Chapter 19
CONNOR
Iam a con.
It’s not just a nickname.
I kept her away when all I wanted was to have her closer.
Now she’s in front of me combusting from life-altering news, and my heart is breaking for her.
Hadley’s eyes blaze with fury as they slowly travel between me and her father. She’s not sure what to do with this information.
Her hands find her hair and she claws the strands as she shakes her head. “W-wait, I don’t… where the fuck do I begin right now?”
“Hadley, it’s really not what it seems,” her dad attempts to soften the blow.
“Not what it seems?” she yells. “Are you kidding me? You’re not… and my husband knew this whole time!” Hadley is enraged, and she has every right to be.
I step to her, but she moves farther away, giving me a warning glare to stand back. “Let him explain,” I attempt to suggest.
She shakes her head, hysterical from this news. “I don’t understand,” she cries.
“You’re my daughter. In every way that matters, you’re my daughter. But if you really want to look at biology, then we are related, just not as father and daughter. My brother was a twin, just not identical. Technically, you’re my niece…” Spencer drops the bomb.
Hadley stares at him blankly, connecting dots in her head. “You mean my uncle, your brother, the one who died?”
He nods. “He wanted me to raise you as my own, and I did just that since you were barely able to walk, and I never looked back. My brother never wanted me to tell you. Still, I thought about telling you, but I was scared because you’re my daughter.
” The agony on his face is apparent, and I feel for him in this moment.
Tears stream down Hadley’s face, and I try once again to reach out to her, only to be rebuffed quickly by her taking another step back. I just want to hold her in my arms right now. She doesn’t need to stand by herself. I’ll take care of her.
“Unbelievable… I had a biological mother who didn’t want me, a dad I never got to know, and only now I learn of this,” she wails.
“I’m so sorry. You must know it’s from love.” Spencer swipes a hand across his jaw before wiping a tear away.
Hadley looks at him with pure hurt. “Who else knows?”
“Your grandparents, Mom, a friend, lawyers… and apparently Connor.” He sighs.
Her sharp gaze returns to me. “Why does he say it like that?”
My shoulders sink, and I know nothing I say will ease her pain.
“A few years ago, when I came to you that morning, I snuck in to surprise you, but I accidentally overheard your parents talking. They didn’t realize I was there, obviously, and they were debating telling you since you had just turned eighteen.
Spencer didn’t know I knew until I told him the day after we got married. ”
A gasp escapes her lips and fresh tears form. “That’s what you two were talking about so intensely?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
She lunges forward and takes hold of my shirt in pure rage. “Were you ever going to fucking tell me? Or were you just going to stay married to me and keep this secret?”
I take hold of her wrists and ensure our eyes engage. “Hadley, you have to understand—”
“No,” she interjects firmly.
“What can I do right now to make this better for you?” Spencer requests with sadness in his voice yet standing strong because he won’t ever let her go.
Her sobs fill the room. “Go away,” she whispers with deep pain flooding her face.
“Hadley.” He tips his head to the side, hopeful the conversation won’t stop.
“I can’t be here right now.” Hadley’s voice cracks right before she just flees the kitchen, leaving us there.
I want to go after her, but I feel she needs a minute. Instead, my hands slam down on the counter from pure anger that she’s hurting and I’m not even sure who’s at fault.
“You’ll keep an eye on her?” Spencer requests faintly with his voice unsteady.
I only half glance over my shoulder. “Of course.” He doesn’t even need to ask.
“Take care of her. I’ll be back,” he promises.
I do my best to give him a comforting look. “I know, Spencer. I think right now she needs space to take it all in.”
He sniffles and stands there for a long heavy minute before leaving me to ponder how I’m going to support Hadley in this very moment. I’m not exactly in her good graces, but she deserves to know the entire truth.
I reach for the liquor cabinet and pour myself a shot of bourbon, down it, then pour another, but this one is for Hadley, to help calm her nerves.
