11
*********
Walker
The bus ride home from Florida is long, and I’m thankful we’re only fifteen minutes from Brooks now. I’ve texted Poppy an embarrassing number of times since we left for our away games on Friday morning, and all I’ve received back are a few one- to two-worded responses.
Between all the shit with Van and then add in that Cade Huff has left Brooks and is in rehab, it’s been one shitty week. This whole season, he’s been battling drug addiction, and no one knew. Well, besides me, and that’s only because I saw him at Van’s.
Van overdosed and died. And that fucking sucks for Poppy and Jake. But if he hadn’t died, I keep wondering if Cade would have ever gone to rehab. He could have died instead.
Life is so fucking crazy sometimes.
We won our games, but everyone could feel Cade’s absence on the ice. The team is a big, slightly dysfunctional family. And without him, our family isn’t complete.
I peer over the seat at Coach LaConte, who is staring out the window. I think out of everyone, he’s taking it the hardest. He’s always had a soft spot for Huff. And I think, in a lot of ways, he feels as though he failed Huff by not seeing the signs.
I know one thing: he’s going to be upping how much he piss-tests the team. He’s made it clear that this sort of thing isn’t going to slip by him again.
It’s been five days since Van passed away. I don’t know if Poppy is planning a funeral or if she isn’t having one. All I know is that whatever she’s planning, I want to be there for her and Jake during it.
Even if that pisses her off.
I’m thankful that Jake isn’t hanging the past over my head. He’s just happy to have me back around. And when I look around at everything he’s accomplished, I understand why his sister did what she did.
Three years were wasted with me hating her because I was too fucking stupid to think about everything from her side.
The other night, I got to taste her and bury my cock inside of her, all in the same hour. I’m forever a changed man, and I’m pretty sure any future hookup will be ruined. I knew that was what would happen. I’d thought about doing what we did for years. Then, it happened.
Now, I can’t stop thinking about her.
I’ve spent the past few years sleeping around, hoping it would get her out of my brain. But I don’t want to forget her anymore. Who am I kidding? I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
“I think the entire ride back from Florida, you’ve maybe said five words,” Hunter says after sliding his headphones onto his neck. “You seem off. Is it because of everything with Cade?”
“I guess,” I mutter, knowing there’s a lot more going on with me, but not wanting to explain that right now. “Have you heard from him?”
“Huff?” He shakes his head. “Nah. He can’t talk to anyone for the first few weeks there.”
“Fucking sucks,” I utter.
“Yeah, I know.” He gives me a small nod. “You know I heard the kid who was dealing him drugs overdosed and died? I keep thinking that could have been Huff.” His face pales. “Just goes to show we don’t all know each other as well as we’d like to think we do.”
I don’t tell him that I knew Van for most of my life. Or that despite him being a drug dealer, he had a good heart but had been born into a world that he couldn’t escape. That, unlike Hunter and so many others, Van truly did think he didn’t have any other option in life but to follow in his father’s footsteps. I knew him enough to know that if Van had had more guidance, he wouldn’t be dead right now.
“He’ll be okay,” I tell him, knowing he’s worrying about Huff.
“What if he’s not though? What if he gets out of rehab and then it gets worse?”
I think back to my friendship with Van—a friendship I abandoned and never looked back. I can’t turn back time and be better. But I can vow to be better from here on out.
“Then, we’ll all be here for him to remind him of how much he has to lose,” I say evenly. “We’ll keep a better eye out. We’ll be better friends to him.”
Giving me an unsure look, he finally nods. “Yeah, we will.” He gives me a small grin. “Good job this weekend, James. You’re playing like a Wolf now.”
“Thanks.” I tip my chin down. “I appreciate that.”
Just when the team is starting to see me as a true teammate and good player, I’m going to fuck it up by distracting myself with making Poppy Wilson forgive me.
But in a perfect world, it’s not just about hockey. Or Poppy. It’s both.
And eventually, I will have both.
The bus pulls into a parking lot at Brooks University, and I quickly begin gathering my shit up.
First stop, find Poppy.
*********
Poppy
I furiously hit the keyboard of the laptop the school has been letting me borrow. I’m rarely behind on assignments, but this week has been grueling, and my schoolwork has been put on the back burner.
I have yet to go to the trailer and go through Van’s stuff. But I did get his obituary written, as well as worked out a payment plan for his cremation. To add to the craziness, I have been practicing for a huge part in The Nutcracker, which I was chosen for at the beginning of the school year. Ryann and I both have big parts in it. And while I’m thrilled to do it with her, it’s another thing on my already-full plate.
