Chapter Seven
Bernard
Monday, April 20
BERNARD PULLED INTO Sarah’s driveway on Monday morning. She wasn’t waiting for him on her porch. It wasn’t like her to be late. He walked up and knocked on the door.
John answered the door. Bernard hadn’t seen him in a few months, and he appeared more muscular than the last time he’d seen him. His tight shirt showed off his pecs, while his belly still protruded outward.
“Hey, John. Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry, Sarah tried to call, but you’d already left the house. She’s running a little late. Do you want to come in and sit?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Bernard sat on their couch and waited. Sarah and John had eccentric taste. They filled their house with the most colorful pieces of artwork and mismatched furniture. A rug adorned the center. It appeared to be made with every color of thread known to man. Every open outlet had a plug-in air freshener.
They lived in a two-story house with four bedrooms. Sarah and John wanted kids someday, so this house was perfect for them.
A bulldog charged in and jumped into Bernard’s lap. The dog attempted to lick his face. Bernard avoided the tongue.
“Gross, don’t lick my face,” he said.
“Chester, down,” John said. “He’s excited.”
“When did you get a dog?”
“He’s not ours,” John said.
As if on cue, a man walked in. The resemblance to John was apparent. The man had auburn hair and beard, which contrasted John’s black hair and beardless face. This had to be Kelly.
“Hey, John. I’m heading to the store to buy groceries today. Is there anything specific you need?” He stopped. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.” He turned to go.
“Oh, sorry,” John said. “Kelly, this is our friend, Bernard. Bernard, this is my cousin Kelly.”
“Nice to meet you.” Kelly smiled and extended a hand. He had a warm smile. His voice was soft and low. It didn’t match his large build.
Bernard stood and took his hand. His hazel eyes scanned Bernard, but never made eye contact. Kelly’s strong, calloused hands trembled ever so slightly. Kelly stood level with Bernard. His T-shirt and tight jeans accentuated his thick body.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Bernard said.
Sarah chose this moment to come downstairs. “I’m so sorry I’m late. We’ll get out of your hair, Kelly.” She kissed John. “Thank you, babe. I’ll see you tonight.”
*
BERNARD AND SARAH got on the road. They sat in silence for five minutes.
“What was that about?” Bernard asked.
“What was what about?”
“Oh, please.” Bernard rolled his eyes. “I’ve known you since high school. You’ve never been late for anything in your life. You ‘happen’ to be late the one day John’s cousin is there?”
“He’s staying with us while John helps him find a house.”
“Okay, fine,” Bernard said. “But you promised no setups.”
“Whatever are you talking about?”
“Sarah, what’s going on?”
“Fine, I just wanted you to meet him. Naturally. He didn’t know you were going to be there either.”
“I wish you would have warned me.”
“I promise it’s not a setup. I just couldn’t wait for you two to meet.”
He sighed. “I just got myself out of the rut I was in. I haven’t been back to Liquid Pearl, I haven’t thought about a date, and I just got Sean and Rory back in my life.”
“Sean?” she asked. “Who’s Sean?”
Damn. Bernard hadn’t mentioned his one-day and one-night stand with Sean. He’d thought it better not to admit Mark had set him up after he’d told Sarah not to do it anymore.
“A guy I went on a date with about a year ago,” he admitted.
“You went on a date a year ago?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know how you’d feel after I told you not to set me up.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“Well…yes.”
He didn’t sleep with someone on a first date. Sean was different. Bernard wanted him. It was a combination of Sean being hot, and Bernard not having sex since Tracy.
She smacked him lightly. “You dog, and here I thought you hadn’t had sex in like seven years.”
“What can I say,” he said. “A man has needs.”
“How was it?”
“Oh, it was incredible,” Bernard said.
Sean was an amazing lover. Bernard melted in his hands. The way Sean pounded his ass sent shivers up his spine. It’d be hard to tell Sean no if he asked again.
“Spicy,” she laughed. “So, what happened to him?”
“It didn’t go anywhere. He wasn’t looking for a relationship. So, it came crashing down like it always does.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you.”
“So, you’re friends again?”
“I think so. I called, and he seemed happy to hear from me.”
“That’s great.” Sarah smiled. “So, who set you up?”
“Mark.”
