Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Elizabeth
T he pandemonium that had been Sunday family dinner at Jane and Darcy Saint’s house—yes, my father had taken his wife’s name in an amazing and rather significant gesture—was finally dying down.
I’d met Jane’s children and their partners and kids before, but seeing them all together again, especially after the email I’d gotten indicating my time here was truly coming to a close sooner than I anticipated, was truly bittersweet.
“Great to see you guys again,” I said, hugging Calla, then her husband Wyatt, who was Jane’s oldest son.
“It was great to have you with us,” Sadie said, right as her giant husband, Warrick, Jane’s youngest, engulfed me in a hug. He was a tactile person and a giant teddy bear. I kind of loved that he was my stepbrother now.
“Malcom,” Wilder said, the only one I knew in a professional capacity since he’d been in the EMU and was now technically my temporary boss at Saint Security.
“Saint,” I said, using both his last name and nickname.
“It’s been so good to see you. Let’s get lunch sometime and I’ll leave James with his daddy,” Sarah, Wilder’s wife, said.
“I’d like that.”
“I want to come, too!” Jo said, slinging an arm around my shoulders.
Sarah laughed. “Of course you’re coming.”
She and Wilder followed the others out. I was peopled out in the best way and ready to get back to my little apartment.
Actually, what I really wanted was to get back to Kenny, but there wouldn’t be any of that… at least not like before.
“You okay?” Jo asked, after we’d said goodbye to Jane and our dad and walked to the car. She’d insisted on driving me up here to get extra time together, and likely because Adam wouldn’t be here. He’d been on a weekend assignment, which was well-timed since she was all the more available to keep me company.
“I am. I’m just…”
What word could describe what I was? Exhausted, but not physically. I was pleasantly worn out after taking a run with Jo this morning, and weirdly sore in unexpected places after spending a half hour throwing plates at the spa yesterday. Or maybe the soreness came from the deep tissue and stress relief massage I’d had after.
I’d been supported and loved by my sister, my new friends, and today, my family. It should’ve made me feel better and on one level, it did.
On the other, it made me feel like my heart was collapsing in on itself. Every wonderful interaction and supportive thought someone shared became one more privilege I’d be leaving behind when I went back to my old life.
I’d be getting another update tonight on timing for my official return—the office admin would book my tickets and then the final date would be set. I promised myself not to open my work email before breakfast with Kenny, though. I didn’t want to have that looming deadline in my mind while I was with him.
Jo had loaded in, but my dad called to me from the porch. “Lizzy. Have a minute?”
Warmth suffused my chest at his use of the nickname. He hadn’t called me that in years, and now this was twice in a matter of days. Only Jo had kept up using it and it’d always felt like an emblem of the distance between us.
I jogged back toward him and mounted the stairs. “What’s up?
He smiled softly, his gray beard far less pepper than salt these days.
“I just wanted to tell you how wonderful it’s been to have you here. I’m not sure when you go back, and I’d like to be kept in the loop there, if you’re willing, but just wanted to make sure you knew.”
I studied him, wondering if he knew my days were numbered. I should’ve had close to a month left based on the original dates I’d given him, but this comment felt too pointed. Jo knew I was leaving sooner rather than later, but I was sure she hadn’t said a word to him, nor had I.
“Thanks. It has been for me, too. I’ll be sure to let you know.”
“Good. Night, Lizzy.”
“Night,” I said, giving him a quick hug before hustling down the steps .
“Don’t be afraid to change if it doesn’t work for you,” he hollered after me, halting my progress before I got to the car.
I slowed, then turned to look at him, but he just waved and stepped inside. He meant the timing of when I went back, of course. He knew it’d shifted and he was encouraging me to stick to my plan if I needed to stay longer.
But as we made our way from their house back downtown under the light of a nearly-full moon, I wondered if maybe it wasn’t that simple.
Maybe it wasn’t just the travel he wanted me to be brave about. Maybe he meant all of it.
Miraculously, I’d slept a few hours last night and was now ready for work. I hadn’t checked my email, so I didn’t have a specific drop-dead date for my return, and I’d managed not to sweat through my clothes while I paced my tiny apartment and tried to imagine what Kenny might say.
Before I landed on anything specific, my alarm trilled, and I held back from bolting out the door.
I didn’t run or even jog. Nope! I stayed calm and walked with measured steps toward Diner, ready for some coffee and maybe some eggs, and maybe to mention to Kenny Carmichael that I was a little bit in love with him.
But also not mention that because who did such a thing when they were about to leave? Who?
Movement out the corner of my eye pulled my attention, and I turned to see a small crowd of people with big cameras sporting lenses of various sizes all hustling down the street away from me .
“That’s bad news,” Kenny said from next to me.
I jolted a bit, completely oblivious to his arrival until he’d spoken. “Seems like it.”
“I have this awful feeling that my family tipped off the press Jack’s here. I really hope I’m wrong, but if they could sell that information, I wouldn’t be surprised. My mom seemed like she was fishing for information about him every time we talked.”
His jaw ticked as his gaze followed the small group running away, hopefully to head out of town.
“I hope it wasn’t them, too. But there’s nothing you can do about it if they did, and that’s part of why they have security and part of Evie staying put. You didn’t tell them anything they could use, so you can’t take that on.”
I reached for him, wanting to set a hand on his arm or grab his hand, but I veered away at the last minute and started walking next to him. Awkward , but touching him after not seeing him in what felt like weeks but had been mere days seemed like it might’ve been crossing a line.
He tapped his phone and held it up, quickly relaying what we’d seen to Cookie, who would report into Jack’s team and anyone else at Saint who needed to know. By the time we sat down at Diner, he’d finished his call.
Catherine wasn’t here, but the other waitress took our orders right away, then delivered steaming mugs of coffee and a little pitcher of cream and left us to ourselves.
“So… how are you?” His eyes searched my face like he might find clues there.
Would he see the dark circles under my eyes born from tears first, then lack of sleep? I’d covered them up a bit, but I wasn’t a miracle worker.
“Alright. How are you?”
He huffed a little. “I’m sorry for Friday. I?—”
“I don’t want you to apologize for doing what you needed to do, okay?” I reached out and took his hand in mine. Steam from my coffee mug curled between us and I pushed further. “What we’re doing—what we’ve done—isn’t easy. I’m so grateful for the time we’ve spent together, and I’ll never forget it.”
His throat bobbed and he reached for his water glass, drinking down several gulps before he spoke again. “I appreciate you understanding. And you’re right, it is different. This whole set up has been. Neither one of us has been a casual dating type of person, but we’ve tried to treat this that way. And it hasn’t worked. And I think part of that reason is?—”
“I’m going back sooner than I thought.”
He jerked like he’d been shot, a shockwave running through his body before he stilled. “Oh.”
I didn’t know what he’d been about to say, but I’d known I couldn’t hear it. I simply wouldn’t survive if this man gave me any more of himself and showed me what I could but couldn’t have. So I’d halted all of this, every bit, with nothing more than the truth.
“Yeah. It’s unexpected but I’ll find out today when I fly out. They told me to expect this week.”
I was a fool for not checking to see exactly when already. I’d do it as soon as I left here. As much as I’d felt like delaying, now that I was faced with the shadowy expression taking over his face, I knew I should’ve gotten it over with so we could both handle everything and be done with it.
He blinked, taking in my face like I was his, and licked his lips.
“This week,” he said, almost in a trance, and just the sound of it crushed me.