3. Sierra
THREE
Sierra
I know it isn’t fair to expect the guys to put their entire lives on hold to keep me entertained while I’m in the hospital, but I don’t particularly like being alone here. It’s only been hours since Nikolai left, but I’m already itching to have him or Konstantin return.
Or to have Yuri here at all.
I should be furious that he shot me for that reason alone, but I’m not. Mostly, I’m pissed and wounded that he tried to kill my brother, when he knows I don’t have anyone except Kyran and Ma anymore.
Sure, I have my sister-in-law and her two kids, in theory, but they got out of town as soon as they could. I don’t blame them.
I wish Ma and I had gone with them.
But no, we’d stayed here, and this is what happened to us because of it.
The door opens, and I perk up. Even the company of one of the nurses is preferable to boring reruns on the TV.
It isn’t a nurse, though.
It’s Silvano Cresci, and my blood boils when I see him standing there. I glance behind him, but Kyran isn’t with him.
“Get out,” I tell him as he closes the door, fighting the urge to throw something at him.
Silvano ignores me and moves to the other side of the room, where a chair is set up near the window. He pushes the curtains aside to reveal the view of Benton City’s—frankly unimpressive—skyline.
“I’ve heard they’re going to release you in the morning,” Silvano says calmly. He doesn’t have the decency to look at me while he speaks.
I glare at him anyway.
“I’m going to call for the nurse,” I threaten, except… I know why he’s here, and I have to head him off before he tries to do something stupid.
I wonder what happened to the flash drive full of information that I’d had the night of the party. Had Silvano found it, or had Konstantin? One of their enemies? There was so much data on it, data I really don’t want to have fallen into the wrong hands.
It’s funny to think that about Silvano when he was the one I’d gathered all of that information for in the first place.
Too bad he’d killed my father and destroyed my desire to help him.
“Before you do, I thought we could talk about how things will be going forward.” Silvano turns around and leans against the window. I realize now he’s still wearing a fancy suit, like he’s going to some finance job and not simply making a hospital visit.
“Oh, enlighten me,” I say sarcastically. “How are things going to go?”
Silvano smiles at me. “I wanted to ask you, actually. Obviously, you don’t want to come live with me and Kyran. Frankly, I don’t want you living with us either. I can still set you up with a new identity and a lot of money somewhere on another continent. That has to be better than living with Konstantin Voronkov, right?”
The idea should appeal to me. After all, it’s exactly what I’d planned on doing that night—grabbing Ma and getting as far away as possible as quickly as possible. We wouldn’t have had the benefit of new identities, though, and that had been a poorly thought plan.
What Silvano is offering is freedom, though I’d forever be beholden to my father’s murderer.
I would, and Ma would, and my…
I touch my stomach, where my pregnancy isn’t even starting to show yet.
“And what would you get out of that, huh? You don’t do anything for free,” I challenge him. Maybe I’m stalling, but I know better than to think Silvano Cresci is going to help me out of the kindness of his heart.
Something about the quality of Silvano’s smile changes. “I would get Kyran’s happiness out of it, Sierra. He cares deeply for you. It’s killing him that you’re rejecting him, exactly like your mother has.”
I scoff. “If he gave a shit about us, he wouldn’t be with you ,” I say savagely.
I can’t deny that Konstantin, Nikolai, and Yuri’s loathing of what they consider traitorous behavior has rubbed off on me. I had been angry at Kyran before, but now I don’t even know what to feel about him.
I still can’t believe he’s sleeping with our father’s murderer. When I look at Silvano, all I can feel is an almost overwhelming hatred.
“And if you gave a fuck, you wouldn’t have left me with Konstantin for as long as you did,” I add.
Anger flashes across Silvano’s features. “Kyran wanted to go in guns blazing. But what would that have done, Sierra? You saw how many people died at Don Marino’s. You almost died! We found a way to get you out without more bloodshed—which would have succeeded, if you’d come with us instead of running away.”
No bloodshed, except for Konstantin and Yuri and Nikolai ending up as corpses.
I drop back against the bed, closing my eyes as I think. I wouldn’t have wanted people to die trying to rescue me, but it still hurts that they did nothing at all.
“You killed Pa,” I whisper, blinking away tears. “How did you expect me to react?”
“Smarter,” Silvano counters. “I won’t apologize for anything. Your father was a homophobic, hateful man who was going to kill Kyran if he wasn’t stopped. I made the choice. Kyran’s life was far more valuable to me.”
