Chapter 7
Jordy
Half-past midnight, I paced back and forth in my cottage. Despite being a standalone structure, the cottage was only about the size of an average hotel room, so there wasn’t much space to move around.
It had taken three days for Kitt and Sebastian to get a hold of a trustworthy sketch artist. The artist couldn’t come in person, for obvious reasons, so I’d had to talk to them over a videoconference.
All day sitting in front of a screen, describing people from my memory with as much detail as possible.
One by one, the abusers of my past were brought to life on paper. I knew none of their names, but seeing their images in front of me once again made them feel more real than they had in years.
After an entire day of work, we’d come up with about two dozen pictures. Many more remained in my head, but the lawyer and investigators working on the case assured me this was enough for now. They would need some time to try and identify the people I’d described.
The break was appreciated, but now in the middle of the night it left me feeling unsettled in my own skin.
I was used to reliving old memories in therapy, but it had been a while since I’d had to think about so many at once.
Normally, I tried to keep past memories locked away in the back of my mind as much as possible, but now it felt like they’d been let loose inside my brain all at once.
I felt... dirty.
The memories clung like mud, and even after washing my hands multiple times, I could still feel the filth clinging under my fingernails.
The sound of my footfalls fell silent as I came to a stop in front of the cottage’s window.
The view through the glass had a perfect view of the bunker’s pool.
At such a late hour, most of the lights in the safe house were off, leaving the underground environment wrapped in faux midnight.
In the painted sky, fake stars and an artificial moon cast their light over the plastic lawn.
Fuck it.
Who cared if it was the middle of the night?
I was going for a swim, and no one could stop me.
I didn’t have a swimsuit. I’d only brought necessities and basic clothes, but a pair of boxers were close enough to swim trunks.
The water was colder than I expected. I started by just dipping my toe in and shivered. Goosebumps spread over my skin, and I wrapped my arms around myself before running headlong into the pool. Water splashed around me, and before I knew it, I’d waded out waist deep.
Taking a deep breath, I submerged myself completely.
Once I was surrounded by the water’s cool temperature, it wasn’t so bad. My skin acclimated quickly, and soon enough, I didn’t feel cold at all. It was actually very pleasant. Bracing, but also refreshing.
Coming up for air, I brushed my hair out of my eyes and immediately felt better. I could breathe for the first time since speaking with the sketch artist.
The rush of the pool’s waterfall covered the noise of my own splashing.
I assumed everyone else in the safe house was asleep, but as I looked at the line of cottages all pointed in my direction, I realized how easy it would be for someone to look out their window and see me.
They probably wouldn’t care that I’d decided to go for a midnight swim, but I also didn’t want to be interrupted by anyone, so I swam toward the waterfall on the far side of the pool.
A hidden alcove lay behind the falling water.
Benches were carved into the fake rock, and there was an area that was probably meant to act as a water bar but was currently empty.
The underground bunker was clearly meant to be a secret party area rather than a safe house.
I could easily picture a bunch of drunken revelers gathered in the pool, shouting and laughing as music blasted from the cave’s built-in speakers.
I’d never been invited to that kind of party, and I doubted I ever would. It seemed like fun, but the dark solitude also suited me.
My own “graduation” at the recovery center had been stressful enough. A real party would probably give me a panic attack.
I waded farther into the alcove, the water coming up to my solar plexus, intending to find a comfortable place on one of the benches. However, when I reached the back of the cave, I tripped over my own feet and nearly drowned.
There was someone else here.
I hadn’t noticed due to the shadows of the cave and the sound of the waterfall, but someone else was sitting on one of the benches at the back of the cave.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I quickly turned away, and apology already on my tongue. Yet, the other person said nothing, and as I waited for a moment, I realized they weren’t making any movements.
Biting my lip with nerves, I peeked back over my shoulder in their direction.
The man sat on one of the benches, leaning back against the rock wall with his eyes closed.
Was he asleep?
Maybe he hadn’t seen me?
