35. Talya
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
TALYA
I f I had to take a guess, my heat would be here in less than twenty-four hours. That was rather short for my spikes, but the whole situation had been rather frustrating. It was like my body was convinced we were going to die, so we needed to hurry up and conceive.
Logic, right there.
Even though I was constantly sweaty, I just wanted to be wrapped in a blanket. So that was where I was, sitting outside on an unusually cool breezy day so I could be wrapped in a blanket without dying of heat stroke.
Generally speaking, I didn’t hate my heats. However, I was dreading this one. It was just inconvenient timing. We were going to be locked away and helpless for several days after I’d been nearly abducted. That meant shit was going down. The scary people knew where I was.
I nearly jumped out of my seat when Kasen dropped down next to me, landing practically on top of me. I even yelped, which only made him laugh as he tried to burrow into my blanket with me.
“Share, greedy omega!” he complained.
Shifting, I tried to pull the blanket out, but he was sitting on it. “This would be easier if your big ass wasn’t holding it down,” I complained.
He harrumphed as he wiggled around. It was a struggle that really would have been solved if he’d just get up for a half a second, but we were both laughing by the time he managed to tuck himself into the blanket.
“I’m fever sweaty,” I warned, “and there’s no telling when another spike will come.”
Kasen shrugged. “Meh. I have alphas to fuck me if you get turned on enough to send the whole house into a fuck frenzy.”
I snorted. “Sounds exciting.”
He grinned. “So far, it has been. Your alpha has a big knot.”
Colby had told me about yesterday afternoon with Kasen and Blakely. That conversation had ended with me taking his knot, so obviously, I didn’t have any issues with this. “He does, but I don’t have anyone to compare it to, so… I’ll just have to take your word for it.”
Kasen gave me a sly smile. “You will soon enough.”
“You’re under some kind of romanticized impression that I’m going to remember anything at all. Trust me when I tell you, it’s not like that.”
He studied me. “You don’t remember it?”
I shook my head. “Nope. It’s a… haze. I barely remember it happening at all. I remember right up to the moment that my heat truly sets in, then I wake up when it’s done.”
“That’s kind of frightening.”
“Yeah, especially since we’re not in control at that time. We’re driven by a biological need that renders us completely helpless—not just physically but mentally too. It doesn’t matter who’s in front of you during your heat. You’ll beg for their knot.”
His skin paled. “That’s fucking terrifying.”
I sighed, shrugging. “I’d always considered myself lucky to have had Colby since before my heats. It’s fortunate that most omega heats don’t begin until their early twenties which means we generally have time to find a pack before necessity makes us settle for something else.”
“Like Heat Hideaway.”
I nodded.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know Lohtus used to do… that .”
“It was a different life.”
After that, we were silent for a minute. “Will we… uh… This might not be the word I’m looking for, but will we feel your heat outside your nest?”
I tilted my head to think about it. “No? We don’t have any shared bonds, even third or fourth connections, so I think you should be fine. The only reason you feel it now is because my perfume gets crazy and clings to everything.”
“Ah. That sets the alphas off, and my alphas being turned on makes me turned on,” he said, nodding in understanding.
“There are lots of instances where betas get turned on by omegas, you know. You don’t, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible.”
“Really?” he asked. I was surprised to find him excited at the idea.
Laughing, I nodded. “I had omega friends online that had betas in their packs. They got just as horny as the alphas did when heats came, and other times too.”
“But are they responding to the omega or the alphas?”
“They’re responding to who they’re attracted to. That’s truly the difference here. I’m just needy, and my chemical makeup doesn’t give a fuck whether I’m with a loving pack or murderous criminals. A knot is a knot as far as my body is concerned. You have more of a choice. You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to, yes. But you don’t have that complete shutdown and turn into a…” I shook my head, not thinking of the right word.
“So, hypothetically speaking, if I were in your nest with you during your heat, you’d beg for me too?”
I looked at him, amused. “Yes, but you don’t have a knot so it wouldn’t be as satisfying.”
His eyelids hooded, and I grinned.
His expression turned excited and curious again. “There are toys that make that irrelevant. Just saying.”
“Are you really thinking about joining my heat?” I asked. I was even more amused when his skin tone turned slightly green and he enthusiastically shook his head.
