10
Poppy
The dull sting between my legs is nothing compared to the ache in my chest. I woke up, wishing that it were a nightmare, losing my brother. But I’m hit with the harsh reality that it wasn’t, and now, I need to break the news to Jake.
I allow myself another gaze at Walker as the sun begins to peek out, waking up the sky and starting the day. The light shines on his face, and for the first time in years, I try my best to memorize every line, freckle, and feature. So badly, I want to lean down and press my lips to his. But one night can’t fix everything. And right now, I have bigger fish to fry than figuring out my extremely confusing, all-over-the-place feelings for Walker James.
Slowly, I slide out from under the covers, careful not to let the bed creak. Quickly yet quietly, I pull on yesterday’s clothes. Tiptoeing across the floor, I slide my feet into my sandals, looking back at him again. The comforter rests at his waist, and he has one arm above his head and his gorgeous face turned slightly toward the window.
I wish I could stay in the moment when he made love to me last night. If I could, I’d never leave. Because for once in so long, I didn’t feel the pain of everything. And just as I’d always wanted, it was us against the world.
Pulling the door open, I walk out. Leaving Walker sound asleep, knowing that when he wakes up, he’ll think I’m next to him.
*********
Walker
Before my eyes even adjust to the light, I know she’s gone without physically seeing it. My hand reaches the side of the bed she fell asleep on, and I find it cold.
Shooting straight up, I toss the blankets off and leap out of bed before pulling on my sweatpants. Running out into the main part of the dorm, I look around.
“Poppy!” I yell, knowing it’s useless.
She ran.
I wish I were surprised, but I’m not. I stayed awake for as long as I could, just listening to her breathing. And held her closer when she winced in her sleep. None of that will ever be enough though.
Trying to love her will be like bringing a stray animal inside after it’s spent its entire life in the wild. Just like that animal, she won’t trust me, and she’ll always be ready to run.
I’d be stupid to even bother. But I’m going to try anyway.
I still don’t have her number, but I know who does.
After dialing Cade and getting no answer five times, I call Lana.
“Walker?” she says after answering on the first ring. “Are you with Poppy by chance?”
“No. I was last night, but she’s gone.” I drag my hand over the back of my head. “I need her number. Okay?”
“I’ll text it to you,” she says quickly, and seconds later, I see the text come through. “Done.”
“Thanks. I gotta go.”
Before I can hang up, she stops me. “Walker, if you see her…can you call me?” The worry in her voice is clear. “I know you said she was with you, but she didn’t come home. And she never does that.”
I can’t tell Lana about Van. It isn’t my place.
So, instead, I nod into my empty room. “I’ll let you know. She’s, uh…well, she’s going through it right now. And she’s going to need her friends.” I swallow. “All of you need to be there for her, okay?”
“What happened?” she whispers, her voice breaking.
“I can’t tell you. That’s up to her. For now, just be her friend. She deserves that.”
“I will,” she answers softly. “I promise.”
Ending the call, I quickly throw my shirt.
She might want to run away from me, but I need to find her.
***
Poppy
I sit with my brother on the couch as we hold on to each other. The whole bus ride here, my stomach hurt so bad that I felt like I could throw up because I knew that this was going to break him.
Jake cries, and I hug him.
“It sucks.” I sniffle. “I miss him already.”
Telling him was the hardest thing I’d done in my entire life. Jake understands that Van had demons, like our father had. But he still loved Van and talked about him all the time.
“He didn’t get to see my new home,” he utters. “I think he would have liked it.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I nod slowly. “He would have loved this place, J,” I whisper.
It really is just him and me now. And I will do everything I can to make sure he knows I’ll always be here for him. That, unlike our mother, father, and now brother … he can count on me to never leave.
Thinking of my father reminds me that I still have to call the prison.
Great.
Standing outside of Jake’s apartment by myself, I pull out my phone and dial the prison. Once a lady with a thick Southern accent answers, I suck in a breath through my nose and let it out of my mouth.
“Hi, this is Poppy Wilson. My father, Ronald Wilson, is an inmate there.”
“Okay? Well, I can’t connect you. It’s not his day to make phone calls—”
“I don’t want to talk to him. I just have a message for someone to pass along.” I swallow, trying to ease the burning in my throat. “His son Van died yesterday. I just thought he should probably be told.”
“Oh,” she says, pausing. “I’m so—”
“Thank you for passing on the message,” I mutter and end the call.
My duty as Van’s sister is done. Our dad—who is the very definition of the scum of the earth in my eyes, but a hero in Van’s—has been notified.
Another thing off my list of awful, emotional shit I have to do today.
Next up … write an obituary for a kid this town has grown to hate.
