Chapter 17
My heart was a drum beat echoing through my body.
The line in the sand lay in front of me, and my feet itched to step over it. I wanted to drown in the fantasy that things had been different, that I’d gotten to live a life with Carter feeling safe and wanted.
A compulsion had me rising on my toes.
I had let Paul steal everything from me, but he wasn’t here now—he couldn’t take this moment. Just like when Wyatt had held me, Paul was silent in the bond when I was in Carter’s arms.
Carter’s mouth was sweet against mine, the first brush sending fizzing desire through me, my core clenching.
I hadn’t felt desire in years. I’d forgotten how potent it could be, how easily it could sweep me away.
Carter and I had never pushed too far when we’d been together as teens, but what was standing in our way now?
If I had to go back to my waking nightmare one day, then at least I could hold the refreshed memory of what Carter’s kiss tasted like.
Sweetness turned frantic as I dragged him closer, letting his nearness smother down my worries. My body lit up at the surge of his peach scent, like it was reaching out to wrap me in all the sensations I’d been missing.
I pulled Carter onto the bed so I could devour his mouth, and let myself be devoured in turn. A craving for him burned in my blood. I’d always found safety in his arms, and acceptance I sorely needed. Now I could find passion, too.
“Fuck, Maisie…”
The bond went completely silent as Carter dipped down, his lips teasing over my throat.
I dug my nails into him, afraid to let go, and desperate to let him overwhelm the ache I’d been carrying around all these years.
Goose bumps raced over my skin. Slick gathered between my thighs as each caress of his lips was like electricity.
He touched me with reverence, like I was a vessel he was determined to fill with his adoration. His hair was soft between my fingers, and I held it like an anchor as he swept me away. Peach infused every breath, a bright, spicy sweetness that made me burn for everything he could offer.
Before I’d met Wyatt, the way Carter held me had been a progressive fantasy that had helped hold me together. Then the fantasy had changed to being cocooned between the two of them. Being here, I knew it was only a matter of time before the others joined that forbidden world in my head.
I pulled Carter’s face back to mine. I’d lost out on so many years of getting to kiss him and I intended to remedy that with the time we had available.
The sensation of his mouth on mine nudged me back to a time of…
not exactly innocence, because I’d always known what was coming for me, but to when I’d been able to pretend these moments would never end.
It wasn’t the exact same. Carter had obviously learned a few tricks from his alphas over the years, enough that I was desperately pawing at him, trying to get even closer.
I dragged his shirt up, and he lifted away from me to whip it overhead.
The extra contact of his skin on mine sent my brain into overdrive, teasing omega instincts I had been forced to bury.
I wanted to plaster every bare inch of myself against him, to soak in the warmth of his body and the care he laid on my skin.
Breath halted in my lungs when his fingertips brushed my thigh where my nightgown had ridden up.
I yanked it higher, letting this flush of desire take priority over the anxiety I carried around like a stone in my belly.
It was all so much easier to ignore when every cell in my body wanted to surrender to Carter.
He would take care of me. I knew that because he always had.
“Maisie?” So many questions hung in the syllables of my name as he whispered them against my lips.
“Don’t stop. Please.”
For too long I have been resentful of my body’s need for touch. Since finding him again, I was grateful for it. Touch built connections, it bridged distance, and let us share something I hadn’t been able to give anyone back home.
Carter dipped down to my ear. “Tell me what you want.”
I wasn’t used to people listening when I said what I wanted, so instead of speaking, I tugged his hand until it laid over my thin cotton panties. His peach flooded my system again and I couldn’t silence my whimper when his fingers twitched against me.
Driven to claim what I have been denied for too long, I wiggled right out of them and dove into kissing him again, rocking my hips in a silent request.
The hairs he found here were sparse, remnants from all the times I have been forced to wax to keep up a beauty standard imposed on me.
All my thought processing power blanked out when he slipped his fingers down, gliding over my slick-drenched clit and lower, teasing me so my hips bucked and helpless sounds tumbled from my lips.
Drowning in the taste and feel of him, I couldn’t do anything except try to keep up. Every touch from him was a sledgehammer against the walls I built for protection. I knew I could offer up the tangled mess of myself and he wouldn’t turn me away for it.
I couldn’t have surrendered to anyone else but him. He was the opposite of what I had been forced to endure. Carter was an omega, there would be no knot to trap me, and he was a tender soul, an angel I needed to find the light.
I drove my hips against his fingers, letting out a strangled sound as they finally dipped inside me.
Carter rose up, balanced on his arm, blue eyes snaring mine.
