Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
KODIAK
I’m early to the appointment, hoping that she’ll be running ahead of time and we’ll get a chance to clear some of the air between us. I want us to go into this with a positive outlook instead of tension and anger.
I’ve stewed over some of the bullshit that came out of my mouth and if I could kick my own ass for some of the shit I said, I would. It’s bad enough some of my men are firmly in the Team Luna camp at this point while my own brother, the one who I’ve been side-by-side with our entire lives, is still raging at me over what happened at the party on Saturday.
Fuckers. All of them. What’s happening is between me and Luna, no one else. Then the mantle of responsibility that I carry as the president of a club that’s straddled the line of the law comes crashing back down and I realize it does concern more than just the two of us.
As I sit on the saddle of my bike, angling myself to where I can see the entirety of the parking lot, my heart drums in excitement when I watch her car pull in and park. I grin as I watch her school her features and turn off her engine. Seems I’m not the only one hoping we’d see each other before she was due to head inside.
Dismounting my bike, I march over to the driver’s side and pull on the lever that’ll open the door and allow me to breathe in Luna’s perfume. There’s something about her scent that settles my senses.
“Luna,” I say in greeting as I hold my hand out to help her out.
“Marcum. How are you?” she asks, her tone slightly melancholy.
“Feeling like a jackass,” I answer her.
“Is that so? Sorry you’re having that issue.”
“I don’t like the way we left things between us. I’m unsettled,” I admit, pulling her into my arms once she’s got both feet on the ground. “I didn’t mean a fucking thing I said, Moon.”
“Then why did you say those things, Marcum?” I feel droplets of her tears hit the material of my shirt and it has my heart clenching in my chest.
We may not know each other as well as we should considering where we’re at right this very second, but the thought that I may have broken something inside this strong, incredible woman has my gut twisting. I’m still not willing to examine how I feel too closely; I’ve never believed in all that happily-ever-after bullshit, nor the cheesiness of love at first sight. But I know I feel something for her that’s more than just a fuck.
“I’m not used to being called out for shit, and it instigated my confrontation mode.”
“You sound like a video game when you say it that way,” she teases, using the sleeve of my shirt to clean her cheeks. I’m slightly encouraged when I hear her giggle, then I picture the countless gaming systems in our clubroom and can’t help the chuckle that erupts from my gut.
“That sounds like a good assessment because I felt like a robot whose voice was being overridden when I spouted that bullshit. Can you ever forgive me for acting before thinking?”
“We can work on it,” she tells me. “Because sometimes my mouth says things before my brain’s fully engaged as well.”
“That’s a start,” I mumble. “I know we’re going to be walking in there with some hurt feelings, but I don’t want either of us to have a chip on our shoulder, this is a special time for the both of us.”
“I need to know something before we go inside,” she hesitantly states.
“What’s that, my moon?”
“Is this forgiveness only wanted for the baby’s sake, or do you want something to grow between us?”
“I’d like for there to be more between us, if I’m being one-hundred percent honest with you. I know we have some hurdles we need to jump over before that can happen, which is why I was hoping we could sit down and share a meal after this,” I say, waving my hand at the building in front of us.
“I could sit down with you,” she conveys. “We still have a lot of air to clear out, but like you, I’d like to go into this appointment without wanting to claw your eyes out.”
“My eyes and I appreciate that,” I joke. “We have about ten minutes before you’re scheduled to sign in, are you ready to head that way?”
“Yeah,” she tells me, biting her lower lip. She looks so damn sexy when she does that and I have to rearrange myself in my denim before taking a step. It’s painful to walk with a hardon.
“Today, we’ll be taking measurements and listening to the heartbeat,” Dr. Limons says as she types some of the basic information Luna gave her in regards to her health history. “Lay back on the table and lift your shirt underneath your breasts and unbutton your jeans please.”
I place my hand on Luna’s lower back as she lies back, making sure she doesn’t strain anything. All of this has protective instincts pushing to the forefront. Not that I’m a completely heartless bastard but knowing that she’s growing a part of the two of us, one that shouldn’t even exist given the fact that she has an implant and I used a rubber, is taking my feelings to a higher level.
