Chapter 9
In the library we sit at one of the bigger tables.
The space has a dark academia aesthetic – the stuff dreams are made of.
Having lived nomadically most of my adult life and even after staying put in Kent for a year and a half, my possessions are still rudimentary, basics that fit in a rucksack, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing I had a library like this.
Leatherbound books line dark shelves. All the classics are here, from Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights to Jack London’s Call of the Wild .
Navy-blue wingback chairs sit awaiting guests to sink into.
All it’s missing is a fireplace and then I’d truly never leave.
‘This gives “Professor Plum in the library with a wrench” vibes and I’m here for it,’ CJ says with a grin. ‘My kids love that game.’
‘I love it too,’ I say. ‘It’s a classic.’
Jasper arrives a few minutes later, having escaped to his cabin to take a work call in private. And there’s one seat left, next to me, and I realise that’s only because Princess has orchestrated it that way.
From his coat he takes a bottle of red wine. ‘Sabrina insisted I smuggle this in – it’s one of the fancier varieties apparently. She’ll be along with fresh wine glasses very soon.’
I’m not sure why we need fresh glasses since Sabrina mixes the wine varieties anyway, but it’s nice of her to think of us.
Jasper flashes me a grin, and boy oh boy, what a smile. Looking at this god of a man is like staring at the sun.
‘I’ – I momentarily lose my train of thought – ‘enjoy drinking wine.’ Kill me.
‘Ah.’ His brow furrows slightly as if he’s confused. And I get that. ‘Great to hear.’
Princess stands up and claps for attention.
‘Welcome, one and all, to the very first meeting of the Unlucky in Love Travel Club destination: the Arctic Circle. Now, let’s get down to business.
First up, who do we suspect might just be about to become a member of our club?
And secondly, should we stage an intervention and help them stay together? ’
The group confers. Jasper leans so close I lose the ability to form rational thought. Why does he smell so good and why does it send my brain haywire? The decision is seemingly made, without any input from me, because I cannot compute words when Jasper’s a mere whisper away.
Karen says, ‘An intervention would be best, if we can do it subtly and try to help them on the sly. It’s all dependant on who the couple is.’
‘Agreed.’ Princess nods.
‘It’s got to be that beautiful French lady – what’s her name?
Madame Delacroix, I think? The one who’s married but is holidaying with another man who is thirty years her junior?
Never fear, it’s all above board, she’s in an open marriage I believe,’ Barry says.
How does he know about that? ‘I had a drink with the lad himself at the welcome party. A gentleman should never kiss and tell, but this lad was rather loose with the details, so much so that it all felt rather desperate.’
‘Really?’ I ask. ‘Desperate how?’
Barry clears his throat as colour creeps up his neck.
‘Well, he mentioned how long they’d been together – only a few months – and that he’d fallen hopelessly in love but that her attentions were slipping.
He alluded to the fact that her petite affaires usually had a time limit and that meant he wouldn’t be flavour of the month for much longer, despite his feelings for her. ’
‘Absolutely scandalous!’ Princess says, eyes twinkling as if she’s loving the inside scoop. ‘Although I do love a woman who takes charge and knows what she wants from a lover, before ditching him for the next hero in her story.’
‘But he’s in love!’ CJ cries. ‘Maybe he’ll be that special sort of someone who shows her what real commitment is all about and they’ll live happily ever after… with her husband… Ah, maybe not. I don’t profess to know much about open marriages.’
Barry presses his lips together and nods.
‘He asked me what the best course of action is to woo the lovely lady. I suggested he shower her with affection, so she has no doubt about his feelings. You know, be there for her every minute of every day, write her love letters and leave them under her pillow, kiss her awake, read her poetry, open doors, close doors, the lot.’
I wrinkle my nose and face Barry. ‘Wouldn’t that be… a little suffocating?’ While it might sound romantic on paper, that kind of constant attention would stifle me. ‘A bit like love bombing, in a way?’
‘Suffocating?’ Barry reels as if I’ve slapped him.
‘Love bombing? Why is that such an issue these days? My last girlfriend accused me of being overbearing, after I left her a number of voicemails over the course of a Friday. It was meant to be sweet – I simply called her when she popped into my thoughts but apparently it was too much.’
‘How many voicemails did you leave?’ I ask, intrigued.
‘Twenty-one… but we were newly in love, or so I thought.’ Sadness flashes across his features as he dips his head.
‘Barry’s right,’ Princess pipes up. ‘That’s romantic, a man showing up like that, being vulnerable, making his intentions and feelings clear – maybe it’s an age thing, me being sixty and all and Barry a touch older perhaps.
’ Princess remains poker-faced, even though she’s already admitted to me she’s seventy-five.
I let it slide, the crafty minx. ‘I simply don’t understand this love bombing nonsense.
Or that a man can be judged so harshly for calling twenty-one times. It’s sweet.’
Karen grimaces. ‘Barry’s intentions may be pure, but love bombers flip the switch from love to hate, so it’s a bit different to Barry’s scenario.
Although, honestly, I’d still run a mile too if a man called me twenty-one times.
Sorry, not sorry, Barry.’ The Australian shrugs good-naturedly.
‘In saying that, I can’t get past the first date, so there’s no chance of that happening to me, but I digress… ’
I shake my head to clear it. How quickly our little mystery-solving turned the magnifying glass on our own shortcomings in love. Are they shortcomings though, or are we collectively making mistakes over and again in our quests for love?
