Chapter Eighteen #2
At least, she hoped it was nothing more, but she genuinely had no idea how she would react once she laid eyes on him.
After all these months, her feelings for him had never left.
If anything, they’d only grown stronger.
Those two bright, brilliant days they spent together had taken root, and the more time they spent apart, the more her mind formed a kind of fantasy when it came to Magnus.
She began to imagine almost demigod-like things for him, this powerful knight who had touched her so deeply.
No one had ever been as kind or as concerned as Magnus. In her eyes, that made him a saint.
Eventually, she drifted to sleep on the stiff and scratchy mattress, and it was close to vespers when Delaina was awakened by a knock on her door.
She hadn’t realized that she had fallen asleep, but when she looked at the window, she could see that it was nearly dark outside.
Wrapped up in a woolen blanket, she tried to rise but simply couldn’t. She had no strength left in her body.
“Who comes?” she called weakly.
The door creaked open, and Sister Martha Margaret peered into the chamber, bringing an oil lamp with her. When she saw that Delaina was awake, she smiled. The woman had a cherubic face with rosy cheeks, something Delaina always found comforting.
“Thee has a visitor,” she said softly. “The mother abbess has sent me to fetch thee.”
Delaina could feel her heart leap at the news. “A visitor?” she repeated. “A knight?”
Sister Martha Margaret nodded. “Aye,” she said. “A handsome knight. He says that he has come at your summons.”
Tears sprang to Delaina’s eyes. Her resolve to be cordial but firm with Magnus was shattered by the fact that he had actually come after all these months.
But no, she told herself. She couldn’t lose her resolve.
She was only going to tell him to come for the infant when he was born, and nothing more.
Nothing more!
With great effort, she tossed off the woolen blanket and struggled to sit up. And struggled. Sister Martha Margaret rushed to her side and pulled her into a seated position, and Delaina clung to the woman to steady herself. The nun put her arms around her, holding her firm.
“Mayhap he should come another day, when thou art stronger,” Sister Martha Margaret said softly. “I will tell him.”
“Nay,” Delaina said with some panic in her voice, holding tightly to the nun. “Please do not send him away. I must see him. I will go to him.”
With that, she pushed the nun away. Desperately, she tried to stand up, but she was simply too weak to do it.
Even when she began to weep, she still tried to stand up, but her legs would not support her.
Sister Martha Margaret tried to help her, but it became apparent that she simply couldn’t make it to the entry where the knight was waiting.
The more Delaina tried, the more she failed, until Sister Martha Margaret finally pushed her down onto the cot.
“Rest, my child,” she said softly, pulling the blanket over Delaina again. “I will fetch him. You will rest.”
“But you cannot,” Delaina said, clutching the woman’s hand. “Men are not allowed at St. Blitha’s. You cannot let him in!”
Sister Martha Margaret patted her hand. “Not to worry,” she said soothingly. “The mother abbess will make an exception. Is he a brother?”
She meant to ask if he was Delaina’s brother. He wasn’t, but Magnus had brothers. He was someone’s brother. She was afraid they would send him away if she didn’t give the woman a proper answer.
Even if it was a lie.
“A… cousin,” she said. “I do not have a brother.”
Sister Martha Margaret squeezed her hand and let it go. “Then I shall return,” she said. “Do not worry so.”
Overcome with exhaustion and illness, all Delaina could do was nod. Sister Martha Margaret fled from the chamber, taking the oil lamp with her, as Delaina lay there and struggled to calm her racing heart. It wasn’t good for her to exert herself, so she took deep breaths, trying to steady herself.
He was coming.
Magnus was coming!
The excitement was almost more than she could bear.
She wished with all her heart that she could sit up and greet him, but it was impossible, so she lay there quietly, calming her racing heart, until the door creaked open again and she saw the light from the lamp.
Lifting her head, she saw an enormous figure enter the tiny chamber.
Sister Martha Margaret set the lamp down and backed out, quietly closing the door.
Delaina found herself looking at Denys.
“It’s you !” she breathed in shock. Then her eyes filled with tears. “My God, Denys. Do not tell me that Magnus refused to come.”
Denys immediately took a knee beside the bed, looking over a very pale and very pregnant woman. Truthfully, he was stunned. “Nay,” he said, trying to ease her. “He is not at Westminster, my lady. That is why I came instead. Magnus has gone home.”
