Chapter 9 This Little Game #3
We hadn’t spoken much and after her time at work today she’d veered from her normal routine.
Curiosity had come over me when I realized she wasn’t in a good mood so I got her location to follow her.
I’d known that she boarded her horse here but seeing her come out here to lose herself made me wonder what had happened at work that caused her needing to clear her head.
I couldn’t help but wonder if I was part of the reason she was frustrated.
Part of me hoped I had been. It was selfish of me to want to be so heavy on her mind but I guess it made me human.
I’d been trying to run from the emotions she was dredging up from the tomb I thought my feelings had long been buried.
Despite my training to account for every possible outcome in most situations, I hadn’t prepared for Asha.
For her to be the person selected for me.
For me to desire her to the extremes that I did.
And selfishly, I didn’t want to be the only one suffering from uncontrolled emotions.
I knew she was going to be the death of me.
I had to be a masochist. I’d moved into her home and into her room. She’d fought for me to take a guest bedroom but I insisted that we start the way we intended to continue. Which meant sharing a bed, which meant I had spent these torturous weeks sleeping next to a woman I didn’t touch.
My focus went back to Asha as she strapped her helmet to her head and I was happy to see she was practicing safety.
I almost went to help her mount her horse but she swung up on the creature with as much grace as she’d twirled on my dick the first night she met me.
Remembering how it felt to be nuzzled between the softness of her toned thighs had me momentarily stuck and wishing that we were on better terms so that I could have a repeat of that night.
I almost missed my chance to intercept her before she went out on the trails but I quickly mounted the gigantic beast that was the only one available that would support my height and weight.
She had to be lost in her thoughts because she didn’t glance behind her despite the noise that my horse was making.
I hadn’t expected her to be so lost in thought or careless with her safety.
Being oblivious was incongruent with what I’d observed of her.
My brows dipped as I watched her body undulating with the cadence of the horse wanting insight into what had her so distracted.
“Majestic creature you have.”
Her head whipped around so fast that her long braid smacked her in the face. Her features couldn’t mask the emotions she was feeling, going from surprise to anger to confusion as to how I’d found her.
Good. Show me your scars little koa.
The barn was painted a modern slate blue with black trim and clearly laid-out pathways to the paddocks, training fields and arenas.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was a mixture of soft confusion and hardened resolve, not to allow me in. But her not immediately giving the horse its head to get away from me meant she wasn’t that eager to get away. At least not yet.
“What does it look like?” I nodded down at the horse I was on and then again to my clothing as I felt her gaze take me in.
Asha’s eyes had the type of intensity that I could feel.
I’d wanted to ask my friends if they understood what I was talking about but that would lead to too many questions.
Questions about feelings and if I wanted more out of this than I was currently receiving.
I’d changed out of my suit and into a loose-fitting athletic shirt and matching pants. I’d worn boots to give me the stability that would come from riding boots but I couldn’t wear any off the rack and hadn’t had time to get any custom-made.
“I see that you’re appropriately dressed for the activity.
I guess the better question I should’ve asked of course is why are you here?
” Her horse sidestepped slightly but she got it back under control with little effort.
She sat her horse like an accomplished equestrian, her posture perfect and the control of the animal within her grasp.
“To ride a horse.”
She looked at me impertinently her shoulders back, exuding confidence as her eyes narrowed. “You do not strike me as the type to ride a horse.”
She spoke slowly, enunciating each word in a half condescending half mocking way. And I liked that shit. The frustration that she’d been feeling had ebbed giving way to her usual demeanor. If I needed to aggravate her so she remembered herself, I would gladly do it.
“And why is that?” I leaned forward, my elbows barely reaching the horn as I continued to watch her every move.
“Why…look at you! You’re the size of a bloody horse!” She motioned toward me, nostrils flaring, eyes flashing angrily and I swallowed the laughter that threatened.
“Is that a compliment or an insult? I mean you’ve seen my dick so it could go either way.” I leaned back fully waiting for her crop to come hurling at my head.
