Chapter 20 This Moment
twenty
This Moment
It doesn’t feel like we’re headed towards the airport. I read the freeway signs, and I’m almost sure we’re heading in the wrong direction. Michael is driving. Mom, Dad, and Tyler left for their flight early this morning.
“Michael, are you sure we’re going the right way?”
He smiles and keeps his eyes on the road. “We’re going exactly the right way.”
I catch his tone. “But not the right way for the airport.”
“Not your airport.”
“I’m going to miss my flight.” A flutter of panic settles in my stomach.
“You won’t miss your flight.” It bothers me that he won’t give me a straight answer.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He still hasn’t faced me. “I changed your ticket.”
“You did what?”
“Believe me, it wasn’t easy, but I changed your flight. You aren’t flying out until late tonight. That should give us plenty of time.”
I narrow my eyes. “Plenty of time for what?”
“Do you trust me?” His green eyes are glittering with a secret.
I lean back. “I’m not sure.”
He tries to sound serious. “No, Jess, this is important. You have to trust me. If you don’t trust me, this isn’t going to work.”
“What isn’t going to work?”
“I guess you’ll never know if you don’t trust me.” Whatever it is, he won’t stop grinning.
His mood is infectious. “Okay, okay, I trust you.”
“Good.” He turns his attention back to the road. He’s still trying to be serious, but there’s a smile playing around the corners of his mouth.
“So...where are we going?”
“I thought you said you trusted me.”
“I did, I do. Now you can tell me where we’re going.” I put my hand on his leg, trying to flirt.
He looks straight ahead and doesn't answer.
I shake my head and look out the window. At least I can make Michael think that I’m not that interested in what he has planned. I’m racking my brain about where he could take me, but nothing comes to mind.
Michael is still grinning when I look back at him. He looks cute like that—inviting. A stab of guilt hits me in the chest.
Jacob.
I’m not sure how to feel about everything. It's been three days since our argument, and I still haven’t heard from him. I’m too afraid to write to him. What if he hates me?
I try to shake off the guilt. Whatever the story is with Jacob, I’m not consciously betraying him, even now. It’s not like I knew Michael was going to kidnap me on the way to the airport. I don’t know what he has planned.
I steal another glance in his direction.
He’s whistling nonchalantly and still grinning—bursting with his surprise.
He looks good—one hand on the steering wheel; the sun turning his auburn hair the color of the sunset.
Too good. I turn away and watch the road for any clues about where we're going.
He turns off a little sidestreet, and then I see an airport.
This one is much smaller than the one listed on my plane ticket—a little hanger, an office, and a few small planes.
We pull into a parking lot. Michael gets out and comes around to open my door. “Now, are you going to tell me what we’re doing here?”
“Why don’t you guess?” Michael is holding the door open and grinning. His face must hurt by now.
“You’re sending me to Iraq, to be with...” I almost say Jacob. Should have said Jacob. Instead, I finish “... with Matt and Gage.”
“Yeah, like I’d send you anywhere with Gage. Sorry, our flight isn’t going that far.”
I stand up. “Our flight?”
“And there’s a possibility that we might not make it to our final destination. We may have to bail out early.”
A wave of excitement and fear hits me so hard that I have to lean against the car for support. “You want me to jump out of a plane?” I whisper.
Michael puts his hand on my shoulder. “You said you’ve always wanted to try skydiving.”
My panic comes out in my voice. “I said someday. Like when I’m terminally ill or something. I didn’t mean now.”
“No time like the present.”
I lean into him. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not sure if I can do it. I’m not, like, mentally prepared.”
He wraps his arm around me and squeezes. “The best time to do this is when you aren’t mentally prepared. You think about things too much and you’ll never do it. You’ll never jump.”
I close my eyes and shake my head.
“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” His voice is thick with disappointment.
I open my eyes. “Now or never... okay now.”
His grin is back. He gives me another squeeze before stepping back. “You won’t regret this.”
“I hope that doesn’t mean I won’t live long enough to regret it.”
He takes my hand and pulls me toward the building. “It’s the best feeling in the world. I promise.”
There’s a mountain of paperwork and scary waivers to fill out. Michael is hovering the whole time, dancing with impatience.
“It won’t be a real jump,” he apologizes.
“You don’t have time to do the training, so it's going to be a tandem jump. The part that sucks is I don’t get to be your tandem.
Something about a lack of experience on my part.
Like I haven’t logged as many jumps as any of these guys.
” The guy at the counter is shaking his head at Michael’s bravado.
Our trainer and the man who will be my tandem is retired military. He's probably as old as my dad. Michael calls him Sergeant Owens. Everything with him is straight down the line. I don’t think he cracks a smile once. He treats Michael like he’s a little kid, except that he calls him “Sir.”
I’m so freaked out that I grasp at every bit of information from our training session. After I put the gear on, I realize I can’t remember any of it.
I look up at him, panicked. “I can’t do this, Michael. I forgot everything.”
“Turn around,” he says.
“What?”
“Just turn around.” He wraps his arms around my waist. “Now bend your legs. Pull them up to your stomach.”
I obey him. I think he’s doing some kind of trick to calm me down.
“When you jump, keep your legs up, your knees bent. Spread-eagle in the air. That’s all you have to remember.”
“What if something goes wrong? What if one of those worst-case scenarios happens, like he said?”
