a victim. A broken little girl who needs a big strong man to fight her battles,” I shout in disbelief.
Then, suddenly, everything clicks into place, and I release a wry laugh.
“That’s what you meant in the stockroom, wasn’t it?
At Tom Cutler’s welcome home party? What you said about not letting him get away with it?
You’re planning to go after Kel because you think I need your protection. ”
I half expect Silver to at least deny the accusation. But he doesn’t. He releases a deep sigh and remains silent, confirming what I’ve said is true.
“I don’t need you to fight for me,” I say, backing toward the door. “I’m not weak. I don’t need your pity or your protection.”
“Solana, please—” He reaches for my hands but I smack him away.
“Stay away from me, Silver. And stay away from Kel. Stay out of all of it. I’m serious, okay?”
I flee from his house before he can even make another move to stop me, promising that it’ll be the last time.
This friendship we’ve formed and connection we’ve found is over.
The hallways at Wheaton U feel like a gauntlet. Every glance from other students makes my skin crawl. My anxiety shoots up to new, untold levels.
Are they looking at me because they know? Because they saw me that night, stumbling and helpless? A drugged idiot making a fool out of herself?
Or am I just paranoid now, seeing judgment everywhere?
Two girls whisper as I pass, their eyes tracking me. A group of guys by the vending machines goes quiet when I walk by. I clutch my book bag straps tighter, keeping my head down, just trying to make it through another day.
But it’s become increasingly difficult.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ketamine.
The word loops in my brain like a broken record. You don’t accidentally ingest ketamine. Someone puts it in your drink. Someone makes the choice for you. Someone decided I didn’t get to say no.
I’ve been avoiding processing any of it, using Silver as my escape. Our nightly calls, the sound of his voice as he encouraged me and made me hope things would get better.
That’s why I couldn’t tell him about the clinic’s call at the party. Saying it aloud would make it real.
But now Silver and I aren’t talking. We probably won’t ever talk again, which means I’ve lost my escape route.
So the truth sits on my chest like a weight, making it harder to breathe.
Math class ends and I bolt for the bathroom, my nerves shot and breath unsteady. I just need a moment to splash water on my face and pull myself together.
The bathroom is thankfully empty. I step to the mirror and do my best to ignore how I have dark circles under my eyes from another sleepless night.
The door opens. I glance up expecting another girl, hoping it’ll be someone who’ll ignore me.
Instead, it’s about the worst possible twist of events.
Kel comes strolling through with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders relaxed like he hasn’t just wandered inside the women’s restroom.
The little air I have in my lungs vanishes. I can’t bring myself to do anything but stare at him in the mirror.
He’s locked the door and stepped behind me as if this is a planned meetup. Like I’ve asked him to be here.
“Kel, you’re not supposed to—”
“Aren’t you going to welcome me back?” he asks in interruption.
“Uh… I… actually I have to get to—”
“I hear you’ve been talking about me.”
I turn around, the sink basin now against my hip, and blink a few times. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Kel, I… I don’t want any trouble, okay?”
He gives off his usual deep laugh. The same one that makes girls giggle and blush. Girls like me who once wished he would simply notice me.
Now it makes my stomach churn…
“Come on, Lana. Don’t play dumb.” He steps closer, blocking any path to the door. I’m trapped between him and the sink, and nobody else is here. Every stall is empty.
“I said I don’t—”
“Stop lying,” he says. Any amusement has slipped away for the scowl that comes to his face. “Spencer told me all about getting hemmed up in some alley. Some guy asking questions about me.”
“What? I had nothing to do with that. I promise I didn’t—”
“I hoped this wouldn’t turn into a problem, Lana,” he goes on, ignoring what I’ve said. He leans closer, clearly determined to invade my space and make me as uncomfortable as possible. “I hope you’re smart enough not to make trouble.”
“I… I told you I don’t want any,” I croak.
His hand comes up and I flinch, but he doesn’t hit me. He brushes a butterfly loc back from my face, pushing it over my shoulder. The gesture would look gentle to anyone watching, though it couldn’t feel more menacing.
More threatening as he stares coldly into my eyes and I freeze up, remembering those same eyes from my flashbacks. How he’d looked down at me as he moved inside me, and I was forced to lay there and take it.
I know now with every fiber of my being that there was nothing harmless about it. This wasn’t some confused college hook up where both parties were drunk and clumsy.
I was targeted. I was prey from the moment I was asked to go out that night and handed a fake ID…
“What happened is in the past,” he says. “Be smart and keep it that way. Keep your mouth shut.”
I nod several times, promising him I will. Sounding pathetic as I do.
He grins. “Good. Look at it this way—we had fun. You enjoyed yourself. Don’t ruin it by making this into something it wasn’t.”
Then he’s gone, unlocking the door and strolling out like nothing happened, leaving me shaken and dazed in his wake.