Chapter 19 No Angel
nineteen
No Angel
“Mom’s cousins personify the word ‘redneck.’” Gage is sitting beside me in his parent’s car on the way back from the deployment ceremony. “Some of them actually have all their teeth.”
“Gage, be nice,” Trina says from the front seat. “Uncle Jack is really proud of you. He’s throwing this barbecue in your honor. He’s a nice guy. A little back-woods, but nice.”
“I can’t help but feel like we’re imposing on a family thing,” Mom says for the hundredth time.
“No imposition.” Trina shakes her head. “You guys are basically family. You took care of Jacob while he was at Fort Lewis. I’m glad to give something back.”
My heart hurts at the mention of Jacob. He didn’t call back, and I haven’t gotten an email from him in the last two days. Maybe he’s not in a spot that he can call or email, or maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me.
Rednecks maybe, but Trina's Texas cousins know how to throw a party. I half expect to see an entire cow roasting over a spit. There’s music and incredible food and a lot of hugging and slapping Gage and Matthew on the back.
Gage sits by me, polishing off a rib that would put even my dad’s to shame. “I can’t believe there are no girls here. How’s a guy supposed to go to war without someone to send him off?”
“There are lots of girls here.” I look around. There are more tank tops and cut-off jeans than I thought existed.
“Yeah, they’re all my cousins or aunts or some twice-removed relation.”
I poke him. “I thought you Southern boys were cool with the whole cousin thing.”
He rolls his eyes. “Ha ha, Jess. At least you could have brought Jasmine here for me. As a going-away present.”
“Jaz is probably spending the break between semesters in Europe or Hawaii or someplace exotic.”
“Mexico,” Gage answers. “She’s at her grandma’s house again. Abuela isn't doing great.”
I look at him strangely. “How did you know that?”
“She had a layover here on her way to visit her.” He looks embarrassed. Nothing embarrasses Gage, but he won’t look at me.
“How long was the layover?”
He shrugs. “A couple of days.”
“That’s a long layover.”
“Not long enough.” He sits back. “You don’t think she’d mind if I wrote to her once in a while, do you?”
I get the idea that their on again/off again casual relationship has morphed into something more. “I think she’d like that. She might even write you back.”
“I’d like that,” Gage says. "Actually, I'd—Who invited him?” I turn around to see what he's looking at. Michael is walking toward us.
I shrug. “Don’t look at me. This is your Mom’s party.”
Michael holds his hand out to Gage. “Good to see you, Ricks.” Gage shakes his hand begrudgingly. “Your family sure knows how to throw a barbecue.”
“Thanks,” Gage mutters.
Michael asks Gage about the guys in their unit and what they’ll all be doing once they get to Iraq. I tune them out. Across the yard, another arrival is causing a big fuss.
Gage follows my gaze. He lets out a low whistle. “I can’t believe it. He actually showed.”
Above the crowd, I catch a blond head. “Who's that?"
“Nate."
"Nate? You're brother Nate?" I ask in disbelief.
"Yep, and never far from his side, you guessed it. No Angel.”
I stare at the couple. If Gage hadn't told me it was Nathan, I wouldn’t have recognized him.
His hair shaved short in the back, spiked on the top.
He has more than one earring and a couple of tattoos.
The one on his shoulder says “Angel”. He’s wearing a black tank top and black jeans, almost off his butt, held up by what looks like a chain.
Angel is bone-thin and pale. Her hairstyle mimics Nathan’s except she has dark hair with a brush of green to the tips.
She has two eyebrow piercings and one in her nose.
She has her hand in Nathan’s back pocket. His hand is in hers.
“Nice touch.” Gage nods at Angel’s tank top. It says, Stand Up for Peace. "Do you think she'd be offended if I added, Through Superior Fire Power?"
I look for something positive to say. “She’s pretty."
“Yeah,” Gage snorts. “Pretty awful. She’s got him so tightly by the ba—”
“Gage!”
“Yeah, sorry, Jess. It’s the truth. He smokes now too.
What kind of an idiot starts smoking when he's twenty-one?
Isn't that supposed to be a stupid teenager thing?” Gage looks across the yard in disgust. His mom motions for us to come over.
“I always knew the first girl who paid any attention to Nate would have him good. No offense, Jess. I think you were the first girl he ever kissed.”
Michael is studying me with curiosity. “You kissed him?” He nods toward Nate.
I blush. “It was a long time ago.”
Gage is grinning at both me and Michael. “Not that long ago.” He turns to Michael. “She looks innocent enough, but don’t let her fool you. New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago, Jess kissed Nate, and me, and about a dozen other guys. All in one night.”
I’m not sure whether Michael looks shocked or impressed.