She looked as though she was going to unhook her feet from the stirrups and launch herself toward me. “I don’t bloody well care how you see it! I’m just trying to understand why you are intruding on my alone time yet again?”
“Don’t you think married couples should share one another’s hobbies?”
“And again, we’re not married!” Her annoyance radiated off her making me smile more internally.
“Not yet, but it’s as good as done.”
“As good as done is not done. There’s still time.” She turned her horse fluidly; their silent communication honed by years of mutual respect.
“For what? Allow your father to fall on his face? Break his promises? If you were the type of daughter to do that, you would’ve done so already.
It’s not in you. Your joy derives from making him happy.
” I cantered behind her slowly, not wanting to spook her or her horse but also letting her know I wasn’t going away easily.
She glared at me over her shoulder not bothering to halt the progression she was making down the riding path. “Stop speaking on my father as if you know him or me.”
“I know that he loves you. Deeply.”
That confession gave her pause and showed that he was her soft spot.
A tell that she wouldn’t appreciate me having but I had it.
I wouldn’t use it because there was no need.
Manipulation wasn’t a tactic that was necessary for us to have a successful union.
The attempts to do so would be a direct insult to her intelligence and since I valued her mind I wasn’t about to downplay it.
“An educated guess.”
“But an accurate one. And besides, he confessed as much the first time I spoke to him about you. Tell me why must you play this game Ka’iulani?”
“Stop calling me that. What does that even mean?”
Since it had slipped out I wasn’t about to confess its true meaning and have that wall between us go back up again.
Instead, I encouraged my horse to speed up slightly so that we were now traveling side by side with her.
She didn’t flinch just glared at me with eyes filled with annoyance and continued down the trail.
Spring was in bloom and the apple trees that lined the farm, used to feed to the horses as treats, were covered in blossoms.
“Must you be so irritated all the time?”
“Yes. I must. I’m not irritated. I’m disgusted.” Her tone had changed, the weight of whatever brought her out here shining through.
“Disgusted?”
“With everything that you’ve seen in this world are you not sickened by it?
The things that you’ve seen that most wouldn’t believe even if you tried to tell them.
Does it not frustrate you? With the veneer of polite society moving on and the underbelly continuing to wreak havoc on everyone and everything? Does it not make you want to scream?”
“Are you suicidal?”
Her shoulders stayed relaxed but her eyes rolled and I was intrigued at her lack of offense about the question. “I didn’t say that. But does this place not sicken you?”
Her words provided me with a moment of introspection.
Few people asked about the mental health of the professionals who went through the bullshit that I did.
Given her profession, I wondered if the same was true for her.
There had been no new leads in the case.
With her going through the most recent cases, nothing matched the characteristics of the murder we were working on.
Profiles had been compiled and leads chased but we had found nothing concrete. Which was frustrating all of us.
“If I focused on the bad then yes.”
“Let me guess. You’re some zen man who can compartmentalize his way through life.” She smiled through the lighthearted jab waiting for me to answer her.
I held the reins loosely in my hand allowing myself to relax as the horses continued to leisurely stroll down the path. The day was warm but the breeze reminded you it was spring and not to get too comfortable with the temperature. DC would absolutely flip the script and turn cold again.
“I didn’t say that. I’m a man who knows there are terrible things in this world. And instead of allowing it to only make me mad I choose to do something about it. To try to make the world better.”
“Is that why you were a pawn of the government? To make it better?” An insult. A feeble attempt to keep space between us that she pivoted to whenever we drew closer. I understood her feelings since I was in the same position, battling how I wanted things to go.
“Hell no. They’re the main perpetrators of this bullshit.
” I knew my answer surprised her but she should’ve known that would be my response.
Nothing about me screamed conformity but I wondered if she believed at my core that I was okay with the bullshit that happened in the government.
I thought she knew better but now I had to clear up any confusion.
“And yet you were their agent.”