Chapter Fifteen
Present - Ryder
AT A GLANCE, you’d think Evie would be walking up to this club to celebrate Lou’s birthday the spitting image of bravado. But as she tucks her hair behind an ear, I know that she’s nervous. Likely afraid of finding another group of people, she doesn’t quite fit in with.
I bump her with my elbow. “They’re going to love you.”
“Obviously. What’s not to love?” The facade falls flat and she sighs anxiously. “Every social occasion that I’ve gathered enough gusto to attend has gone down in flames. I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friends.”
“First of all, I’m more of a stray dog they insist on keeping around, rather than a proper member of the friend group. Second of all, they’re probably one of the weirdest collections of sore thumbs this world has ever seen.”
“Is that a hint of fondness in those black eyes?”
“Nope. Not a bit.”
Evie smiles a little and I consider my job done. As we approach the club, I spot Lou standing just behind the bouncer, literally bouncing.
I roll my eyes. “Eves, just be prepared, because Lou is–” A disturbingly high-pitched squeal cuts me off, and then Lou’s arms are already wrapping around Evie. “Fuck’s sake, Lou! When did you learn how to teleport?”
“When you walked up with my new friend!”
Evie blushes. “Happy Birthday. I’m Evie.”
Lou’s typical golden ringlets are straightened into a smooth blonde ponytail, but her smile is as giant as ever, crinkling her blue eyes. The incredible, cyan-colored corset suit she’s been waiting all this time to wear screams “ It’s my fucking birthday, bitches! ”. There’s no small amount of smugness on Evie’s face as she passes Lou her gift bag, containing the perfect accessory.
Lou pulls back, smiling. “Ohhh, you didn’t have to.”
“Oh, we did,” Evie says, a little of her usual confidence entering her demeanor.
“Well, thank you.” Lou smirks. “You know, I saw you together at Brooke’s opening. We’ve all been taking bets to see how long it was going to be until you came around.”
I groan, fruitlessly praying that her claim doesn’t hold truth to it.
Evie snorts, not the least bit put off. “I would have been around sooner, if not for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Depressy over here.”
“Holy shit, you’re perfect.” Lou’s grin widens. “Come on, I want you to meet everyone else!”
My brows shoot up. “Should I bother coming, or was I only invited because you were hoping I’d bring Evie?”
“Do whatever you want, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Depressy.” Lou snickers over her shoulder, before leaning into Evie and whispering conspiratorially, “We should get that trademarked.”
Evie laughs before they disappear behind the velvet rope and into the relatively small crowd, heading toward the booth where the others wait. I trail along behind the girls, glancing around the club, relieved that I don’t recognize any faces. With this club being right smack in the middle of downtown Tampa—and it being a Thursday—it wasn’t likely, but I had to be sure.
“Everyone, this is Evie! Evie, this is everyone!” Lou announces before taking off toward the bar. “I’m getting us a round!!”
Ara furiously shoves at Theo from where she’s tucked into the booth, demanding to be freed, until she’s up and pulling Evie into a hug. “It’s really nice to meet you. I’m Ara.”
Admittedly, I played it down to Evie today. There’s a permanent soft spot in my chest where Ara is concerned. I’d never seen someone so lonely and so lost—outside of a mirror— until she stumbled into my bar that night, what, two years ago now?
She’d just lost her favorite person in the world. And something about the look on Ara’s face made me feel lucky that night, because unlike her, there was still a chance I could find my person again. It was stupid and I wanted to beat myself up for being so weak, and yet, here we are.
There’s a stark difference between Ara’s swollen eyes and grief-stained nose from then to her wide smile now, freckled cheeks and bright eyes. That night seemed like a meaningless blip at the time, just another girl who needed a strong drink and someone to look after her. But looking back, I can’t help but wonder if it served a far greater purpose.
Not to sound cliché, but of all the bars in the world, she walked into mine, cracking open the tiniest of slivers in my endless despondency, and then effectively crowbarring it open for the rest of them.
Evie returns Ara’s hug. “I absolutely love your top.”
“Thanks! I made it.”
Pause. I smirk as Evie tries and fails to collect herself. “You did not.”
Ara waves her hand like it’s no big deal. “I did. If you really like it, you can have it. Or I’ll make you one just like it and we can twin.”
“I would love that, actually. The second option, I mean.”
“Yay! I’ll give you my number and you can come over so I can measure you.”
As Evie hands Ara her phone, she glances at me over her shoulder, hazel eyes sparkling and a certain contentment descends over her. My chest warms at the sight of it, Evie making friends, the way she’s always wanted.