Gage’s eyes are sparkling with mischief. “And I have it on good authority that she’s kissed Jacob too. That’s three for three in the Ricks family.”
I can’t stop blushing. “I think your mom wants you, Gage.”
“Come with me, Jess. You can meet the devil herself."
"You're Jess?" Angel's painted red lips turn up in a smirk after Nate stumbles through the introductions. She looks me up and down. "I guess I expected more."
I ignore her 'not even thinly veiled' insult and focus on Nate. For as much as he's changed outside, he acts just as awkward and shy as before. I still feel terrible about everything I did to him, but I don't think this is a good time to apologize. "How's school?"
"Taking a break." Nate tightens his grip on Angel's waist.
"Exploring other options," Angel adds. "What about you?"
"I just finished my first semester at WSU, but I'm starting summer classes next week," I say, but Angel turns her back on me before I finish.
"Hey babe." She puts her arms around Nate's neck and leans in. "Remember how you said we'd only stay a couple of minutes?" She kisses his neck. "Time's up."
"You haven't eaten, or said hi to Steve, or really anyone," Trina says.
Angel ignores Trina and pulls herself closer to Nate, resting her forehead against his. "Remember that place we were going to go to, babe?" She kisses him in a way that makes my face burn. "We don't want to be late."
Nate looks uncomfortable as he pulls away from her. "Sorry, we have a thing. I promised Angel."
"Seriously?" Gage’s face is red too, but for a different reason. "What about hanging out with your brother? The one you aren't going to see for an entire year."
Angel turns back to Gage, her arms still around Nate's neck. "Not our fault. You're the one who sold your soul to Uncle Sam."
"At least I didn't sell it to one of Hell's angels," Gage says.
Nate steps away from Angel. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're the smart one," Gage says. "I'm pretty sure you can figure it out."
Gage stands his ground as Nate moves closer, his fists clenched. "You don't know—"
Trina steps between them. "Please, Nate, just stay a little while longer. We’ve hardly seen you."
Nate looks from his mom to Angel. A tortured look crosses his face. "Sorry Mom. Angel's right. This is Gage's choice. We can’t stay." He raises his hand. "See you on the other side, bro."
For once, Gage is speechless.
"Bye," Angel waggles her fingers in our direction. A satisfied smile crosses her lips as Nathan tucks her under his arm and they walk away.
The barbecue ends with a big bonfire and everyone sitting around talking.
I'm alone, staring into the flames. Michael left early after saying he had "arrangements" to make. I guess that means he has a date. That thought does little to ease the weight of guilt I’ve carried this whole weekend.
I'm sure the whole "Nathan screwing up his life" thing is my fault, and I completely screwed up everything with Jacob.
Matthew is cradling Kendra in his arms a few feet away from me. She’s crying. “I changed my mind, Matt. Let’s just do it now, tonight. I don’t care about a big wedding. I just want to be your wife.”
He kisses her forehead. “I would do it in a heartbeat, babe, but we don’t have a marriage license, and your parents would kill us if we got married without them.
” She lays her head against his shoulder.
“Just keep planning the wedding. Time will fly by. Don’t worry, I’ll be standing right by you when you take your vows. I promise.”
My eyes fill with tears, and I feel like I’m eavesdropping, so I walk away. I find Gage sitting by himself on the fringe of the group.
I walk over and take his hand. He grins at me. “You'd better not do that. Mom told everyone here that you're Jacob’s girlfriend. I don’t want them getting the wrong idea about us.”
I keep his hand and close my eyes. "I'm sorry about everything with Nathan, I—"
"Not your fault, Jess. Nate has the freedom to screw up his life on his own. We've fought our whole lives. He's being an idiot now, but we're brothers and we love each other. We'll work things out." He nudges me, noticing the tears. "You okay?"
I want to ask him about Jacob, about what he might know about Laini. If he knows anything, I don’t think he would tell me the truth. I'm sure there's some unbreakable brother code about that. "Just thinking. About you and Matt leaving. I’m worried about you guys.”
Gage puts his arm around me and pulls me close to his chest. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
I look up at him earnestly. “I’ll be praying for you, Gage.”
He laughs and kisses my forehead. “Save your prayers for Jake and Matt. I’ll be fine. Only the good die young, right?”
I pull away. “Take care of yourself. I mean it.”
He laughs. “I’ve always been pretty good at that.”
“When you get to Iraq, if you see Jake...”
“I won’t. We’ll be on opposite sides of the country.”
“But if you do.” Tears are clouding my vision. “If you do, tell him that I...”
He pulls me close again. “I know, Jess. He loves you too.” He holds me for a minute. “If you see Jaz, tell her...”
“Tell her you’d like to hear from her?”
He shakes his head. “Yeah, something like that.”