Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
LILY
I spent the entire day thinking about them.
It wasn't unusual—I always thought about them.
But today was different. Today, every thought felt urgent, weighted with the knowledge that my time was running out.
I'd doubled my suppressant dose that morning, like Kaelan suggested.
It helped, a little. The warmth under my skin was still there, but it was manageable.
The restlessness had faded to a dull ache instead of a constant scream.
I knew it wouldn't last. My body was fighting a battle it was destined to lose.
I went through the motions of my day, hauling ropes, scrubbing decks, avoiding Cort's increasingly suspicious stares. All the while, my mind was somewhere else entirely. Underwater. With them.
I want you. All of you.
I'd meant it when I said it. Every word. So why couldn't I just take that final step? Why was I still clinging to the edge instead of jumping?
Because you're afraid, a voice whispered in my head. Because every time you've let yourself want something, it's been taken away.
My mother's love, taken when I presented as omega.
My freedom, taken when my father sold me.
My future, taken before I ever had a chance to build one.
What if I let myself have this—really have it—and it disappeared too?
But what if it didn't? The thought stopped me cold, my hands freezing on the rope I was coiling.
What if this was real? What if they meant every word, every touch, every desperate declaration? What if I could actually have this—a pack, a home, a place where I belonged? What if the only thing standing between me and everything I'd ever wanted was my own fear?
The rope slipped from my fingers. I stared at it, lying in a tangled heap on the deck, and something in my chest shifted.
I was so tired of being afraid.
That night, I didn't wait for full darkness. The moment the sun touched the horizon, I was at the railing, scanning the water. They weren't visible yet, they never were until I was ready to descend. But I knew they were there. Watching. Waiting.
Always waiting for me.
I took the potion quickly, feeling the familiar burn as it transformed my lungs, and slipped over the side of the ship before anyone could notice.
They were there the moment I submerged.
All four of them, surrounding me like they'd been counting the seconds until I appeared.
Kaelan's hands found my waist immediately, steadying me.
Riven hovered close, nostrils flaring, checking my scent.
Vale's silver eyes scanned my face with concern.
Thane was already reaching for me, his fingers tangling with mine.
"You're early," Kaelan said, his dark eyes searching my face, a furrow of concern between his brows. "Is something wrong?"
"No," I said, and my voice came out steadier than I expected. "Nothing's wrong. I just... I needed to see you." Something flickered in his expression—hope, maybe, or fear. It was hard to tell with Kaelan. He kept so much locked away.
"We're here," he said simply, his thumb stroking across my hip in that absent, possessive way of his. "We're always here."
I looked at him. At all of them. These ancient, terrifying, beautiful creatures who had somehow decided I was worth centuries of devotion.
Who had given up their happiest memories just to buy me more time.
Who watched me every night like I was the sun and they'd been living in darkness for a thousand years.
"I want to do something," I said, my heart pounding so hard I was sure they could hear it. "But I need you to trust me. Can you do that?"
They exchanged glances—quick, wordless communication that spoke to centuries of knowing each other.
"Always," Thane said immediately, his golden-brown eyes shining with absolute faith, no hesitation in his voice. "Whatever you need, Lily."
"Yes," Vale agreed, his silver eyes soft with trust, his head tilting slightly as he studied me. "We trust you."
Riven just nodded, his scarred jaw tight, his golden eyes never leaving my face, intensity radiating from every line of his body.
Kaelan studied me for a long moment, his dark gaze searching. Then: "What do you need us to do?"
I took a breath. Let it out slowly.
"I need you to stay still," I said, swimming toward him, my pulse thundering in my ears. "And I need you to let me touch your hair."
The effect was immediate.
Kaelan went rigid, his dark eyes widening until I could see white around the edges. Behind me, I heard Riven's sharp intake of breath and the small, wounded sound that Thane made. Vale's hand flew to his mouth, his silver eyes filling with tears.
"Lily," Kaelan breathed, his voice cracking on my name like it was too fragile to hold. "Do you understand what you're asking?"
"Yes," I said, and I'd never been more certain of anything in my life. "You've braided my hair. You've put your shells and pearls and jewels in it. You've marked me as yours." I reached up, my fingers hovering just above his ink-black strands. "Now I want to mark you as mine."
