Chapter Twenty-Five
Rory
Friday, September 11
RORY AND BERNARD kept their relationship a secret from his mother. His father and brother knew but kept his secret. They’d been back together for over a month and Rory couldn’t be happier. He’d spent every Friday cuddled up with Bernard on the couch after dinner.
A month together, and they’d only kissed. The fear of hell prevented Rory from going further. He wanted to be intimate with Bernard, but years of conditioning held him hostage. Bernard never pressured him, and if he said no, Bernard respected him. Their shirts came off a few times, but nothing else. It couldn’t continue this way. Rory knew if he didn’t do something more with Bernard soon, Bernard would leave him.
Bernard held Rory in his arms as they watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Bernard had bought snacks, soda, and popcorn for them to enjoy. He popped Milk Duds into his mouth and let them melt. The chocolate coated his tongue before it slid down his throat.
“Have you met Mikey yet?” Bernard asked.
“Who’s Mikey?”
“Sarah and John’s son. He’s so adorable.”
“Aww, I hope I get to meet him soon.”
“Sarah took a leave of absence for a year to take care of him. I’m not sure if she’s going to return or not since they can survive on John’s income. She’ll probably want to be a stay-at-home mom.”
“I think it’s amazing they could adopt a child.”
“Do you ever want to have children?”
Rory glanced up at him. He loved spending time with his niece and had a blast playing with Bernard’s nephews. He wanted kids but didn’t know how that would be possible.
“I’d like kids one day,” Rory said. “But I’m not sure if it’ll ever happen.”
“I’d like kids too, and it’s hard for a gay man or a gay couple to adopt. Maybe one day we’ll be able to.”
Rory smiled. Bernard said “we,” including him in his future. He could see himself raising a child with Bernard. A child would receive so much love from them.
“I hope we can someday.”
Rory lay in Bernard’s arms, taking in the moment.
“Being with you is nice.” Bernard leaned down and kissed Rory.
He wrapped his arms around Bernard’s and pulled him tighter. He never wanted to let him go.
Rory sat up and leaned in to kiss Bernard. Bernard’s hands explored his stomach, chest, and back. Rory ran his fingers through Bernard’s hair. The soft waves wrapped around his fingers. Bernard’s mouth moved down to Rory’s neck. Rory leaned back and moaned.
“That feels nice,” Rory said.
“You like that?”
“Yes.”
Bernard lay on top of him. His hands moved inside his shirt and fingers tickled his chest hair. His warm, soft hands caressed his nipple. A pinch sent shivers down his spine.
“Yes,” Rory moaned.
Bernard’s tongue explored his neck and ear. His gentle nibble aroused his cock. He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it off. Bernard’s tongue found his nipple and took it between his teeth. His cock pressed against his jeans as Bernard flicked his nipple.
Rory reached over to unbutton Bernard’s shirt. Bernard sat up to help him take his shirt and undershirt off. He ran his fingers through Bernard’s chest hair. He took a nipple between his thumb and index finger and gave it a pinch.
“You can do that a little harder,” Bernard said.
Rory obliged. He squeezed and twisted Bernard’s erect nipple.
“Yes,” Bernard moaned.
Rory took his other nipple between his fingers and tweaked it.
“Damn, that feels good.”
He leaned in and nibbled one of Bernard’s nipples. He didn’t know how rough Bernard wanted it, so he kept it light.
“Harder,” Bernard said.
Rory nibbled with more pressure.
“Yes.”
Rory kissed Bernard’s chest. He moved his hands over his body. He curled the hair between his fingers.
“This feels amazing,” Rory said.
He moved Bernard to a lying position and got on top. He pressed his lips against Bernard’s full, soft lips. Their tongues explored each other’s mouths with vigor. Rory pressed his stiff cock against Bernard. Bernard was hard. His hand explored the bulge. Bernard was thick. Was he thicker than him? He wanted to taste his cock. He wanted to play with it like he did his own. Bernard was circumcised, and he wanted to hold it in his hands. What would it be like to stroke a cut cock?
He reached down and rubbed Bernard’s cock through his jeans. Bernard let out a groan of pleasure. He begged for more.
Rory wanted to undo Bernard’s pants but wasn’t sure what to do.
Bernard’s hand rubbed Rory’s crotch. His cock strained against his jeans.
“Shall I take these off?” Bernard asked, playing with the buttons on Rory’s jeans.
Rory nodded.
Bernard laid Rory back and undid his belt. He unbuttoned his jeans. Rory’s dick stretched against his underwear.
“That feels like a very nice cock,” Bernard said.
He rubbed his palm against his underwear. His cock jerked. Bernard put his mouth on his cock and sucked the shaft through his underwear. He squirmed.
“Do you like it?” Rory asked.
“Yes.”