Theo clears his throat from the other side of Ara and she gasps. “Oh shit, sorry. This is Theo, by the way. My boyfr—uh—fiancé.”
My eyes widen and Ara doesn’t miss a thing, giving my shoulder a playful punch before flashing the evidence on her ring finger. “You miss out on shit when you don’t come around enough.”
I manage a half smile for her, before clasping Theo on the shoulder. “I’m happy for you guys.”
“Fuck, mate, you’re making me blush with such effusive, drooly affection.” Connor grins as he pulls me into a hug. I roll my eyes and pat him on the back, the fucking idiot.
Brooke is the last to stand from the booth, smiling hesitantly as Connor puts his arm around her shoulder. “This is my better half, Brooke, formerly known as Ice Queen.”
Brooke elbows him in the ribs, hard. “It’s nice to see you again, Evie, and properly know you.”
“Same.” Evie sighs. “I know you dealt exclusively with Marcy, but she worked with me on everything for the opening of your center.”
“I can’t thank you enough. You and Marcy made that day surpass all I’d hoped for.”
This scratchy feeling makes its way up my neck. A little bit like shame and a little like the evidence of what I’m involved in is making its way through my skin, exposing me completely.
Evie spends her life leaving hope and happiness in her wake. Brooke, in her own way, is doing the same. How do I have the right to exist in their circle, while I spend my nights opening the door to everything they stand against?
Of all people, Connor marks my discomfort and steers us away. “So, Evie, how’s it being the newbie in Ryder’s life? I hope he’s nicer to you than he is to the rest of us.”
“Newbie? From where I stand, you’re the newbie.” Evie smirks, before crossing her arms. “I’ve known Ryder longer than anyone else on this Earth.”
Evie’s found her footing. God help them all.
“Then maybe you can give us all an educational lecture on how to deal with his moods.” Connor laughs, before gripping my shoulder and muttering, “Do us a favor and don’t let her and Brooke become friends. We’re bloody fucked if they do.”
“Too late,” Brooke says to Evie, eyes a lot warmer than what I’m used to being on the receiving end of.
Connor meanders over to where Theo and Ara have moved toward a bowl of nibbles, Brooke and Evie in tow, saying something ridiculous about the wedding.
A moment later, Lou stands next to me from where I watch on and sighs. “I am so disgustingly single.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m still single, too, you know.”
“Not for long. She’s obviously the love of your life.”
I frown, completely unwilling to go there. “The love of your life is out there, too. You just haven’t met her yet.”
“Maybe.” Lou shrugs. “But in all honesty, a life spent as the seventh wheel doesn’t seem too bad. As a rich auntie, I’ll get to play with a bunch of cute babies and sleep through the night.”
I snort.
And for a second time today, I’m stupid enough to imagine it. Evie and Me. Connor and Brooke. Theo and Ara. Lou and whoever manages to steal her heart one day.
I let myself think about how it would feel, walking into a room full of people that fought tooth and claw for that happiness. Celebrating birthdays. Spending Christmas with them. Taking family trips, because that’s what we’d be. One big family. Being here with them makes it all feel within reach.
“Theo and Ara got engaged.” That’s a bit of wonder in my voice.
“Yeah.” Lou smiles at her best friend as Ara inconspicuously moves her ring back and forth beneath a small light, unaware of anyone watching. “I can’t believe you missed it.”
Neither can I.
A moment later, a bottle girl approaches with a tray of shots.
“Thank fuck,” we say in unison and make our way over to the booth where everyone has squeezed in, including Evie. They cheer as the birthday girl approaches, doing a little happy dance.
Lou passes a shot around to everyone, and we raise our glasses in the air as Lou yells, “A year older and never been hotter!”
We knock them back and coughing fits break out all around me. I smirk, barely fazed by the watered-down vodka.
“Fuck!” Ara sputters. Cough. Cough. “Who gets vodka shots!?”
“ Moi .” Lou waggles her eyebrows between coughs. “Now, pass me my gifts.”
“Mine’s ready for you, but not here.” Ara grins. “Felt weird to bring a mannequin to a club.”
Theo clears his throat. “It’s from me, too.”
Ara snorts. “It’s true, Theo sat there the whole time while I worked.”
“I can’t wait to see it!!” Lou claps her hands and squeals before noticing Connor, whose shit-eating grin is one for the ages, as he slowly slides a gift box toward Lou. “Do I even want to know what’s in that box?”
“No. You really don’t.” Brooke groans, covering her face. “Don’t worry, I’ll never let him be in charge of gift giving again.”
Lou pushes the box aside with a grimace. “I’ll open it when there’s no witnesses.”