A loud exhaust startles me, and I look up to find Walker’s truck pulling into the parking lot of the apartment building.
“Damn it,” I mutter.
I knew there was a chance he’d come find me today. But I didn’t think he’d know I was here. Yet here he is, proving me wrong.
Slowly, he gets out of the truck and closes the door. His gray sweatpants immediately make my mouth water, so I look away.
“Thought I might find you here,” he drawls softly.
“You didn’t take the hint that maybe I didn’t want to be found when you woke up and I was gone?” I shake my head. “What are you doing here, Walker?”
“I’m here for you. And for Jake.”
He stops in front of me; his Brooks hockey T-shirt hugs his biceps, and I want to crash against him and let him hold me tight.
I can’t get used to him always being here to make it all better though. He’s proven before that when given the chance, he will leave. So, instead, I take a step back.
“I can’t do this today,” I whisper. “You need to go.”
His hands ball at his sides, and he groans in frustration. “So, that’s how it will always be then? You don’t trust me, and you never will? Or what? Just tell me what I have to do, and I’ll do it.”
“I can’t do this!” I hiss. “I need to go home and get ready for work. I still have to finish writing my brother’s obituary. I need to go to the trailer and go through nearly two decades of shit. All while catching a bus to all of these places.” I suck in a breath through my nose, frustrated. “I don’t have time to unbox whatever the hell is going on inside your head today.”
“You shouldn’t work today, Poppy,” he says. His eyes stare into mine, making me feel completely naked. “Can I go in and see Jake?”
I fold my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes. “Are you just going to get his hopes up that you’ll be around and then leave again? He has had enough people do that to him. He doesn’t need to survive you doing it … twice.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He looks sad and almost defeated. “I just want to be there for him through this. For you too.”
Glancing back at Jake’s apartment door, I sigh. “Go on. But I’m leaving. I have to go get ready for work.”
“Poppy, you should—”
“Not all of us have endless money from our uncles, Walker! Goddamn it!” I hiss. “Don’t you get it? Even to have Van cremated is going to take every cent of money I’ve saved up.”
Realization flashes on his face, and he swallows before heading toward the apartment. When he gets right next to me, he stops. “I’m here. I will be here from now on.”
I close my eyes, and a shooting pain soars through my chest.
“You’ve said that before,” I mutter before I start to walk away.
“Poppy,” he calls out.
When I look over my shoulder, he turns to face me again.
“Take my truck. The keys are in it.” He jerks his chin toward the Chevy. “I don’t have practice until later. I can catch a ride with one of the guys.”
I can’t drive his truck. Though it would make things easier for the tasks at hand, it would make everything even more confusing in my heart.
“Thank you,” I say, dropping my shoulders. “But I’m all set.”
“Use the fucking truck, Pop,” he growls.
Right now, I can’t do this. A month ago, I would have loved for him to act like he cared. But at this moment in time, I’m at my limit of what I can do. And letting Walker into my life isn’t one of them.
Between planning this funeral and practices this week for my performance in The Nutcracker … my plate isn’t just full. It’s freaking overflowing.
I head to the bus stop when he walks into Jake’s apartment. Because I’m not about to let Walker James think that I cannot live without his help.
**
Walker
What a little shit. I watch out the window as Poppy walks to the bus stop and takes a seat on the bench. Even though I just told her—no, demanded that she take my truck. I want to help her through this week. I want to make it easier on her, though I know that’ll be a hard job.
It’s hard to help someone who won’t accept a damn bit of help though.
“She will come around,” Jake says from the couch. “She’s just … tough.”
“You’re not joking.” I breathe out a laugh. “That’s one word to describe your sister.”
“You love her though,” he says, and when I turn around, he’s watching the TV screen. “Even though you hurt her feelings. And made her sad when you left.” He looks at me, shaking his head. “You knucklehead.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know.” I look out the window again and watch as the bus stops in front of her and opens its door.
She climbs up the stairs, and I can hardly see her through the darkened windows as she walks through the aisle and finds a seat.
I don’t know how to be there for her without being overbearing. And she isn’t the easiest person to help through things.
“Van was sad. He’s better now.” There’s no mistaking the pain in Jake’s voice as he talks about his brother.
And I’m sure telling him was the hardest thing Poppy has had to do. She loves Jake more than she loves anyone or anything. She’d never want to hurt him.
Walking toward him, I take a seat on the couch. “I think so too.” I look down. “Wish I could have been there for him. And for you and Poppy. I’m … I’m sorry, Jake.”
He looks me in the eye for a moment before looking away. “Then … be there for her now. And don’t leave.”
He’s right. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m not a patient man. Not usually anyway. But I’m beginning to learn that Poppy needs patience from me.
So, I’m about to be the most patient fucker anyone’s ever seen.