Chapter 21 Unforgettable
twenty-one
Unforgetable
"No?"
Michael steps back, staring at me in disbelief. It strikes me he isn't used to being told no.
I look into his beautiful eyes, searching for anger or hatred.
I see only shock and confusion. "I'm sorry.
It must have taken you a long time to arrange all of this, and I'm sure you spent a lot of money.
It was amazing, the best date I've ever been on, something I've always wanted to do.
" I look away, my heart still pounding. As much as I'm not sure of what's going on with Jacob right now, I can't betray him.
"But I can't kiss you, Michael. I'm with someone else. I'm with—"
“Jacob. I know.” He sighs. “I know about Jacob.”
I look up at him, wondering how long he's known. “Did Matt tell you?”
He shakes his head. “Not Matt, Gage. Gage told me all about you and Jacob. “I think he put it something like, ‘what kind of a jerk would go after another guy’s girlfriend when that guy is off fighting a war? What kind of soldier would do that?’ Only with more colorful language.”
“Michael, I’m so sorry. I should have told you about Jacob from the beginning. I shouldn't have let you go to this much trouble. I should have—”
He steps back, shaking his head. "I guess it's my fault too. I should have listened to Gage when he told me you'd never leave Jacob, but I have a hard time giving up something I want." The intensity of his gaze when he says that makes me look away.
"I'll pay you back." I'm not sure how much he spent on all of this, but I know it's more than I can afford.
He shakes his head. "No. You never gave me any sign you felt anything but friendship for me.
Besides, I didn't actually give you a choice about coming here.
I basically kidnapped you. The money isn't important, anyway.
I'm sorry I assumed you were interested, when clearly a girl like you wouldn't be interested in me. "
"Why would you say that? You're a great guy. A great—"
"Friend? Brother?" He laughs. "Yeah, I get that a lot."
"You'll be so much more than that to the right person. If it weren't for Jacob, I'd…"
He waits for a long moment, like he wants to hear the end of that statement, but I can't finish it. Finally he smiles. "I'm glad you had a good time. I hope we can stay friends."
"Of course."
"Great. A guy can never have too many friends." He glances at his watch. "We'd better get going. I wouldn't want you to miss your actual flight."
I step forward and pull him into a hug. "Thanks Michael. Today was absolutely unforgettable."
He leans back and brushes a stray hair off my cheek. "It was, wasn't it?"
I sit up in bed and reach for my phone. Michael told me to call him when I got home last night.
I didn’t.
There are four voice messages. Still nothing from Jacob.
The last one is from Michael—late last night. “I guess you made it home. Thanks for jumping out of a plane with me. I’ve never done that with any other girl.”
I remember the moment on the tarmac, what it felt like to be that close to Michael.
How hard it was to say no to him. I squeeze my eyes shut, wondering if I made a mistake.
I probably ruined everything with Jacob.
Maybe he won’t ever talk to me again. A little voice in the back of my head says, He's probably happier with Laini anyway.
I go to my computer, checking email. My heart stops. I have three emails from Jacob from three different days. They were probably delayed by a tech glitch on the other side of the world. They all have the subject line “I’m sorry.”
I open the first one.
Jess,
I’m so sorry I lost my temper. You hit me at a bad time, on a bad day.
I don’t know what Laini is trying to do.
I haven’t talked to her, written to her, emailed her, or heard from her since I left.
I honestly never thought I’d see her again.
Please believe me. I love you. I would never betray you like that. I would never hurt you.
And the thing with the New Year's Eve party, forget I brought it up. You told me what happened. I'm sorry I let it bother me. I trust you.
I love you,
Jacob
I’m already crying when I open the second one.
Jess,
Again. I’m sorry. Please write me back and say something. Even if it’s that you hate me and you don't want to talk to me ever again. I wasn’t lying to you. I should never have been with Laini. She’s a controlling little snake and apparently vindictive too. I never loved her. I only love you.
Please write me back.
I love you,
Jacob
One more, really short.
Jess,
I’m sorry. A thousand times. I miss you. I love you.
Jacob
I stare at the blank screen, a sick pit in my stomach. I can't believe I ever thought Jacob would hurt me. Why did I let Laini get to me? Why did I let Jacob see my stupid insecurities?
I waited so long for him to notice me and made so many stupid mistakes along the way. Even with all of that, he stood by me, first as a friend and then as more. I never dreamed I'd ever be able to hurt him. I don’t deserve him.
I take a deep breath and write him back.
Jacob,
I’m the one who needs to be sorry. I believe you. I trust you. I love you. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. It was all so stupid.
I’m sorry I didn’t answer sooner. Your emails just came, and I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me.
I work to keep it light.
I was in Texas at Matt and Gage’s deployment ceremony. We went to a barbecue at your mom's uncle's house afterwards. I think we ate a whole cow. I got to meet Nate’s girlfriend. Yikes! Maybe we can chalk it up to temporary insanity. I hope it’s temporary.
It was so hard to send Gage and Matt off. Kendra couldn’t stop crying. I know how she feels.
I’m sorry we got in a fight. I’m sorry for everything.
I look at that “everything” for a long time. I wonder if I should tell him everything that I’m sorry for; if I should confess to jumping out of a plane with Michael, in case he hears about that somehow too. It would be too much to explain in an email.
I close the email with a bunch of “I love yous” and “I’m sorrys”.
Jacob doesn’t have to know about anything that happened with Michael. What happens on the tarmac after you jump out of an airplane stays on the tarmac.