7. Beth
7
BETH
T he train ride home zipped by, and my hand never left my mouth. I sat there with a dumb grin on my face and my fingers touching my lips the entire ride. Mr. Caldwell shocked me when he complimented me, so much so that I wasn't even thinking correctly when he kissed me. I'd never had a man be so forward like that. Then again, I'd never dated anyone as mature as him. Most guys my age were still in their mom's basement playing video games.
I bounced into the apartment a little before nine, and Rachel was sipping a glass of wine while watching her favorite reality TV show. She glanced up at me as I shut and locked the door, but she didn't say anything. I was floating, so giddy and warm from the inside out I didn't think anything would bring me down.
"Shh," Rachel hissed as I jingled my keys, hanging them on a hook by the door. I chuckled and sighed as I stripped off my damp jacket and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair.
"Is Hudson winning?" I asked, remembering the only detail about this particular season of her show that mattered. Hudson Grant was her favorite character. I didn't really get into the stuff, too much constructed drama, but I could appreciate that she enjoyed it.
"No, the other guy wants to vote him off…" Rachel used the remote to turn up the volume, and I snagged a glass from the cupboard before joining her on our old worn-out sofa. She had the bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table in front of her, so I poured a bit into my glass and sipped it as I kicked off my shoes.
It'd been an exhausting day, but it had ended on a high note. I'd been back and forth on the entire topic of William Caldwell and my whirlwind of a first few days of working for him. He was intense and everything was fast paced with him, but in the business world I knew it was like that sometimes. And when he liked something, he wasn't shy about saying it. He had heaped on the praise and compliments, which was nice but not necessary.
Before tonight, I thought he was just very excited to have me on his team. When he moved me near his office I tried not to read into that. He was a hard-working professional and he needed his team to be top-notch. I worked hard and I was confident in the work I did. It was a surprise, but not totally shocking. I deserved a chance to prove myself.
Still, the strange email I got had put me on edge. It was probably some petty coworker who thought they deserved the job more than me. Maybe Kevin just got a stick up his butt about Mr. Caldwell selecting me for his private team and made up an email to annoy me. Whoever it was, they had no reason to assume Mr. Caldwell and I had done anything, or that I'd even had contact with him before that day.
Tonight, however, all of that changed. A smile curled my lips again when I sipped my wine and thought of his words… "Would you find it wildly inappropriate if I told you that I find you incredibly attractive in every way?" It stole my breath for a second.
"What's that dumb grin about?" Rachel asked, and I looked up to see the show was over. A commercial for a new prescription drug came on and she muted the TV and stared at me.
"Oh nothing," I told her with the same stupid grin on my face that I'd had since the instant his lips left mine. I remembered how she immediately cautioned me about my promotion and the way Mr. Caldwell moved me into my own office right away. That sting still hadn't faded enough for me to feel comfortable opening up.
"Shut up. You're lying." My sister poured herself more wine and egged me on playfully. "What is it? What happened?"
The happiness bubbling up in my heart refused to be tamped down, so I tried to let off some steam without going into detail. I didn't want her to ruin it for me.
"Um, well…I may or may not have been kissed…" As the words slipped out of my mouth Rachel's eyebrows rose, and she smiled and pushed my knee.
"No way…" she said, and then the grin on her face faded slowly and her shoulders dropped. "Please don't tell me it was your boss." The look of disappointment in her eyes made my gut twist into a knot as I felt my own smile wilting.
"Why would you automatically assume that?" I said defensively, using my glass to hide my frustration as I sipped the room-temperature wine.
"Oh my God, it was." She sighed hard and shook her head. "Beth, I told you to be careful, and this just proves my point. He only promoted you because he finds you attractive."
I set my glass down and stood up, already frustrated by what she was saying. There might have been some smidgen of truth to that, but it was really hurtful that she would make that statement when I was really good at my job. It felt like she was the one ignoring my hard work and talent, not Mr. Caldwell.
"I'm going to bed," I told her, and she closed her eyes and dropped her head to the backrest of the couch behind her.
"Beth, please …"
My sister loved me; I knew that. I knew she wasn't trying to be mean. She was trying to protect me, but the way she was going about it sucked. I walked into my bedroom and shut the door, now feeling frustrated and defeated again instead of happy. And the worst part was, I hadn't even eaten dinner yet, but I was too upset to go back out there.
By the time Rachel went to her room and I heard her door shut, it was late and I was already in bed. My stomach growled at me as I dozed off, thinking of how I would interact with Mr. Caldwell at work in the morning. And that put the smile back on my face.
