6. Bernice
“Thank you for joining me today, Miss James.” My counselor, Grace Higgins, greeted me as I walked into her office. The office was small and smelled of a vanilla and lavender wax melt. She had pictures of her and her family all over the walls with her decorative animals and a stress pan of sand. I found comfort coming to her since my freshman year. She’d made me feel safe in a new environment with people older than me.
“Hey, Grace!” I greeted in a happy tone. I claimed the seat on the other side of the desk and placed my backpack on the floor.
“How are you, boo?” she asked in her thick southern drawl.
“Girl, I’m stressed. I have so much on my plate. I just need you to make sure I’m on the right track.”
“I know you wanted to talk about your major requirements for graduation next year, but was there anything else on your mind?” she asked.
I chewed on my bottom lip before I retrieved a letter out of my backpack and held it out for her. She read the header and first sentence and gasped. “Bernice! This is amazing!”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “I didn’t want to tell anyone until after I heard from them, but I applied to the top technology school in the world, and they accepted me. I am set to attend in the fall, so this will be my last semester here. It’s a bittersweet feeling, but I know I need this to go where I want to in my career.”
Grace’s smile was brighter than the sun as she swelled with excitement and pride in my new achievement. “Listen, you’re going to do great. You did it smart too. It was way cheaper to do your basics here than to do the whole four years at the other university.”
It had always been my dream to attend the number one ranked technology school in the United States. Originally, I wanted to see what could happen. A part of me had doubted I could get accepted, but when the letter came, I felt unstoppable.
“If we’re being honest, I didn’t think I’d get accepted,” I admitted.
“Why? You’ve knocked down barriers since you were twelve. You’re smart, goal-oriented, and excel in everything you do. They’d be dumb not to make room for all of your greatness, boo!”
Her words made my heart flutter with pride.
“Thank you,” I said as I turned away with heated cheeks.
“Do you know what this means for the rest of your time here?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. What does it mean?”
For the next hour and a half, we talked about the transfer process, what I needed to prepare for, housing in a new city and state, and making sure all my credits transferred. My to-do list had risen astronomically, and my nerves grew. I only had a little under two months left of the semester before the spring semester concluded. Then, I’d only have June and July to prepare for fall classes that started in August. The acceptance letter opened a new door but added so much more work for me to do. I was excited and exhausted just thinking about how hectic my life would be moving forward.
The entire ride home, I was bouncing in my seat to finally let Krash in on what I’d been so busy with the last few weeks. I’d been keeping busy, to fight the anxiety I felt of waiting to hear back from them. Now that I had, I could breathe without thinking about the application. I was ready to let him in.
As I pushed open the door to the apartment, I was greeted by Krash lounging on the couch, drinking a bottle of water.
“Hey, baby!” I sang to him.
“Hey,” he replied. His tone had been dry and uninterested the last couple of days, but I didn’t complain because I was the cause of his attitude.
I sauntered over to him and sat in his lap. I tossed his bottle of water onto the couch beside him and placed his hands on my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pecked his lips several times. He protested with an annoyed sigh, but I didn’t stop until I felt him relax against me.
“I’m sorry for being so distant lately. I had a lot of anxiety in my life and needed to stay busy. I’m sorry for not letting you know what was going on, but I didn’t want to say anything until I got answers.”
Krash’s expression hardened as he fought to hide his emotions. I hated when he closed me out of how he was feeling.
“What did you have going on that made you renege on everything we discussed when we moved in?” he asked.
“I applied for fall classes at the top technology school in the country,” I announced with cheer in my tone.
His eyes widened, but his facial expression did not mimic my excitement. Instead, he looked even more mad than he was when I first entered the room.
“What?” he asked.
“It was always a plan of mine. I didn’t want to go all four years because it was cheaper to come here and get all my basics out of the way. I talked to Grace, and we have a solid plan to help me transition once the semester is over.”
Krash shook his head and moved me off his lap. Despite the rejection I felt, I allowed him to switch positions. My hands clasped together in my lap as I watched him stand up and pace around the living room. We were silent for a long moment before he finally spoke again.
“This is exactly what I feared.” He chuckled, but the tone in his voice was anything but amusement.
“What did you fear?” I asked because his statement confused me.
“You need to choose,” he stated as he crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at me. I stood and still had to look up because he was so much taller than me.
“What?” Confusion coursed through my body. The unsettled feeling rested in the pit of my gut. I swallowed to ward off the lump inching up the narrow path.
“You heard me, Bern. We can’t do the long-distance shit. It’s either me or the technology school.”
“You don’t want me to choose, Keyshawn.”