He moved slowly, unraveling me with each gentle thrust. Seeing his face so focused on me made my nerves jump, but it also soothed, letting every sense be fully engaged with the knowledge of who was with me right now.
Fantasy hadn’t prepared me for this moment.
“What do you want, Maisie? I’m happy to stick to this, just give me a boundary so I know what lines not to cross.”
Guilt twisted through me. It was one thing to allow myself to experience it, but another thing entirely to ask for it directly.
Cutting and dyeing my hair had been an act of defiance to reclaim that part of myself.
This wasn’t defiance. It was desire for someone who loved me, someone whose light had been a rope I’d grasped to stop myself from drowning all these years.
It took me three tries to get the word out. “You.” I swallowed hard, reaching for him again to pull him close. “All of you.”
Carter groaned as he dipped down again, fucking his fingers into me as he claimed my mouth once more.
His thumb teased my clit and I lifted my hips to meet it.
I swept my fingers over his skin, clinging as he coaxed me closer to the edge.
I hadn’t come outside of a heat in years, hadn’t even touched myself outside of that context, afraid that the need for relief would be viewed as an invitation in the bond.
Shivers ghosted over my skin, muscles flexing and clenching in anticipation.
The fact that I was so close was both exhilarating and terrifying, but no part of me wanted to stop or slow down.
I wanted Carter to pull me under and cradle me in the darkness.
His peach scent was a fog in the air. It was almost as effective as the grind on my clit, so I focused on both, pressing close to his skin so I could get it at full intensity.
Chasing my pleasure, I rocked as fast as my hips would allow, dragging a pillow over to smother my sounds as I shattered in his arms.
Nothing ebbed while I struggled to catch my breath, urging him closer until he was above me, hips between my spread thighs. We both had too many clothes on.
He kissed me so sweetly, the distinct urge to weep pressed behind my eyes. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.” I needed him, and, perhaps even more revolutionary, I wanted him, every bit he had to offer. “Don’t make me beg, don—”
“I won’t. I’m right here.”
I held my breath as he helped me take off my night gown.
He’d never seen me naked before, and now I had the history of carrying three children decorating my body.
I didn’t even have time to be self-conscious because the second I was bare, his lips were back on my skin.
He wove a trail of fire with his tongue.
I arched up to his questing mouth, struggling to keep quiet while he explored.
I tugged him back up, reclaiming his kiss and fighting to push his pajama pants down. The heat of his chest on mine was perfection. I never wanted to wear clothes again when he was in my bed. Getting all that skin-to-skin contact had a primal craving burrowing into me.
Carter kicked out of his remaining clothing and I melted beneath his weight. “Ready?”
I nodded, adjusting my hips and letting my fingertips dance down his back to rest at his waist. Omegas couldn’t really compare to the size of alphas, but I was grateful for that.
Welcoming Carter into my body wasn’t a struggle or a chore, it came only with ease and pleasure, like we were perfectly made for each other.
He whimpered my name against my lips. His reverence once again swept me away, the descent of his hips slow, but stealing my breath each time our hips met. My imagination had been right. Somehow I had known it was exactly how he would take me.
His movements were more than a means to an end, they were his love in motion, and I wanted this moment to go on forever.
His name formed on each of my exhales. Could he tell that my surrender was my own expression of love?
Did he understand how hard won the trust I had given him was?
Did he know how easily he had made himself worthy of it?
Affection burned through me. We were both a mess of whimpers and panting breaths.
This time my pleasure took its time rising, hovering close to the edge but not spilling over it.
Crossing that bridge wasn’t even the goal.
I wanted to be with Carter, to see if this was something I was even capable of experiencing, and letting myself feel safe in the intensity.
His hips jerked harder, the boost of pressure on my clit making my control dissolve.
Our names fell from each other’s lips as I braced my heels on the backs of his thighs, encouraging him to drive deeper, to let go of a little of the tenderness so we could reach the peak together.
I barely recognized the sounds I made. Carter’s were a mix of breathy moans, tangled around confessions of his love.
He broke apart only a second before I did, the saturation of his peach in the air and his moan in my ear pulling me down with him. Tension seized me head to toe, pleasure searing through me, my body arching up to his with pitiful needy sounds until we were both freed from its grip.
We melted onto the bed. It was hard to catch my breath when I fell right back into devouring him, committing every taste and sensation to memory. I wrapped all my limbs around him to keep him right where he was. His cock twitched inside me, my pussy spasming in response.
The bond was still blissfully silent.
If drowning in Carter let me experience him this way and shielded me from my unwanted bond, then I never wanted to surface.