But it’ll be fine. This, too, shall pass.
“Knock, knock,” Ryann says, pushing on my door and peeking in at me. “You’ve got a visitor, babe.”
Looking up from the computer, I narrow my eyes. “Who?”
“A tall, delicious Walker James.” She winks. “Yummy.”
“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” I tilt my head to the side. “I’ve seen you and Watson Gentry lookin’ awfully snuggly together. And after all that talk that you weren’t interested.”
“This isn’t about me right now,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I told him you’d be right out.”
Turning my attention back to the screen, I shake my head. “Nope. Tell him I’m sick. Tell him I have diarrhea or am projectile puking. Anything. Just don’t let him in.”
“You’re going to tell a man who looks like that, that you’re in here, shitting your pants?” She gives me an are you serious look. “For real?”
“No.” I smirk. “You are.”
“You are too much,” she huffs out before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.
I’m just getting back into the swing of typing when my door flies open. Looking up, I shut my computer and shoot Walker a glare.
“For real? Why are you here?”
“You don’t look like you’re sick, Poppyseed.” He takes a few steps forward, stopping at the end of my bed. “In fact, you look pretty fucking healthy.”
“So, take the hint that I don’t want company.” I shrug. “Why do you insist on showing up where I am when I clearly don’t want you to?”
“Oh, you do want me to,” he says confidently, irking me deep in my soul. “You don’t have to lie, babe.”
My gaze sweeps over him unwillingly. The Wolves sweatpants instantly make an ache form deep inside of me as flashes of his face between my legs assault my brain. For days, I’ve refused to think about what happened between us.
Never mind the fact that I lost my virginity the day my brother died. What is wrong with me? That should have been the last thing on my mind that night. I’m truly pathetic.
My phone rings on the bed beside me, and I look at it, knowing it’s the cremation company.
“Well, what are you doing? Give me a minute, would you?” I shoot him a glare and shoo him into the hallway.
Once he leaves my room, I slide my thumb across the screen and answer.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Ms. Wilson?” a kind female voice says.
“This is she.”
“Hi there. It’s Martha. I was just calling to say that we have your brother here. He’s ready to be picked up.” She pauses. “And from what I’ve read from my coworker’s notes, you’re going to pay a little today, and then we’ve set you up on a payment plan for…one hundred ten dollars a month. Does that sound correct?”
“Yes,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat. Even through the phone, I’m embarrassed about how broke I am. “I have two hundred thirty to put toward it. I’m sorry. I, uh, I’m in college. And I just don’t have a lot of money saved—” I stutter over my words.
Jake tried to give me some of the money he’d saved from working, but I didn’t want to take it. He’ll need it to pay for his utilities and groceries now that he’s on his own.
“Oh, no. Please do not apologize, darling,” she assures me. “Really, it’s no problem at all. Do you plan to pick him up today?”
“Um, yes. I don’t have a car, but I’m sure I can find a way,” I say, tapping my foot as I try to think of how the hell I’m going to get him. I know Ryann will let me use her car. I hate to ask her, but I don’t have another option in this case. “I’ll be over shortly.”
“Thank you. See you soon.”
“Bye,” I mutter, ending the call.
Walker wastes no time walking back into the room. “Get dressed, Poppyseed.” He waves toward my flannel pajama bottoms. “Unless you’re going to wear those out.”
“Where are we going?” I place my hand on my hip.
“To get your brother,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’ll be out in the truck.”
“Walker…you don’t need to—”
Taking a few steps toward me, he places his hands on my forearms. “I’m not offering. I’m telling.” His eyes sweep over my face, stopping on my lips for a moment, making every cell in my body buzz. Finally, he steps back, removing his hands from my arms. “Come out when you’re ready.”
And then he leaves, and my heart flutters the slightest bit.
Little by little, he’s working his way back into my soul.
And that scares the hell out of me.
The lady behind the counter sets the urn before me. “I’m going to go grab a box you can set it in. Be right back.”
The urn I chose is the cheapest one they had, but it’s sleek and black, and I think Van would have liked it—I hope so anyway.
Walker stands beside me, his hand moving to my lower back. “You all right?”
I don’t say anything, but nod my head once. His hand stays on my back, slowly moving back and forth to remind me he’s here.
The lady returns, picks up the urn, and puts it inside a box. “You’re all set.”
I look at her, confused. “Um, I still need to pay. At least the first payment anyway.”
Her brows furrow. “Oh, um…the bill was taken care of.”
