Chapter 182
Kalen’s (Belated) & Amelie’s Birthday Celebration
Sawyer
It starts with a chime – every hour, on the hour, like clockwork. Every device in The Order’s network rings out, accompanied by that insufferably cheerful alert: “Kalen’s birthday celebration is imminent!”
I swear, I’m going to kill him.
Somehow, Kalen has hacked into the system and set this up on every single device.
Phones, tablets, computers – it doesn’t matter.
They all chime in unison, announcing his birthday celebration like a countdown to the apocalypse.
I’ve already heard it five times today, and with each chime, I feel my patience wearing thinner.
“I beg to differ, baby brother,” I mutter under my breath, shaking my head. “At this rate, you’re not going to live to see the day.”
But Kalen, being Kalen, doesn’t seem concerned.
He’s all smiles, bouncing around like a kid on too much sugar, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s pushing all of us to the brink.
Honestly, I should’ve known when he first mentioned “special plans” for his and Amelie’s birthday.
Nothing ever goes as planned when Kalen’s involved.
Now, here we are, standing in front of a tattoo parlour. I’m half-amused, half-resigned to the chaos that’s about to unfold. The familiar buzzing of tattoo needles hums through the air as the door shuts behind me, and Kalen is grinning like he’s pulled off the best prank of the century.
“Alright, everyone!” he shouts, clapping his hands like a game show host. “We’re here to celebrate in true Order fashion!”
I raise an eyebrow, teasing him. “You mean like a family dinner? Maybe some drinks?”
Kalen snorts and waves me off. “Tattoos,” he announces, pointing dramatically toward a giant gumball-type machine in the corner. “Chosen randomly from this bad boy right here.”
I stare at the machine, trying to process what I’m looking at. Of course Kalen would turn something as simple as a belated birthday celebration into complete madness.
“Tattoos?” Slate echoes, his voice flat as he glances at me, hoping I’ll put a stop to this nonsense.
“And not just for us,” Kalen adds, his grin widening. “Everyone here is getting one. No exceptions. Randomly chosen, no backing out.”
I sigh, knowing exactly where this is headed. “Everyone?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
Kalen nods, practically vibrating with excitement.
“Everyone! The whole staff. Most have already been stabbed actually. We had to start early. Do you know how many people we have on our payroll by the way? It’s a lot.
I told them, if you refuse…” He pauses dramatically, eyes sparkling.
“Well, you know what happens. You’ll be let go, and there’s only one way to really leave The Order. ”
I give him a look, trying not to laugh. “You’re actually serious?”
“As a heart attack,” he replies, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “You’re either in, or you’re out. And trust me, you don’t want to be out.”
Amelie, standing off to the side, catches my eye and gives me a playful smile. “It’s fine, Sawyer. Just go with it. Everyone seems excited.”
Just go with it? Fuck knows what designs are loaded in that damn machine. Knowing my brother, I could end up with a hippopotamus in a tutu. On my skin. Forever.
I hold her gaze for a second, weighing my options. But if Amelie’s in, then there’s no point fighting it. “Alright,” I sigh, giving in. “Let’s do this.”
Kalen practically skips over to the gumball machine, clapping his hands like he’s hosting a game show. “Perfect! Let’s get this party started.”
As he cranks the handle, the familiar birthday chime rings out again, echoing from every device in the room. Kalen just grins wider, not missing a beat as a capsule rolls into his hand. He twists it open, pulling out a slip of paper like he’s won the lottery.
“Alright, Amelie!” he calls. “You’re up first, almost-birthday girl!”
Amelie steps forward, unfazed as she takes the design from Kalen’s hand.
She smiles, perfectly at ease with Kalen’s plans for celebrating their birthdays together.
He was adamant that we celebrate his August birthday this month alongside Amelie’s once we were back from our holiday.
I thought he meant they’d have a joint birthday. Not…this.
“I can live with this,” she says, holding it up for the rest of us to see. It’s a small sun design, quite cute really.
Kalen winks at her. “Not bad for the birthday girl. Who’s next?”
“Hold on,” I say, needing to check something before I fully consent to this madness. “The machine picks the design, but we can choose where it’s placed, right? And the size?”
Kalen nods. “Yeah. I didn’t want to be a dictator about it.”
“You’re forcing all of our employees to get tattoos they have zero say in the design of, yet you don’t think you’re being a dictator?” I can’t keep the incredulity out of my tone. Kalen shakes his head at me.
“You need to lighten up, old man.”
One by one, the rest of us take our turns.
Slate gets a minimalist tree design and grunts, satisfied.