Evie glances at me from across the small table where she’s squished up to Brooke and gives me a warm smile before sliding our gift over to Lou. “Happy Birthday.”
“Eeekk!!” Lou’s eyes light up so greedy and excited, I almost chuckle. She takes her time, slowly unraveling the ribbons and sliding open the lid. Lous gasps, the gems sparkling in the dark lighting of the club as she carefully pulls the clutch out of the box. “This is…extremely beautiful, Evie.”
“Ryder had a lot more to do with it than he’d let you think,” Evie admits to my mortification. “We saw it at the same time, and he said you had an outfit you’ve been waiting to wear that would go perfectly with it. I’m guessing we got lucky and it’s the one you’re wearing tonight.”
Six pairs of eyes land on me. Too many.
The camouflage I’ve spent so many years perfecting falls away.
“Ryder…” Lou says, a little choked up, no doubt thinking back to when she’d told me about the suit, how she needed to become the person who deserved such a suit before she could wear it. That was over a year ago now. “This was extremely thoughtful. And generous.”
My first instinct is to shut this down. Say something that would no doubt kill the mood and joy in Lou’s eyes. Pick a combination of words that would stop Ara and Theo from looking at me the way they’re looking right now. Deliver it with enough velocity that would halt the understanding from forming in Brooke’s eyes and the hopeful slant of Connor’s lips. But the sixth pair of eyes are more golden than green right now, and they’re glittering with delight.
I can’t bring myself to snuff it out.
“You’re welcome.” The words feel like a noose, wrapped around the neck of the version of Ryder I’ve let them know, until it strangles him to death.
“Anyone else’s hormones acting up right now?” Connor wipes at his eyes jovially and I could kiss the fucker as everyone laughs, bringing the attention away from me again.
“Okay! We’re at a club! Let’s fucking act like it.” Lou stands up, indicating for all of us to follow. “It’s time to dance. And nobody is getting out of this!”
Ara mumbles something about befriending a dictator, and then I’m being yanked out of the booth. Lou drags me to the dance floor, Evie’s wrist gripped her other hand, before throwing us together. “You two. Dance. Now.”
We stand there for a second, the air between us crackling.
“She’s subtle,” Evie says with a blush.
“I don’t think ‘subtle’ and ‘Lou’ have ever been used in the same sentence.”
“Well?” Evie lifts her brow in challenge, waiting to see what I’ll do.
Giving the club around us one last look, I take a step toward her, resting my right hand on the dip of her waist and pulling her against me. My thumb grazes the small section of her skin peeking out beneath where her top cuts into a V.
Evie swallows.
Electricity flows between us, as she lifts her arms to hook them behind my neck. With the torture instruments she’s wearing on her feet, she’s finally tall enough to do so. In truth, her entire outfit is torturous, but mostly for me. I’ve made it a point all night not to look.
Now, I can’t help myself as my eyes wander over her sage green top, made of satin. There are ribbons that tie into bows on her shoulders and a neckline that scoops across her chest in that old-timey way, too sexy for its era.
Only Evie can look so tempting, all while looking like she fell out of a modern fairytale. It’s a stark contrast to my usual all black, my endless shadows to her pastel light.
That’s when I notice the thin, gold chain that disappears below her top, the answer to a question my soul hasn’t stopped asking for ten long years. Her hand goes to it, as if the metal has warmed from my gaze. Hooking my finger underneath the chain, I marvel at the gold pendant she still wears, resting in my palm.
Evie brushes her fingers over mine. “I’ve never taken it off.”
It’s no surprise that my chest has become an aching chasm, especially when she’s carried my heart this whole time. That part of me, fighting so gallantly to keep her out, begins to quake among the already fallen rubble of what was once solid, obsidian battlements.
Laying the pendant on the outside of her shirt, I bring my hand back to her waist as we begin to move to the beat, swaying side to side like middle schoolers until Evie laughs. “Come on, Ryder, I know there’s a bit more danger in you.”
Her challenge unlocks something in me, a whole other beast taking over as I whip her around and pull her back against my front, making sure she feels all of me—every inch—against her.
Evie’s gasp is audible despite the loud music, as my hands come around to her lower abdomen, pinning her closer as we continue to move. Her head falls back against my chest, exposing her neck, and the sudden urge to kiss her, mark her so everyone knows she’s mine, becomes nearly unbearable.
I drop my lips so they brush against her left ear. “Is this dangerous enough for you, Eves?”
“ Mmmm. ” I can hardly tell whether it’s acceptance or denial.
