39
Deciding to go to Sean's race left me feeling conflicted.
Going was a no-brainer in the sense that I would always want to be there to support my friend. He and Liam were more like brothers to me anyway. I would never want to leave them high and dry, especially not over a single stupid argument.
I knew why Sean was so worried before anyways - knew why and how things boiled up to that point.
Since we've been racing for a few years now, I've always come out on top between the three of us.
It was nothing against Sean or even Liam, they were still great at racing.
I just would put in more work for the things that I want and once I have my eye on something, I do anything to make sure I get it.
I'm not trying to blame the way that they are, we're just different and I earned every bit of success I've gotten so far.
Choosing to give up racing wasn't an easy decision.
Not only has it been a great source of income but its also just been a super important outlet for me and all of my pent up everything - stress, anger, you name it. I put my all into the sport and it certainly wasn't in my plans to give it up - at least not so soon.
After my last race, with the way that everything ended, it was impossible for my parents not to find out about what I'd been doing.
I already don't have the best relationship with my dad but after I got home that night, things were bad for a few days.
So bad, my mom refused to be in the same room as us that entire time.
Ultimately it came between giving up racing or being thrown out onto the street. At least that's how my dad put it.
I guess, in a way, I kind of understood his perspective. I was doing illegal shit that would put in my jail one day or another and as someone trying to build a successful name, I'd bring it all crashing down for him.
I hardly spoke to him for the few weeks after and it sucked that it made Sean so upset but I don't really regret any of it happening.
Now that things have cooled down and home and I've started straightening myself out a bit more, my dads talking about giving me part time position at his company.
I wouldn't be doing anything major - mainly just shadowing his deals and whatever other boring shit happens at real estate office.
It'd be worth it though - if it means setting myself up for a better future that both Annie and I could benefit from, I'd do it all again.
I couldn't tell Sean that, though.
Not with his mom's treatment still up in the air.
That's why when I pulled into the dirt parking lot right as the racers were pulling into position, I immediately started looking around for the betting booth.
Putting my car in park, I hustled towards the rowdy, already-drunken crowd.
Liam was in here somewhere, watching with Clarissa. I planned on meeting up with them soon but I wasn't in a rush.
Instead, I pushed through the obnoxious groups that formed around the booth before wiping out the wad of cash I had shoved into my pocket earlier that night.
"Heyy, Knox. Surprised to not see you out there tonight too," laughed Jillian, the normal money counter for every event.
Choosing to ignore her implied question, I recounted my stack quickly before shoving it towards her, "$500 on Sean."
Her eyes widened slightly before nodding her head as she took the money and put it into the collection tin.
This wasn't one of their big races and even if it was, people usually only bet for fun.
Putting this much money on a single race wasn't common so I wasn't surprised to see how shocked she was.
Sending her a tight-lipped smile, I turned back towards the crowd as I began my search for Liam.
It wasn't hard finding them. Besides pushing through what felt like an endless swarm of sweaty bodies, I knew exactly where they'd be. Clarissa always had a favorite spot so I had no doubt they'd be watching there.
By the time I reached them, the race was in full swing.
"Ay, you made it," Liam laughed, dabbing me up.
I nodded, grimacing slightly at the scent of beer coming off of him.
Clarissa seemed to have had a few drinks too as she swayed side to side to a nonexistent beat.
Round and round the cars went, leaving clouds of dust in their wake. As much as I'd been to this track, I wasn't used to being the spectator. It felt a lot more boring from the sidelines. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the adrenaline I knew the guys racing were feeling right now.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, drawing my attention from the mind-numbness that was beginning to take over me.
"Baby," I answered, relieved that it was my girl calling me. I needed the distraction - I needed anything that would help me get through this night.
"Hi," she murmured shyly.
I loved the way she reacted to my pet names for her - love the way she reacted so shy when we both knew she was anything but.
"I just wanted to wish you a good night," she continued in that soft-spoken way of hers. "I hope the race is entertaining and that Sean ends up winning."
I bit back the smile that threatened to form on my face, the way it did every time she spoke.
"Thank, baby. I'll accredit his win to you wishing him luck. I'll call you when I get home, yeah?"
"Okay," she breathed before bidding me a 'goodbye'.
Pocketing my phone again, I looked up just as Sean reached his final lap.
The entire crowd buzzed as he was neck and neck with another notorious racer - Vince Volley.
Now as things were starting to get more exciting I understood why everyone loved to watch.
The way the cars swayed close without hitting each other, both going as fast as they could while trying not spin out.
Seeing this from the other side, although not as exciting, was certainly more intense than I had realized.
I had unknowingly been holding my breath, only finally releasing it as Sean crossed the line first.
Cheers erupted from all around us - the loudest being a drunken Clarissa. She bounced on her feet, waving her arms around before running towards a grinning Sean as he got out of the car.
Liam and I quickly followed, both just as relieved looking as each other.
I didn't doubt that Sean could do it but I was just so glad to see it finally happening.
Just as we reached him and I gave him a pat on the back, Jillian came running out with two of the money boxes before handing one to Sean and one to me.
"Good racing and good betting, boys" she praised in a grin before running away to deal with the other waiting crowd.
Sean looked at me quizzically before I handed the box to him.
"Best $500 I've ever put down," I teased, hoping however much was in that box was enough to pay for his moms final treatment.
Sean's face instantly sobered up as he realized how much he'd actually made that night - how I managed to actually pull through on my promise to help him.
"Thanks man, seriously," he uttered before pulling me in for a brotherly hug.