“No! I guess I don’t want to be just a beta. You know? Growing up believing you’re inferior—not worthy of an alpha and useless to an omega... I guess I appreciate knowing that I can be useful.”
“I am still horrified at the things you’re taught.”
Kasen shrugged. “I have two alphas. They chose me. They bit me. I have bonds and a pack. Obviously, it’s not the absolute truth.”
“I would wager a guess that much of what we’re all taught on the subject of our biologies and places in the world is skewed to fulfill someone’s agenda.”
“Who would benefit from that?”
“Well, omegas are objects and possessions. Betas are taught that they’re inferior in every way. Alphas tend to be the ones in control.” I gave him a pointed look.
He huffed. “Assholes.”
We giggled together for a minute then once again lapsed into silence. I’d chosen a chair close to the house in case I felt like I needed to get inside quickly, but it still gave me the perfect view of the horses in the distance.
It seemed ludicrous that someone would try to drive right up onto our deck to grab me, but then again, being in plain view of the entire town hadn’t stopped them from trying. I didn’t exactly trust that this mysterious ‘they’ in charge of the protection program had actually added more security. From what I remembered while we were being briefed on where we were headed, there was already supposed to be undercover security integrated into our location.
Based on the fact that we’d waited several hours for ‘them’ to show up, that wasn’t the case.
It made me curious about the local police, too. Ronan had said they’d supported the islanders securing my would-be abductors, but even they hadn’t stopped by the house or even called. Were they instructed to turn a blind eye to anything regarding this farm? If so, I could see them obliging because it was under government control.
Still. It seemed shitty.
“What does it feel like?” Kasen asked.
I looked at him, wondering if I’d missed part of this conversation while I was lost in thought. Based on the way he smiled, I guessed he’d just started in the middle of his thought instead of the beginning.
“These spikes. Your heat. What does it feel like?”
“Oh. Well… a really bad fever that doesn’t go away, to start with. I’m hot, like I’m burning up. Constantly dehydrated.” I held up a bottle from within my blanket to show him. “I try to drink a lot right before. It’s difficult for anyone to get me to drink during my heat since I’m irrational most of the time.”
Kasen shivered.
“I suppose the fever is the easiest part. Then there’s an ache in my gut that drops into my core. It starts out as just a frustrating feeling like an itch you can’t reach or a thought you can’t remember. Something just there , but nothing you can do about it unless someone knows how to answer it. The closer I get to my heat, the more painful it becomes until it’s demanding. When I’m in my heat, it’s consuming. The demand from my body for the release that comes with a knot locked inside is excruciating, maddening. It makes you delirious. There isn’t a pain like it. I’ve talked to omegas that say childbirth is less painful than an unanswered heat.”
Kasen shivered again. “Seriously?”
“Yep.”
“Okay, now the other part, like when it is answered.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “It’s sex, but omegas are built for pleasure. We come easily and often and especially during our heat. Once we have a knot locked inside us, it’s almost a near constant orgasm that just ebbs and flows.”
“Huh,” he said thoughtfully.
“What?”
“I take a knot,” he said, making me raise my eyebrow at him. Kasen grinned. “You don’t know everything about me.”
I laughed.
“It doesn’t feel like that.”
“Please don’t take this as an insult, but you weren’t built to take one. I imagine it feels very different.”
“It doesn’t hurt at all?”
I tilted my head. “Keep in mind I’ve only ever had Colby so I don’t have anyone else to compare to, but no. Again, by the time I get to the point where I need a knot—even outside of heats—whatever pain is involved only adds to the pleasure.”
He nodded. “It hurts me. I can’t take it when they’re already knotted up. It’s best when I can take it before. You know, sit on them and rock them into ballooning up. That way they grow inside me.”
“Ah,” I said, considering this. “Yeah, that’s an interesting feeling. What’s it like for you?”
Kasen grinned. “It still hurts, but it’s so damn good too. Like I know my body isn’t made for it, so I think that part of my pleasure is mental. Like… Ha! I can take a knot too, bitches.”
I laughed.
