Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
It’s killing me not to get my Pops involved in this.
Kieran Cobb is bad news, and now that the pack is on his radar, we’re all in danger. There is no denying it.
But with the police chief in his pocket, it’s become clear why none of Pops’ investigations into the Conglomerate have gone anywhere.
I press down the toaster lever before returning to where I’m scrambling a few eggs on the stovetop.
I struggle with sleep. It’s always too much or not enough. Sometimes, I can barely get out of bed or keep my eyes open. Other times, I stay up into the early hours of the morning, not feeling tired, even though I know that if I followed my bedtime routine, my body would probably fall asleep. But I can’t get motivated to do my routine because I’m not tired.
Vicious cycle.
I always get a little concerned when my sleep needs start to decline. Lack of sleep can sometimes trigger a manic episode in me, so I have a med I can take that will force me into a solid twelve hours of sleep in hopes of pulling me back from it. But I don’t like to take it. It makes me groggy, and I want to be present for Crystal.
Right now, I can feel the little gremlin under my skin that makes me move fast, talk fast, and think fast. I’m not manic—I know that for sure—but I can feel that if I don’t take better care of myself, I could end up that way.
“Smells good.” Emmanuel’s soft voice comes from behind me.
When he snapped at me yesterday, it felt like I was about to fall apart. He doesn’t know how sensitive I am to rejection, so it wasn’t like he did it on purpose, but I couldn’t shut my stupid, broken brain up at that moment.
It whispered vile lies about how I don’t deserve Crystal, how happiness isn’t possible for someone like me, and that no one wants to be in a relationship with a crazy person.
I know they’re lies.
But tell that to my rejection-sensitive dysphoria.
“It’s just eggs,” I say dismissively.
“It’s also pancakes, sausage, and… French toast?” He looks at me curiously. “How long have you been awake?”
It’s nine a.m., which is, admittedly, early for anyone to be up after our late night.
“Just a little while,” I deflect.
He narrows his eyes at me. “Maverick, are you taking care of yourself?”
“Ugh, yes, Dad,” I groan, turning my back to him. “Sometimes I can’t sleep, okay? I bounce between not being able to sleep and sleeping too much, and with Crystal’s work schedule, my routine has gotten a little messed up. I’m adjusting. It’ll take some time.”
I hear a chair squeak on the tile floor behind me. “How can we help you?”
A lot of people write me off when they find out I’m bipolar. It’s pretty refreshing that Manny hasn’t. But I guess in living with chronic pain, he gets what it’s like having to make adjustments others may not understand to keep yourself healthy.
“I don’t need anything yet, but I’ll let you know, yeah?” I clear the emotion out of my throat. “Hungry?”
“Sure.”
I look up to Emmanuel, and not just because he’s so tall. He’s such a soothing spirit and so level-headed. I wish I could approach things as diplomatically as he seems to be able to. I also appreciate that he’s willing to let the previous conversation drop. He trusts I’ve got it and will ask for help when needed.
The other Alpha sits at the loaded table and grabs a plate, beginning to serve himself. “I don’t think Gage will be able to eat most of this,” he begins.
“It’s all gluten-free,” I interrupt. “I took the liberty of stocking the place with celiac-friendly options. I even replaced the toaster.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Because of the crumbs and all.” Emmanuel looks at me like he’s never seen me before, his mouth a little slack. “What?”
“That’s really thoughtful, Maverick.”
I snort and turn my face to hide my blush. “Anyone would do it.”
“No, they wouldn’t.” Gage’s voice drifts over to me from the door of the nest. He takes a couple of steps into the room. “None of my foster parents cared enough. I was on my own, constantly flaring up. This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.”
The blush warming my cheeks gets out of control, and I duck away from his attention. It stirs something in me that’s new that I can’t put into words. “Welcome,” I mutter softly, grabbing the toast from the toaster and buttering it before sliding the stacked plate and platter of eggs onto the table. “I’m gonna wake up Crystal.”
“No need,” she groans as she exits the bathroom. “I’m up.”
In the light of day, her neck looks worse. Fury roils within me, and I have to hold myself back from lunging towards her and pulling her into my arms.
“How are you feeling?” Gage asks her, pulling out the chair beside him.
