Chapter 21 #2
“He’s like a great big puppy, tripping over himself to make me smile.” A great big, devastatingly handsome puppy.
“Ha! That’s my brother in a nutshell.”
“Thank you for speaking with me, Mary. You’ve put my mind at ease.” Ann finished her tea, the knot in her stomach having loosened somewhat.
“Happy to help. Do I spy knitting needles in your bag?”
Ann smiled broadly. “Yes, you do. Bill took me shopping. It’s such a relief to have something to do with my hands during the long hours alone at home with Junior.”
“Come with me to the sitting room.” Mary stood and gestured toward the next room. “I have some new knitting patterns that are to die for. If there are any you like, I’d be happy to lend them to you.”
They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and knitting together.
During the lulls in the conversation, Ann’s mind wandered to her husband.
Where was he at that moment? Was his flight going smoothly?
Was he thinking of her? She realized with a start that these were the same musings she’d had about Roger when he was away at war.
At least she didn’t have to worry about Bill being shot at.
Was he a man she could love? Yes, he was, if she was being honest with herself.
In fact, she was already halfway there, despite her reservations.
He’d come to her rescue time and again since they met, and the attraction between them was undeniable.
With time, she could see how she might fall quite deeply in love with this man, but at present, her feelings were such a tangled mess, she hardly knew what to do.
When she thought about it logically, she was certain Roger would have wanted her to remarry and be happy.
He loved her and wanted the best for her, always.
But deep in her heart, she wasn’t quite ready to let go.
He was her first love, the father of her child, and he was taken too soon.
She couldn’t help railing against fate for robbing her of what should have been.
Being with Bill only sharpened that sense as she saw him falling into the role Roger should have played in her life.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Mary said quietly.
Ann smiled sadly and shook her head. “Roger again. Being with Bill reminds me of all that I’ve lost. I should be able to let go and look toward the future, but memories keep pulling me back.”
“Then maybe you need to remember. Tell me about him.”
She looked up at her friend who was smiling kindly at her.
Maybe she did need to remember. After all, she’d had no one to talk to about this for so long.
“In a lot of ways, he was the opposite of Bill. He was very serious and practical. His sense of humor was wry and subdued. He worked as an accountant before the war.”
Just speaking about Roger gave Ann sudden and unexpected relief, loosening a knot of pressure and pain she’d been holding onto without knowing it.
“Ha! I can’t imagine Bill as an accountant.”
“No, definitely not.” She started a new row as she continued her knitting. “Roger was brave and patriotic, though, and when the war came, he felt it was his duty to sign up.”
“Bill too. He signed up in the first week.”
Ann smiled. “Maybe they aren’t so different after all.
We were only married for six months before he went away.
Marriage was still so fresh and new. I loved being Roger Prince’s wife.
It gave me such a sense of purpose. I lived to make him smile, and with me, he smiled easily, even though he was always so serious with everyone else.
We were a good team, well aligned in our outlooks and temperaments.
I thought he was everything I could possibly want. ”
“You say that as if something has changed,” Mary said lightly, glancing up with kind eyes.
“Bill is so different. I never would have thought I would get along with someone like him, but I love the way he makes me laugh. I’m starting to think I took life too seriously before.
I certainly took myself too seriously. With Bill, I feel so at ease, so unlike my usual self, but in a good way.
Every time he makes me laugh, I feel like a part of me heals. ”
“Then you should heal quickly because Bill is relentless with his nonsense. There’s nothing he loves more than the sound of laughter.
That’s what gets him into trouble, but underneath all that is a sweet, kind, dependable man,” she said with a sideways smile.
“And don’t you dare tell him I said that. ”
Ann’s heart ached at Mary’s description. She was right, of course. “I know. I just hope I can someday give him the love he deserves.”
“You will, and likely sooner than you think,” Mary said, switching yarn colors for the hat she was making.
“I hope so. Truly, I do.”
She wanted to give in and let herself fall deeply and madly in love with Bill, but she wasn’t built like that.
It took a lot of time and trust for her to let someone in.
When she was growing up, the other girls in her grade sometimes called her standoffish and snooty.
She didn’t mean to be. It was just that she was quiet and took time to warm up to people.
Unlike some girls, she didn’t have the magical gift for making a million friends.
She could only hope Bill would be patient as she came around in her own time.