Onyx ends up with an angular wolf tattoo and seems genuinely excited.
Adrienne pulls out a dagger wrapped in vines and gives Kalen a smirk.
Cap, ever the stoic one, ends up with a simple wave design and just shakes his head with an almost-grin.
But Baxter’s reaction is by far the best. He stares down at his capsule for what feels like forever before finally opening it. His face twists into a look of utter disbelief.
Inside is a Care Bear – holding a bloody knife.
“What the hell is this?” Baxter growls, glaring at Kalen, who’s already doubled over in laughter.
“Awwww, cute! You’re Murder Bear, bestie!” Kalen wheezes, barely able to catch his breath between fits of laughter. “It’s perfect for you!”
Baxter growls again, but I catch a twitch at the corner of his mouth. “I’m going to kill you,” he mutters, though it’s clear he can’t stay mad for long. “And we are not besties.”
Finally, it’s my turn. I crank the machine, half-wondering what kind of nonsense I’m about to be stuck with for the rest of my life. When I open the capsule, I find a small compass inside. Simple, classic, nothing too wild.
“Well,” I say, holding it up for Kalen to see. “Could’ve been worse.”
Kalen grins at me, like a kid who got exactly what he wanted for Christmas. “Fate, big brother,” he says with a wink. “It’s all fate.”
“More like dumb luck,” I mutter, shaking my head. But I can’t help smiling. Honestly, I’ve survived worse. This is all part of living in Kalen’s world.
The tattoo artists start working on us, and the room fills with the hum of needles and bursts of laughter. Kalen, of course, is everywhere – snapping pictures, giving commentary, and acting like we’re all contestants in some bizarre reality show.
“You know,” I say as the needle digs into my arm, “this might be the most ‘Kalen’s birthday surprise yet.”
“And that’s why you love me, right?” Kalen shoots back, grinning like a maniac.
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Right. Just…next time, maybe leave the gumball machine out of it.”
“Never,” he says, completely serious. And right on cue, the birthday alert chimes again from every device in the room, reminding us all that Kalen’s special day is still ongoing. As if we could forget. “All my birthdays from now on will involve a giant gumball machine of surprises!”
I sigh, feeling the tension in my neck again. “You’ll be lucky if you live to see another birthday.”
Once everyone is done, Kalen steps up to the gumball machine to pick his own design but I have something else in mind for him. While everyone is fussing, I walk over to the artist.
“I will pay you double whatever he paid you to do a different design.”
The man just looks at me, smiles and nods. “What did you have in mind?” he asks.
I smirk and tell him what I want.
Karma is a powerful thing and Kalen is about to get a taste of his own medicine.
“Yes,” Kalen says fist pumping the air, “I got lips, and I am getting them tattooed on my arse.”
Amelie laughs, and I join in. “Over here,” I tell him. Kalen saunters over to us, a little too much pep in his step.
“I would like this on my arse, please, my good man,” he says, handing over the design that he pulled from the machine.
“Lay face down on the table and we can get started.”
Kalen drops his pants and with no shame lets everything hang out, everyone getting a front view of his cock. “What? Don’t be jealous, you can’t all be as blessed as I am.”
The artist may have been a little nervous about switching Kalen’s tattoo but I bet he is one hundred percent on board now.
“Hold tight, I will just go and get this prepped and then we can get started.”
The man walks away and after a few minutes he comes back, shows me the new image and I suck my lips into my mouth.
“Let's do this!” Kalen crows.
The man gets to work and Amelie comes to stand by my side. She elbows me in the ribs and I turn and wink at her with a shrug.
Serves him right, he brought this all on himself.
An hour later his tattoo is finished, the idiot is asleep on the table and Amelie wakes him by slapping his other arse cheek. He whines and mumbles something about making his cock hard.
The man tells him he can look in the mirror, so Kalen jumps up and without covering his cock walks over to the mirror. He turns his back, and laughter starts to echo around the shop. His eyes lock with mine and I wait but he starts to laugh.
“Well played brother. And you are right, anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough.”
Right on his arse cheek is a picture of a cactus and a condom, with the words ‘anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough’ written around it.
The damn alarms chime again.
“If you don’t turn them off I’m going to kill you,” Onyx growls.
“For once I agree with you,” Baxter adds.
Both Onyx and Baxter look at each other and nod. Kalen’s eyes go wide and, with a cackle, he darts out of the shop naked from the waist down. Both Baxter and Onyx are hot on his heels.
It wouldn’t be a Knox family or work event without death threats towards Kalen.