That didn’t help her tears much, but at least she knew Magnus hadn’t refused her. “When did he go?”
“Right after you entered St. Blitha’s,” Denys said quietly. “He could no longer stand to remain in London, knowing you were so near and there was no way he could… be with you.”
She was still sniffling. “Is he well?”
“As far as I know, very well.”
“What is he doing at Berwick?”
“Commanding his father’s army,” Denys said. “He asked Edward if he could return to his father, and Edward agreed, but the king holds out hope that Magnus will return someday. Meanwhile, I have command of the knights.”
That explained a good deal. Delaina didn’t know if she felt better or worse that Magnus was gone. “I drove him away,” she murmured. “I am so very sorry that I did that, but you were right, Denys. I very nearly ruined him. Does he understand that now?”
Denys moved his gaze over a very sick young woman. He found himself becoming more distressed by the moment. “What is wrong with you?” he asked, avoiding her question. “Is something wrong with the child?”
Delaina instinctively put a hand to her big belly. “There is nothing wrong with it,” she said. “But I find that I must tell you what I was going to tell Magnus. You will have to tell him for me.”
Denys eyed her. “I will send for him,” he said. “You must tell him yourself.”
“Nay,” she said. Reaching out, she grasped the knight’s hand. “I will not be here when he comes.”
“Why not?”
“Because I am going to die.”
Denys sucked in a sharp breath, a hissing sound. “Who has told you that?” he demanded quietly. “What is the matter?”
Delaina squeezed his hand. “Be still and I will tell you,” she said.
“While the child grows stronger, I grow weaker. The physic said there was something wrong with my blood, he thinks. He says I will not survive the birth, so you must tell Magnus to come and collect his child. I want it very much to go with its father.”
Denys’ jaw went slack. He stared at her, his eyes wide in disbelief. “ What? ” he finally said. “Who is this physic who told you that you are dying?”
Delaina smiled weakly. “Can you not see how ill I am?” she said. “It is obvious that I am dying. Please, Denys… you must tell Magnus to collect his child. Will you promise me?”
Denys was clearly overwrought with what she was telling him. He ended up on his buttocks next to the bed, his big bulk sitting on the dirt floor as he looked at her, dumbfounded.
“God,” he finally muttered. “This cannot be. It is not possible.”
Delaina watched his features crease with grief.
“I am at peace with it,” she said quietly.
“I have lived an adventurous life, Denys. I have lived in the finest houses. I have known luxury that few know, and, for a few short days, I knew compassion and affection and kindness that has made my life worth living. I knew Magnus. For his kindness, I am gifting him with his child. It is all I can do for him, though I wish circumstances had been different. I think I would have made a very good wife.”
Denys looked at her, hearing the seeds of the argument he had with her those months ago when he told her that she meant ruin to Magnus.
He’d felt guilty when he told Magnus what he’d done, guilt that was magnified when Magnus could no longer remain in London.
He felt as if he’d orchestrated his friend’s misery when he’d only meant to save his career.
Somewhere, somehow, he’d done the wrong thing.
He didn’t want to do the wrong thing twice.
“Lady Delaina, I want you to listen to me,” he said, his voice low. “When I spoke to you those months ago in Hugh Despenser’s chambers, I said many things I should not have.”
“What do you mean?”
Denys shook his head, averting his gaze.
“I should not have told you that you were going to ruin Magnus’ life,” he said.
“I was trying to save my friend, but I ended up making him miserable. He left London because of what I did, the anguish I caused him. He wanted to marry you, and I should have let him make his own decision. I would have defended him from Hugh and anyone else who tried to harm him, but I should have let him make his decision. I should not have made it for him.”
“But you were right,” Delaina said. “You were so right when you said that a man like Magnus could not marry a woman like me.”
“I was not right,” he said. “Do you know what Magnus told me about you? He told me that sometimes, a man meets a woman and he just knows that she is the one he is meant to be with. He said that he would surrender it all for a few brief moments with the woman who touched his soul like no one ever has. He meant you. How can I think ill of you when you make Magnus feel like that?”
There were tears in Delaina’s eyes. “He said all of that?”
“He did.”
“But… but the differences in our stations…”