Her words are breathless, as if I affect her in the same way she affects me, and the knowledge of that is intoxicating. The hunger I witnessed in her eyes that first night we stared across the bay flashes in mind. My body demands to see the evidence of it once again.
Hands drifting back to her hips, I guide her around to face me. Evie takes in my darkened eyes, black tonight, not from the shadows and despondency, but desire. She lifts her arms above her head as she continues to sway for me. For a moment, I let her take control, moving her hips and sinking lower. As her eyes flick up to mine from where she’s dropped, I break.
Pulling her up with wrists that still remain above her head, I give them a little squeeze before sliding my hands down her arms…over her ribs…over her waist…to her hips…as low as I dare to go. And there it is, the hunger tearing through her, palpable as she slides her hands down my chest and stomach.
Today at the mall, Evie placed her hand over my heart and it brought me back to life. I haven’t been able to stop feeling things since. Wanting things. Wanting her.
She may have retreated from me then, but she isn’t retreating now.
Evie may loathe the entitlement of her family and their friends, the freedom she’s sacrificed for her business, but there’s still something she stands to lose in them. They’re the only home she’s ever had, and being with me could crumble that to pieces, the wrecking ball to her years of hard work. Yet none of that matters now, the music having carried away her inhibitions, her doubts and worries.
Could it possibly free me from my own?
Seeing Evie’s smiles tonight, the genuine hugs from my friends, I wonder at the prospect of a different kind of home. The kind I could offer her. And I consider for a minute that maybe— just maybe —I’m capable of bringing something into her life that isn’t darkness. With me she could have friendship, joy, and laughter.
As if my thoughts summoned them, the others join us.
Sweat drips down every single one of us, but no one seems to care as we continue to move to the beat, our radiant smiles visible from the moon. Song after song comes and goes, until eventually the girls tug Evie toward the bathroom. Surprisingly, my bubble doesn’t pop, it only expands.
A side effect of the buzz—not from the alcohol, but from having my hands on Evie for hours—I find myself approaching Connor. With a clasp of my hand on his shoulder, I make my declaration.
“I’m not ready to say I’ll do it forever. There are some things I’d have to sort out before I could anyway, but if you need someone temporarily…I’ll show up.”
It’s what he’d do for me.
“I knew you’d say yes.” Connor smiles, shaking his head. “We have a gig in two weeks.”
I snort. “Am I getting too predictable?”
“Was that a joke?” Connor smiles, looking over my shoulder as if he can spot the reason for the change making her way to the bathroom. “I like this version of you.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I grumble, still not ready to welcome anything too bromantic.
The girls appear a few minutes later, the bathroom line not being thousands strong, yet another perk of being here in the middle of the week.
Evie comes right back into my arms, as if the universe hollowed out the spot just for her. Hazel eyes shining in the dark, her delicate hands wrapping around my neck, there’s never been anything that’s felt more right in this world. And it seems like fate finally agrees.
The night goes on, suspiciously in my favor, until Lou finally announces that she’s had enough. “I’m too far into my twenties to stay out any later. I still have a skincare routine to think about.”
Ara laughs. “What? You’re past the days of waking up with a Burger King fry stuck to your face?”
Lou growls. “That. Was. One. Time.”
“That was last year,” Theo chips in before his eyes go back to being fixed on his new fiancée glowing under his gaze.
“We’re ready to head out, too.” Connor wraps his arm around Brooke. “You guys coming back with us?”
“Yep!” Ara chirps before saying her goodbyes to me and Evie.
Lou approaches us next, pointing at Evie. “You better stick around, ma’am.”
Evie giggles as she pulls Lou in for a hug. The space feels empty the moment she’s gone.
Lou whispers over Evie’s shoulder too loudly, “Thought you might get her pregnant tonight with just your hands.”
I cough. “I think you might be a little drunk.”
“And never felt more honest.” Lou winks at me, grabbing her clutch and Connor’s mystery box from the booth. “Birthday Bitch is out!”
We all watch in a silent kind of amusement as Lou makes her way to the door.
“We’re going to follow her to make sure she actually gets home, right?” Theo asks, completely sober.
Ara sighs. “You bet.”
They give Lou a head start before following her outside, and as they step out the door, I swear the club gets quieter without their presence, something I’ve grown to miss when they’re gone.
Evie breaks the silence first. “I’m not ready for the night to be over.”
I raise a brow. “You want to keep dancing?”
“I want to see your place.” The way her voice hitches on the words sends blood rushing through me, but she sees the knee-jerk hesitation cloud my eyes, as she laces her fingers through mine. “We’ve had such a great night. Don’t ruin it by not letting me know all of you.”