Chapter 21
Ann woke up in an unfamiliar bed, wondering where she was. It took her a moment to remember, but when she did, she rolled over to breathe in the lingering scent of Bill on his pillow. Her husband was away, but soon she would have him back in her arms where he belonged.
Lying in his bed, in his apartment, she felt his presence almost as strongly as if he were there.
She shivered with pleasure at the memory of his touch, warmth gathering in her core at the mere thought.
Covered in his blankets, she snuggled deeper and closed her eyes to enjoy the luxury of being surrounded by him.
Bill was so different from Roger. She shouldn’t be making comparisons, she knew, but she couldn’t help it.
Roger was her first love, and she thought him perfection itself when they were together.
Now that she had been with Bill, though, her horizons had been broadened.
In the solitude of her revery, she could admit to herself that she and Roger never fit together as well as she and Bill, even if the very thought felt disloyal.
Roger always wanted to save her from having to do anything.
He wanted her to quit teaching, even though they couldn’t afford it when they first married.
When she took on tasks around the house that a man might do, he would get upset that she was overtaxing herself and insist on doing them himself.
Bill, on the other hand, seemed to appreciate and value her independence, offering her options and help but never discouraging.
Taking a year off for Junior didn’t make her fear she would never teach again, as it would have with Roger.
The way that Bill made her feel when he touched her was different too.
She and Roger had a healthy and passionate love life, but with Bill, there was something more.
Heat crackled between them whenever they were together, and he treated her with such sweet and tender devotion.
Roger’s passion was a summer storm, sudden and torrential.
Bill’s was a spring shower, long and lingering, bringing her to life, reviving her after a parched wait.
With Roger, she felt like she was drowning in the fury of his need. With Bill, she felt awakened, made new.
And then there was Bill’s playful nature.
Roger was always so serious. Even singing Gilbert and Sullivan, there was an undeniable earnestness to him.
She always thought that made them well suited.
They were so similar. But Bill’s joking and whimsical attitude towards her and life in general seemed to counterbalance her seriousness and bring out a side of her she’d never known existed.
The love and laughter he offered buoyed her battered spirits as nothing else could.
Junior began to fuss, and she dragged herself out of bed to begin the day.
After feeding and changing Junior, she made herself a simple breakfast of eggs and toast and sat looking around the apartment, making a mental list. She needed to do laundry, sweeping, shopping for several necessities she hadn’t remembered until now.
But all that could wait. The first thing she wanted to do was call up Mary.
She needed to know more about what Bill told her about his history with women and his false bragging.
It was a sour note in his sweetness and made her twist herself into knots of concern.
It seemed inconsistent with everything else she knew about him.
She didn’t expect him to be perfect, but she needed to understand better.
She wanted to trust him, but it was difficult with something like this clouding her certainty.
Not wanting to disturb Mary too early, she busied herself around the house until nine o’clock then made her call.
“Good morning, this is the Operator. How may I direct your call?”
“Operator, can you connect me to Mineola 893501?”
“One moment please.”
A moment later, she heard Mary’s voice.
“Hello? Who’s calling?”
“It’s Ann. I was wondering if I could see you today. There’s something I want to ask you about Bill.” She hoped Mary wouldn’t ask too many questions over the phone. This was a conversation better had in person.
“Of course. I’d love to see you. Ben’s dropping off tomatoes at the greengrocer’s this afternoon. He could pick you up. Does one o’clock work for you?”
“That sounds perfect. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“Wonderful. See you then. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.”
She whiled away the morning washing clothes and diapers and cleaning the apartment top to bottom.
It was a small space, and it didn’t require much time.
It was a relief when one o’clock rolled around, and it was time to go over to Mary’s.
The walls of the tiny space were starting to close in on her. She needed to get outside.
Floyd picked her up right on time and chatted with her about the weather on the brief trip out to their farm.
Mary came out to meet them when they arrived and led her straight to the kitchen.
What a relief to be somewhere spacious, Ann thought as she sat in the airy room, bouncing Junior on her knee.
“Thanks for having me over, Mary. I really appreciate it.”
