Chapter 16
Bill didn’t sleep a wink, though hopefully he had fooled Ann into thinking he was out cold.
Agonizing hours passed as he wrestled with his aching desire to touch and kiss and caress every inch of the woman in his arms. But he’d promised he wouldn’t.
No matter how painfully aroused he was by her mere presence, he wouldn’t rush things.
It was the middle of the night when Junior began to fuss. He had no idea what time. Well after midnight, he guessed. Ann stirred against him, making him grit his teeth to stay still. Moments later, she got out of bed to pick up Junior. Her sudden absence left him bereft and aching.
Unaware of his struggle, she sat back on the bed, rested against the headboard, and unbuttoned the front of her nightgown and expose one beautiful, perfect breast to the moonlight. Mary and Joseph, what had he ever done to deserve such tender torture?
He couldn’t look away as she held Junior to it, and the darker outline of her nipple disappeared, leaving only the swell of her breast visible. He closed his eyes and attempted to tamp down his desire.
Tiny snuffles and slurps filled his ears as Junior drank.
Warring with Bill’s desire was overwhelming love and protectiveness.
This was his tiny family now. This was the domestic contentment he’d imagined briefly when Betty told him she was pregnant.
It didn’t seem fair that his wishes were coming true when Ann’s had been so thoroughly and finally dashed.
Would she take it amiss if he wrapped his arms around her? No, best to leave her alone and keep pretending to be asleep.
Soon, she got up to put Junior in his crib and climbed back into bed, facing him. “You’re awake,” she whispered.
So much for pretending. “Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
Oh God. She was sorry. That was the last thing he wanted. “Don’t be.”
“I’m sorry about everything. I was barely there today, and here you’ve been so kind to me.”
He kissed her forehead and whispered, “Ann.”
“And thank you for marrying me. You must think me ungrateful the way I acted today.”
“No, I think you were hurt very badly. You’ve faced so much loss. And I know some of the things in your home held memories that are irreplaceable.”
She nodded. “I don’t even have a picture of him anymore.”
Oh. Of course she didn’t. His own desire to be everything to her warred with his empathy for her plight.
Her grief was the only tangible reminder she had of her first marriage.
He wanted to fix it, but he wasn’t sure how.
What was lost in the fire was gone forever.
He caressed her hair. “Junior will know who his papa was. We’ll make sure of it. ”
“I’m sorry. I’m talking about him again. I want to be a good wife to you. Truly I do.”
Running his thumb over her cheek, he said, “You will be. And you don’t have to forget him for my sake.
He loved you and cared for you before I ever met you.
I’m grateful to him for giving you the love you deserve.
This wound may never heal, but I hope you can find your way forward anyway.
Live the life he wanted you to live, the life he would have given you if he’d survived.
I’m sure he loved you too much to want you to dwell on grief. ”
He kissed her forehead and then each cheek, then looked into her eyes, dark in the moonlight.
“Thank you.” She caressed his cheek. “You are too good to me. I don’t know what I’ve done in life to deserve you, but I’m grateful.”
The tug between them tightened—a connection that would not let go. Ever since he first met her, it had been there, and now it was stronger than ever. They were meant to find each other. She was the woman he’d been waiting for.
She touched her forehead to his and kissed him lightly on the lips. He couldn’t stop himself from deepening the kiss and caressing her hair. Much to his surprise, she responded by snuggling closer, her leg tangling with his. Her breasts brushed against his chest, and he breathed in sharply.
“Ann,” he panted. “What are you…?”
“You want me.”
“God, yes.”
“I don’t know if or when I’ll ever feel ready, but you’re right. I can’t live in the past. You’re my husband now, and part of being married is…” She traced his jaw with her finger.
“You mean you want to…” She couldn’t mean that. Could she? Despite his current state, he had doubts. She had made it quite clear earlier that she was unprepared.
“I don’t want to deny you because of my grief.”
He pulled back. He certainly didn’t want her to do this out of a sense of obligation. “Ann, I’d rather wait until you want to be with me.”
There was a long silence. Then she whispered almost too quietly to hear, “I do want to be with you.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
Hell’s bells. She wanted to be with him. She said so. Why did he mistrust? He couldn’t help worrying she was doing this out of a sense of duty.
Then she kissed him again, stroking his back, and then reaching between them to brush her fingers over the arousal he’d hoped she hadn’t noticed.
Oh, dear Lord. There was only so much a man could take. Kissing her again, he gave in to the desire he could not deny. It was too much. It was so much. It was everything. He needed her with every ounce of his being, and he couldn’t hold back anymore.
She explored his back as he ran his hand from her thigh up her side to her breast. He delicately traced its curve through the thin cotton, as she leaned into his touch.
Her breast was heavy and full in his hand.
He caressed it reverently as he nibbled on her ear and kissed her neck.
How he’d craved the feel of her just like this, dreamed of it.
And here she was offering herself up, opening to him.