The cave had several round bench areas, divided from each other by a curtain of water falling from the ceiling. In a moment of panic, I darted into another of these bench areas and hid behind the falling water.
Sitting on the underwater bench, I wrapped my arms around my knees to still my shaking.
Why was I panicking?
The man was seemingly asleep and had made no move toward me. I could have just left, but now I was sitting here curled up in a dark alcove wondering what to do next. This was so stupid. I shouldn’t be panicking just because I was alone with...
Wait?
Who even was this man?
In my shock at seeing someone else in the pool with me, I hadn’t even looked at their face.
I bit at the nail of my thumb, debating what to do.
Should I just leave?
The sound of the waterfall would probably cover any noise I made. I could escape without ever being noticed.
Yet, curiosity took hold of me. Someone else had the same idea as me for a midnight swim.
Who was it?
Sticking the tip of my finger through the falling water, I created a divide in the liquid curtain just wide enough to peer through.
I recognized the man immediately, now that I bothered to look.
It was our lawyer, Kitt Doyle. The man looked completely at peace, eyes closed and face relaxed as he lounged among the water.
He’d probably been just as busy as I was recently, trying to identify the two dozen sketches I’d provided him with.
It was no wonder the man needed a break.
I meant to simply confirm his identity and then return to my solitude. However, the moment I saw him, I completely froze.
The way he leaned against the wall, with his arms draped over the back of the bench on either side, left him completely on display.
He wasn’t wearing a shirt—which made sense as we were in a pool—and I couldn’t tell what he was wearing under the surface.
Since he was taller than me, the water didn’t come up as high on him, which put most of his torso exposed.
It had been years since I last saw so much bare skin all at once. Even when I showered, I didn’t bother to look at myself. I’d seen enough naked bodies in my life. I didn’t need to see any more.
Or so I thought.
Holy hell, the man was jacked.
The fine cut of his suits gave him elegant lines but hid just how much muscle he was actually packing. He wasn’t bulky, but his arms could have been used as an anatomical diagram. Each muscle was clearly defined, and he even his stomach had a clear six pack.
I didn’t think anyone actually had abs like that outside of movies where special effects could help the actors out.
Just looking at this man felt like a sin. I’d never been particularly religious, but I was half tempted to find the nearest church and cleanse myself through confession.
Kitt’s chest rose and fell with each slow breath. He was drenched from head to toe, with his dark hair in disarray and plastered to his forehead. As I watched, a drop of water from his hair ran down his neck and over his chest, sliding right past one pert nipple.
Something warm throbbed deep in my stomach. I gasped when I felt my cock twitch between my legs and send sparks of pleasure running through my veins.
I withdrew my hand and let the water curtain fall closed.
What the hell was I doing?
The spark of pleasure I’d felt disappeared as quickly as it came. In its wake, nausea rolled my stomach.
Kitt came here to relax, and here I was hiding in the shadows, leering at the man like a creep.
I’d even gotten aroused at the sight of him when he never invited me to look at him.
So many people had taken their pleasure from me, uncaring of the fact that I didn’t want it.
I never thought I’d do the same to someone else.
My breaths came in short, sharp gasps. I couldn’t breathe.
My vision swam, and I feared I was about to throw up in the pool.
I clamped a hand over my mouth, as if I could physically hold the nausea back, but it didn’t help.
The world spun around me, and all I could do was curl up in a ball on the bench and bury my head against the tops of my knees poking out of the water.
Time passed, though I couldn’t have said how much. Minutes. Hours. There was no way to know. Eventually, my breathing slowed, and my muscles unclenched. I was able to uncurl from my defense ball and actually think straight again.
The first thought was confusion. It had been a long time since I had such a bad panic attack, but in the past, I’d always needed a therapist to talk me down.
My panic attacks had gotten better after I learned breathing techniques and mantras that I could use to calm myself down, but I hadn’t been able to use them this time.
What had brought me out of the panic attack?
My brain finally came back online, and I realized that I was wrapped in something warm and firm, with the sound of a heartbeat in my ear.