Chapter 49 Jess Lies
forty-nine
Jess: Lies
Pain rips through me when the front door slams and the motorcycle roars to life. It’s all I can do to keep from running down the stairs, from going after him and telling him I lied.
I lied. I lied. I lied.
There is no moving on. There's only being stuck in a place and time where I lost my brother, lost my friend, lost my soul, and betrayed the person I love most.
I’ve pushed all my emotions away, locked them up somewhere in the darkest closet of my mind, so I don’t have to feel the pain or the fear or the guilt. I became a stone, a robot, a monster without any emotion.
And then he kissed me, and it all came back.
And I lied to him.
I didn’t push him away because I’d moved on. I didn’t push him away because I can't love him anymore. I made him leave because I felt something in his kiss.
I still love him.
That one emotion threatens to open the floodgates on everything I’ve kept buried. I can’t risk letting them out. I can’t risk feeling anything.
I’m not strong enough.