I’ll examine that later. When I’m alone except for a bottle of top shelf whiskey. Right now, Luna is the priority. Once she’s settled as comfortably as possible, I watch the doctor squeeze some lube out of a tube onto her lower belly, then she grabs a flashlight sized object, presses a button on the side and then runs it through the goop that’s smeared on Luna’s stomach. Occasionally, she presses in a bit and I see Luna wince, which has me biting my tongue to keep from saying something that’ll get me thrown out.
Well, they could try to kick my ass out, my mind whispers.
A sudden whooshing sound brings me out of my thoughts to focus back in on what’s happening right in front of me.
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” the doctor says, glancing at Luna. “Strong and healthy. The next visit, we’ll do an ultrasound, but right now, with your pregnancy being so new we’d have to do a vaginal one, and I try to avoid those for my patients whenever possible.”
“Why?” I bark out.
The doctor looks at me and replies, “Because it’s not all that comfortable for the mother, to be completely frank. It’s minimally invasive, but in reality, it still causes discomfort and there’s plenty of that during a pregnancy with morning sickness and the like.”
I’m glad to hear her say that. While I have no clue what a vaginal ultrasound entails, it sounds barbaric and not pleasurable at all. Since I know Luna is going to have to deal with giving birth down the line, whatever keeps her from being uncomfortable right now is fine by me.
“Now I’m going to take a tape measure and get your measurements,” Dr. Limon informs us. During all of this, Luna grabbed my hand and I laced my fingers between hers. If she’s seeking comfort through me, I’m going to accept that. It’s a good sign that we’re on the right track toward forgiveness. And since I’m not experienced with relationships, I’m going to have to follow her lead on this one and hope nothing else stupid leaves my mouth—at least until we’re on better terms.
Once she’s cleaned up and her clothes are resituated, we make our follow up appointment for next month and scuttle out to our vehicles.
“Wanna ride with me and after our meal, I’ll bring you back to your vehicle?” I ask her, my fingers crossed that she says yes because I want to feel her arms wrapped around me.
“I’d love to,” she replies, her eyes brightening.
Lowering down, I unclip the latches on my saddle bag and pull out the helmet I bought her yesterday in hopes that she’d agree to take a ride with me.
“I love it, Marcum. Thank you.” I watch as she examines it. Stixx is artistic and has a few supplies at the clubhouse. He airbrushed her name on the back in a cursive script with the tag Property of Kodiak emblazoned on the back in italics. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
“I wanted a way to show you that I want more than friendship with you. I’m not good with words as last weekend proved. To me, actions speak louder than any words can. I want you to be my old lady, Luna. In all ways. We’re going to have a few upheavals in our relationship as we get to know each other better. I know I’m moving fast here, but that’s the way I’ve always done things. Especially when it’s something I want… desperately. If you accept this, my moon, there’s no going back. This isn’t like a marriage contract where a mere piece of paper can dissolve our commitment to each other. It means that no matter what crossroad we face, we do it together and work our way over it. What do you say? Are you willing to take this leap with me?”
“I want to say yes, Marcum. I really do. But I’m scared to jump in with so much tension still between us. There’s so much I need to personally work through, like my jealousy as an example. What if it becomes too much for you to deal with? My insecurities have insecurities as Demi pointed out to me. I have trust issues from past boyfriends who gave into temptation and cheated on me. And none of the women who they slept with compare to the women you have living in your clubhouse. We both know there’s at least two willing to start shit with me… with us. They don’t want us together.”
“They aren’t a factor in this and I’ve dealt with them,” I vow. “They can’t tear us apart if we don’t let them. I’m telling you right here and right now that I will be faithful to you and I will not let my dick rule my life. I’m not a teenage boy, Luna, I’m a man. I’ve pointed that out to you on several different occasions.”
“If I say yes, can we take things slowly? I feel like we’ve done everything at a rapid pace and I’m having a hard time catching up.”
“I’ll give you all the time you need as long as you understand that it won’t change anything. You’re still mine and I’m still yours. From here moving forward, we don’t go days without speaking. If we piss each other off, we deal with it the way adults are meant to… we talk that shit out.”
“I can do that,” she confesses. Her tummy gurgles and she laughs. “Starting now.”