Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Elizabeth
T he panic I felt channeled straight from Jack’s mouth into my brain.
“I can’t find her. I don’t know what happened,” he said, voice and hands shaky. “The police know but they can’t do much.”
Silverton’s sheriff department was eminently capable and well-staffed for such a small town, but when a woman was missing for an hour, there wasn’t a lot they could do. Hence the reason he’d called Saint.
“She went to her doctor’s appointment, and then was supposed to come right back here. But it’s been an hour and I can’t get ahold of her, her phone isn’t tracking, and the driver I hired said he didn’t see her.” His jaw ticked and he leaned his elbows on his knees. “If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself. I’ve already failed her once and I can’t stand the thought of it happening again. ”
“We’re not there yet, man. We’ll find her. We’re going to fan out in town, the police are on the lookout, and odds are, this is all a misunderstanding,” Kenny said, patting his back for reassurance.
“And if not?” Jack asked, the stress radiating off him. “How do I ever look myself in the eye again? How do I stand to know I could’ve helped her sooner? That she deserved a life free from pain and fear and if I’d just gotten my head out of my own?—”
“Hey, pump the brakes. One thing we don’t do is what-if until we have to. Sometimes, we have to get creative to figure out the answers, but we will figure it out. We will find her.” Kenny’s voice had taken on a soothing but firm quality.
Damn, he was good. There was something so completely appealing about a man who could keep his head in a stressful situation, and a person like Kenny, with all his boundless energy and joy, didn’t necessarily strike me as someone who would be like this. Bruce? Wilder? Tristan? All yes. Even Cookie had a more calming energy.
But right now, Kenny was exactly who Jack needed him to be. That just made me all the more determined to be who Evie needed me to be.
“I’m going. I’ll be back.” I caught Kenny’s blue eyes and we had the same thought there— hopefully with Evie in tow.
Kenny would stay with Jack, so Cookie and I were on the way back to town.
“What do you think?” I asked, knowing all the Saint personnel had more experience with missing people than I did. My work in Kappa Sector rarely had anything to do with missing women, abusive exes, or even hostage rescue. If the CIA had someone go missing, they were either gone, or we called in the EMU to get them back .
“I have a feeling this is a misunderstanding. Other than the phone call, there’ve been no indications the ex is even looking for her, let alone knows where she is. She’s been cooped up in the house with Jack, who is lovely, but not her family or even her lover, and she’s about to have a baby and be essentially stuck at home even more. So I suspect she’s spreading her wings.”
He seemed confident and it made sense. “You’re certain they aren’t lovers.”
“Certain.”
“How?”
He laughed. “They have no chemistry. No hint of heat between them. You and I have more sexual tension than she and Jack do—and you and I have exactly none.”
I chuckled. “Fair. They do have a much more familial vibe. I was anticipating that they were fighting feelings, or maybe he was, but hiding them in order to keep from crossing any lines, but no… there’s been no hints.”
“Indeed. Now, you and Barbie…”
My stomach flipped. What could I say to that? He hadn’t even said anything specific, yet it felt like a weighty insinuation. What about me and Barbie!!? Tell me, oh wise Frenchman.
Instead, I rather demurely said, “Mmm?”
“When the two of you are in the room, we can all feel it.”
I pulled into a parking spot at the Saint building and would’ve liked to sit with the sentence, mine it for all possible meanings, and then ask him another question, but we both sprang out of the vehicle, a healthy sense of urgency spurring us on and keeping me focused.
“I would like to ask follow-up questions, but for now…”
“ Bien s?r . Whenever you like. I have something to say on the subject at some point.” He stopped at the curb, waiting for a car to pass.
Curiosity roared through me. What could he want to say? Would he warn me away? What do you mean, Cookie?!
“I’ll be ready when you are,” I said instead, jogging across the street. We split then, him taking Main and me Silver. We’d then shift to Elk and extend farther. Doc and Eddie were looking near the hospital.
This experience of going store to store was far different and far less fun than it had been with Kenny. Shop owners somehow recognized me more than once and when I got to Elise’s, she was so happy to see me, I felt bad.
It was the strangest response, but I genuinely felt guilty when I left. She was so warm and welcoming, understanding of my questions as I asked basic things about whether she’d seen Evie. And it made me realize she was a friend. I hadn’t allowed for that to be true in my mind, but every time I saw her, she was genuinely warm and accepting. She’d been the same at the book club.
It was a distraction and not a thought I should be kept warm by as I moved through the other businesses on Silver Street, and yet I couldn’t escape it. Jo’s friends had become my friends. Yes, they were new, and they didn’t know me all that well, but that was partly due to my choices. I hadn’t engaged with them beyond the book club and seeing them on Fridays at Craic. I’d made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Jo individually.
Strangest of all thoughts—I wanted to.
I’d led such an insular life and the farther from it I got, the more confused I felt by my own behavior. Why had I isolated myself so much? Why had I felt satisfied with a watered-down version of friendship, family, and love?
