Chapter 73 Jacob - Goodbye
seventy-three
Jacob: Goodbye
It’s not the goodbye I’d hoped for or one I ever wanted, but it’s one I know I need to give. The little box is heavy in my pocket. No one knows I kept it, that it was too hard to return, that even now, it feels like it belongs to Jess. Even if she doesn’t belong to me.
I wonder if I was too harsh on her. She’s young. She’s been through a lot. We could still–
No. I stop my thoughts from going down that path. I’m pretty sure that in the course of our tumultuous relationship we used up all the chances we had.
Tyler is waiting for me on the front porch. I won’t go inside. Neither of us is equipped for this to be a long goodbye. This conversation might go better if we were bent over the engine of a car, but we don’t have anything we can work on right now, and I don’t have any time left.
“Hey,” he says as I mount the front steps of the Roberts' house for what is probably the last time.
“Hey,” I answer back.
“You decided to give me your car after all,” he nods to the Charger. We’ve joked about it a couple of times, me leaving my car for him, the way I did for her—but I’m not coming back this time.
“Still no,” I reply. “How’s Frankie doing?” I indicate the monstrosity we created, sitting in the corner, still unpainted, still reminding me of her.
“She’s hanging in there. Not as fast as yours, but she runs okay.
” He looks at his car with the kind of pride that only comes when you get something the hard way.
It strikes me how much Tyler has grown up since I’ve known him.
He’s almost taller than I am and more filled out than most kids his age, but it’s the self-assurance and hard-fought maturity in everything he does that makes him look older.
It's easy to forget he still has one more year of high school. I don’t know where he’s going from there, but whatever life throws at him, he can take it.
“I have something else I want you to take care of for me.” I slide the velvet box out of my pocket. The lid comes open, and the ring bounces across the sidewalk. I kneel down to pick it up.
“Wow, this is all so sudden. I don’t know what to say.”
I put the ring back in the box. “I love you, dude, but not that way.” I stand up and get serious.
“Put it in your dad’s gun safe. I’ll come get it when I get back.
” I hesitate for a long moment. I don’t want to bring this up with him.
I saw how hard things were for Tyler after Matt died, but he’s mostly a man now.
“If anything happens to me, I want you to give it to Jess.”
His anger surprises me. “She changed her phone number. Moved into a new apartment. She hasn’t been home for a long time. She’s gone again, the way she was before. Jess isn't coming back to you, maybe not even to us. I don’t think you owe her anything.”
I look at the ground. He’s right, I’m a sucker or a glutton for punishment—when it comes to Jess, I’m never sure. Maybe he understands this better than I do. “I know. I don’t expect anything from her. Just keep it safe for me, okay?”
He takes the ring. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry my sister’s so messed up. I’m sorry for all the shit she’s put you through. You don’t deserve it.”
“Thanks,” I say.
His voice gets husky. “No matter what, you’ll always be my brother. Take care of yourself.”
I pull him into a tight hug. “I will. Love you, bro.”