Chapter 9
Gwen
Knox and I did our best to pretend nothing had happened between us over the next few days.
But I’d be lying if I said I was happy.
Sleeping with him had been divine. But now I was faced with an ache of loss that I hadn’t expected. I’d told myself not to get attached. And yet I found myself hanging on his every word… no matter how sparse they were.
And each stolen glance between us sent a tiny sliver of ice straight to my heart.
He was right here, living side by side with me. But that almost made it worse.
I could never have him. Not really.
All I could do was sleep with him again… if he was willing. And what would come of that? I’d just get more attached.
And Emerald, poor Emerald, didn’t need this on her plate right now. So I couldn’t even confide in my best friend. She had too much going on with her pregnancy. My number one goal in life was to keep her stress levels down right now.
We were in the kitchen playing cards, and the men were going to Rusty’s auto shop to look at a truck for sale. The seller was waiting there to see if Knox wanted it.
Knox needed his own transportation now that he’d started at the sawmill. Eric had been ferrying him back and forth this week, and I could tell it grated on Knox. He wanted to be self-reliant, almost needed it.
“We’ll be back soon,” Eric said, while Knox stood silently by his side. He glanced at me briefly, a tremor of something zipping between us, then the men walked out the door.
Whatever was happening between Knox and me was confusing. I just knew it would be a mistake to give in to lust with him again.
That’s all it was.
Instalust.
My heart was already feeling pretty battered, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. Who knew I could get attached to a man so quickly?
I refocused on the game and laid down my next card when Emerald’s phone rang.
“Hi. Yeah? Yeah? Oh! Right now!?! Okay!”
She got off, looking frantic. “They had a cancellation, but we need to go right now.”
I scrambled out of my chair and raced outside, hoping to catch the guys before they left. Her husband’s truck was just starting to back out.
“Eric!” I hollered, slipping through the snow in my house slippers. “Wait!”
He put his truck in neutral and rolled down the window. “What’s up?”
“Emerald just got an appointment at the doctor’s office. A cancellation opened up.”
Eric jumped out of the truck and ran up the steps to get her. They’d been nervously waiting for this appointment.
He looked back at me and asked, “Can you take Knox?” Then he instantly turned around, his hands on Emerald, guiding her down the porch steps as if she were a porcelain doll. Once again, an idle pain shot through me as I wished a man could love me the way Eric loved Emerald.
I nodded at his back, then realized he couldn’t hear me. Then, further realized it didn’t matter. His focus was entirely on Emerald right now.
Knox got out of the truck and looked at me quizzically. “What’s going on?”
“Oh… just a change of plans. I’ll take you to Rusty’s.”
“All right.” Knox furrowed his brow, fully aware that the three of us were keeping secrets from him. But he didn’t pry.
I started to head to my car, but he planted his hands on my shoulders, stopping me. “Go get your coat. And you need proper shoes.”
That’s when I looked down and realized I was still in my house clothes. A sweatshirt and leggings. The snow was already soaking through my slippers, chilling my toes.
For a moment I just stared at him, my eyes clinging to his, wishing that Knox would be the man to care about what happened to me. That he’d always be there to make sure I didn’t go out into the winter world without proper shoes on.
He stared back, confusion written across his face. Then the corners of his lips tugged up, and he softly repeated his request, the words coming out of his mouth like a love song, “Go get your shoes, Gwen.”
Eric was ushering Emerald to his truck, still treating her like fragile cargo. Before I went inside, I took her hands and told her, “You’re going to be fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”
She swallowed hard and hugged me, her voice tiny as she squeaked out, “I hope so.” Then she followed Eric to the truck.
With my heart racing, I ran back inside, reminding myself that she was in good hands. Eric and the doctor would take care of her.
Five minutes later I came back out, properly dressed for the elements.
Knox was leaning against my car, waiting for me, with a curious look on his face.
“Everything all right?” he asked as we got into my car.
“Yeah. There’s a lot happening that I’m not supposed to talk about.”
He didn’t press the issue. Which I appreciated.
But he did address us.