“Not at all,” said Mary, setting down a pot of tea, two cups, and a plate of shortbread cookies. “You said you had something to ask me?”
Blood rushed to Ann’s cheeks at the mere thought of what she wanted to ask. “It’s about Bill. The other day, we ran into a woman he went out with. She must have thought Junior was Bill’s because she slapped him for ‘fooling around’ with her when he was married and had a child.”
“Oh no,” Mary said, pouring tea for them both.
“I remembered his friend said he had a roving eye, and I confess I got a bit upset with him. He claimed all he’d done was fix her leaky faucet. When I said I didn’t believe him, he said I should talk to you.”
“Cookie?” Mary pushed the plate toward Ann. “If you’re worried he’ll stray, you can set your mind at ease. He is utterly devoted to you.”
Ann took a bite of cookie and sat pensively for a moment. “But what if I’m not enough? What if he thinks I’m a burden? He flies all over the eastern seaboard for work. What’s to stop him from seeking solace in someone else’s arms? And even if he stays true, I am worried about his honesty.”
Mary sighed. “My brother is as full of blarney as they come, but he’s a good man.”
“What do you mean?”
She desperately wanted to believe that she hadn’t been horribly mistaken about his character.
“He’s always inflated his accounts of his conquests to his friends, but I know the truth.”
“And what’s the truth? How do you know the accounts were inflated?” she asked, wishing she could hide her whole face behind her teacup.
“He had his heart broken a few years back. A woman he was seeing had a pregnancy scare. Bill was all set to marry her, but when she lost the baby, she broke things off. He was devastated—not so much over her as over the baby. Trust me. My brother wants to settle down and have a family more than any other man I’ve met. ”
Ann could believe that. She sometimes wondered if he loved Junior even more than her. “But how does that prove he’ll be true? And why didn’t he tell me all this himself?”
“Since then, he hasn’t taken a woman to bed.
He told me so. Last year, he even went out with a couple of my friends.
They reported back that he was respectful to a fault.
If anything, they were disappointed by his good behavior.
He talks a lot of nonsense with his friends, but the truth is he turned over a new leaf after things went south with Betty.
It’s just that he didn’t tell anyone but me. ”
“But why?”
Mary sighed. “When he was little, he was so skinny and gawky that the other boys used to bully him. He started telling tall tales about an imaginary mean uncle to scare them off. But in high school, when he shot up to six foot two, they suddenly wanted to be his friends. To impress them, he made up more stories, but this time they were about girls. The habit has stuck with him ever since. He’s not proud of it, but it’s so ingrained now that he hardly knows how to stop. ”
Her heart went out to tiny Bill, trying to fend off schoolyard bullies. But it still wasn’t right, even if it was understandable.
“I told him he had to tell his friends the truth,” Ann said, stuffing the rest of her cookie in her mouth.
“Ha! I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. I bet you anything they don’t believe him.”
Ann took a sip of tea to wash down the cookie. “You may be right, but at least he’ll have tried. Do you think I need to worry about him being truthful with me more generally?”
Mary thought for a moment before responding.
“My brother has a deep need to please and entertain. Sometimes this leads him to treat the truth loosely, his lies about his conquests being the worst example. He doesn’t set out to deceive, only to spin a good story that delights his audience.
And once he’s on a roll he finds it hard to stop.
You’ve made it clear that what pleases you is honesty, so I have every confidence he will give you that.
He won’t want to disappoint you by giving you anything less.
Give him lots of love and affection, and he will be a paragon of honesty for you. ”
Ann sighed. “Affection I can give. Love…will take time.”
Mary put a hand on hers. “I can’t say I’m surprised to hear you say that.
You’ve had too much loss, and it’s all still so fresh.
I know it won’t be easy on Bill. He’s going to be relentless in his efforts to sway you until he meets with success.
For all his nonsense, he is a gentle soul who loves deeply and completely.
It will drive him mad that he hasn’t won your love, and he’s probably going to drive you mad as a result. ”
Laughing, Ann said, “If he buys me any more strawberry cake, I’m going to explode.”
“Oh yes, I’m sure,” Mary said with a chuckle.