5. Keyshawn
Right. Left.
Right. Right.
Left. Duck.
I went through the training with my coach, Larry Jackson, and his son, Gary. I’d been feeling some type of way all week, so the training would be the release I needed to let go of the weight on my shoulders.
My feet were as light as feathers as I bounced around the ring, going through defensive workouts as well as offensive combinations to try in my next match in a few weeks. I’d gotten lost in my thoughts as my mind traveled back to the last couple of days.
Moving in with Bern was cool in theory, but now… with college taking us on different courses, I was afraid of what would come of our relationship. I’d hardly spoken more than a dozen words to her since classes started. The first morning, we woke up, ate breakfast together, and parted ways when we got to campus. She didn’t come home until well after eight o’clock at night. A nigga had come home hoping to be greeted by a home-cooked meal and the warmth of his girl, but she’d been out with her nerdy ass friends and didn’t make time for her man. Every evening I’d come home and was greeted with a cold, empty apartment. Shit was getting old fast.
My anger wasn’t with the fact Bern had a life outside of our relationship. I loved that she found a group of people who liked the same things she liked and could nerd out with her. However, we made a promise to always come home and have dinner together and go to bed together. For the last four days, I’d been in bed alone, while she tiptoed into the apartment late or spent several hours in her office.
She had me feeling like a bitch. She was nineteen years old, experiencing college shit, so I should have accepted the facts as they were and gave her grace, but fuck .
My gloved hand swung and contacted the pads Coach LJ was holding.
“Krash, what the hell is your problem?” he asked with a deep frown on his aged face.
Coach LJ was in his early sixties. He had a bald head, a gray beard, and dark brown skin. He was a round man with wisdom beyond the centuries. He’d been a father figure to me since I was sixteen and discovered boxing as a way to release the pain of the world.
“Sorry, Coach. I got a lot on my mind, man.” I slumped against the ropes and let out a frustrated sigh.
“What do I tell y’all before y’all get in my ring? Leave all yo’ problems at the door. Bring a level head and a focused mind when you’re in my ring.”
I crossed my hands over my chest. “I know, I know.”
“What’s wrong?” Gary asked as he grabbed his water bottle and took a sip. Gary was Coach LJ’s twin with younger features. They had the same skin tone and features, only Gary’s head was covered in long brown locs, and his body was more toned since he was an active boxer as well.
“My girl got my head on a swivel. I’m not sure what the fuck I’m supposed to be doing to keep our relationship on track,” I confessed.
“You in here trippin’ ’bout a bitch who is replaceable.” Gary laughed.
“Watch yo’ mouth,” Coach LJ warned.
Gary shook his head but didn’t say another word. I took my gloves off and rubbed my hands down my face.
“Man, I’ve loved this girl since we were in high school. She’s my best friend and my homie. The only thing wrong is she found her a group of people who like the same shit as her and forgot about me.”
“Look, if she’s worth fighting for, let her know how you feel. If she’s not, then move on and find another woman in the sea of millions of women ready to take her place. You’re about to be the biggest boxing champion since Mayweather and Tyson. Get your head in the game and focus on your priorities.” Coach patted me on the back.
“It’s easier said than done,” I admitted.
“This can’t be the Krash I’ve known since eighth grade. Nigga, you’ve always had no problems getting a girl. Bernice is still a teenager. Get you a grown woman and stop stressing over these kids.” Gary chuckled. “Look, there’s a kickback tonight at Ron’s spot. Come with me if your girl ain’t got you on a leash. Have some fun with the boys and figure out your shit over a couple drinks.”
“Don’t get fucked up,” Coach warned. “We’ve got training bright and early tomorrow morning. I’ll be damned if I have to deal with two eggheads battling hangovers.”
“He must be talking to you,” I said to Gary. “You the only egghead in the room.”
“He got to be talking about himself, shiny head ass man.” Gary stood up and swiped his hand over Coach’s head. “Milk dud head ass.”
