Chapter Fourteen
Seventeen Years Ago - Evelyn
THIS PLACE HASN’T gotten much better in the last six or so months. There are only two things that make me like it here. One is my new school. The other is sitting next to me, looking all too serious for eight years old.
The backyard is nice and quiet and serene. This tree back here is our favorite place to sit. My teacher gave me a book I could take home and it’s resting on my lap, for when I’m ready to pretend to be able to read it by myself.
Ms. Layna has been really kind, helping me catch up to the other kids. Even though I have a lot to learn, she says I’m one of the brightest lights she’s had the pleasure of teaching.
“I really want to go look at the garden.” I mean the one we’re not allowed in, but I don’t have to specify. There’s only one garden around here. “The flowers are so pretty.”
“I don’t want you to get on Cyrus’s bad side.”
The big red man. “That seems hypocritical.”
“And that’s a big word for someone so little.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m just saying, you’re always getting into trouble. Why am I not allowed to do the same?”
“Because I said so.”
“Mother Hen.” I drop my eyes down and open my book. Knowing words is so much different than being able to read them when you’ve never practiced. “I can see the rose bush from here. I’ve always loved yellow. One day I’ll get myself a whole bouquet of yellow roses.”
“Fuck’s sake, Evie.” Ryder stands from where he was scraping at a stick, stomps over to the garden and hops the little fence.
“Ryder!” I whisper-yell, not wanting him to get into any more trouble, especially on my behalf. I scramble to my feet, panicking as I look for any watching eyes.
He should have known I was all talk.
I wouldn’t actually go in there and risk making Cyrus angry.
Ryder’s head disappears behind a bush, and I cross my fingers and toes that nobody sees him in the garden. I start counting the seconds, and I reach forty-seven by the time he hops back over the gate.
Blowing out the oxygen I’d been holding in, I start to breathe again. I hadn’t noticed that I’d stopped.
Ryder takes his time walking back across the yard, as if what he did was of no consequence, while I’m borderline hysterical.
“You said you liked the yellow ones, right?” Ryder holds it out to me, his fingers bleeding a little from where a thorn must have stuck him. “It’s not a bouquet, but hopefully this one will do for now.”
A large part of me wants to scold him, but I’m immediately distracted by the rose’s sweet smell and the boy holding it out for me. A perfect moment.
Ryder really is not so bad, even if he’s too serious and acts like a mother hen sometimes. I’m about to tell him so when I hear the second most awful sound in the world.
“EVELYYN!!!!!!”
The yellow rose falls to the dirt, utterly forgotten.
My name is screamed so loud it shakes the walls, forcing me to hear it all the way outside. As my eyes dart to Ryder, full of fear, my breaths quicken past the point where I can get oxygen down. Did Cyrus see me put Ryder up to it? Will we both get punished?
Ryder’s eyes go hard before puts his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to face him fully. “Whatever it is, you’re going to be fine, do you hear me?”
I nod, incapable of words or believing him because it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be fine at all.
“I won’t let him hurt you.” Ryder wraps his hand around mine and leads me to the house. If it weren’t for his grip, my knees would have given out halfway there. He lets go, just before we step through the back door.
“What is this!?” The red man is nearly purple as he pulls out what is supposed to be his white shirt from the washing machine.
“I—err—” I can’t get the words out. Everything goes white and suddenly, I’m in a different place, hiding under my bed, trying to shield myself from the yelling. My chest feels like it’s being crushed, and I can’t get enough air down.
Then there’s laughter, pulling me back to my body. I know that laughter, barely. I’ve only heard it a couple times, but I’d know it anywhere, even if right now it sounds all wrong.
My vision clears enough to see the scary man holding up a pink-dyed white shirt as Ryder steps in front of me, the source of the laughter isn’t full of joy, but challenge. The laugh sounds all wrong because it isn’t really a laugh at all.
“It was a prank, you stupid old man.” Ryder jeers. “Evie had nothing to do with it.”
Except I had everything to do with it. I was so excited to get outside with Ryder, I must have gotten careless and accidentally mixed something colored in with the whites, turning everything pink. I open my mouth to say so, but faster than lightning, the back of the big red man’s hand whips across Ryder’s face. The impact and snap of Ryder’s face is loud enough it makes me scream.
Cyrus lifts his glare over Ryder’s head, right at me.
“Eves,” Ryder whispers, lifting his eyes to mine. “I got this.”
I shake my head, unwilling to leave him, but incapable of speaking up. This is all my fault. Opening my mouth, it feels just like a nightmare when absolutely no sound comes out.
“You need to go NOW.” Ryder is insistent but I can’t leave him.
Tears well in my eyes and I shake my head, willing my voice to work. Once I can get the words out, Cyrus will see it’s not Ryder’s fault and we can weather the storm together.
“Please, Evelyn.” Ryder never says please, and he never uses my full name.
“Let the girl stay.” The big red man grabs Ryder’s hair, forcing his face to land back on him. “She can learn what happens when you break the rules.”
My heart might as well crack in half as I take a small step away. Ryder doesn’t want me to watch. Even if I managed to get the truth out now, Ryder has already lied, and Cyrus will punish him for that too. This is all my fault.
I hate this world.
I hate the big red man who is hurting my friend.
Running to my room, I throw myself onto my bed. I cry harder than I’ve ever cried in my life, and this time Ryder isn’t here to soothe it away because he’s taking a punishment that was meant for me. The small trash can beside my bed feels too familiar as I grasp its sides and throw up.
Too much time passes, every second eating me alive, but I refuse to hide under my bed. Instead, I stare at the clock, and with every tick, my stomach twists even worse, knotting up so bad that I’m not sure it’ll ever feel right again.
A little while later Ryder stumbles through my door, face swollen and bruises already forming, so much worse than I’ve ever seen. But not even the teachers will look too long at the troubled boy, known for picking fights. If he can be that strong, that brave, then so can I. Ryder’s been taking care of me for nearly six months, I can take care of him now.
Putting my tears on pause, just like a movie, I stand up and close the door behind him from where he’s just sort of stopped, like he didn’t mean to come here, but found himself in my room anyway. I wrap my arms around Ryder, pulling him as close as I can get him.
Even though I know it won’t heal his wounds or fix what’s happening inside, I hope he finds comfort in the only thing I have to offer. And then something happens that I never thought I’d live to see.
Ryder starts to cry.
It’s not those big kind of sobs that steal your oxygen, like the ones I get. His tears are silent, and somehow so much more painful. Even though my voice isn’t nearly as nice as his, and even though it’s choked by my unshed tears, I sit him on my bed and start to sing.
When the sea is dark
When the waves are rough
When the darkness tries to swallow you whole
There I’ll be
I’ll be, I’ll be, I’ll be
I’ll bee-eee-eee
With every lyric, I vow to never leave him again, no matter what.