“Mark from your office?”
“Yes, Sean’s his brother-in-law.”
“Wow, I wouldn’t have thought that of Mark.”
“He’s very progressive.”
Mark was one of the few people who knew he was gay. Bernard didn’t trust most of the people in the office. Conversations he’d overheard warned him against saying anything.
“That’s good to hear.”
“Either way, Sean and I are friends now and we’re going to a ball game at the end of May.”
“Are you going to have sex after the game?”
“Sarah,” he laughed. “No, it’s just friends hanging out.”
“Friends can have sex.”
“Sarah.”
“Okay, fine. So, it’s not a date?”
“Right, it’s not a date.”
“Good, you need to take care of yourself.”
They agreed to meet at Carrie’s Sandwiches for lunch, and he headed up in the elevator.
Bernard grabbed his usual coffee and a few donuts in the staff break room someone brought and headed to his office.
He shut the door and lit his candles. The scent filled the air and surrounded his desk. He took a deep breath and got to work.
Bernard was working on a file when Mark called out to him.
“Huh?” Bernard asked.
“Someone’s got a date,” Mark sang.
“What are you talking about?”
Mark leaned against the doorframe. He had a grin on his face. Mark was short and lean. His solid body from years of the gym filled out his suit.
“Well, I talked to Sean, and it seems you two are going to a ball game at the end of May.”
“He just asked me to go last night. How in the world did you find out?”
“Because I called right after you did to see if he wanted to go, and said he was already going with you.”
“He has season tickets. It’s odd that you asked about the same day he’s going with me.”
“I asked what days he had free, and he said all except that Saturday and he told me he was going with you.”
“Mark, we’re just friends. I’ve already told you he isn’t interested in dating. He wants to stay single,” Bernard said.
His heart ached. He hit it off well with Sean. There was a connection. Sean was a guy he’d see himself spending his life with. If only he wasn’t in the closet.
“Not what I’ve heard.”
“What has he said?”
“Well, Melissa said Sean might be getting lonely and might want to open up more about himself. Not that he’ll come out at work, but maybe find someone to spend his life with. I thought of you.”
Here it was. Mark knew exactly two gay men and thought they were destined to be together. He was unaware of a wider world and the fact Bernard met at least a dozen gay men at college. He wasn’t wrong though. Bernard could give him that much.
“He didn’t say anything to me,” Bernard said.
“Well, maybe he’s waiting. Either way, this might be a chance for you to find love. You guys would be handsome together.”
“Thanks for the heads up, Mark. I’ll keep my eyes open.”
Mark headed back to his office, and Bernard sat at his desk. His vanilla candles soothed his mind as their scent filled the space again.
Was this why Sean was eager to invite him to the game? Did he want a serious relationship with Bernard? He wanted to hang out and had wanted to for a while. He’d mentioned having tried to get hold of him for months before he gave up.
Was he waiting for me to reach out to him?
*
BERNARD AND SARAH sat across from each other in Carrie’s.
“So, what did you do this weekend?” Sarah asked.
“Oh, it was great. I went to my dad’s barbecue, met up with Rory,” he said, “then we spent Sunday afternoon at the park.”
“Wait, slow down. You ran into Rory?”
“Yes, I told you I got him back in my life.”
“I was more concerned with Sean. How did you meet back up?”
“Yes, my dad invited him to his barbecue, and we started talking,” Bernard said.
“You haven’t talked to Rory in like six years,” she said.
“I know it’s been a long time.”
The last time he’d hung out with Rory, they were at the Round-Up Saloon. Rory had just turned twenty-nine and was off to grad school. Rory’s cologne lingered in his memory. A Hint of Pine. The night lived on in his dreams. Rory was excited when he received his acceptance letter to San Jose State for electrical engineering. That was six years ago.
“So, how’s he doing?”
“He’s doing great.”
Bernard went into detail about their talk at the barbecue, their walk in the park, and even the man who confronted him.
“Wow, you really get the worst of the worst out there, don’t you?”
“He wasn’t that bad,” Bernard said. “I’ve run into much worse. At least this guy backed down quickly when I confronted him.”
“So, why would he assume you and Rory were gay?”
“Probably because I gave him a hug, and in his macho mind that is only something gay men do.”
