Chapter 22—Ruby
A few weeks later
“Ms. Hofstadter, do you think the rules don’t apply to you?”
I glare at my bag and keep searching through it to find my phone.
I thought I silenced it. But of course it goes off in the one classroom where the professor is a dick.
Most would just give a student a minute to silence it or some shit, but the second it went off, I got singled out.
Of course, it’s obviously mine. I’m sitting alone in the back.
Everyone else sits close. But I refuse to look at the guy if I can help it.
He’s an egotistical jerk. Got tenure last year, so he thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants—like talk down to his students when he’s not even ten years our senior.
He knows his stuff, I’ll give him that, but he’s only book smart. He couldn’t hack it in the real world. And didn’t, obviously. No other reason for why he’s teaching us how to be a successful business owner and not running one himself.
Guess the old saying is true: Those who can’t do, teach.
The guy’s also been a major prick since the moment he saw me.
Could be my hair, or my clothes. I get looks for those.
But I think it’s the fact that I haven’t taken off Dad’s old leather jacket much.
I do when it’s hot, but the classrooms are always freezing, so I wear it.
Almost religiously. And there’s no hiding the Hounds of the Reaper MC logo on it.
There’s no president rocker, or any rocker, to be fair.
Casper had it changed so I could be allowed to wear it and not disrespect the club in some way.
Well, when I was still on speaking terms with them.
You know, before they confessed that it was all a lie and my dad’s not dead.
He’s just in a coma, and no one knows when he’ll wake up, if ever.
I try not to be morbid about it. I have a dad.
Sure, it’s a one-sided conversation every time I see him, but I like to think that if he could talk, he’d just listen to my rants and raves like usual and then add a little input here and there. He always was the best listener.
Even more so now.
“We’re all waiting, Ms. Hofstadter.”
I bite my tongue and silence the call at the same time, looking up with a plastic smile. He nods once, like he won or some shit, and goes back to his lecture.
I look at the screen and see the call was from the hospital. My heart stops. Nothing good can come from that. But before I can panic and dial the number, I get a text.
He’s awake.
I read it. Again and again. It’s not sinking in. And then it does. I gather my stuff, not caring how much noise I’m making or that I’m disturbing class. I have to leave, and I have to do it now.
“Ms. Hofstadter, please sit down. Class isn’t over.”
I put my backpack on my shoulders and look at the text once more to make sure I’m not imagining it. But it’s there. Clear as day. And from Mad Max. He wouldn’t fuck around with something like this.
“Ms. Hofstadter.”
I look at the professor, who’s red in the face. No clue if he yelled my name or just said it a ton before I looked up at him.
“My dad’s awake,” I say without thinking.
“Your what?” He looks confused, but that’s his problem.
I rush from the room, hearing murmurs from my classmates, but who cares what they say or think. My dad’s awake, and I’m finally going to tell him something I’ve held back each time I’ve talked to him since learning about his coma.
That I love him. And if he pulls this shit again, I’m going to kill him.
Getting to the hospital is easy. It’s all autopilot now.
I know when to speed and when to slow down.
I don’t even flinch at the number of bikes I see when I pull up.
They’re closer, so it makes sense that they got here first. I might not like it, but until I can get Dad to see it my way, I have to live with it.
But not much longer. Soon the club will be out of our lives. I refuse to let this happen again. And I’ll do what Mom should have done so long ago: I’ll demand that he lose the club or lose me. It won’t be easy, but I need him to do it. To keep him alive. Because life without him is unbearable.
When I enter the building, Hounds are everywhere. But they all give me space. Well, everyone but Kooper. He walks right up to me.
“They just took him back. General wanted to run some tests real quick.”
I nod but keep walking. The entrance isn’t his room. I need to be in his room.
I practically sprint back there, Kooper hot on my heels. Neither of us says anything, and when we get back to the room Dad has called his own for more than half a year, a nurse is there changing the bedding.
She gives me a kind smile as she continues. I’ve seen her a few times but never spoken to her. She knows who I am well enough to know I don’t like idle chitchat. Something a few of her colleagues don’t get.
“He should be back soon,” she says to me as she leaves.
I look at the empty room and see Kooper is still here with me. Mad Max must be with Dad or something. I start to pace, bringing my thumb up to my mouth and nibbling on it. Since the call, everything has been a blur. And now that I’m here, it’s all just hitting me.