So far, Princess won’t risk dating due to being cursed by a jealous rival.
Barry loves his partners almost too much.
Karen’s ick list stops her from getting past the first date.
CJ won’t settle for a man unless he’s a K-Pop fan.
Jasper’s job keeps him away from home and causes issues. What about me?
Yeah, sure, Miles didn’t turn up to our wedding, but do I have some fatal flaw that stops my relationships going the distance?
What is my relationship kryptonite? I’m not clingy or needy.
But maybe I’m too aloof, too self-sufficient?
It’s worth thinking about – as I can clearly see what behaviours or beliefs might be hurting my newfound friends as they navigate the search for a soulmate, so what are mine?
My spontaneity has been an issue before, as has my indifference about starting a family.
There are also the times I go quiet, craving solitude, which is occasionally seen as being cold, detached.
‘So, the French lady is a possibility then?’ Jasper asks the group, pulling me from my reverie. ‘Perhaps she’s tiring of the toy boy?’
‘Yes,’ Princess says, a gleam in her eye. ‘The toy boy is on the chopping block and if this is her modus operandi and he’s fully aware of that then I don’t see an intervention will help but we can try for the sake of the poor lovesick man.’
Sabrina arrives with a tray full of wine glasses and another bottle of wine, white this time. ‘It is it Madame Delacroix and her lover?’ I ask as she opens the bottle of wine.
‘Nope, not them. I have it on good authority that this couple split over a suspected cheating scandal. The guy went rogue, even though he professed his love for her morning, noon and night.’ With that, Sabrina flounces off.
‘Ooh no, then we can’t stage an intervention if there’s been a cheating scandal.’ Princess frowns. ‘I wouldn’t want to encourage that type of behaviour.’
The group confers for a bit.
‘Well, Sabrina did say “suspected” so I put it to the group that we find out who the couple is first and get the lowdown, and we can then decide if an intervention is warranted,’ Barry offers.
Princess beams. ‘Such a clever man. OK, so who do we suspect it could be?’
‘Ooh.’ Karen holds up a finger. ‘Could it be the young couple from Hawaii? You can’t miss them, they wear matching clothes and are so happy and bubbly, but almost too happy and bubbly, like it’s a little forced.’
‘Faking it, to get through a holiday?’ Jasper gives her a sage nod. ‘I’m sure we’ve all been there before.’
I’m not sure why that comment gets under my skin, but it does.
Is the man mountain finally showing his true colours?
‘So you’ve faked it before, have you, Jasper?
That seems rather cruel. Do you have a thing against honesty in relationships?
’ My voice comes out taut, tense, possibly contaminated by my own heartbreak.
Jasper colours. ‘No, God no, all I mean is…’ He takes a moment to calibrate, or conjure a lie – who can tell. ‘…I’ve been there before with a partner on a holiday.’
Princess shoots me a warning glare, as if I should be giving Jasper the benefit of the doubt. ‘And I’m sure the purpose of the trip was romance. Was it not, Jasper?’ Princess asks.
He ruffles a hand through his hair. ‘It was a last-ditch trip, booked on a whim in an attempt to save a relationship that was on the way to failing, but neither of us wanted to admit it and so there was this feeling of just going through the motions…’
He’s rambling, just like a man trying to make excuses for his poor behaviour.
‘Makes perfect sense to me,’ Princess – ever Jasper’s cheerleader – declares. ‘You’ve got a good heart, Jasper.’ I fight an eyeroll and lose, resulting in another glare from Princess.
‘I’d prefer honesty rather than my partner “going through the motions” all because we were on holiday.
’ Is Jasper just like all the others? Probably.
Why can’t men be upfront? I give him a cool stare.
Not that I’m very good with cool stares; that’s more Rox’s domain.
I narrow my eyes to really emphasise the point.
He has the audacity to lay his hand atop mine, and it irks me no end that my body gets a buzz from his touch.
I try to give myself a stern talking to, but apparently it’s falling on deaf ears because when he looks deeply into my eyes, my body goes molten, like lava.
This is the worst betrayal – myself against myself.
‘Truly, it was just one of those situations where the love had fizzled out and like always when it comes to me and all of my relationships to date, I tried to save it far too late.’
‘Aww,’ Princess says, dropping her bottom lip. ‘This is why you’re part of the Unlucky in Love Travel Club, Jasper. We’re all guilty of this, in one way or another. Making mistakes in love that we’re not even aware of until too late.’
‘Yes,’ Barry says with a wide smile. ‘I sure could use some help from Lady Love.’
Princess is on the same wavelength as me, but I don’t want to encourage her where Jasper is concerned. He could say he’s the love ’em and leave ’em type and she’d tell him how sweet he is for sharing his hot body with the masses.
‘Maybe our club will be good for us! We can ascertain what we’ve done wrong in relationships and how to fix them. With the exception of me; my curse can’t be fixed, but it’s not too late for all of you.’
‘I’m not sure I can be fixed either,’ Jasper says. ‘Unless I give up my job.’
‘You just haven’t met the right person yet,’ Princess says. ‘And by the stories I’ve heard around the table, none of you have, except maybe Aubrey, but her person now walks with Jesus.’
‘Miles is not actually dead.’
Karen squeezes my shoulder. ‘His journey earthside might have ended but his memory lives on.’
I let out a frustrated laugh, which makes them gather round, and the next minute I’m in the centre of a group hug, for crying out loud.