Chapter 9 This Little Game #2
“You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for colonization.
Your homeland is on an entirely different continent.
” Her brow was furrowed and I knew she was trying to find a way to ease the feelings she had about being called out.
It was funny because she only backed herself into a bigger hole with her latest attempt.
I chuckled as I leaned back watching her face as she attempted to overcome the cognitive dissonance she was experiencing by lashing out.
“As are yours. Let’s not forget you’re not native to this land and neither are any of your ancestors, despite all the Cherokee princesses that seem to magically pop up in conversations like this to give your bloodline validity of being from this soil.
Of course you’re too much of a wasp to ever claim something so primitive as being native. ”
“Wow, that was borderline racist.” Margo’s quivering voice signaled we were moving into the tears portion of the conversation.
I shot her a pitying look not at all dissuaded at her attempts to gaslight me. I started to wonder how the hell she’d earned her degrees because her attempts at all of this were pedestrian at best.
“Now, Margo. You, with all your degrees, aren’t going to sit here and tout something as being racist when you know that’s fundamentally incorrect.
And frankly, if anyone is going to give you advice on how things are in this country it would be me.
I’m an outsider. I don’t have skin in the game and I’m unmoved by the ridiculous displays of Americana.
I’m a British citizen, I already know the playbook.
They’re the OG colonizers, although you all took some things to an even deeper level of hell. ”
Realizing that her arguments weren’t sound and she wasn’t about to get out of this as cleanly as she assumed she shifted her position.
“I was just saying that if you needed help you wouldn’t need to sacrifice yourself in order to stay here. I wasn’t sure if you’d been threatened and that’s why you were even working on this case. If so, I could take your place and then help you stay here.”
I battled my laughter still trying to figure out why she was so eager to work on this case. I wondered if she was so desperate for a man that she was going to these lengths to chase after two men who clearly didn’t want her.
“Margo, if you believe that my desire to stay in this country would ever have me beholden to anyone, you don’t know me at all.”
My arrogance was another peek into my background the totality of which still alluded her. I could tell she was hyper-focused on wanting to ask what I meant by that but she didn’t want to do it so close to having pissed me off.
Margo looked around uncomfortably and I knew this wasn’t the outcome she’d expected when she came into my office.
“I don’t even know how we got here.” That helpless look was back on her face. An attempt to get me to feel sympathy for her that would never come.
“You were asking me questions that I felt were too personal and didn’t appreciate the fact that I wasn’t as forthcoming as you wanted me to be.”
“Is it that easy for you to just dismiss me?”
I sat forward as her feelings of entitlement toward me reached a point that I could no longer ignore.
“Margo, I’m sure there are things about your life that I don’t know.
People are only open books until you reach the chapters they don’t want you to read.
Everyone has secrets and while we’re more than coworkers we aren’t best friends. ”
“I just thought something like this would be worth sharing.” Her eyes were watering and none of it moved me.
“Who are you dating? Who was the last person you slept with? How much money have you spent this year?”
“Why would you ask me—”
She clamped her lips shut when she realized that her reflex to protect her privacy was no different from my own.
With my point proven I sat back fully satisfied. “Exactly. You share what you want about yourself and I do the same. Just because what I share hasn’t sated your thirst for knowledge about me doesn’t mean I’m wrong. If anything, it proves the point.”
“I just didn’t think you’d have a problem speaking to me about something like this. Am I at least allowed to know the date?”
“It’s not set yet but it’s going to be something private since he’s got the type of position that needs to keep him out of the public eye.”
“You make him sound like a drug dealer.” She laughed off her comment but her words were like a physical strike to the face.
And that was the curtain call on this conversation.
“Get the fuck out of my bloody office you slag.” My voice was dripping with venom and by the way her eyes widened she realized she’d fucked up.
“Asha!”
“I might not be a Black American but the fact that you equated my fiancé’s desire for secrecy to him being a fucking drug dealer is abhorrent.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so disappointed and disgusted by someone in my life.
Do not call me, do not reach out to me, do not even breathe in my direction.
I promise you, the ramifications of ignoring my boundaries will not be pretty. ”
“Is that a threat?”
“Stop being a victim of circumstances you’ve created.
You did this. This is all you. Do not pretend that you’re not the architect of this disagreement.
You’re just furious that I’m not playing by the rules you’ve set.
” It took everything in me to remember I couldn’t murder her in this office and get away with it.
“You are being incredibly sensitive. It was a joke.” When Margo waved me off I had to squeeze my lips together before I cursed her out the way she was demanding I do.
I knew if I did she would go rushing out claiming to be the victim and I wasn’t about to give her the ability to rewrite the history of this situation.
“It’s never a joke when it’s harmful and at someone else’s expense.
I could joke that you didn’t stand a chance with either of the agents you so happily threw yourself after even trying to get yourself put on the case instead of me.
They were appalled at your behavior and I stood up for you.
I shouldn’t have. Get out.” I pointed toward the door and she sat in her chair unmoved as if I had no authority to remove her from my space.
She hesitated before standing up and smoothing her hands down the skirt of her dress. Her chin lifted as though she were addressing someone who was beneath her. “I’ll reach out when you’ve calmed down. I’ve still got your class information—”
“I’ll get it from my TAs. Contact with you isn’t something I want moving forward and I will relay that information to the dean immediately.”
Her hazel eyes widened as though she were shocked I was taking it this far. She looked over her shoulder as though someone was spying on our conversation and her cover was blown. “Asha, that’s too far—”
I stood up prompting her to take a step back. “I don’t agree. You’re still here pleading your case instead of leaving like I’ve requested. It’s not far enough.”
I could see the blood dripping from her throat after I cut it in my mind’s eye.
I had never had violent thoughts toward a woman but Margo was now testing my theory that only men would ever be on my hit list. I wanted her blood for the way she’d behaved and it was better for her health if she stayed far enough away from me so I couldn’t spill it.
“Like I said, I’ll talk to you when you’ve had a second to calm down.” She backed toward the door keeping her eyes on me as though she were walking away from a vicious animal. My words halted her steps before she made it through the doorway.
“You do that at your own peril. You will cross a line and become an enemy. You’ve already ruined our friendship and whatever working relationship we might have had. Don’t keep pushing and make it worse.”
“We will see what the dean has to say about it.”
“Again, I’m the one who is bringing positive publicity to the school and to the department.
While you’re here simply… taking up space.
No studies, no publications and no books to your name.
You’re here on the strength of your last name while I’m here because of my hard work.
So, please, do run and tell how big and bad I’ve been.
I anxiously await the email.” My smile was placid; the tone and content of my words carried the heavy weight of the threat that I meant with every fiber of my being.
She looked crushed and I didn’t give a fuck about her feelings.
She’d more than crossed the line and I gave her a wicked smile as she walked out, slamming my door.
I didn’t have an appointment to get to but now I did.
The stress of the situation with Margo had me needing a moment to clear my head and I knew exactly where I could go to get the reset I needed.
ORI
I watched her lead her horse out from the stall and I had to admit I was impressed that she’d groomed it all on her own.
She’d taken care to do most of the dirty work, the only thing she didn’t have to do was muck out the stall.
With the price she was paying to board her animal, it better had been included or else I was going to raise hell for her.
There was no way I was going to have my future wife cleaning up horse shit when she was paying these people for luxury equine care.
I knew she’d only groomed the animal so that she could spend the time reconnecting and it was evident by the way she whispered to him as she readied him for their ride.
I was being a creep. Why, I didn’t want to think too much on but I had crouched my big ass in a stall and was listening to my future wife coo to a fucking horse. And part of me felt jealous as hell.