Chapter 1
one
Xenia
My body is on fire.
Figuratively.
Literally.
Swinging out, I reach blindly towards my bedside table.
A whine fills the small space, frenetic and broken. The pain doubles down, starting in my abdomen and spreading all the way to my toes and fingers.
This isn’t fair.
Finally, I manage to find the phone and unsteadily bring it closer. Another wash of stabbing agony solidifies my intent.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
My fingers shake as I type in the number. The only person in the entire world I have.
Less than one ring later, she picks up. “Xenia, what is it? Are you okay?”
“I—” A whimper breaks through my lips.
“Xenia.” Her alpha bark assuages my pain for one searing instant, but then it returns two-fold. “Today?”
“Yes. Serena, it’s bad. I can’t—” I groan as a thousand razors slice across my skin.
“I’m on the way. The clinic will be ready for you. Vinny won’t know. I promise. Do you… Do you want to interact with the alpha at the clinic?”
“NO!” I scream. “I don’t want to see him, smell him, or even know his name. I just need his knot and then, and then I’ll be fine.” The lie sinks between us.
Serena knows better than anyone how not okay I am. How broken I have been for nearly a year now. How close I am to sinking even further into the depths of not okay because of Vinny.
A mated omega who loses her pack never lasts long. It’s the unspoken truth. It’s the excuse Vinny keeps using to push my boundaries further and further.
Through the phone, I can hear as she starts her car and my anxiety wanes, but only just the tiniest fraction.
“Serena, you promise this is safe?” My anxiety is only second to my designation attempting to take me under.
“Oh honey, I promise. They take all the precautions in the world. First Chapter is notorious for keeping the omega’s privacy and safety first and foremost. The alpha will spend a few days at the clinic and will help you ride out your heat.
They will administer the birth control when you arrive, and then you’ll be taken to the room with a nest attached to it.
Industrial scent-blockers will be used. And there will be a divider separating you two except for—” A horn comes through the speaker cutting off the rest of her words.
Using all of the energy I can muster, I roll over on the bed and attempt to get up, but it is the wrong move.
“You might… You might have to carry me. I’m sorry I waited too long.
” Reaching out instead, I grab hold of my heat-blockers.
I hadn’t stopped taking them, but they finally ceased to work.
My plan is to bring them with me and take them again as soon as possible.
Restart this treadmill. Put my next heat off another year.
A low growl rolls into my ear from Serena. “Apologies, just knowing how horribly you must feel has kicked my urges into overdrive. I still have the spare key. Do you have a bag packed?”
My eyes flicker to the corner of the room. A single small bag sits on a chair; it is overfilled with my favorite items, including the scents of the man I truly wish to be with.
“I do.” My face heats as tears well and blur my vision. I swallow it down as best I can. “Do you think Tony—”
“Hush Xenia. You are going to work yourself up. I’m here. I’ll be up there soon, and I will be with you every step of the way. You aren’t alone.”
Falling back on the bed, my attention goes to the ceiling.
I watch as the old fan spins and spins and spins.
Over the last year, I had counted every single scratch on the blades.
I had been self-confined to my apartment, mostly to this very bed.
I had filled myself with heat-blockers, attempting to push off the inevitable.
But they could only work so long. And they couldn’t change my biology.
In the last few days, it was clear that I was running out of time, and I had called Serena with my concerns. She had told me it wasn’t if but when.
When I would be going into heat.
When I would need to be knotted.
When I would have to break my promise.
I don’t have a choice.
Omegas never do.