2. Sierra
TWO
Sierra
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I hear the sound from a distance, and I will it to stop.
It doesn’t.
It must be my alarm clock. I have a feeling it’s been going for a while because my head aches and my limbs are stiff, but it’s so hard to wake up. I try to lift my arm so I can grab my phone, half-wondering when I changed the sound of my alarm, but I can’t. My hand twitches the tiniest bit, and I blink my eyes open.
Fuck. I can’t bring anything into focus, and I close them again. I’m exhausted. I should go back to sleep, but the beeping doesn’t stop, and as I wake up, I start to understand.
That beeping isn’t an alarm clock.
It’s the steady beep of some kind of hospital machine, and I’m pretty sure it’s connected to me.
I look around the room blearily. There are two large men sitting in the available chairs. I recognize Kyran immediately, and I sigh in relief. My big brother is here to protect me.
Then I remember what he and his boyfriend did.
Silvano Cresci killed my father, and Kyran not only helped Silvano cover it up, he’s still sleeping with him.
My heart rate ratchets up, and I force myself to focus on the other person in the room.
Konstantin.
I don’t know why he’s here. I don’t know why I care that he’s here, or that it’s a relief, or that I’m grateful he’s alive.
Because he could’ve died, I think.
And I hadn’t wanted that.
I try to remember what had happened—why I’m in so much fucking pain—and I wonder if they branded me again. I try to look down, where I can sort of see that there’s a bandage, but I don’t know what’s beneath it.
Before I can figure it out, Kyran speaks. “Sierra,” he breathes. “Sierra, you’re awake.”
“Get out,” I try to say, but pain blossoms through me at the effort. Fuck. Fuck, it hurts so badly, but my heart hurts even worse.
Konstantin gets up and moves to my side, placing his hand on mine. “Sierrochka. I…” His voice sounds heavy with grief.
Kyran walks up to him. “I’ll get rid of him,” he says. “You won’t ever have to see this fucker ever again.”
I wheeze out something like a laugh that somehow makes everything hurt worse. “I meant you, Kyran.” I can’t say more than that. I can’t. I stop trying to look down at the bandage, at my chest, and close my eyes.
There’s a moment of stunned silence, though, then Kyran says roughly, “You don’t mean that. You’re just in pain.”
But I do mean it.
I am so full of anger and misery, and maybe I’m finally realizing just how much it fucking hurts that he’s been with Silvano fucking Cresci while Ma and I were left by ourselves. Maybe I’m realizing, too, how much it hurts that they didn’t even try to rescue me from Konstantin, Yuri, and Nikolai.
That doesn’t even count my shock and grief at learning his fucking lover killed our father.
“You heard her,” Konstantin says calmly. “Your sister doesn’t want you here.” He squeezes my hand. “I am glad you’re feeling yourself all right, Sierrochka.”
“You don’t understand,” Kyran says, as ferocious as Konstantin is steady. “You don’t know what these bastards did to you.”
I’m pretty sure I do, seeing as how I experienced it, but I can’t get the retort out. I open my eyes so I can look at him again, hoping I can convey the depths of my need to have him gone .
“Leave,” Konstantin says, glaring at Kyran. “You are unwanted.”
I nod slightly, wishing I could lift my hand to flip him off.
No, I actually want to punch him in the fucking face or kick him in the balls, but at this moment, I’d settle for anything.
Kyran seems about to say something, but a sharp look from Konstantin has him cutting himself off. “All right,” he says raggedly. “I’ll be right outside.”
He can fuck right off, for all I care. “Wait. Ma?” I croak out before he can turn around. Now that my mind is clearing some, I don’t understand why she’s not here instead of him.
And god, I want my mother more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole life.
Tears burn in the corners of my eyes, and while I try to blink them shut, I can’t.
Kyran hesitates, then replies, “She’s… safe.” He glances at the door. “I can’t tell you more right now. But we’ll take you to her as soon as we can.”
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Why wouldn’t she be safe? I have a million questions, but at the same time, I don’t even want to breathe the same air as my brother. I look to Konstantin instead. “Ma?” I ask again.
“Your mamasha is being protected,” Konstantin says. He must see my confusion, because he explains, “From Don Marino’s men. He is dead.”
I shudder, and fuck, there’s so much pain I can barely even focus on Konstantin and Kyran even now.
Before I can ask any more questions, the door opens and a woman in a white coat walks in. Silvano and Nikolai follow her inside, and she glares at them in annoyance.