He’d compared himself a few times to men in the locker room. They were all soft, so it was hard to compare. He grew. Some porn men grew a lot, and he was nowhere near what they had. Did Bernard like his cock or was he saying it in the moment? He wanted to know.
Bernard pulled his underwear down.
“I love an uncut dick.”
Rory leaned against the side of the couch, his pants and underwear pulled down around his knees.
Bernard moved his legs apart and stroked his cock. He pulled his foreskin over his tip and down again. His eyes caught Bernard’s. They stared as Bernard stroked him.
“I want to suck your cock,” Bernard said.
“You do?”
“Yes, I want all of it in my mouth.”
“I’d love to feel your lips around it,” Rory said.
Rory’s cock disappeared into Bernard’s mouth. He jerked back at the sensation. Bernard’s warm mouth fit around his cock. Bernard took every inch. He watched as Bernard continued to suck. This was new for him. He’d never had sex, even oral sex.
Rory wrapped his fingers in Bernard’s hair. He gyrated with Bernard’s rhythm. Each push filled his body with ecstasy.
“Keep going,” Rory said. “I want to come.”
Bernard pulled his cock out of his mouth and licked it. “I can taste your pre-cum. I can’t wait to swallow your load.”
“You want to swallow?”
“Fuck yeah, I do.”
Bernard returned his cock to his mouth. He stroked as he sucked.
Bernard’s saliva lubed his cock. The strokes became long and even. Bernard’s mouth played with his foreskin. Rory’s balls tightened. His load would soon fill Bernard’s waiting mouth. The anticipation caused the hairs on his arm to stand up.
You are disgusting, came a voice in his head, you let some pervert do this to you? Touch you like this. What a disgusting pig you’ve become. You’re a disgrace. Hell has a special place for someone like you.
“Wait,” Rory said.
Bernard lifted his head. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, I just…” Rory’s throat closed up. Tears welled in his eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…I can’t do this right now.” Rory pulled up his underwear and pants. “I’m sorry.” He stood and fastened his pants.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Bernard pulled him into an embrace.
He moved away. He couldn’t stand to be touched right now. Contradicting thoughts raced through his head.
“Rory, it’s okay,” Bernard said. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yes, I did,” he choked. “We were going to finally…then I had to question what I was doing. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Rory hated himself. He’d gotten past his fear, and it overwhelmed him again. The church destroyed him.
“Rory.” Bernard pulled him back into a tight embrace. “I know exactly what you’re going through. I went through it too. I won’t push you into anything you don’t want to do.”
“But…” Rory coughed. “What if I’m never ready? You don’t want to be with someone who can’t be intimate with you. Someone who can’t please you.”
Bernard pulled away and looked him in the eye. Bernard’s beautiful brown eyes shone with compassion. This man would do anything to make him happy.
“I don’t believe you’ll never be ready,” Bernard said, “and I don’t care how long it takes for you to be ready. I want to be with you, not just for sex. If you never feel comfortable having sex with me, we’ll work something out. We’ll find a way to be together. Even if that means we watch each other jack off and that’s it.”
Rory couldn’t help but giggle. “You’d be satisfied with just watching me jack off?” he said.
“You’re hot. I’d be happy if you lay on the bed naked and let me jack off just looking at you.”
“You’re so wonderful.” Rory leaned in and wrapped his arms around Bernard.
He doubted himself, and Bernard stayed with him. Bernard meant every word. He was happy with Bernard, and one day he’d be able to give him what he deserved.
“I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready for,” Bernard said. “I won’t lose you over something silly. You have to go at your own pace and don’t let anyone, not even me, push you faster than you’re ready to go.”
Bernard held him in his arms as they finished the movie. His warm embrace eased the tension in his mind. He was right to trust Bernard. He’d never hurt him or push him.
*
HIS COCK HARDENED as he showered. He jerked off. The memory of Bernard sucking his dick made it easy to come.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” Rory lay down with his back to Bernard.
“You have no reason to be sorry.” Bernard wrapped his arm around Rory. “My first time was much worse.”
“What happened?”
Rory wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Bernard had been with guys, but he didn’t want to hear the details. He wanted to pretend he was Bernard’s first, even though that was impossible.
“I … ” Bernard giggled. “I came in my pants as soon as the guy took off his clothes and touched me.” He buried his face into Rory’s back. He was laughing.
“What?”
“Yes, I was twenty,” Bernard said. “I’d just started exploring and it was with someone from High School. No, I won’t tell you who. We were at his parents’ house. They were out of town, and we were going to experiment. Well, we did little after that.”
“I’m sorry that happened,” Rory said. “I know it must have been embarrassing.”
“I haven’t spoken to him since.”
They went silent. Rory held Bernard’s arm. He stroked the hairs. Bernard’s arm hair was soft.