“Y’all gon’ have a brutal workout tomorrow, since y’all got jokes today.” Coach shook his head as he headed toward his office.
“Go easy on us, Coach!” I called out.
“You better get your love life in order while you got jokes. Don’t let this girl ruin another one of my training sessions, or I’ll have you benched for three weeks.” He closed his office door.
A frown tugged on the corners of my lips. “It wasn’t my choice to have my mind clouded like this.”
“All I can say is pull up tonight, man. Get out of the house and surround yourself with your friends. She got her life, you get yours.”
“You’re right. I’ll hit you up later for the addy.”
Gary and I did a handshake before I grabbed my gym bag and headed out to my car. It was after five o’clock when I finally pulled out of the parking lot. The twenty-minute drive was filled with ways I could bring up my feelings to Bern. She was my safe space, my best friend, and the only person who loved me. It might have been my insecurities, trauma, and bad luck that had me clingy and jealous, but a nigga wasn’t used to sharing her with other people.
The cold, silent apartment greeted me when I pushed through the door. The dark room made me roll my eyes as I tossed my bag into the corner of the apartment. Of course, she wasn’t home and hadn’t texted me to give me an update on when she’d be home. I couldn’t do shit about it but laugh as I went into the bathroom to shower.
As the water heated up, I sent a text to Gary.
ME:
Yo! Send me the addy. I’ll pull up with a bottle.
GARY:
Say no more. We getting fucked up tonight
ME:
Idk about all of that, but I’ll let you know when I’m otw!
I tossed my phone on the counter and prepared for a night out. I wasn’t a heavy partygoer, but I wanted to have a night to let loose and hang with the guys.
The house was lit from the outside. The LED lights bounced off the windows. There were a few people outside on the porch, smoking blunts and talking animatedly. I knew the inside would be packed from the number of cars lined up on the street. Mentally, I had to prepare for the crowded room of intoxicated college students.
I locked the doors of my car before I stuffed my keys in my pocket and walked up the path to the front door. A few people who recognized me from campus spoke as I made my way into the house. Gary told me he and his homeboys were posted up in the kitchen when I asked where to meet him. The trek to the kitchen included me maneuvering through the sea of drunk bitches trying to get my attention. Women on campus knew Bern was my lady, but many of them didn’t care. They assumed I wasn’t shit like the rest of the niggas they were used to fucking with.
“Yo! I thought you were gonna flake,” Gary joked as I came into view.
“Man, I wasn’t gon’ do shit else today, so I might as well had pulled up and seen what the kickback was talking about.”
I dapped up everyone in the room as Gary introduced me. Blake was a light-skinned dude with braces and dreadlocks. Deionte was a dark-skinned dude with a low-cut fade and a chubby build. Nehemiah was a nigga with sponged curls and a regular build. He had a goatee and wore baggy clothes. I could tell he was into underground rap and art by his appearance. I grew up with niggas who looked like him.
“What y’all sipping on?” I asked.
“We on that D’USSé! Make a bitch do what you say!” Blake stated with a smirk.
I chuckled. “Nigga, you a fool. I ain’t trying to talk to any of these bitches.”
“You got a bitch holding yo’ nuts?” Deionte asked.
Gary’s friends were vulgar as hell. I didn’t think any of them had uttered a word without a curse sprinkled into their sentence somewhere. I had a potty mouth, but it was nothing compared to what these niggas had going on.
Gary cackled. “He does. He thinks he gon’ marry the girl, but she got him moping around like a bitch. I told him he needed to make some friends, or his dick was gon’ fall off from the level of bitch he been acting.”
“Man, get the fuck out of here,” I warned. “It’s not like that at all.”
“What’s it like?” Nehemiah asked. “We might act ignorant, but we really do have some deep insight on shit.”
I didn’t feel like opening up to a bunch of strangers, but I knew Bernice’s lack of awareness in our relationship would fuel my anger, so the smart thing would have been to unload on the group of men.