She took his hand gently and slid it beneath the thin fabric to touch her directly, and he touched the puckered skin of her hardened nipple.
She gasped.
He pulled back. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. I’m a bit tender from nursing is all. The skin is very sensitive.”
“Would you like me to stop?” It might kill him, but if she needed him to, he would.
“Please don’t.” There was a hungry rasp in her voice that dissolved the last of his control. He’d been so good for so long, and now he had an invitation from the woman he loved. There was no need to wait any longer.
He pressed himself against her as he explored her lovely chest with lips and hands, and moaned as she wrapped a leg around his hip, welcoming his friction. They danced together, unable to get enough.
She reached up and began unbuttoning his union suit.
Her delicate hands caressed his bare chest as she pushed it off his shoulders, stripping him to the waist. He couldn’t remember ever feeling anything as intoxicating as her hands on his skin, tracing every curve and contour.
As she kissed and nipped at the newly exposed flesh, he thought he might die on the spot.
He responded by pulling down the unbuttoned top of her nightgown, sliding her arms free so that the garment gathered around her waist. Taking a moment to look at her in the silver moonlight, he whispered, “Oh, Ann.” Then he cupped her cheek and kissed her lips, pulling her close.
Her hardened nipples pressed against his chest.
“I’ve dreamed of this for so long,” he whispered in her ear.
“You have?”
Did she truly doubt it? “Practically every night since we met, which is why I need you to promise me something.”
“Yes?”
“I need you to swear that if you change your mind or have the least bit of doubt about any of this, you’ll say so. Just say the word, and I will stop.” Even if it killed him, he needed to know that this was her choice every step of the way.
She kissed him softly on the lips. “That’s very sweet of you, Bill.
The truth is I have a thousand doubts, but none of them are about you.
Every last one of them is about me. You, I am sure of.
I don’t know if I’m ready for this, but I do know I want it.
” She tugged gently on his hand and placed it between her legs.
Dear God, she was so warm and wet. “I want you. To help me forget. To help me lose myself. Take me flying. Please.”
She pressed his fingers between moist folds of flesh, guiding him, showing him what she liked.
He let her take the lead. He wanted to do this right.
It was so rare that women spoke up for what they wanted in bed, in his experience.
It was a pleasant surprise that she was so willing to show him what she wanted.
“Yes, just like this.” She guided his finger in slow circles around her bud. Her whole body shuddered against him. “Oh, yes,” she sighed. “Do it more.”
As he teased and tantalized her, she rocked and trembled.
He was mesmerized. The sight and sensation of her reaction made him stiffen even further, which he hadn’t thought possible.
He wanted more, so much more. Everything in him demanded to sink into her heat and lose himself inside her.
But he didn’t dare risk it unless he was one hundred percent certain she wanted it too.
Until then, he was determined to follow her lead.
Her body convulsed against him, shaking and arching, and she let out a little moan. He almost came in his union suit at the sight of her climax, but he had to keep himself in check. This might have been all she wanted. As her trembling subsided, she stopped his hand.
“How do you feel?” He moved his hand to her shoulder, trying to ignore the pulsing urgency in his groin.
“Like I want more.”
Thank Christ. It was next to impossible to hold himself back, but still, he kept his focus on her pleasure. Her saying she wanted more didn’t necessarily mean what he wanted it to mean. She might simply have wanted him to make her come again, and he was more than happy to oblige.
He was about to continue his ministrations when she touched him through his union suit, and he gasped.
“Your turn.” She peeled back his union suit even farther so that she could take his bare flesh in hand.
His brain melted, and he was completely at her command.
Stroking him expertly, she turned on her back and guided him to settle between her legs.
Wrapping her legs around him, she guided him to her entrance. “Are you ready?”
All he could say was “Unh.” She rubbed him up and down between her folds, slicking him with her dew, then guided him inside.
He let her steer his hips, rocking back and forth, as he entered her.
The sensation obliterated all conscious thought, and he was reduced to instinct.
As soon as he was fully seated, he had to move.
He began to thrust as she arched beneath him, whispering his name.
They rocked together in a slow and gentle rhythm, a new burst of sensation overtaking him with each movement.
This couldn’t be real. The euphoria addled his brain while a deep hunger drove him on.
He needed to feel all of her, merge with her, dissolve in her embrace.
He needed to show her all his love, all the tenderness he felt.
Her body arched and trembled beneath him, and he recognized the signs of her approaching peak.
He could feel it too, a rhythmic pulsation squeezing him and drawing him farther into her.
The last strand of consciousness snapped, and he was pure sensation as he exploded within her, nearly passing out with the force of it.
He collapsed beside her, and she curled into his embrace. He buried his face in her hair and breathed deep her scent of apples and soap. Tenderness overwhelmed him as he held her close. Fighting to stay awake, he whispered, “Thank you.”
“Thank you for comforting me,” she whispered back. “I needed that release.”
“I love you, Ann,” he murmured and then slipped into oblivion.