“You’re awake. Good.” She smiles at me, but she makes a shooing gesture at all the men. “I need to speak to Ms. Winters alone.”
Konstantin purses his lips and squeezes my hand again. “I am staying.”
I can’t decide if I want him and the others to or not—whether I want to be alone or not.
“You are not,” she says bluntly. “None of you are.”
Silvano goes to Kyran’s side and takes his hand. “We’ve all been worried about her. Surely we can all get a quick update on her health, and then we’ll be out of your hair.”
I don’t have the energy to argue with them, and besides, one of them might be able to explain the medical gibberish to me later when I’m more coherent. “It’s fine,” I manage. “But the pain meds aren’t working.”
It’s excruciating, and it makes the pain from the brand seem like child’s play.
She nods. “I’ll have the nurse bring you the acetaminophen.”
That… does not sound like enough for a gunshot wound, which I’m now certain this is.
“What the fuck?” Kyran asks. “That’s for like… headaches, isn’t it?” He glances at Silvano, like he’s waiting for confirmation, and I hate him for it.
Ugh. Can he do anything without Silvano’s input?
Silvano’s brow furrows. “It certainly isn’t an opioid.”
Konstantin straightens his shoulders. “Is this because of money? We will pay for best… for the best treatment.”
I look from him to Nikolai, whose expression is thunderous, and I feel a pang when I realize Yuri isn’t here.
“Unfortunately, it isn’t safe for the baby,” the doctor says, and even though she continues talking, my world screeches to a halt.
The men all freeze too.
“The… baby?” Nikolai repeats.
The doctor shifts uncomfortably, and she wets her lips with her tongue. “Yes. Stronger medication isn’t safe for the fetus.”
“Fetus?” Kyran asks, incredulous. “Fuck a goddamn fetus. She’s in pain. God, what the fuck even—” His eyes snap to Konstantin. “You. You did this.”
In the blink of an eye, he strides across the room, and before I can even process what the doctor had said, let alone anyone else, he balls his hand into a fist and aims it directly at Konstantin’s face.
Konstantin takes the blow, but he snarls and grabs Kyran’s arm. “I did it,” he repeats, smirking at him. “I will do it again.”
The doctor lets out a startled gasp and drops her tablet, but it doesn’t distract the men.
They’re going to get themselves kicked out, and honestly? Right now, I can’t even bring myself to care.
Silvano steps between them and looks at Kyran. “This isn’t the time or place. Sierra’s recovery is the most important thing right now.”
Konstantin startles, but he lets go of Kyran too. “Yes.” He looks to the doctor. “If… if her health is at risk… the fetus is not important. Sierra must recover.”
The doctor has scrambled back toward the door, and even though she looks terrified, she says, “She’ll recover. But you all need to calm down!” She grabs the door and flings it open, disappearing onto the other side with a shout for security.
Silvano watches her leave and shakes his head. “Wonderful. Good job, Kyran, you’re getting us kicked out.”
“He got my sister pregnant!” Kyran bellows. “He deserves more than a punch in the fucking face!”
My head is aching now more than ever, and I want them all to shut up. But the sharp words I’d normally give get caught in my throat.
Nikolai is the only one who seems to notice, and for once, he’s the one who’s calm and rational. “Stop it. Look at her! She’s…” He studies my expression, then seems to amend what he’d been about to say. “…fucking pissed. You can have a fist fight outside of the hospital.”
“Wonderful idea. Let’s do that later, when Sierra has had time to process and knows how she wants to handle this matter.” Silvano takes Kyran’s wrist and lowers it. Kyran is three times as strong as Silvano, but he doesn’t fight Silvano. “Kyran and I will go get food. Are there any requests? Sierra?”
I look between them, wanting my mother now more than ever.
Ma—and some fucking pain medication, and something to knock me out so I don’t have to think about the fact that I’m fucking pregnant and I don’t even know whose baby it is.
And I don’t want to be alone, but there’s no way the doctor is going to let any of them stay.
Tears roll down my cheeks because I can’t have anything that I want right now. I’m going to be stuck in a hospital bed, alone and in pain, trying to come to terms with the fact that Konstantin, Nikolai, and Yuri managed to get me knocked up within a few short months.
Yuri.
It’s not that I want him there, exactly, even though he’d been the first of them I’d connected with. But I’m abruptly worried that he didn’t survive the fight that had landed me here to begin with. “Is Yuri okay?” I rasp out.
Konstantin and Nikolai exchange a glance.