Dad’s awake. Dad’s going to live.
I won’t be alone anymore.
“Shit,” I mumble to myself, but Kooper hears it. He’s been watching me not so subtly this whole time.
“What?”
I shake my head.
“What, Ruby?” He takes a step, just one, toward me.
I bite my lip and stop pacing to look at him. “I told them. I didn’t mean to, but I told them.”
He looks confused, and when I don’t say more, he shakes his head as if he doesn’t understand. How can he? I’m so lost in my head with everything going on, I’m speaking in half-truths. “Told who what?”
“My class. I said my dad was awake. But I wasn’t meant to, was I?” I turn and start pacing again, running my hands through my hair and pulling at it. “Shit, what if I fucked it up? What if I caused him harm now that he’s awake?”
“It’s okay. I’ll take care of it.”
I hear his words but don’t stop to look at him as a thousand and one thoughts go through my head. “How? How are you going to take care of it?”
“Don’t worry about that.”
This time I do look at him and see him shrugging with a soft smile on his face. As if he really thinks he can just take care of something like this for me. He’s either a magician or a psycho killer.
“Sure, I’ll not worry about you killing twenty-five people.”
His deep chuckle has me stopping my pacing completely to look at him in wonder. It’s been so long since I’ve heard a man laugh. Something deep and throaty. Something that sends goose bumps down my arms.
“While I’m flattered that you think I can kill that many for you, I was thinking about just talking to them first and doing some background checks, seeing if any of them are a threat or not.
Then, and only then, I’ll take out those who are.
Might be a handful, tops.” He winks at me as he puts his hands in his pockets.
I huff out a laugh. He’s completely right. I’m being an idiot.
“No, you aren’t.” He takes a step closer, and I realize I was talking out loud. “You have a lot going on. This, this is huge. It’s okay that you spoke up. You should be able to talk about this stuff. The club will deal with anything that isn’t right. We got you. We got you and your dad.”
I nod and let him pull me into his arms. He feels so warm as he wraps them around me, and I do the same, tentatively at best. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent—leather, just like Dad.
He’s tall like Dad and has muscles like him too.
But unlike Dad, he has an underlying scent.
I can’t describe it, but it’s different.
It’s not bad, though. Makes me want to nestle my nose into the crook of his neck and lick him. And other things.
My eyes spring open, and I push him away and step back all in one movement.
“Fuck, what am I doing? Why do I always go to you? What kind of sick game are you playing?”
“No game, Ruby.” He’s locked down his emotions, and I hate it. I can’t do that, and I want to. I can get there, but I don’t do instant shutdown well, like him.
I shake myself out of whatever that was and cross my arms to keep from reaching out to him.
“Whatever, I can’t deal with this right now.
Dad’s awake. I need to find out what condition he’s in and then talk to General about his PT plan.
He won’t be down for long, and I want to make sure he gets the best from me so I can help.
We both know he’ll start running before he even attempts to go easy. ”
I’m saved from having to say anything else to Kooper as Dad is wheeled back in by General and a nurse. Mad Max, Casper, Bulldog, and Chains are right behind him.
I twist my hands together as I wait for them to put Dad back into the bed, then wait some more for General to give his doctor speech.
“Well, everything looks good. No major swelling or anything. I still want to monitor you for another week here, but unless your PT doc has any more issues—” He nods to me with a warm smile, one I return and then step up a bit when I see Dad looking at me.
“—you should be able to do your physical therapy at home.”
“The club will make sure everything is set up for you,” Casper says, and Dad nods.
I take that as my cue and sit on his bed, grabbing his hand. “I’ve missed you so much. You can’t ever do that again to me. I swear I almost died right alongside you.”
Dad’s eyes flicker to my hand holding his and then to me. His head tilts a bit, and his smile is hesitant, but there.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I shake my head. Now isn’t the time to berate him for being a hero to a little kid.
He did good. Any of the brothers could be here right now.
It just happens to be my dad, and I’m taking it harder than the others.
“We can talk about it later. All that matters is you’re awake, and I’m going to make sure you’re up and running in no time. ”
“No.” He pulls his hand out of my grasp. “I meant, sorry, but do I know you?”