“Was it?” I snap. “Without you in his life, Pa wouldn’t have had a reason to even think about hurting Kyran. Did you maybe think that it wasn’t about him being gay? That it was because it was you he chose to shack up with while the rest of us were hurting?”
Silvano takes several steps in my direction, and the anger radiating from him makes me flinch.
“Kyran should have stayed in the closet? Is that it?” Silvano asks coldly. “He should have spent his entire life appeasing your parents, while he lost more and more of himself with every day?”
“That’s not what I said!” I snap, even though I know I need to stay calm. One of the machines starts to beep a little faster, but I can’t stop now that I’ve started. “I said, it’s because it was you! You and your father were responsible for Neil’s death. Or did you forget that? I found them, Silvano. I got to see your family’s handiwork up close and personal. And Kyran still goes and crawls into your bed, like the rest of us don’t even matter.”
I burst into angry, helpless tears, trying to wipe them away but failing.
“And if it hadn’t been for me—” Silvano cuts himself off before he finishes that sentence.
I glare at him. “What? If not for you, Kyran would have had to actually talk to us? Trust us?”
Silvano inhales sharply and shakes his head. “Think what you want.” He motions toward my belly. “What are you going to do about the baby?”
I’m still seething from what he said, and I don’t immediately answer. “Do you really think that’s any of your business?” I ask, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“As much my business as anything else.” Silvano rubs his temple. “Sierra, I don’t dislike you. I find you clever and charming. But I want Kyran’s happiness above all else. Agree to let me help you. Keep the child, or don’t, I don’t care. As long as Kyran knows you’re safe, that’s all that matters to me.”
I let out a deep, shuddering breath. There’s a part of me that thinks that, despite everything he’s done, I should take him up on his offer. I should get the fuck out of here—then I can vanish, and Ma and I never have to see any of them again.
But somewhere along the way, Konstantin, Nikolai, and Yuri have gotten under my skin, and the idea of not seeing them again…
It hurts. I’d chosen Konstantin when I’d decided to warn him instead of running away, and I’d let him and Nikolai visit me every chance they could over the past several days. My decision is easy, then.
I already made it.
“I don’t want your help.” I pull the blankets up around me, huddling there and feeling completely small and helpless. “I don’t want anything to do with you.” I look up at Silvano. “Now get the fuck out and stop lurking in my hospital room.”
Silvano snorts and shakes his head. “As you wish. But since you mention lurking…that other man, Yuri. He’s been moping around the waiting room. Should I send him your way or tell him to stop pestering the nurses?”
“I…” I shiver again even though it’s not cold in the room. “I want to see him.” I shouldn’t, but I do, and Konstantin and Nikolai will only be gone for so long before they return and kick him out. “Now leave me alone.” The tears start to fall again. “I hate you, Silvano Cresci. You destroyed my family.”
“That’s fine,” Silvano says, and it pisses me off that he doesn’t even react to the statement. He walks to the door and stops with one hand on the doorknob. “I am sorry about how things worked out. I’ll see about negotiating with Voronkov so you can communicate with Kyran, at least. You won’t need to speak to me ever again.”
Sorry about how things worked out .
Like his family hadn’t been the direct cause of so much pain and suffering for mine. Like he hadn’t stolen Kyran away.
I could snarl a thousand things at him, but in the end, I nod.
He leaves, and I wonder if he actually will send Yuri in. I wonder whether I want to see him after all. Everything is so mixed up inside of me, so fucked up, and I don’t feel like I know anything anymore.
I’m still crying when Yuri comes in. He’s moving like he’s afraid somebody is about to beat him, which is so different from his usual confident air. It makes my heart ache even more, and my tears flow faster.
As soon as he sees me, he stops and gapes. “Sierra! Are you hurt? Did Cresci do something to you?”
I shake my head, sniffling as I try to regain control of myself, only to fail. “I’m… I’m okay. Just emotional. Getting shot can do that to you,” I try to joke, but the words hitch.
So can getting pregnant, but I’m not ready to say that aloud, let alone joke about it.
Yuri grabs the closest chair and sits down next to me. He starts to reach out like he wants to hold my hand, but stops himself.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I almost… I hurt you, and…”
Feelings I can’t understand gnaw at me. I should be so fucking angry at him, but instead, I offer my hand to him instead. “Yeah. While trying to kill my brother, you should add,” I say, my voice surprisingly calm despite the tears.