I head straight to our room to find the door closed and locked. I knock gently with hope she’ll let me in. “Hadley, your dad is gone. It’s just you and me. Let me in.”
She doesn’t answer, but I hear her crying into a pillow, the sound muffled.
I take a deep breath, step back, then use my weight to press against the door to break it open. It’s actually easier than I anticipated. Only a little of the alcohol spills over onto my hand in the process.
My move takes her by surprise, and she sits up in the bed, her face red and puffy. She may be a mess, but she is still a beautiful disaster.
“Get out,” she demands.
I hold up the glass of alcohol. “No.” I walk to the bed and set it on the bedside table. “Here. This will help you calm down.”
She goes quiet again, and I make no effort to sit on the bed with her, as I’m waiting for her clues for how to approach her.
Her eyes are sunken with pure sadness. “You knew,” she states, still in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you came to my room and said I was a mistake?”
I lick my lips, because the truth fucking hurts, and I hate saying it all out loud. It’s like a knife wound when you hear the words. “Yes.”
“You’re an asshole.”
I agree, but I felt my arms were always twisted. “Hadley, it wasn’t my truth to tell. You know that too.”
“So you just pushed me away?”
I laugh bitterly to myself. “Don’t you see?
” I sit on the bed and take hold of her face between my hands because she has to understand my reasoning, I won’t have it any other way.
“I’ve been trying my damnedest to break your heart all these years to actually ensure it stays mended.
” My voice breaks because I’m aching too.
“That’s why you hated me?”
“I never fucking hated you. The opposite. But I couldn’t have you close because I didn’t know if I could keep the secret. It’s not my place to tell you, and your relationship with your dad is everything to you.”
She laughs then takes hold of my hands to remove them from her cheeks. “What was your big plan, Connor? Never tell me, even though I’m your wife?” she snarls.
I stand up again and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Truthfully? You want the honest truth?”
“Yes,” she bites out.
“I wasn’t going to tell you. I just knew that if you ever found out that it would be harder for you to leave me if we are married.” I raise my voice because the truth is confronting.
Her jaw goes slack from my admission, and it feels like the air in the room evaporated.
“Wow.” She huffs a breath before she looks to the side then brings her sight back to me. “Get out.”
“No.” I stand there, defiant.
“I can’t be near you right now,” she volleys.
I grab the throw blanket from the end of the bed and lie down on the floor. “Tough luck. I’ll sleep on the floor, but I’m not leaving you alone.”
Hadley goes speechless at my move.
I pretend to get comfortable on the floor, then after a minute peer up by the edge of the bed. “Will you throw me a pillow? You know you want to.” I’m trying to see if a glimmer of relief is deep within her somewhere.
She just sits there frozen, aware that I’m serious. I won’t be moving an inch from here. I’m staying firm.
Slowly and unsure, she tosses me a pillow.
We both lie down on our spots in silence for a solid ten minutes, because that is what she needs right now.
Until I break our silence. “Deep down, you know it’s true. It wasn’t my secret to share.”
A new round of sniffling tears fills the room. “Maybe you’re right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m broken right now.”
I sit up to observe her. “I won’t let you break,” I softly confirm.
Hadley props herself up on her elbows to look down at me. “I don’t know what to think right now. But Connor…”
“Yeah?”
“Just hold me,” she sobs.
I’m lying next to her in a flash, curling her tightly to my body as I swipe away the tears with my thumb and stroke her messy tear-drenched hair. There is no place I would rather be.
“Did we ever have a chance to be something real?” she asks as she buries her face into my chest.
I continue to touch her in hopes of soothing her. “It’s not a chance. We are something real,” I assure her.
“I’m so confused,” she mumbles into my shirt, and I can hear that her energy is nearly gone.
“I promise you, we’ll get through this. I’m not leaving you.”
Then I hold her all night, not sure what tomorrow may bring.