The longer I stayed here, the more I suspected it’d felt easier to let work be my whole world. Every week, I’d pop up for a phone call with Jo and catch a gulp of connection, but otherwise, I’d allowed myself to believe my work was community. And maybe if I worked somewhere like Saint, it would’ve been. But my job was naturally isolating. I reported to someone and had people who reported to me, but often, I was alone, out in the world or more likely, behind a computer. For a long time, the difference I made doing the job had felt like more than enough to satisfy me. It’d been thrilling and compelling and yes, fulfilling. But as time wore on, what had felt full looked closer to… not so full.
Now that I’d seen what these things could look like by observing Jo, my dad, and even Kenny’s way of living, I knew going back to what I’d always done wouldn’t be easy. I’d anticipated that it would be like a switch I could turn on and off and back again. Now, the mechanism looked a bit off. Would it even work? I didn’t really want to worry about it.
I couldn’t take all of the wonderful things with me, but maybe I could bring some of it along—the friendships, at least, and maybe the determination to find more for myself when I got back to the routine.
Those thoughts, instead of inspiring hope, settled in my belly like lead.
Mentally pushing away from that thread, I focused on the job. Store after store, no luck, and by the time I’d circled the block and returned to the bookstore, I got a text from Cookie indicating he had a quick lead.
Jo was inside, so I entered, having spoken to one of the employees when I first walked by.
“Hey! What are you doing out and about?” she asked, wrapping her arms around me .
I hugged her back, absorbing all her sweetness and strength before explaining. “I’m actually working. I’m looking for a woman who’s missing. She’s petite, light blond hair, very pregnant.”
“Oh, she’s here. She’s in the reading room,” Jo said, waving me back toward the room where we’d met for book club.
I rushed there, rather unsubtly bursting into the small, cozy space. “Evie,” I practically barked, so relieved to see her unharmed I didn’t manage to gentle my tone.
Her gaze snapped up and she smiled. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I’m looking for you. Jack’s been worried and he thought—well, we’ve found you now. Hold on.” I texted Cookie, then dialed Kenny. “Hey, I found her. We’ll be back soon.”
I sat in the chair perpendicular to where she sat with legs extended on the loveseat nearest the fire. She had a pillow tucked behind her back and an iced water and a mug of tea next to her, along with a paper bag featuring a Rise and Shine logo on it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare anyone, least of all Jack.” Her face took on an agonized expression, and she reached for her tea, cupping the mug close to her chest. “I went to the appointment and everything’s fine. It’s such a gorgeous day and the ice has melted so there wasn’t as much risk of falling, and I feel great today, so I just wanted to walk.”
The way her brows pinched and her lips turned down, I could tell she wasn’t okay.
“You needed a little air, sounds like.”
She nodded. “I’ll never be able to thank Jack enough for everything he’s done, but I feel like I’ve put my life on pause. And that’s not his fault. I need to stay here to make sure I’m close to the hospital when I have the baby, but I’m ready to get settled.” She set her tea down again.
“Where will you go?” I asked, unaware there was already a plan in place for what happened after the baby came.
“My cousin lives in a town not far from here. We haven’t seen each other in years, but we’ve kept up online. I’ve decided I’ll go there and start over. Reinvent myself and navigate the single mom life in a small town where everyone knows me. That way, if something happens with Dillon, I won’t be alone.”
Her gaze searched mine like she was looking for approval. I wasn’t well-versed in this kind of thing—I wasn’t sure what it was like to choose a path so distinctly when everything was against you. But I could tell she felt good about this plan, and that had to count for something, especially when she hadn’t gotten to choose much about what she’d gone through in the last while.
“I think if the town is anything like Silverton, that’s a great idea.”
She laughed softly. “It’s significantly smaller than Silverton from what I’ve read, but I agree. And that’s part of it—I wanted to go into Rise and Shine and get a croissant instead of having one of Jack’s assistants bring it to me. I wanted to browse this adorable book shop and then sit down and sip tea and read. I just…” She sighed heavily.
“You needed a break. And I’m glad you took one.” I meant it.
“But?”
“But it’s time to get back. And if you want to get out again, please just call me and I’ll be your own personal but very silent and unintrusive bodyguard. As long as we haven’t had issues with the press or your ex, I don’t think that’s unreasonable.” I hoped Kenny and Cookie would agree, but I suspected they would.
“Thank you,” she said, letting her legs slide off the couch and tucking her book into the bag Jo must’ve slipped it into when Evie paid.
Part of keeping clients safe was their compliance. I didn’t have to be particularly experienced in personal security to know that—I’d seen it with assets I’d developed over the years. I could only do so much for them if they were insistent on going places and doing things that put them in danger.
If Evie needed to be getting out of Jack’s mansion every few days, especially before her life changed even more substantially with her baby’s arrival, I understood. She hadn’t asked for any of this and she wasn’t trying to be stubborn or demanding, but she had a right to live her life.
“I’ll talk to the team. We’ll figure out a way to get you some space.”
“Thank you. I mean it. I’m not sure you’ll understand how much this means to me, but it does. So, thank you.”
I brushed off her thanks, but as we met up with Cookie and drove her back to Jack’s, her words stuck in my ears. Her thanks was so heart-felt, so sincere, and it made me wonder if I’d ever been thanked for doing my job before.
Had I ever felt so appreciated? And did it make sense that this simple offering I’d made to Evie should garner more thanks than a decade and a half of service and true sacrifice for my country?
More and more, I had to admit, it did not.