“You don’t need to see him,” Nikolai answers with a scowl. “Never again.”
I don’t understand, but before anyone can explain it to me, a burly man in a black uniform barges into the room.
“Out! All of you!” he barks. “Or I’ll call the cops and have them remove you.”
I whimper, desperate for someone to stay.
“Kyran and I were leaving anyway. Konstantin, Nikolai, if you want us to pick up food for you, please text me,” Silvano says. He takes Kyran’s hand and starts moving to the door, but Kyran digs his feet in.
“No, Silvano. If somebody is staying with her?—”
“He threw the punch,” Nikolai interrupts, pointing at Kyran.
Kyran glares at him. “I’m her fucking brother, not her—” He cuts himself off, but I know what he was going to say.
Rapist .
And fuck, aren’t both Konstantin and Nikolai exactly that? They’re more, too, though—and I don’t know when that happened. I don’t understand.
“Please,” I beg, and the guard turns to look at me. “Not all of them.”
I’m crying harder, and the man softens.
“One more incident, and I will call the police,” he warns. “You can have one of them.”
Nikolai looks like he’d rather cut off his own hand than say it, but he grits out, “Konstantin should stay. He’s…” He doesn’t seem like he knows how to describe Konstantin’s relationship to me.
Hell, I don’t either.
Konstantin looks to me, his eyes soft. “Who would you like, Sierrochka? I will respect your decision.”
There’s another sharp pang that I’m not sure has anything to do with my injury, but everything to do with my heart. I want Yuri, but he’s not here, and Konstantin and Nikolai are apparently furious at him for reasons I don’t understand.
I take a deep breath and regret it instantly. I want my fucking mother. She’d never understand, but she would let me cry and hold my hand and maybe she’d even sympathize with me instead of blaming me.
God, my family is so fucked up.
Kyran and Silvano have departed, leaving Konstantin and Nikolai behind.
“Ma’am?” the guard prompts.
“Sorry,” I tell Nikolai, who nods. He looks resigned, like he’d already been expecting it, and he leaves the room with the guard on his heels. But he’s been acting so strange with me lately, and Konstantin is the most stable of the three of them.
I look at Konstantin, but I don’t know what to say to him.
Konstantin pulls a chair up next to the hospital bed, then takes hold of my hand again. He lifts it up to kiss it, and another flutter of warmth goes through me.
“Sierrochka. When I saw you get shot…” He lets out a deep sigh. “You don’t need to worry. Everybody involved is… gone , or being punished.”
Punished. I don’t think I want to know what that means. It turns my stomach.
“Why isn’t Yuri here?” I whisper, realizing that I’m hurt by his absence. Does he not care?
Konstantin scowls, and his hold on my hand tightens. “Yura does not deserve to see you. I will personally whip his back raw when we get back home.”
“What?” I burst out, the exhaustion and pain taking a back seat to the shock. “Why?” I can’t imagine any offense he could’ve committed that would have earned him that .
Konstantin releases my hand and cups my cheek. “He shot you, Sierrochka. It’s his bullet that ended up in your chest. We are lucky he has bad aim.”
I freeze. “W-what?” I whisper. I don’t understand. “Why?” I ask again, and those fucking tears are rolling down my cheeks again. Does Yuri really hate me that much for what happened to him? Had he taken advantage of a chaotic moment to try to kill me?
Konstantin averts his gaze. “He claims he was trying to shoot Kyran. But that doesn’t matter. He should have held his trigger finger the moment you were within bullet range.”
Kyran.
Yuri had been trying to shoot Kyran.
I can’t process that information any more than I can process the fact that I’m apparently fucking pregnant.
As much as I hate my brother right now—and I do, I really do—I don’t want him to die . My oldest brother has been dead for years, my middle brother is in jail, and Kyran… Kyran’s the only sibling I have left.
“Oh,” I say, my voice sounding dull.
“I will punish him,” Konstantin repeats. “He will regret hurting you.”
He hurt me, but not in the way Konstantin means. No, this goes deeper, and it’s harsher, and I don’t know what to make of it.
I lick my parched lips. I can’t deal with this anymore. “Water? Meds?” I prompt. I may not be able to have anything strong enough to make a difference, but I find that I do need a second to think after all.
“I will call the nurse,” he says.
I nod and close my eyes. I’m exhausted, and there’s nothing left to say or do. If I was less selfish—less fucked up—I would tell Konstantin to leave me alone.
But all I can do is be grateful that someone’s here with me.