The room quiets. The brothers were murmuring to one another but have stopped. There’s a buzzing noise, but I’m not sure if it’s from a machine or just in my own head.
“Who are you?”
“Funny, Daddy.” I huff out a laugh.
He doesn’t. He shakes his head and looks at the others around us. “Ain’t laughing. Are we together or something?”
My head tilts down at the implication of his words. “Seriously?” I look at him and then General, catching Kooper’s eye for a second before looking back at Dad. “I’m Ruby, Dad. Your daughter. You and Mom had me like a million years ago.”
“Who?”
I blink back the sudden emotions clogging my throat and threatening to spill out of my eyes. “Your wife—Katrina.”
He shakes his head as if he’s as clueless as the rest of us feel right now.
I feel myself panicking, and I look at General. He seems lost, and then he steps into doctor mode. Someone pulls me off the bed, and I go to the window, half listening to General ask Dad a few things.
If it were anyone else, I’d think they were joking. But Dad would know never to pull a stunt like that. Especially after all that’s happened.
“Ruby?”
I look up and see everyone staring at me. Did he ask me a question, or did he just say my name a few times?
I shake my head to show I don’t know what’s going on. “What?”
“Want to take a walk with me?” General asks. Not one of the brothers, but a doctor. And as I look at everyone in the room, nothing on their faces says it’s a good thing to take a walk. But as I look at Dad, I see something else too.
Zero recognition. I’m just a stranger to him.
Tears prick my eyes, and I nod at General while not looking away from Dad.
It takes him coming toward me and ushering me out the door for me to move.
“What’s going on?” My voice is small. I hold myself together, but just barely.
Dad’s door opens, and out comes Kooper. He shuts the door and leans against it.
He might act like he’s on sentinel duty, but it doesn’t matter why he’s here.
He seems to always be here every time I’m about to fall.
Only once did I let him catch me. I refuse to do so now, even if I’m trembling to keep from running into his arms.
“I’ll run some more tests, but my initial diagnosis is dissociative amnesia,” General says.
“What’s that?”
“It’s when someone forgets personal information, memories, sometimes entire people.”
“Even Mom? He loved her. Said she was the love of his life.”
“We know a lot about the brain, but we will never understand it all. No one knows why some get forgotten and others don’t.
He had a lot of blood loss, and there was some brain injury.
The stress of his death, the two times he coded, could have been traumatic enough to add more stress on the brain and cause more issues. ”
“But why me? Why Mom? Why not you? The club? You’re the ones who did this to him! I was the only one who cared. Who loved him like… like Mom.” My voice cracks on a sob, and I close my mouth tight to swallow it.
General just shakes his head. “I don’t know, kid. I don’t. We can try a few things, see if that triggers it.”
I brush the stupid tears that breach my eyelids off my face. I didn’t allow them to fall. There are just too many to keep them from overflowing. “How long?”
“For what?” General moves his head to look me in the eye. I keep looking away from him, not liking what he’s saying. “Till he gets it back?”
I nod and wipe more tears.
He’s silent. So silent that I have to look up and keep eye contact with him before he continues. “Sometimes days. Sometimes longer.”
“Is it permanent?”
“In rare cases.”
At least he’s telling me the truth. I close my eyes and let it sink in. All of it. Everything for the past few months. His death. His “rebirth.” And now this. Awake but doesn’t know me.
Jesus, how much more can I take?
I turn and walk away.
“Where’re you going?” General calls out.
“I have class,” I mumble. Then I stop and stare back at General before my eyes flick to Kooper. “If he starts to remember me, call me. I’ll be back later.”
Both of them nod, and I head back to the parking lot. I ignore every person who tries to talk to me, asking about dad, seeing if he’s okay. I walk around them all and get into my car. I hear the rumble of a motorcycle close by but don’t pay it any mind as I drive away.
It’s been pure hell these last months. If I thought losing my dad and best friend was bad, I was wrong. Seeing him awake gave me so much hope, but then having him forget me? Forget Mom? Forget everything but the damn club?
I can’t function.
So when I get home, not to class, I don’t berate myself as I head upstairs and into my house, not paying enough attention to know if I shut and locked doors behind me, or even if Nat’s here.
I just fall onto my bed, close my eyes, and pray that I wake up from this nightmare.