After I’d been driving for a minute he asked, “Why don’t you want people to know what happened between us?”
I gripped the steering wheel as we bumped down the dirt road, going slow because of the ice.
“It’s easier that way. Right? Plus, Emerald has too much going on. I don’t want to add to her plate.”
He looked out the window, his jaw clenching slightly. “You think she’d be that pissed at me that I slept with you?”
“What? No. I just know her. She’d be afraid I fell for you instead of keeping it in perspective. And she doesn’t need any added stress right now.”
He openly watched me as I drove, studying me intently. “Is it a problem that I’m here? Should I find somewhere else to go?”
The idea of him leaving made my stomach clench in knots. “No. You should stay.”
“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to add to anyone’s problems. And if you think it would upset her so much to find out that we were… intimate, then I think I should leave.”
I felt panicky at the idea. Which might be why I blurted out, “No. It’s just that the doctor told her to avoid any stress.
And she’s so caught up trying to find someone to love me that it’s a bad distraction right now.
I think she wants to see me settled before the baby comes.
And she knows you’re not the settling down type, so she’d just fret over me making bad decisions. You, sir, are a bad decision.”
He frowned over that last part, then focused on what I’d just revealed. “She’s pregnant.”
“Yeah. But I’m not supposed to tell anyone, so you have to keep it private.”
“If anyone can keep a secret, it’s me,” he rumbled. “You know I saw her in the kitchen crying and eating ham slices right out of the package the other morning before anyone else was up. I wasn’t sure what was going on. Now it’s all clicking into place.”
I pulled onto the main road, finally done with the bumpy portion of the ride. “The doctors are running tests. They’re fairly certain the baby’s going to be fine, but there are a few warning signs. She’s been waiting for an appointment to open up because they were booked two weeks out.”
Glancing at him, I saw that he looked like he was deep in thought. That was a common look for him. He had a lot on his mind, but he wasn’t quick to share any of it.
Then I asked, “You promise not to say anything about the pregnancy?”
He took my hand in his, shock waves rolling through me where we touched. “You have my word.”
The way he said that felt solid. As solid as the mountain we were driving on. Knox had an honest streak in him that I admired very much.
He kept hold of my hand, and I drove on with only one hand on the steering wheel, hating the moment when I’d need to make a turn, because I’d have to take my hand back.
“Are you okay with what happened between us the other night?” he asked.
We hadn’t had any time alone to talk about it since he snuck out of my bedroom window.
“Yeah. Um, it ended a little abruptly.”
He chuckled lightly. “I haven’t snuck out of a woman’s window in years. I hate to admit it gave me a little thrill sneaking around with you like that. But I also liked sleeping in the same bed with you. It’s been years since I woke up holding a woman in my arms, and… I kind of liked it.”
I met his eyes, flushing lightly.
A hidden heat stretched between us. It had ever since the first moment we’d met. And it just kept growing bigger and bigger and bigger.
But thinking that made the ache in my heart tighten, and I pulled my hand away. I couldn’t sleep with him again. Not knowing that it was only sex. Not now that I’d developed feelings for him. Feelings that showed no signs of disappearing anytime soon.
Knox rumbled, “Emerald doesn’t approve of me. She said as much that morning I walked in on you two talking about me. She thinks I’m an asshole. That I’m not good enough for you.”
“It’s not exactly that. You weren’t very…
social during your first few days, and she might have made a snap judgement about you.
But I could always see that you were just quiet, like me.
There’s nothing wrong with being quiet. She’s coming around when it comes to you.
Just yesterday she said you were really quite respectful, and she likes that you always put the toilet seat down. Eric forgets sometimes.”
He laughed. “The way to a woman’s heart. Putting down the toilet seat.”
We were almost at the auto shop. And we’d just talked more than we ever had before. I pushed my luck and asked, “What made you decide to leave the army and move out here to Red Oak Mountain?”
His expression immediately closed down.
But he pushed through it. In a rough, gravelly voice he told me, “I got kicked out of the Army Rangers.”
“What? How did that happen?”