8. Bernice
Spring transitioned to summer in the blink of an eye. Over the last four months, I’d found an apartment, met with my new advisors over a video conference, and packed all my bags. My parents and I debated on the best way to get my things to the new city, but we ultimately decided to put all my things in storage and only pack the necessities in three suitcases.
Daddy said he’d have his interior designer hook me up before I arrived on August 1st. I sent her a Pinterest board of how I’d like my apartment to look, and she promised to deliver as best as she could. Thankfully, I’d finished my semester with a 3.9 GPA. Despite the stress Krash put in my life, I was able to pass my finals and finish my classes with great scores.
For the last two days, I’d been living out of a suitcase in my parents’ home. In less than forty-eight hours, I’d be settling into my new normal, away from my family and friends. It would be a huge adjustment, but I was ready to turn the page on a new chapter in my life.
“Bernice, come show your aunties some love, girl!” Mama instructed as she motioned me over.
Janice James was my twin. I was a carbon copy of her with younger features. She was the complexion of a deep amber gemstone. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown. She was on the thicker side of the scale, and I was slightly slimmer. She loved to rock her short curls, while I opted for my wigs and braids. My go-to was the skunk strip color with whatever style I had in at the time. My current obsession was black hair with a pink skunk strip. I loved the way the pink sculpted my face.
“Hey, Aunt Clarice!” I greeted my father’s sister.
“We’re super proud of you, honey! You’re going to go out into the world and do amazing things. We pray for your safety, your success, and your prosperity.” Aunt Clarice pulled me into a tight hug as she rocked me side to side.
My family was a praying family. Since I was a kid, it always felt like the elders had a direct line to God. When they prayed over someone, they were always blessed tenfold. With her prayer, I felt like no weapon formed against me would prosper.
“We’re so proud of you, cousin!” Quincy stated as he pulled me into a hug next.
My flight would leave Monday morning, so my family decided to throw a celebration party in my honor. Folks I hadn’t spoken to my whole life pulled up to see me. Cousins, aunts, uncles, family friends, and more came from all over the state to eat good food, vibe with the family, and offer me encouraging words to get through my time out of state.
My dad and uncles were on the grill. We had ribs, chicken, boudin, hot links, and pork chops. The sides were baked beans, potato salad, grilled corn, and Hawaiian rolls. Finger foods included deviled eggs, chips and buffalo chicken dip, stuffed jalapenos, and fruit and vegetable trays. My cousin Denise was on aux playing a mixture of old and new music. It was always a fun time when my family got together.
The backyard was packed, and laughs were loud. A twinge of guilt filled my core because Krash was not present. I’d been doing my best to distance myself from him. I’d made the executive decision to move out a few weeks after our last argument. He hated the decision, but I had to do what was best for my peace of mind.
“Why do you look so glum, Bernie?” Mama asked as she rubbed my shoulders and claimed the seat across from me.
My eyes looked down at the plate of finger food, with my appetite quickly running away. “I looked around and realized Keyshawn wasn’t here.”
She poked out her bottom lip. “I’m sure he’s just running late.”
I shook my head to disagree. “No. I didn’t invite him… It didn’t feel right to invite him to a party celebrating the one decision in my life he didn’t support.”
“Well, it didn’t seem to work for you, since you’re sitting here, wallowing in your sadness. Kids these days are so dramatic. Back in my day, we would have made it work, and we didn’t even have advanced technology like y’all have these days.”
“What technology do we have, Mama?” I asked with a roll to my eyes.
“You’ve got everything to keep communication strong. We didn’t have FaceTime, voice messaging, or anything like that. With a click of a button, you could see your loved one’s face in an instant. We would have had to write letters that took weeks to arrive. We’d have to buy a camera to show them our updated looks. Everything is at your fingertips, and y’all are too scared to catch flights.”
“I’m not afraid to do any of that, Ma. I was prepared to do the long-distance thing, but Krash isn’t. We know his history with his parents, so I get it. He feels like I’m leaving him for good, and that was never the case. However, I know what trauma and insecurities do to the mind. He’d think I was out there doing everything under the sun with another man, and that’s not something I want to deal with. If he can’t trust me to love him while I’m out of state, then he made his choice.”
“I had such high hopes for the two of you. He’d always protected you in high school and kept the creeps away from you in college. I pray y’all find your way back to each other when you return home.”
“If it’s written in the stars, I wouldn’t mind spinning the block in a few years when I’ve established my career.”
She smiled. “God’s plan is the ultimate plan.”
“Amen!”
The conversation with my mother put a lot of things into perspective. It was nice to talk to someone who knew us both and could offer advice that wasn’t riddled with bias. She loved Krash like a son. She’d been the maternal presence in his life he hadn’t had before. Dad was also a father figure in Krash’s life. I hope they still extended the love his way when I was no longer around. He didn’t need to lose the only family he loved because of a breakup.
The sun had begun to set, and family had begun to trickle out, two by two, or even three by three. I thanked them all for their gifts, cards, and money. As I helped my aunt put my baby cousin in her car seat, a car pulled up behind us.
I gave the baby a couple tickles on her belly before I stood up straight and waved them off. As I stepped toward the house, Krash’s tall, slim frame came into view. My heart fluttered with excitement while my throat went dry, and my palms became coated in a thin layer of sweat.
“Hey,” I greeted him in a timid tone.
“What’s up, Bern?”
“I didn’t expect to see you today,” I admitted as I placed my hands in my back pockets and leaned on my heels for a second.