“No”—I shake my head—“it wasn’t.”
Walking to the computer, she hits a few keys. “It’s paid in full, Ms. Wilson.”
“Come on,” Walker says, picking up the box.
For a moment, I’m frozen. And then it hits me.
Walker did this.
He did this and didn’t even tell me.
***
Walker
“Why would you do that?” Poppy asks as I pull out of the parking lot after picking Van’s ashes up.
“Do what?” I play dumb, knowing this could go one of two ways.
One, she’ll be completely pissed that I paid for Van to be cremated. Or, two, she’ll appreciate it. I know she’s completely broke, and the thought of her spending every cent she’d made to pay for her brother’s death gutted me. I couldn’t let it happen, especially when I have an uncle who gave me a credit card for emergencies. And to him, the money it cost for Van’s cremation is pocket change.
“You heard me on the phone, didn’t you?” She scowls from the passenger side. Before I can answer, she throws her head back against the headrest. “Damn it, Walker. Why do you keep doing nice things?”
I glance over at her. Her jaw is tense, and her breathing is sharp.
“Because I want to.”
Her eyes fly back to mine. “Because you want to?” She shakes her head. “And how long will you want to before you take off again? Huh?”
“Would you just stop?” I say, continuing to drive. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal to me!” she yells. “You know what? Pull over!”
“What? No,” I say, seeing her hand resting on the door handle.
“Pull. Over,” she growls.
“Oh my fucking word! You’re such a pain in the ass!” I roar, tearing into an empty parking lot. “Just be a normal fucking person and say, Thank you, Walker, and move along!”
When I slam my truck into park, she starts to push the door open, but I reach over, gripping her chin.
“Just let me do something nice for you, for fuck’s sake!”
“You did nice shit before, Walker!” Her eyes are wild, and as she sucks in deep breaths, her tits strain against her T-shirt. “You were always doing nice shit. And guess what. You still left. No, wait. You made me out to be an awful human being, and then you left.”
“I was just fucking upset that my parents were dead!” I bark. “I didn’t mean to fuck everything up, Poppy. Fuck!”
“You give things. You give me hope,” she whispers, her eyebrows pulling together. “And all these nice things you’re doing … they will only make it worse when you leave again.” She squeezes her eyes shut. “Just be an asshole. An indifferent dick, like you were when you left me on the sidewalk that day.” She sucks in a breath, her throat making a squeaking noise as a tear rolls down her cheek. “That’ll make it hurt less when you leave again.”
I glare over at her before I yank her body on top of mine. Gliding my hand up her cheek and tangling it into her hair, I bring her lips to mine. She kisses me back, grinding her pussy on the hardening bulge through my sweatpants.
When I move my lips to her neck, I watch her nipples pebble through her white shirt, making my cock even harder. Sliding my hands to her hips, I shove her against my dick, feeling how hot she is through the fabric of her leggings.
All at once, it’s like I remember that we have her brother’s ashes in the backseat of my truck. And if it wasn’t bad enough that we did what we did the night he died, this seems worse.
Pulling back, I move my hands to her arms. “We should … we should get your brother to where he’s going,” I say and watch her cheeks grow red. Embarrassment fills her entire face as she begins to scurry off of me.
“It’s not that I don’t want you,” I groan, tightening my hold on her arms, keeping her on my lap. “You’re all I fucking want right now.” I cringe. “But not like this. Not right now.”
“Okay,” she whispers. “I understand.”
I take my hands off her body, and she climbs back into the passenger seat and smooths her clothes down.
“Where do you want to take him? Are you going to take him home with you? Or … did you have somewhere in mind?”
She looks shocked before she laughs. “Ummm … I love my brother. But, no, he’s not coming home with me.” She glances in the backseat at the box of his ashes. “I just want him to be somewhere where he’s happy.” She sighs. “I’m just not sure where that would be.”
I think back to when we were kids. “I have an idea. But we’re going to go get Jake too.”
She looks unsure, looking from the box to me.
“Just trust me, Poppy. This one time. Okay?”
Slowly, her head bobs up and down. “Okay.”
“This is perfect,” Poppy whispers before turning toward me. “I can’t believe you remembered this place.”
I look around before nodding once. “Of course I did. Your brother was so sure that this would make the perfect spot for a restaurant one day.” I laugh, pointing at the small pond. “He said he’d have paddleboats in the pond and a big ol’ porch where people could sit and eat while enjoying the view.” I feel my heart squeeze. “He wanted to name it Van’s Tomorrow.”