“It’s not much. My lady’s been in my life at every emotional time I’ve had. We a couple years apart, but on an education level, she’s years ahead. She graduated high school the same year as me, but she was only sixteen when she got her diploma. I didn’t want to have a romantic relationship with someone so inexperienced, but she gets me better than any other woman I’ve ever been with.”
I broke down the last couple weeks to them, and they all nodded their understanding. They each offered me advice, but I wasn’t really trying to hear anything the niggas had to say on a relationship none of them were a part of.
“I appreciate y’all for being listening ears, but a nigga ain’t come here to wallow about his lady. I came here to get drunk and enjoy some good vibes. We on that?” I asked.
“Fa shit sho!” Blake agreed.
“Shot o’clock!” A girl came into the kitchen holding a bottle of Don Julio.
“Fuck it!” I waved her over, and she held the bottle out for me to take. With a tilt of my head and a lift of the bottle, the clear liquor slid down my throat and burned as it traveled down my system.
“Fill my mouth,” she instructed in a seductive tone.
“Tilt your head, beautiful,” I replied. She did as I ordered, and I placed my hand on her chin. The bottle tilted, and she gulped down every drop of liquor.
“I’m Camille,” she introduced.
“Krash.”
She hummed. “Your mama named you Krash?”
I chuckled. “Nah, but that’s what everyone calls me.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story, baby.”
She giggled. “I got plenty of time.” Her manicured fingers touched my chest.
I smirked. “Baby, you don’t got enough time for that. You here with your homegirls?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“I’m here with my boys. We can do some shit if y’all down.”
“I’d like that a lot.”
The group of drunk friends headed out to the backyard to play some drinking games. We’d moved away from the kickback and had our own party in the back. We played charades and other games. The current game involved singing or rapping a song that included the word on the flash card.
My word was candy.
“Uh… Fuck. This is hard…” I snapped my fingers to evoke an answer.
“Time is ticking,” Camille sang.
“What’s that song from that one movie? It’s like candy! That old song?” I asked. The song was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t remember the lyrics in time.
“Aht! Loser! Take yo’ shot!” Camille’s friend Jade ordered as she clapped.
“But you knew what song I meant,” I argued.
“Wah! Wah! Take the shot!” Camille giggled as she slid the bottle to me.
“I ain’t no ho, so I will.” I poured the shot into my mouth and groaned.
The heaps of liquor numbed the pain Bernie’s actions caused. I had finally had a fun night without the pressure of my relationship looming over me.
“Y’all smoke?” Jade asked as she pulled a blunt out of her fanny pack.
I shook my head. “Nah. I don’t smoke because it’s against regulations in the professional boxing rules. My career too important to chase a high.”
“Boxer?” Camille asked. “I thought boxers be like three hundred pounds.”
I tittered. “Nah, there’s different weight classes.”
“I’d love to know more.” She pressed her hands on my chest and batted her long, thick eyelashes at me.
“You can Google it, baby. I know you don’t mean no harm, but I do have a girlfriend.”
She pouted her lips and crossed her arms. “Boo! Why isn’t she here with you?”
“She’s a computer science major. She’s usually out with her computer friends. This isn’t her scene.”
“It sounds to me like you need a girl who has more in common with you.”
I shook my head. “I’m good.” I turned my attention to Gary. “It’s getting late, and I know coach gon’ be on our ass tomorrow, so I’m finna head out.”
Gary dapped me up. “All right, bro. See you in the morning. Be safe.”
“Fa sho.”
I headed out feeling more conflicted than I had before I arrived. Bernice had always been the only constant in my life where I wasn’t afraid of what she was capable of.
Bernice and her family opened their homes to me until I was eighteen and could get an apartment on my own. Her pops even cosigned so I could afford rent without being overcharged.
Bernice was my heart in human form. She meant the world to me. I’d give my life to her if I could. She was the only person who hadn’t abandoned me, but shit didn’t feel the same. If things didn’t turn around for the better, I feared I’d have to make some drastic decisions.