“Worse.” She says it casually, like she’s telling us the weather. “I will have to cancel on my sister and niece tomorrow. Makeup is enough to hide this in the low light of Prism, but it won’t stand up to their scrutiny in the daytime.” Weariness pulls the corner of her mouth down. “Hannah is going to be so sad.”
“Well, if you’re being tailed, it may not be a bad idea to avoid them for a bit in general,” Emmanuel muses. It’s true, but not helpful because Crystal’s face nearly collapses in grief.
“You’re right. Fuck, I hate Kieran Cobb.” She takes a small bite of toast, and I puff my chest out a little. Feeding my Omega makes my Alpha instincts preen. We haven’t had a regular courtship, but this helps satisfy those urges.
Gage turns to face Crystal, asking her a question I’m not paying attention to because his thigh brushes against mine as he does, and my brain kind of whites out at the contact.
He stiffens almost imperceptibly, too.
I haven’t been able to get the image of Crystal coming apart on his lap out of my head. And the fact that it took him over the edge, too?
Mmm. Goddamnit.
A part of me, hiding in the back of my brain, is whispering that Betas have many places in a pack, and they aren’t just for the Omega. That if I wanted to, I could…
“I’m going to take a shower!” I say loudly, jumping to my feet and darting to the bathroom.
Wait, now I have to take a shower.
Naked.
In the hot water.
Alone with my thoughts.
My thoughts that are now going to very inappropriate places.
After everything that happened last night, I shouldn’t be thinking about sex, but I can’t help myself. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to lay my hands on my Omega in that way, and I’m worked up, but it’s not just her I’m thinking about. Gage’s illustrated skin is a starring presence in my thoughts.
The things we could do together to our Omega.
I imagine how we’ll work her over together, bringing her to the brink, leaving her panting and aching for us.
Both of us sliding into her at the same time, the slip of her slick allowing our cocks to glide against one another as her hot cunt grips us together in a vice.
His beard scratching my thighs as I hold his head down, plugging his throat as Crystal bounces on his cock.
I groan, throwing my head back against the wall of the shower as I grip my cock tightly and pump it.
I’ve never had thoughts like this about a man before. I am aware bisexuality exists because I’m not fucking stupid, but I’ve always been firmly team kitty cat until now.
But there’s something about Gage.
I want to make sure he’s comfortable in our pack and taken care of. I love the way our Omega looks in his arms.
And their story makes me want to sob with its beauty.
An Omega with pain and fear in her heart, seeking him out after an incredibly traumatic event to find a way to take control of her body back from a monster.
And a Beta who sees her. He sees through her mask into the ugly, broken parts of her and turns them into something beautiful that lives on her flesh.
Would he see through the mangled bits of my soul, too?
Could he see me for who I am?
I drop my cock, no longer experiencing the feral thread of arousal. Instead, my hand goes to my chest, rubbing my sternum as my feelings threaten to pour out of me in waves.
I don’t know what to do with all of this. What would Crystal think? What would Gage think? He’s given me no indication he’s into me, but fuck maybe he’s just as confused as I am about all of this.
My body slips down to the built-in tub, and the shower sprays hit me awkwardly, but it’s not enough for me to attempt to adjust it.
Can I trust these feelings? Maybe I can’t. Maybe I’m manic, and this is just me getting ready to torpedo a relationship.
I take stock of my body and my mind, searching for the thread that snakes through me when I’m close to having an episode. Sometimes, it feels like my body is vibrating, and I’m moving through life at hyperspeed.
But I don’t feel that right now.
I think I’m seeing a man who can love someone who is broken, and hoping he has room in his heart for two.
“Mav?”
Speak of the fucking Beta.
I jerk to standing and bark, “What?”
“I just wanted to check on you.” His voice is extremely level. Almost forced. “I heard a loud thunk.”
“Oh, yeah, I just dropped myself into the tub. You know how it is.”
“I guess? You good, though?”
I peel the curtain back a little, poking my head around to look at him.
He looks worried. Like, honestly, actually concerned. His mouth is drawn tight under his red beard, and his green eyes seem to be looking everywhere at me at once, even though he can’t see much of anything. Tension bleeds from his body as he sees that I’m whole.
“Can we talk?” I say before I can rethink it.
He nods, leaning against the wall. “What’s up?”