38
Now that I knew for certain that Calvin was locked up and I had already made up my mind about doing everything I could to keep him there, the world started to feel a little bit brighter.
Knowing that I would be able to leave the house without fearing that he would pop out of the shadow for be hiding behind every corner was almost entirely freeing.
I still wasn't feeling as great as I had been before the whole incident, but my shoulders felt significantly lighter.
Because of this progress, however, Knox had somehow convinced me to join him at Liam's house like we used to do so much more often. If it hadn't been Knox asking me, I doubt anyone else would have been able to convince me to leave the house.
"Don't forget to breathe, baby," Knox smiled teasingly, squeezing my thigh as we pulled up in front of Liam's house.
At his words, I let out the breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. I didn't know why I was so nervous. I had spent enough time around Liam and Sean to know that I was completely safe in their presence but somehow that didn't feel like enough.
My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and my airways were starting to constrict.
I hadn't realized how bad I was starting to look until Knox put the car in park and finally took a real look at me. All teasing slowly faded out of his face and he moved his hand from my thigh to cup my face in a gentle touch.
"Oh, babe, we don't have to actually go inside if you're not feeling ready," He all but whispered, his brows pinched in concern.
I forced myself to swallow, my hand clenching in a fist as I shook my head - attempting to shake off the anxiety taking hold of me.
"No, I - I want to hang out with them. I don't even know why I'm being like this," I protested as embarrassment for the state of my condition started to set in.
"I don't want you to feel like you have too, Annie," Knox urged as he brushed my hair behind my ear.
"I know, you're not making me feel that way. I promise, I can do it - I want to try," I assured earnestly - both to convince myself as much as him.
Knox nodded his head, dropping his hand as he sent another gentle smile my way.
Stepping into the house wasn't as bad as I remembered the first time I was here. There was no distant yelling or chaotic boy energy. It was significantly more calm that I think it most likely ever has been. I was grateful for it in this moment.
Knox led me to the living room where Liam and Clarissa were cuddled up together on the couch while Sean was lounging in a bean bag on his phone. All the lights were off as a movie I had never seen before and didn't know the name of played on the tv.
Clarissa was the first one to notice us walk in and she was out of her seat in a split second.
"Annie, I'm so happy you came," Clarissa almost squealed, her joy rolling off her in waves.
Her energy was so infectious, I finally felt myself loosen up just enough to make eye contact with Liam.
He smiled a kind yet reserved smile, almost as if he was scared to come any closer to me for fear of setting me off or breaking me. Even if it seemed a bit dramatic, I could have cried at how thoughtful the action was.
Clarissa wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a much needed hug.
"I know we called just yesterday but it feels like its been forever since I've actually been able to talk to you," Clarissa laughed before sending a short wave in greeting to Knox.
"I know," I sighed, a smile unconsciously pulling at the corner of my mouth. "I'm glad Knox brought me along. I've missed you all," I confessed, the words feeling more heavy than I had meant them.
Clarissa's face softened in a knowing look before she took her seat on the couch back.
Knox's hand met my back as he led us to our usual seat on the loveseat. With just enough room for the two of us, Knox tucked me into his side before probing his feet up on the coffee table.
Sean, finally looking up from his phone, let his eyes roam between Knox and I.
I wasn't sure how well their relationship had been repaired since Knox wasn't one to really talk about things like that but I had thought things had gotten a least a little better than this. Right now felt awkward and I knew it all had to do with their previous spat.
Clearing his throat, Sean must have finally found the words he had been searching for as he spoke, "I'm glad to see you're okay, Annie."
I knew Sean was a good person at heart and that one single argument between him and Knox would not be enough to ruin their life-long friendship, so I shouldn't have been as surprised by his words as I was.
"Thank you," I hummed with a polite nod.
Nevertheless, his words felt sincere and I was genuinely appreciative that he was trying. Not that I thought he would wish anything bad on me, but hearing it actually come out of his mouth after the way he had treated me a few months ago was really reassuring.
He nodded his head back once with a tight lipped smile before burying himself back in his phone.
The arm that Knox had wrapped around me moved to me waist, rubbing up and down my side in a comforting gesture.
"You finally figure out the money," Knox asked towards Sean, probably in an attempt to diffuse the awkward tension. At least, if that was his intention, his word choice needed a lot of work.
Sean looked up over the bright screen lighting up his face, "got a big race coming up this weekend. That'll be the big one."
Knox nodded his head. A few beats of silence filled the room as the rest of us waiting for Knox to say something else - anything to make this not feel like the most unbearable room to be in at the moment.
Thankfully, Liam finally stepped in to save him, "Clarissa and I are going to watch if you wanted to join in on the betting."
"Yeah, I could get in on that," Knox replied nonchalantly.
Knox looked back at Sean who nodded his head as if to say 'cool' before going back to his waiting phone.
Chancing a look over at Clarissa, her eyes met mine in an instant and if she could speak with her eyes I'm sure she would've been saying, "boys are horribly awkward communicators. How the fuck do they go through life living like this?"
I sent her a subtle shake of my head in near disbelief, wondering exactly the same thing.