Chapter Six
Bernard
Sunday, April 19
BERNARD WOKE UP early Sunday morning. He gathered his things and packed a lunch for one.
“Okay, Ginger,” Bernard said, “it’s just you and me.”
He got dressed in a polo and shorts. After packing up his backpack and the cooler, he got Ginger into the truck.
Bernard drove to Edgewater Park, a popular spot for small gatherings, quiet afternoons, and lunch on the grass. The park, adorned with trails, flower beds, trees, and lush grass, covered a square mile around a manmade duck pond. A chain-link fence divided the parking area from the park, to preserve the natural environment. The sun glistened off the pond as ducks bobbed on the water, dipping down to eat.
He filled his lungs with warm air. The fragrance of blooming flowers titillated his nose. Bees buzzed around the flowers, while squirrels ran up and down trees.
Bernard pulled a large blanket out of his backpack and settled it on the ground after he checked for unwanted messes. He placed the cooler next to the blanket and set rocks at the corners to keep it still. He pulled out a few sandwiches, soda, and chips.
“It’s going to be a wonderful afternoon, Ginger.”
After lunch, Bernard sat against the tree to read. Ginger curled up beside him.
The sun moved across the sky as people wandered through the park. Couples relaxed in the grass, kids played on the swings, and a few people sat on the benches at the lakeside.
“Is there room for one more?” It was Rory. He walked toward him.
Bernard jumped to his feet and embraced Rory. “I thought you couldn’t make it?”
“Well, after lunch with my family, I thought I’d surprise you.”
“It’s a pleasant surprise. Thank you.”
Ginger sniffed at Rory.
“Hello, Ginger.” He rubbed her ears.
She barked and rolled onto her back for belly rubs.
They sat on the blanket and enjoyed the sounds of nature. Ducks swam through the lake while blue jays called to each other in the trees above. Bernard took in the aroma of fresh-cut grass.
“It looks like Ginger needs to potty.” Rory pointed at her sniffing the grass.
Bernard grabbed her leash and doggie bags to take her to the designated area. Rory followed behind.
“I wanted to ask you something personal,” Rory said.
“What is it?”
“I knew Tracy, but I really didn’t know Jason. What happened?”
Bile built up in his throat. Jason was his first boyfriend. They’d started dating when he was twenty-two, right when he’d come out. They’d lasted three years, but Rory didn’t get to know him. The real him. Bernard left him when he was twenty-five, when he and Rory rekindled their friendship.
“He…” A lump formed in his throat. “He was similar to Tracy. Tracy never verbally abused me, but Jason did. Often. I felt like I was worthless, and I didn’t deserve love. I found him a few times with some thin or athletic guy. He apologized each time and said it wouldn’t happen again.”
He averted his eyes. He couldn’t meet Rory’s gaze. His stomach churned at the memory of Jason.
“I’m so sorry. I only knew the end. I didn’t know it’d gone on so long.”
“You gave me the courage to leave him.”
“Me?”
“Yes, knowing you were back in my life helped me realize I could do so much better.”
“Then, there was Tracy. I remember him.”
“He only lasted a year. I learned he was the same as Jason when he cheated. I left the first time I found him with another man.”
He blocked the memory of what happened afterwards. He couldn’t relive those events.
“I wish I’d have told you I was gay sooner,” Bernard said.
“You do?”
“Of course I do. You were my best friend, Rory. I knew you’d accept me.”
“I’m glad you told me,” Rory said. “I know it was hard, but we’re friends again and that’s all that matters. And I’ll always be here for you.”
Bernard wrapped his arms around Rory. “Thank you, my friend.”
Rory squeezed back.
“What the hell are you two doing?” An angry voice pulled them out of their reverie.
A red-faced man stormed over to them.
“This is a public park. There are kids around. Who do you think you are, showing this disgusting display?”
The park had more than a dozen couples, all straight.
“What are you talking about?” Bernard broke their embrace and stood in front of Rory, shielding him from the man. Heat swelled in his cheeks as he calmed his breathing.
“This.” He waved over them. “Hugging in public. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you going to go to that couple and tell them to stop kissing?” He pointed to a young straight couple on a blanket. “Or that couple holding hands?” He indicated a straight couple walking around the lake.
“That’s different,” he yelled.
“How?” Bernard’s voice was calm.
“They’re normal. You two freaks are out here flaunting your…whatever you call it.”
“First off, sir .” Bernard emphasized the last word. “I was comforting my friend who has had a rough time. Second, your judgmental attitude needs to come down a bit. We’re not doing anything illegal or indecent. So, I suggest you go back to your family.”
“Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?” the man shouted.
“If you look around, you seem to be the only one who has a problem with us.”
“Fucking queers. Think they own everything,” he mumbled as he walked away.
Bernard moved forward, but Rory grabbed his elbow and wrapped his other arm around him.
“He’s not worth it. Let him go.”
Bernard closed his eyes. Rory’s touch stirred a warmth inside him.
“I just…I can’t stand people like him,” Bernard said.
“Thank you. I think you made your point clear to him.” Rory spun him around and smiled.
“What does he think? You’re not even interested in men. So, he just made an assumption.”
“There are judgmental people who will jump to conclusions to ease their own biases.”
“Thank you for calming me down. I appreciate it.”
“Anytime.”
Once Bernard cleaned up after Ginger, they made their way back to the blanket.
“We still have time for a walk around the lake if you’d like,” Bernard said.
“That sounds nice.”
They walked along the lake trail. Joggers, families, couples, and dog walkers passed as they conversed about recent movies. U.S. Marshals was in theaters.