"You don't have—" His voice broke. He had to stop, swallow, try again. "You don't have anything to weave in. No shells. No treasures."
I smiled, and it felt like the bravest thing I'd ever done.
"Yes, I do," I said, and I reached down to the hem of my shirt—the same shirt I'd been wearing for months, the same fabric that had seen me through eight months of running and hiding and surviving.
I tore a strip from it. The sound was loud in the quiet water.
"I have this," I said, holding up the fabric, letting it drift between us like a promise. "I have me. Is that enough?"
The sound Kaelan made wasn't human. It was raw and broken and desperate, a thousand years of loneliness cracking open all at once. "It's everything," he choked out, his hands shaking as they gripped my waist. "You're everything. You've always been everything."
"Then let me claim you," I said softly, cupping his face with my free hand. "Let me make you mine." He nodded, unable to speak, his whole body trembling. And he bowed his head.
My fingers were clumsy at first.
I'd never braided underwater before, and his hair was different from mine—thicker, heavier, with a texture that seemed to absorb the bioluminescent light around us. But I figured it out. Separated the strands. Began to weave.
The fabric from my shirt was rough against my fingers, worn by months of use. I worked it into the braid carefully, threading it through the black strands like a promise. Like a vow.
Mine, I thought with every pass of my fingers. You're mine now. I'm keeping you.
Kaelan was trembling. This massive, ancient, powerful creature—trembling under my hands like I was the one with all the power. His eyes were closed, his breathing ragged, his claws digging into his own palms hard enough to draw blood.
"Lily," he whispered, and my name sounded like a prayer on his lips. "Lily, I can't—I don't—"
"Shh," I murmured, smoothing my hands through his hair, feeling him shudder at the touch. "I've got you. Just let me do this."
When I finished, I tied off the braid with another strip of fabric and let it fall against his back. It wasn't as elegant as the braids they'd put in my hair—no shells, no pearls, no jewels. Just rough fabric and clumsy weaving and everything I had to give.
But when Kaelan opened his eyes and looked at me, there were tears streaming down his face.
"You claimed me," he said, his voice wrecked, barely recognizable. "You actually claimed me."
"I did," I confirmed, cupping his face in my hands and wiping his tears with my thumbs. "You're mine now, Kaelan. Is that okay?"
He kissed me instead of answering—deep and desperate and tasting of salt. When he finally pulled back, he was still crying, but something in his expression had shifted. Settled.
"More than okay," he managed, pressing his forehead to mine, his breath warm against my lips. "I've been yours since the moment you looked at me and didn't run. I just didn't know if you'd ever want to keep me."
"I want to keep you," I said fiercely, my fingers tightening on his face. "I want to keep all of you. Forever." A broken sound came from somewhere behind me. I turned to find Riven hovering there, his scarred face twisted with emotion, his golden eyes blazing with something desperate and raw.
"Me next," he said roughly, and it wasn't a request. It was a plea, dragged from somewhere deep in his chest. "Please. I need—I need you to—"
I swam to him, and he bowed his head before I even asked.
Braiding Riven's hair was different.
His crimson strands were coarser than Kaelan's, marked with scars that ran across his scalp from whatever battle had given him the rest of his wounds.
I touched each scar gently as I worked, letting my fingers trace the evidence of everything he'd survived.
He shuddered under every touch, his hands clenched so tight at his sides that his claws drew blood.
But he didn't move. Didn't pull away. Just let me work, his breath coming in harsh, uneven gasps.
"I never thought anyone would want this," he said suddenly, his voice raw, cracking on the words. "Would want me. I'm not—I'm not like them. I'm not gentle or beautiful or—"
"You're beautiful," I interrupted, my fingers never pausing in their work. "Every scar. Every sharp edge. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I've told you that before."
"I didn't believe you," he admitted, his voice cracking, something vulnerable bleeding through the rough edges. "I thought—I thought you were just being kind. That you couldn't really—"
"Riven," I said firmly, finishing the braid and moving to face him, forcing him to meet my eyes. "I'm not being kind. I'm being honest. You're mine now. That means I get to decide if you're beautiful, and I've decided. Understand?"
He stared at me for a long moment, something shattered and and a look of wonder entered his golden eyes, like I'd broken through a wall he'd spent centuries building.