“I think part of my pleasure is seeing how much my alphas enjoy it. The way they lose their minds as my body squeezes them like that. It does feel good because that’s right where all the pleasure nerves are, but there’s no mistaking that it’s far too big to be, like, omega good.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I think this is one of those things that you shouldn’t compare. I bet Lohtus would tell you that you feel just as good as an omega.”
“Of course he would,” Kasen said, rolling his eyes.
“He’d say it and mean it, Kasen. This is apples and oranges. They’re not the same, but they’re equally as good.”
As Kasen studied me, his teasing, amused smile faded into something softer. “I’m not sure if I believe that, but thanks.”
“Believe it,” I insisted. “I’m positive that the fact that you take his knot means a whole fucking lot to him. Even if your body isn’t built for it, you’ve just made that moment a thousand times better and more meaningful than any omega because you want to take his knot. You want to share that moment with him. Trust me when I tell you, that’s far more important.”
“You sound really worldly.”
I laughed. “No. Talking to other omegas online is enlightening in a lot of ways. It’s the freedom of having friends without the inescapable side-effect of becoming territorial, and there’s no holding back. When someone has a question, everyone will answer.”
“That’s a really great community to have. I never had that.”
“It is. I miss it terribly.”
“You could make another profile.”
I shook my head. “No. The temptation to tell PackTease and OmegaDik who I am would be far too strong. I can’t.”
Kasen leaned his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms through mine. “Thanks for that. For what you said. I guess I never thought of it that way.”
“Do you continue to take his knot just to prove you can?”
He was quiet for a minute. “I don’t know. Maybe at first it was just to prove I could. Maybe that’s what it started out as. But now, I just like being that close to them. I like that connection. I like how our bonds just… burst wide open.”
I laid my head on his. “That’s exactly my point, Kasen. The connection isn’t what a heat is about. When an omega needs a knot, it has nothing to do with an emotional connection. I’d go so far as to say that to an omega, sex isn’t about a connection at all. It’s driven by the biological need to answer the unyielding ache and demand in our bodies. I’d like to tell you that when it’s with someone you love, it’s better, but I think what’s better is the moments before and after. Otherwise, quite frankly, a knot is a knot.”
“I’ve always been content being a beta, but now I’m, like, triple relieved to be one.”
I grinned. “It’s not all bad. I get spoiled and get presents.”
He laughed. “I’m almost sorry that you don’t experience sex like I do. I kind of feel bad for you.”
I laughed with him. “Eh. I’ll survive.”
“Four days of being fucked by hot guys with big knots? Yeah, I think you’ll be fine.”
The screen door opened as we laughed, and we turned to watch Lohtus walk toward us. He smiled as he approached, taking in our cuddles and laughter. He’d made it a point to check on me often since my first fever spike. He was a damn good alpha.
“What’re you two laughing about?” he asked, handing us both bottles of water.
Kasen and I met each other’s eyes, exchanging smirks that we tried to keep contained.
“Comparing notes about sex,” Kasen said. I was impressed that he managed to keep a straight face. “You know, how it feels to be knotted and stuff.”
Lohtus looked between the two of us. “Oh yeah?”
“Yep. Want to talk about it with us?”
He gave Kasen an amused look. “This sounds like a private conversation.”
“It’s not,” I said. “I’m very open about sex. Do you have any questions?”
Kasen couldn’t hide his snort/giggle.
Lohtus pinched my chin, and I flashed him a grin. “No. But I’ll keep your offer in mind. Don’t corrupt my beta, woman.”
I grinned widely. “No promises, alpha.”
He patted my cheek gently then bent to kiss Kasen’s forehead. “Be good.”
“I heard be naughty,” Kasen loudly whispered as Lohtus returned to the house. He glanced over his shoulder, and there was a promise in the gaze he settled on Kasen. Kasen sighed. “I’m going to be spanked tonight,” he said, leaning back with a satisfied smile.
And then my fun was done when I felt the beginning of another spike. Kasen stiffened when my perfume flooded out of me in sickeningly sweet notes. Sighing, I got to my feet. “The glamorous life of an omega calls,” I muttered.
My joking stopped as a pang of need settled in my stomach and grew. Great. It was going to be one of those heats. With an apologetic look at Kasen, I rushed inside to find an alpha.