“I will never understand people,” she said.
“So, he finishes his degree this semester and then he’ll probably look for work.”
“That’s great. Does he have a girlfriend?”
“No. He said he hasn’t found anyone. Come to think of it, I don’t think he’s ever had a girlfriend.”
“Well,” Sarah said. “If I remember correctly, his mother is pretty overbearing. She might not want her special man to be with the wrong woman.”
“It was something he said at the barbecue that gave me pause. Don’t repeat what I’m about to tell you.”
“Of course not.”
“He said he’d trust me to be there for him if he was anything other than straight and then whispered to himself that his parents wouldn’t be supportive.”
“So, you think Rory might not be straight?”
“I get that feeling,” Bernard said. “But I didn’t press him. I’m going to let him discover who he is on his own and I’ll be there for him.”
“He’s thirty-five. Shouldn’t he know by now?”
“Not always. His devotion to his religion can suppress some emotions. I came out at twenty-two. It was hard.”
Bernard remembered coming out. He had a supportive family behind him. Rory wouldn’t have the same. He would have Bernard as a support, no matter what.
He took a bite of his burger. Rory might be gay, or bi, or anything in between. He’d support him. He couldn’t say the same about Rory’s family. The church would excommunicate him and his family might disown him. There was no way to know.
“So.” Sarah squinted. “Is this why you’re waiting? You might have a chance with Rory?”
“No, he’s my friend,” Bernard said. “And besides, he could find someone hotter than me.”
“If you say so.” Sarah smiled.
“What’s that mean?”
“You need to stop with this self-doubt. It’s getting old. You’re an attractive man. It’s time you see that.”
“I don’t know.”
“Take a good long look in the mirror one day and point to the things you like about yourself. Then you’ll see it.”
Bernard left it at that.
*
AFTER WORK, BERNARD dropped Sarah off at home.
“Hey, you should come over for dinner on Friday,” she said. “John’s going to make roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, steamed veggies, and some amazing bread pudding.”
“Is this a setup?” he asked.
“No, I promise.” She crossed her heart. “We just haven’t had you over in a while. Now that you’re feeling better, we need to spend time together. And stop being so paranoid.”
“Dinner sounds wonderful, thank you.”
“Great.”
On his way home, Bernard rehashed everything that had happened with Sarah that day. He was well aware how sneaky she could be, and he was positive she was plotting something. Kelly seemed great, but Bernard didn’t know him. He had already done something similar with Sean, but it’d be worse with Kelly. If it didn’t work out with Kelly, he’d still have to see John and Sarah. Kelly would also be around. He wouldn’t risk it.
Bernard took Ginger for a walk. He breathed in the warm evening air. It soothed him as they went on their way that evening. He took in the familiar sights of the neighborhood. Ten years he’d been here. Ten years. Where had all that time gone? Working his fingers to the bone, that’s where. After college, he’d bought his house from his Uncle Jorge and spent the last decade paying it off. Now, the place was all his.
He walked around the block three times before he ran out of energy. The walk invigorated him. He was proud of making it around three times.
After showering off the sweat, he warmed up leftovers from the barbecue and put on Sleepless in Seattle .
“Are these rom-coms giving me unrealistic expectations of finding love?” he asked Ginger.
She snuggled up to him and sighed.
“Well, I think they are. I’m not going to find Mr. Right sitting at a coffee shop or a diner. That might be why I’m not good at dating. I expect too much.”
Was Sean an option for dating? They hit it off and, according to Mark, he might be looking for a relationship. Sean lived on the other side of town. They could keep it secret. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions and would let Sean make the first move.
Bernard went into the kitchen and cleaned his dishes.
He decided to play through Resident Evil again, this time as Jill Valentine. He made it a quarter of the way through before saving and shutting off the system.
He headed to his bedroom, Ginger at his heels. He slipped into his gym shorts and T-shirt, and plopped onto the bed. Ginger opted for her dog bed on the floor. She curled up and fell asleep.
“Ginger, things are starting to look up for me.”
Bernard wanted more in his life, but he needed to be happy with himself first. Walking every day would be a step in the direction he needed. The walks allowed him to decompress. He didn’t care about weight loss; he wanted something fun to do with Ginger, and this was a start.