Yuri takes my hand and squeezes lightly. “He was threatening to take you. I couldn’t let him.” His voice trembles as he speaks. “But I understand if you want to go after all. Whatever you want, I’ll help you. I’ll even… I’ll fight Kotya, if that’s what you want.”
“If I wanted to go, I’d be gone before any of you could stop it,” I tell him. I’m positive that Silvano could have pulled that off, one way or another. “But I don’t.”
And I don’t know why , I almost say, but I keep the words to myself.
He bends his head forward and kisses the top of my hand. “When I saw your body with all the blood… I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think.” His voice hitches, and when he lifts his head, his eyes are glassy. “I’m so sorry, Sierra.”
“I know,” I say. It’s not something I doubt, as fucked up as it is. He and Konstantin and Nikolai care about me, even though they shouldn’t—and I care about them, even though I shouldn’t. “I was going to betray you. You had every right to try to shoot me anyway, I guess.”
“You were…?” Yuri looks at me, confused.
Well, fuck.
“Inviting Konstantin to the party, the storage drive, the whole you nearly killing me thing?” I prompt, even though I can’t believe I’m reminding him of why he should have every reason to smother me with a pillow right now.
“I wasn’t trying to kill you!” Yuri hisses. “I was aiming for your brother!”
I flinch at the reminder. Yeah. Yuri had tried to kill my brother, had shot and almost killed me, but I’m somehow less angry at him than I am at Kyran.
He bends forward and rests his head on my lap. “And I don’t care what else happened that night.”
If he’s willing to let it go, I’m not going to argue with him.
I tentatively lift my hand, starting to stroke his hair. The roots have grown out more into his long blond hair. He needs a touch-up and a cut, but I know that’s the last thing he cares about right now.
Because somehow, impossibly, he cares about me.
“I really hope someone found that drive,” I say, half to myself and half to him. “Well. Konstantin or Nikolai, at least.” I don’t know what sort of chaos everything had descended into once I’d been shot, but the last thing I want right now is for them to end up screwed over. Whoever picked up and found that damn thing…
“I don’t remember,” Yuri admits. “I don’t remember much from that night.” He laughs and props himself up to look at me. “I remember seeing you, and?—”
The door slams open, and Konstantin storms inside, a murderous expression on his face. “What are you doing here, Yura? Get the fuck out.”
I lift my head up and start to grab for Yuri’s arm even though it hurts to jostle my shoulder. I don’t want him to get up and leave even though I know that’s what his instinct will be. Fuck. I know my face is tear-stained, and my eyes are probably red, and Konstantin is going to think the worst of Yuri. “No!” I say quickly. “Please. I want him here. Please, Kotya.”
The nickname feels natural, somehow, though I don’t know if he’s going to chastise me for using it this time.
Konstantin’s expression softens, but he shakes his head. “No. Yura, leave. Nikolai and I haven’t decided what to do with you yet.”
Yuri nods and gets up, squeezing my hand one last time before letting go. “Yes, Kotya.” He keeps his eyes on the floor as he walks out, the door quietly shutting behind him.
Konstantin takes the chair Yuri vacated. “Sierrochka.” He reaches out to stroke my tear-stained face. “Did he hurt you again?”
“No,” I say, frustration making it difficult to form words. “It… No. It wasn’t him. I was thinking, is all.” He probably knows Silvano was here, or he’ll find out. I can’t tell him Silvano made me cry, though. I have a feeling he’d react without thinking.
Maybe I should tell him anyway, so Silvano finally faces consequences for all the pain he and his family have caused.
“I wish you hadn’t sent Yuri away,” I say quietly.
“Yura needs to be punished,” Konstantin says, the same reasoning he’s given the past few days. “If he was anybody else, we would have ‘removed’ him already.”
My heart skips a beat as I’m reminded of what kind of man I’m dealing with. Why had I decided to stay? What the actual fuck is wrong with me, to the point where I’d chosen to return to Konstantin when I could’ve gotten free of him forever?
“I would never have forgiven you,” I tell him. “Yuri is mine as much as yours.”
Konstantin presses a kiss to my forehead. “And that is why he still lives.”
I nod mutely.
There’s so much I could say, so much I want to say, but I can’t find the words.
So I say nothing at all.