Her eyes fill with tears, and she tucks her hands into her pockets. “He always said, one day, our tomorrow really will only be one day away. And we’ll get out of Sunset Drive.” She looks around. “Now, he’s out of that place. For good.”
The land we brought his ashes to is only three miles away from where we grew up, but it is so much different from Sunset Drive because it’s on the nicer side of town. And the first time we rode our bikes by it, Van stopped and said it would one day be his restaurant.
Putting her arm around Jake, she rests her head against his. “What do you think, J? Is this a good spot for Van to reside?”
Looking up, he gazes out toward the pond before he drops his hand down and squeezes his sister’s hand. “I think … it’s perfect.”
Her lips turn up in a small, sad smile. And she nods. “Me too, J. Me too.”
Eventually, he releases her hand, heads toward where she set the urn on the grass, and picks it up. Her eyes find mine, and I can feel her pain like it’s my own. But behind her gaze, I also see something else. Something that I can’t place. Hope maybe? Or relief.
Taking a few steps to the huge tree, she kneels down and begins to spread his ashes.
“I hope you’re up there, running that restaurant. Just like you always wanted,” she whispers. “You are not a loser, Van. You’re my family. My brother. And I love you.” She sniffles. “So much.”
Walking next to her, I kneel beside her and put my hand on the urn while she has it tipped. “I wish that things had been different. I wish you were here, right now, opening a restaurant right here.” I wipe my eyes. “I love you, man. Say hi to my parents for me.”
Jake’s next to sit down on the grass beside us. “I wish you’d gotten to see my apartment. I think you would have liked it,” he says softly before his voice dips lower. “I promise I’ll make sure that he takes care of P.” He pauses before slightly stuttering, “I miss you, Van. I love you.”
I glance at Poppy, but she stares down at the urn. Her chest rises and falls faster, and I see the tears gathering in her eyes. Being here today is a gift. And I’m so thankful she allowed me to do this.
***
Poppy
Walker pulls into my driveway, and I unbuckle my seat belt. After spreading Van’s ashes, we took Jake out to dinner, and everything seemed sort of … normal. Well, almost. It just wasn’t the same without Briar and Van. And at dinner, I learned that Briar isn’t really the same. She’s been molded into what her uncle and his wife convinced her to be. That makes me sad because I loved her the way she was.
I chew my lip nervously. “Thank you, Walker.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and peek over at him. “For paying for Van’s cremation and for finding the perfect place to lay him to rest.” I pause. “And for making this day a bit easier. Especially on Jake.”
“Poppy, I, uh … I wouldn’t have missed it.” He nods slowly. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my ass and see that I wasn’t the victim here. I guess I just needed to be mad at someone, and y’all got stuck with the job.” He swallows. “What Jake said—that he’ll make sure I take care of you? Well, he’s right. Because I will.” He looks down. “I should have never stopped.”
“It’s not your job to take care of me, Walker.” I shrug. “It never was your job. It’s my job.”
“It became my job that first day we met when we were six and I could tell your father was hurting you when I saw your bruises and the cut on your lip,” he rasps. “I knew right then that the only job I ever wanted was just to keep you safe.” He looks up again, his face strained. “And then I failed. But I won’t do that again. I promise. So, whatever you need, tell me. Please, Poppy. I want to make it right. I want to be your best friend again and be there for you when you need me.”
When he reaches over, brushing his thumb across my cheek, I suck in a breath. It would be so easy to give in to him right now. It’s all I want to do. But I know that I’m still grieving the loss of my brother, and even though I had a great day with Walker, that doesn’t mean everything between us is fine because it isn’t.
“I just need some time to process everything that’s happened. With Van. With … us. All of it,” I utter. “I’m not in the best headspace right now.”
“I understand,” he says, his deep voice stretching across the truck cab, vibrating my chest. “But I’m still going to be around. If you need me, I’ll never be far. Okay?”
I flashback to my freshman year of high school. It was the first time we were in different classes now that we were in a new school.
On the walk to school, he glanced at me and said almost the same words. “If you need me, I won’t be far.”
“Okay,” I whisper, nodding my head slowly. “I’ll, uh, see you later.” Reaching for the door handle, I smile. “Thanks again, Walker. Night.”
His eyes grow sad, and he holds his hand up. “Good night, Poppy. If you need me … you know where to find me.”
Pushing the door open, I climb down from his truck and head inside.
My mind can’t help but wonder …
Does he mean what he just said?
And if he does, where does that leave us?