“Don’t worry. It will only hurt for a second when you hit the ground.” He’s terrible.
“That doesn’t help,” I snarl.
He wraps his arms around me. “You’ll do fine. You’re one of the bravest girls I know. If something goes wrong, Sergeant Owens will talk you through it. Remember, I saved Matt's life during a jump. I wouldn’t let anything hurt you.”
"I thought he said he saved your life?" I ask.
"Yeah, well, it didn't go exactly like Matt said. But either way, I've done this a lot and I've got you."
His reassurances just reinforces the idea that something bad could happen. I want to do this almost as badly as I don’t want to do this. I make it onto the plane. My legs are shaking, but I’m still standing. Michael holds my hand while we climb to altitude.
“I don’t think I can do this.” My voice sounds small and terrified.
“Think about it this way—there is no future, there is no past. All there is now, this moment. That’s what I always think before I jump.”
“You’re trying to tell me I don’t have a future? Sorry, Michael, but that doesn’t really help.”
He puts his hand on my cheek and turns my face toward his. “I didn’t say you don’t have a future. I just said don’t think about it. The past either. Just this moment. Then jump.”
The door opens. For a second, I expect to be sucked out of the cabin like in one of those bad plane crash disaster movies.
Sergeant Owens is shouting last-minute instructions.
I’m trying to listen, but the roar of the wind and the pounding of my heart in my ears are too loud.
My harness is strapped to his chest. I fumble with the buckles, so Michael reaches over and helps.
When we’re all set, he gives me a thumbs up.
This is all routine for both of them. Michael looks calm. Sergeant Owens stands up, and we walk to the door. I’m wondering if I threw up if we would still go on with the jump. Would it get sucked out of the door or blown into Sergeant Owens' face?
We stand at the doorway for a terrifying second. I clench my hands together to keep from grabbing the edge of the door.
Just this moment.
I’m both happy and terrified that I’m not the one deciding to step out of the plane.
I squeeze my eyes shut, pull my knees to my chest, and feel the safety of the solid mass of metal and engines fall away. My stomach lurches. I think I’m about to test my theory about throwing up. I clamp my jaw tight.
“Relax. Open your eyes, Jess.” I know Sergeant Owens is yelling so I can hear him, but his voice sounds calm and strangely soothing.
I open my eyes and see the world, a huge unending expanse, opening up before me. The rush of the wind hits me in my face. I spread my arms and legs. I’m flying. “It’s beautiful!” I yell.
Michael is next to us. Trying to get my attention. I look at him and give him a grin that probably looks more like a terrified grimace. He gives me a relaxed smile, reaches out, and grasps my outstretched hand.
Sergeant Owens is screaming something like, “Too close.”
Michael lets go, pulls his chute, and disappears far above me. I have a moment of panic as I realize we’re still falling. There’s a sudden jerk. My helmet knocks into Sergeant Owens'. The wind slows, and we’re drifting. I look up and see the canopy overhead. Our chute. We’re safe.
I scream in triumph, finally breathe, and enjoy the view. An almost spiritual calm comes over me. I look across what feels like the entire world below.
No future. No past. Just this moment.
The ground comes up faster than I’m ready. I remember to stay tucked while we land. Sergeant Owens runs forward, holding me up.
“You can put your feet down now. It’s solid.” Now that jump is over, he actually sounds friendly.
I put my feet down. Euphoria and adrenaline spark through my veins. I want to hug Sergeant Owens, but I’m still strapped to his chest.
Michael comes over, his face flushed and grinning. “You were awesome.” He gives me five and grasps my hand. Then he hugs me, Sergeant Owens still attached.
Sergeant Owens bawls Michael out for getting too close, still calling him ‘sir.’ Michael works to unbuckle my harness.
As soon as I'm standing on my own, my knees give out. Michael catches me. “What did I say? The best feeling in the world?”
“That was..." I struggle for the right thing to say, "beyond words!” I hold him tight. “Thank you.” I release Michael and turn around and give Sergeant Owens a big hug.
He turns from drill sergeant to affectionate parent. He pats my back. “You did really well, Jess.”
I pull away and blush. “Thanks.”
We gather up the chutes and gear and start heading back to the hangar. Michael stops me. “Wait, we need a picture.”
He pulls a camera out of his jumpsuit and hands it to Sergeant Owens. He drapes his arm over my shoulder, and I grin like an idiot while he snaps the picture.
Once the gear is put away, Michael walks with me back to the tarmac, holding my hand. The surreal euphoria from the jump hasn't faded. The sun is going down, a beautiful expansive sunset. Michael stops and wraps his arms around me. I look up. He's gazing down at me. “I was thinking.”
I should move out of his arms, but I can’t make myself do it. “What are you thinking?”
“I was thinking about what Gage said.”
“I try not to think about anything Gage says. It gives me a headache.”
He puts his hand under my chin, stroking my cheek with his thumb. “About the other guys you’ve kissed.”
My heart pounds against his chest. I can't move.
“I was wondering what I have to do to earn one of those kisses.”
I don't know what to say to him.
He holds me in his gaze. “Can I kiss you, Jess?”
I’ve never had a guy ask me if he could kiss me before. Usually, they just do it. I look at him for a long moment.
No future. No past. Just this moment.
"No."