“Yeah, you ain’t invite me… I saw all the posts yo’ people tagged you in. I figured my invitation was lost in the mail.”
“Um… something like that…”
He chuckled. “You weren’t going to invite me to your going away party? A nigga spent over five years as your best friend… I should have expected it, though. You had your big twenty in May and didn’t invite me to that either.”
“Things have been so rough between us, Key…” I trailed off. The words to continue were lost in the turmoil of emotions I felt in the moment.
“I’m to blame for that,” he admitted. “I haven’t made the last few months easy on you. I haven’t accepted we’re really over, but I have no choice now. You’re about to be thousands of miles away from me. There’s no more fighting left.” His voice was drenched with sadness.
“Is the party still going?” he asked.
I shook my head. “The last of the guests are leaving now. Why?”
“If I help clean up, can I have a few hours of your time?”
“Sure,” I agreed.
For the next half hour, Krash helped my parents and me clean up the backyard. Then, I helped my mother move the leftover food into storage containers. I planned to make a decent dent in the food before I left on Monday. Once everything was put away, I let my parents know I’d be spending some time with Krash, and we headed out.
Climbing into his car, I thought back to the black Nissan Altima he’d had when we first started our trips. Since then, he’d saved up for a nice Audi. His boxing matches were starting to pay off. I didn’t doubt if he kept on the path he was on, he’d be a legend in the sport. His name would one day be on the same lists as Roy Jones Jr., Archie Moore, and Michael Spinks.
“Where are you taking me anyway?” I asked after a few moments of silence.
“Back to the apartment. I got some things I want to give you and just have some alone time with you,” he explained.
I nodded my understanding. “Okay, Keyshawn.”
“You got everything ready to go?” he asked.
I nodded. “I do. My bags have been packed. Everything will be in storage until I come back.”
“If you come back.”
I shook my head. “Houston is my home. This is a great city to settle down in and start a family. I’m only going up north because of the school. I don’t plan to set any roots. Everyone I love is here.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and merged into the exit lane. When he pulled up to our—his apartment, he helped me out, and we made our way up to the front door.
“Call me a poetic nigga, but I brought you here because this was where the beginning of our end began.”
I chuckled. “You’ve been watching Hallmark movies?”
“Maybe. I needed to tap into my romance bag. I know that’s one of your favorite genres, so I wanted to take a page from your books and make this a memorable moment for both of us.”
My chest tightened as my heartbeat increased. “Keyshawn…”
He pushed open the door, and we walked in. “I wanted to send you off with a couple things I want you to have.”
He pointed at the box sitting on the coffee table. I walked over to the box, and my eyes blurred from tears. Inside the box were several frames of pictures from our time together. Our homecoming pictures, graduation pictures, and arcade selfies were neatly encapsulated in the frames.
“I… Thank you, Key.”
“You’re welcome, baby.” He cupped my face in his large hands. I leaned into the warmth of his embrace. My eyes closed briefly as I tried to brand this moment in my memory forever.
“I’m sorry we’re letting distance break us up, but I promise if I ever get another chance, I won’t fuck it up.” His words made my body quake.
“I’m not leaving forever, Key. I’m coming back, and I hope you cash in your promise to me.”
“Can we make love?” he asked.
“Yes.”
The fire in his brown orbs intensified. The deep brown eyes glossed over with lust as he slid his hands across my face to hold the back of my neck. I quaked as his eyes scanned from my eyes to my lips. I leaned forward, closing the distance between us.
“In this moment, nothing else matters. You are my life source, my heart monitor, my breathing machine. I am yours until you release your juices all over my dick. Make it last as long as possible.”
Keyshawn’s words hypnotized me. One moment, we shared a gentle kiss, and the next, I was laid out on my back with his body pressed against mine. My mind was hazy from the passionate lovemaking we were entangled in.
“ Fuck !” I moaned out as I dug my fingers into the soft, smooth skin on his back. His back was covered in tattoos, but they were the least of my concerns.
“Remember this feeling, Bernice. Remember the way your body reacts to how deep I fill you with my dick. This pussy is mine forever and always. I don’t care what nigga gets you after me; he’ll never hit your spots like I do.”
Tears slid from my eyelids and disappeared into the sheets as my lips parted and the pleasure gathered in my core. I’d been on birth control for a few years now, so we didn’t fear the possibility of an oops baby. He could fill me with his seed with no consequences of a baby—the chances were very slim.
“You’re my world, Bern. I don’t know what I’ll do while you’re gone.”
“C-Continue to be the best version of you. Continue to perfect your boxing techniques. Continue to be the man I’ve loved.”
He buried his face in the crook of my neck as he sped up his thrusts into me. Every stroke of his dick touched my G-spot in the perfect way. My legs shook as the pleasure pooled in my core. Eruption was inevitable. I cried as I clung to his sweat covered body.
“I’m close,” I warned.
“Me too.” His voice was muffled as he bit down on his bottom lip. The faces he made while he was deep inside of me were always a marvelous sight to see.
I didn’t want to end things. I didn’t want our love story to end. However, distance was a very big deal breaker for him. I had to respect his feelings and pray God brought us back together one day.
Our orgasms mixed inside of me as he collapsed onto the bed beside me. I turned onto my side and cuffed my hands under my head and stared at him.
“I love you, Krash.”
“I love you more, Bern.”
This moment would be the last moment we shared for almost a decade. He’d always be a thought in my mind, but my life couldn’t stop because of a broken heart. I chose my career, and it was my duty to become the best in whatever I decided to do.