Morning came bright and early, and I chose my cream-colored pencil skirt and a bright red blouse. I left my hair down in soft curls around my face, and I added a touch of makeup to boost my confidence.
I got to the office before anyone else. The security guard had to let me in since I didn't have a key, and I settled in to finish up my reports for the big meeting this morning. I felt like I hadn't gotten enough sleep, and there was so much to do I didn't even bother stopping to get a cup of coffee. I worked feverishly until around seven thirty when other people started arriving.
When I opened my email to send the files to Mr. Caldwell, I noticed I had a few unread messages to check out. One was from Kevin with some numbers I needed from his team, another was from the COO requesting copies of all the information I was sending to Mr. Caldwell this morning, and a third message had no subject line. It wasn't a company-issued email address, so it immediately sparked my curiosity.
I opened it but I wished I hadn't. The first line said: I know what you did. I glanced around and scowled at my monitor. I hadn't "done" anything, so whoever this was needed to get a grip on reality. For a split second, I thought it was Rachel pranking me, but she wasn't this petty. We'd been stupid as teens at times, but she only wanted what was best for me. I had no clue who was sending these emails.
I continued reading and it only got worse. The email accused me of sleeping with Mr. Caldwell to get the job and said they had proof of an affair they'd take to the board. Of course, I knew there was no proof because nothing happened, but the stain on my conscience after that kiss last night didn't help my case. Nor did his nickname, the Silver Fox of Wall Street.
Mr. Caldwell stepped off the elevator and I saw him through the window of my office. I closed the email quickly and sighed before navigating to my report and hitting print for two copies of the reports. Someone was taunting me and pushing my buttons, and it was irritating. This job was high-pressure enough; I didn't need the stress of some stupid rumor going around work about me too.
My office door opened and Mr. Caldwell walked in carrying two cups of coffee. He smiled professionally and set one on the corner of my desk.
"Good morning, Ms. Reid, could I see you in my office?"
My eyes dropped to the coffee and I nodded. "Thank you, yes. I have a second." I stood and smoothed my hands down the front of my skirt and followed him through the door to his office. He stood there and waited for me then shut the door behind me. I wasn't sure what to make of this after what happened last night, but the happiness swirling around in my chest had me walking on air again.
He found me attractive; that was what he had said. In every way. I wasn't sure what it meant entirely, but it was a good feeling. It didn't matter that he was my boss. He was a really good-looking, available man who liked me, and I liked him back. Yes, it was tricky because he was my boss, but that didn't mean anything. Rachel was wrong. He didn't just promote me to sleep with me.
"What's up?" I asked, and I turned as he walked past me and set his cup of coffee on his desk. He leaned against it, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands over his lap. He looked too serious, and I felt like my bubble was about to burst.
"Beth…I hope I can still call you that." His eyes stormed over and I swallowed a knot in my throat.
"Of course." The same feeling of discouragement I felt when Rachel stole my joy last night began to rise in my belly.
"Beth, I just needed to apologize to you for what happened last night." He sighed and pursed his lips and then continued. "It was highly inappropriate for me as your boss to come on to you like that. I would never in any way ask you to do anything that might be misconstrued or…"
"Yeah, of course not." I felt my happiness shriveling up now as he apologized. Did this mean he wasn't really attracted to me, or that he just really understood how big of a mess it could cause? Or maybe he was having second thoughts because I was so much younger than him, impressionable too maybe.
"I just think it's best if we try not to blur the lines between the professional and personal boundaries we should have here. I crossed that line because of my own lack of self-control, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."
I looked him in the eye and I knew he was right, but it hurt. I kept the calm expression plastered to my face like a good professional would, but inside I was sad. It felt so good to think someone liked me, and I hated that the thing I loved and was confident about was the thing standing between us. If I didn't work here, I knew it would be different, but I loved this job and I loved being an analyst.
"I completely understand." I nodded at him, and I knew it was the right thing, but it didn't mean I had to like it. "I'll get your report for you and be right back."
"Oh, and Beth?"
"Yes, Mr. Caldwell?" I paused and waited for him to speak, but I wished I could run out of the room and just let the shame eat me alive.
"I want you to sit in on this meeting with me. You know this project inside and out and I feel like the client may have questions for you." He stood and picked up his coffee, and I nodded.
"Of course, sir." I turned and walked out of his office feeling rejected and defeated, but at least I still had my job.
And now whoever was sending me those stupid emails could just buzz off. There was nothing between Mr. Caldwell and me and there never would be.