“I do, Bernice. Choose now.”
The scoff escaped from my lips. “I’m going to choose my career. You know me better than to think I’d choose anything other than my career. This was something I’ve dreamed about for years. You know this, Keyshawn.”
He shook his head. “You deadass?”
“Yes. I hate it had to come to this, but you should have known I wouldn’t put my plans on hold to save a relationship. I’m going to ask you again. Are you sure you want me to choose?”
He chuckled. “You’ve already made your choice.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way,” I stated.
“It does.”
Krash left the apartment. The silence in the apartment coupled with my emotions had me breaking down in the middle of the living room. I clutched my chest as the tears spilled from my eyes in long streams.
Are we really over?
Waking up, my body felt heavy as I stood up from the floor and stretched. I’d cried myself to sleep and woke up a few hours later. I looked around the apartment to see if Krash had returned, but he was still gone.
My heart ached to the point my head pounded. The throb in my brain made my ears ring. The ringing in my ears mimicked the drum of my broken heart. Krash had always been my knight in shining armor. I’d overextended myself to him for almost five years. Now, as I put myself first… he had a problem with allowing me the grace to do something for me…
I decided to take a bath. After my bath, I ordered pizza and climbed into bed to read a book. I chose a romance novel by C. Monet called Tension . It was one of the books in the Arranged Hearts series. I loved to escape my life and read about black women being loved the right way. Dakota was definitely a book bae. He didn’t play any games with my girl Mariah. I loved it.
As I swooned over the arranged marriage, my phone rang. It was Gary, Krash’s friend from the boxing gym. He never called me before, so my anxiety rose as I wiped the grease off my fingertips and answered the call.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Is this Bernice?” he asked.
“Yeah. What’s up?”
“I’m at the bar with Krash, and he’s on some other shit. I’ve never seen him like this. Do you think you can come and pick him up?” Gary asked.
I sighed. “Yeah. I have his location. I’ll head to him shortly.”
The call ended. I tossed my phone on the bed and rubbed my hands down my face. I didn’t want to deal with a drunk and disorderly Krash, but I knew he’d end up in someone’s jail if I didn’t go get him.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have a car of my own, so I had to pay for an Uber to get me to the bar. While I waited for the ride, I pulled on some jeans, my Crocs, and a tank top. My wallet and keys were stuffed into my purse.
I pulled out my phone and tried to call Krash’s phone, but it went to voicemail. I tried two more times but received the same results. Then, I called one of my friends, Jaelyn. She was a light-skinned girl with thick-framed glasses and a baby face. She was the sweetest person and smart as hell. We met my freshman year in a math class.
“Hello?” she answered on the second ring.
“I’m so sorry to interrupt you. Were you busy?” I asked.
“Girl, no! I was in bed, reading the Arranged Hearts series you recommended. I flew through the first three books with ease. I started Kay Shanee’s book before you called.”
“I’ll call you another day to talk about the books with you, but right now, I need some advice while I wait for this Uber. It’s about ten minutes away,” I explained.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
A deep sigh flew from my lips. “Girl… So I got into the school I told you I was applying for?—”
“Yes! Congratulations, boo!” she exclaimed.
“See, that’s the type of response I expected from Krash, but he basically said I can’t go to the school and be in a relationship with him at the same time. The man made me choose!”
“Yikes!”
“Exactly. So, I straight up told him I’m not going to pick him over my career.”
“Period. He couldn’t be the man for you if he thought that was the right thing to ask of you. Heck, we’ve only known each other a few years, and I know how much the tech life is your life.”
“And he made me feel like shit for choosing my education. It was the worst thing ever, but now I have to get an Uber to go get him from the bar.”
“Girl… can you drive?” Jae asked.
“Yes! I just choose not to drive because everyone else takes me where I need to go.”
“Please be safe. Let me know when you get back home.”
“My Uber just got here. I’ll text you when we get back.”
I hung up and headed downstairs to get into the Uber. The ride to the bar took almost twenty minutes. The entire time, I prayed to God Krash remained out of trouble, while I also willed my anger to subside long enough to get him out of the bar.
“Thank you for the ride,” I stated as I got out of the Uber.
“No problem. Be safe out here, girl,” the driver said before she pulled off.
I entered the bar and looked around. The stench of stale beer, dry throw up, and drunkards made me scrunch my nose in disgust. The lights were dim, so I had to squint to focus in on the faces around me until I found my man—my ex-man.
“Krash!” I called out.
Despite the volume of my voice, he was too far gone as he squared up with a helpless man. I knew tonight wouldn’t end well with the way Krash was in search of a fight.
Lord, please let us make it back home.