“I’d like to see it,” Rory said.
“Well, maybe we can see it together.”
“That’d be fun.”
Bernard felt Rory’s hand brush up against his. A chill ran up his spine. Stop thinking about him that way. Rory is your friend, and he’s straight. At least, he told me he’s straight.
Rory didn’t appear to notice, or at least didn’t react to the touch.
They finished their walk and made it back to the blanket.
“Oh, I brought some snack cakes and milk if you’d like some. I have plenty.”
Rory cocked an eyebrow. “Snack cakes and milk?”
“Look, I can cook basic food, but baking is not my forte. So, we get snack cakes and milk.”
“Okay.” Rory giggled. “If it’s what you have.”
They ate and discussed the books they were reading.
“I’m reading The Hobbit ,” Rory said.
“Wait, you haven’t read it yet?”
“No, give me time. I’ve had a busy life,” he joked.
“Okay, no judgment,” he said, “but it has been out for over fifty years.”
“I feel like you’re judging me a little.”
“Okay, a little. Not much though.”
“So, what are you reading?”
“ Sole Survivor by Dean Koontz.”
“Well, that sounds like something I’m not sure I’d read, but I hope you enjoy it.”
“Thank you.”
Rory helped Bernard pack up the blanket and food.
They walked back to the parking lot. Rory unlocked his Toyota Camry.
“This has been one of the best days I’ve had in a long time,” Bernard said. “I’m so glad you made it today.”
“I’m glad I made it too. It’s been wonderful hanging out.”
“I have to thank you as well,” Bernard said. “Sarah said I needed to get out more and away from the club scene. You helped.”
“I’m glad.” Rory went in for a hug. Bernard squeezed back. Rory’s cologne lingered in his nose. Rory squeezed harder.
“We need to do this again,” Rory said. “I never want to lose you.”
Bernard broke their hug. “You won’t lose me. You can’t lose me.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m happy to be your friend.”
“So, can we do something next weekend?”
“Yes, I’d love that. What if we take a day trip to Santa Cruz? Then we can watch U.S. Marshals .”
“That sounds fun.”
They parted ways after one last hug.
*
BERNARD MADE IT home and took in the disorganization his living space came to. He’d not cleaned in two weeks, and he needed to get something done.
“I better clean while I still have the energy.”
Bernard took two hours to clean his house from top to bottom.
“There, it looks much better, right, Ginger?” Ginger had curled up on the sofa and fell asleep. “Such a carefree life. Well, all that’s left is to vacuum.”
Bernard opened the closet. Above the vacuum was a box.
“I think this is my old gaming console?”
He opened the box to find his game system and a dozen games.
“Vacuuming can wait,” he said.
Bernard set up the system and played Resident Evil.
The next two hours flew by as he explored the mansion as Chris Redfield. Fighting zombies and discovering the mysteries hidden within. He saved the game and shut off the system.
“I need to play more often,” he said.
He vacuumed the house.
After cleaning, Bernard shambled to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. Ginger made herself comfortable at his feet.
“This has been a fantastic day, Ginger. I got to spend time with a dear friend, cleaned the house, and even got back into video games.”
He stared at the ceiling. You know what? I’m going to call Sean. Maybe he’ll want to hang out and I can increase my circle of friends and not worry about dating.
Bernard picked up the phone on his nightstand and dialed Sean’s number.
“Hello?” came Sean’s husky voice.
“Hey, Sean, it’s Bernard.”
“Hi, Bernard. It’s great to hear from you. What’s up?”
Bernard noted his cheerful voice.
“I thought we could hang out sometime.”
“I’m glad you called, man.”
“I’m just looking to reconnect with friends.”
“So, we’re okay then?”
“Of course. I already told you what happened wasn’t your fault. It was just the wrong time. I needed some space afterward and I’m sorry it took this long.”
“It’s just…I tried calling for months, but you never picked up. I didn’t know what to think.”
He and Sean went on a wonderful date. They’d spent the day in San Francisco. They walked the shops in Castro, ate at a cozy cafe for lunch, then had dinner at The Stinking Rose. Sean rented them a room, and they had a night of passionate sex. The thought of sex made Bernard hard again. Sean was amazing in bed.
It all came crashing down the next morning when they returned home. Bernard had parked his car at Sean’s house. When Bernard got into his car, the neighbors whispered. They all stared at him. Bernard called Sean the next day to set up another date, but Sean said he wasn’t interested in dating anyone. It was hard on him. He didn’t know if he would ever find love.
“I’m sorry for that. I was in a terrible place. I expected more than was there, and it’s something I had to work through. I think we can be friends now. At least I hope we can.”
“I understand,” Sean said. “I’m glad you took the time to work through it. I wish you’d told me though. I think we both made some assumptions we could have resolved by talking.”
“You’re right.”
“So, about hanging out. What are you doing on May 30th?”
“I don’t think I have any plans. Why?”
“I have two season tickets to the San Francisco Giants games. I know you’re not a huge sports fan, but I remember you enjoy live games. Wanna go?”
Bernard smiled. He remembered what I said a year ago. That’s sweet.
“That sounds like a fun time. I’m in.”
“All right, I’ll call next weekend and we can make plans to meet up. Sound good?”
“Sounds great. Talk to you soon.” Bernard hung up the phone.
Well, this is exciting. I now have two great friends I can spend time with, without worrying about complicated sex or wondering if we’re right for each other.
Bernard sighed a breath of relief. He knew he wouldn’t find love, and so this was the best thing for him. Don’t think about it, and just enjoy the friends you have.