Chapter Eighteen #3
Denys waved her off. “He does not care about that,” he said.
“I should have listened to him, my lady. I should have let the man be with the woman he loves, but instead, I said terrible things to you that I had no right to say. Just because I have never loved a woman doesn’t mean that Magnus isn’t entitled to experience the joys of love.
I took that away from him, and I should have never done that. ”
Delaina flicked the tear from her eye. “You did what you felt you had to do in order to save him,” she murmured. “In this case, it was from me. You weren’t wrong.”
“Aye, I was,” he stressed. “I was completely wrong. Magnus is miserable now. How do you think he is going to feel when he knows you fell ill while carrying his child and died because of it? His misery will know no limits. It will destroy him.”
Delaina thought on that for a moment. “Then mayhap you should not tell him until… after,” she said. “If you tell him now, he might come to London and try to see me before… before his child comes. I could not bear it.”
“Why not?” Denys said. He was still holding her hand, and he squeezed it. “Delaina, do you feel for him as he feels for you?”
She nodded weakly. “For all time,” she whispered.
“You do know the man is in love with you… don’t you?”
She smiled, more tears filling her eyes. “I was the most fortunate woman in the world, once,” she said. “But surely time and grief have muddled those feelings.”
Denys looked her in the eye. “Listen to me,” he said with firm, quiet authority.
“The Magnus I know is not that fickle. If he loved you once, I would wager to say he never lost that feeling. You said that you will love him for all time. Is it fair that two people who love one another should be separated?”
She sighed faintly. “This is the only way to—”
“It is not the only way,” Denys said, interrupting her.
“Delaina, I do not know what is happening with you at St. Blitha’s, but I do not like it.
They are letting you die. Let me take you away from here and summon Magnus.
If you really are going to die, then wouldn’t you like to have him with you?
The man will never forgive himself if you do not let him see you before this birth, so please…
please let me take you away. For Magnus’ sake… please let me do this.”
Delaina was looking at him with shock, but there was great longing in her expression. “But… why cause him such pain?” she said. “It is best for me to remain here and let him remember me as I was, not as I am.”
“But you sent that missive to Magnus,” he pointed out. “You must have wanted to see him if you sent the missive. Now you do not want to?”
She was being indecisive, and she knew it. “I did want to see him,” she said honestly. “But now that you have come… mayhap it will cause him less pain if you deliver the message to him. What good will it do him to come to me only for me to die in his arms?”
“You are making his decision for him, as I did. That is wrong.”
“I am trying to protect him, as you were.”
“And I was wrong .”
She averted her gaze, and Denys wasn’t sure what more to say. He could see that she wasn’t agreeable, and he didn’t blame her. Not in the least. But if he could do one more thing for Magnus, he was going to try to make this right.
He had to.
“Do you remember when I spoke of my younger brother, who had been cut down by Scots?” he said.
Delaina nodded. “I remember.”
Denys’ memory of his youngest brother came to the forefront, the fiery blond with such arrogance, but also such compassion. His eyes began to grow moist at the remembrance, something he didn’t often do because of the emotions it provoked. Even after all of these years.
“I told you that he had been killed in battle,” he said quietly.
“His name was Dallan. When I remember him, I see him in several different stages of his life—as a small child who used to follow me and my older brothers about, as a young boy who very much wanted to do what I did, and as a young man who had acquired a good deal of skill. Dallan was pure talent, I assure you. He was also my mother’s shadow, even up until he died.
It was a tremendous bond. I heard her say once that she knew Dallan would have made a fine father and a fine husband.
But he never got the chance. Delaina, I do not want to see Magnus lose his chance at being a fine father and a fine husband.
It would be such a terrible waste for you both, especially if you love one another. ”
He made a good deal of sense. Perfect sense, in fact. Delaina hadn’t been willing to even consider it until his last few sentences, and then it occurred to her that he was right. Denys, who could be so persuasive, was doing his best to help her see that he’d been wrong about Magnus.
They’d both been wrong.
“I’ve heard men say that they only regretted the chances they did not take,” she said after a moment. “I have much regretted the chance I did not take with Magnus, but I believed it was for his own good.”
“It’s not,” Denys said. “Please believe me that it’s not. Do not waste the chance to tell him what you feel. Do not let my mistake ruin what the two of you feel for one another.”
Delaina could feel herself being swayed. She was moving out of the realm of a discouraging ending to her life and into the dominion of hope, where joy was attainable. She never thought she would leave St. Blitha’s alive, but one small missive to Westminster was changing that opinion.
Perhaps she did indeed owe that to Magnus.
And to herself.
“Where will you take me?” she asked.
Denys was shocked that she didn’t refuse him yet again, and he was already on the move, lest she change her mind.
“I am not certain,” he said, thinking quickly.
“I do recall that back when Magnus first met you, he went to the Earl of Hereford and Worcester for help. The man said that he would help him. I am certain that has not changed.”
“Worcester?” she said. “Morgen de Lohr?”
“You know him?”
“I know of him.”
Denys let go of her hand and stood up. “He can summon the finest physic in all of London,” he said, feeling a surge of hope. “He has a fine home to the west of London. I will take you there and we will summon Magnus. My lady… please? May I do this for you both?”
Delaina had another moment of indecision. “I do not want to be the earl’s burden,” she said. “In my current state, that is all I will be—a burden.”
Denys didn’t want to hear any further arguments. As Delaina lay there with a woolen blanket pulled over her, he reached down and scooped her up into his big arms.
“You will not be a burden, I swear it,” he said, moving for the door. “Magnus deserves his happiness, my lady, if only momentarily. And so do you.”
Delaina couldn’t argue with that.
Nor could the mother abbess when Delaina told her everything.
Before the hour was out, Denys and Delaina were heading toward Lonsdale House.