Wedding Blues #2
Part of me felt bad about not wanting to take part in any of this.
I could tell that Ori was truly tuned into this production.
Which was surprising. I thought he would leave me to my own devices but his wanting to add cultural touches for both of us meant a lot to me.
I wasn’t African American and I wanted to know if there were any cultural traditions I needed to adhere to and be wary of with the wedding.
That’s why I was grateful for all the women here.
They could answer questions I had and I knew I wouldn’t be judged for having a different cultural outlook than them.
As it stood, Ori might not have looked like a fully Black man, but he was genetically more than half and it was how he grew up.
As many traditions as possible were being included.
His grandfather was biracial and his mother was fully African American.
Despite how the world saw him, I knew how he saw himself and he wanted that to be on display as much as his grandfather’s culture.
“There’s one more piece we have to add. Miss Avery, if you don’t mind stooping down slightly.”
The bridal attendant was a woman who had been flown in from this store’s sister location in Charlotte, North Carolina.
She had been a special request of Babette’s because she had worked on the same short timeframe of her son- and daughter-in-law’s wedding in the spring.
Judging by how quickly she’d gotten everything together I was grateful that she helped us.
I did as she requested and she placed the veil that I’d selected on the top of my head.
The gasps let me know this last piece was crucial to the total effect of the look. The reality of the situation was that Ori was the only man who would ever get me down the aisle. And even if the relationship wasn’t traditional, part of me wanted him to be knocked off his feet when he saw me.
“You look like an angel.”
Vanya was beaming as she teared up and looked at me in the completed ensemble.
“I have to agree, Papillon, she is stunning. Faith, Ori is going to drag her out of the reception and get started on your grandchildren.”
That comment caused me to freeze up and my eyes darted to Sasha whose eyes were filled with sympathy. I felt like the walls were closing in and the expensive lace at my throat now felt like it was choking me. She instantly knew I needed someone to give me a way out and she stood up with a smile.
“Let us look at what they have for the bridesmaids that they can get to us quickly.”
“Don’t worry about that. Whatever you see we can have back within the timeframe with enough time allowed for you all to have alterations.
” The attendant who had been helping us seemed completely sure of herself even though I was worried.
We had less than eight weeks before the wedding in October so getting the items in was key.
She looked as though she was willing to hand-sew each dress if that was what it took to ensure we were going to have what we needed. I appreciated the dedication but I still didn’t want to put a bunch of people out.
“Are you sure? I mean I want them to feel beautiful but this is a large order.” Between the women here and the rest of the women who were going to be in attendance, who would need gowns there were going to be close to twenty dresses needed.
“You leave all of that up to us. We’ve got everything we need and a team that will make it happen. I know you think your dress is coming off the rack but we’ve already started the custom version for you.”
Sasha put the back of her hand to her forehead in relief as Nev and Tee rolled their eyes. “Oh good. I was going to have a fit if you thought you were going to wear an off the rack dress when you get married. Alright, let’s go looking to see what we have. Any parameters we need to follow?”
“Nope, whatever you see that speaks to you wear it.” There were too many personalities to corral them into one aesthetic. And I never wanted to take away someone’s individuality. It would’ve been too much like hypocrisy seeing as how I’d battled for my own identity as a twin.
Sasha started to lead everyone out of the private viewing space and toward the salon floor but one person stayed behind.
“I didn’t mean to overstep.” Faith’s eyes looked troubled, despite my knowing she’d meant every word and every action she’d just taken.
The other ladies had gone to review bridesmaids’ dresses so that we could have a minute of privacy.
I wasn’t sure how they knew we needed it, but we did.
Even Sasha had given her a smile of gratitude before she led everyone over to the small selection of dresses that had been gathered for our review.
I glanced around to ensure there were no listening ears that could carry tales because, despite all the affirmations that we were in a secure location I was never one to simply make assumptions about things like that.
When it all looked well I turned to Faith and tried to reassure her with my words. “You’re fine.
Her chest caved and then returned to normal indicating that she had been holding her breath for my backlash and was grateful that she was receiving the opposite. We walked toward the dressing room in silence and I was unsure of what I should say.
“It’s just that you… mean a lot to my son.
You mean a lot to me already.” She rushed out her words as if her brain had tired of keeping her emotions locked up.
When she paused again I knew she was trying to gather herself to continue.
“I couldn’t sit there and not stick up for you.
I couldn’t watch her try to tear you down.
You’ve handled far worse than her before.
Is it some type of cultural respect thing?
” She twirled her finger around wanting to unzip me from the ensemble and I was grateful for her help.
I appreciated her not forging ahead and making assumptions.
So many people thought I was weak because of how I interacted with my mother but that was far from the truth.
I ran my hands over the fabric of the dress that had caught my eye before offering her a truth that very few people had bothered to ask me.
“I’m so used to her and her foolishness that it doesn’t bother me.
She doesn’t bother me. My mother would have to matter to me for her words to hurt and she doesn’t so they don’t.
” Given that the relationship between her and Ori was so strained I worried that my words would strike a nerve.
When I looked to see how they landed she didn’t look offended and I was grateful that I wasn’t pouring salt in the wounds of her past mistakes.
“Being used to it doesn’t make it right.”
I pulled off the outfit and hung it on the valet hook that we’d been directed to use for all of our selections, giving myself a moment to think of how truthful I wanted to be with her.
“Fair enough. But what do I gain for stressing myself out behind actions and emotions that won’t change?
That’s how she is. It’s how she’s always been.
I’ve learned to happily live without her.
If it makes everyone else I love at peace to not have us arguing and bickering ignoring her is a small price to pay. ”
Faith’s chuckle wasn’t the response I’d expected. I thought for sure she’d agree with me since it was how she’d lived at least part of her life from what I could gather.
“You of all people know it’s not that simple.”
“What do you mean?”
“Other people’s peace shouldn’t be at your expense.
I learned that a long time ago. You’re so used to not ruffling feathers.
To not being the cause of worry that you want to keep it that way.
I’ve been there. I’ve caused major dissension and tension in my family.
” Her pretty face clouded, her eyes turning a flat brown and glistened with the precursor of tears.
“When you got married.”
She shook her head and fingered a dress that was in a rich indigo hue I’d considered for the reception. “When I wanted a divorce. These unions are not made lightly. Us agreeing to everything meant for life no matter how miserable we were making each other or making our son.”
My heart went out for her because although I knew she’d left Ori and caused him all kinds of grief I could tell that part of her was still messed up about it. And not only that, she seemed to be an incredibly soft woman who had never really found her footing in her family or in this life.
“What happened?”
She turned to me with glassy eyes that were blinking back tears; her truth trying to force out of her body. “I let things go on the way they were for a very long time but I just couldn’t anymore.”
“Was there a final straw?”
My curiosity was pushing this conversation beyond the bounds of polite conversation but I hoped to learn more about the woman who’d abandoned the man I was marrying so I could get further insight to him.
No matter how much Ori pretended that he was an open book, he wasn’t.
He would release excerpts from certain chapters and it was up to me to put that information into a framework that would make up what he was.
I wasn’t sure if it was that he was guarded in life overall or if it was because he still didn’t completely trust me.
Despite how badly I wanted his trust I knew that I would have to return the favor in kind and I was still hesitant to expose every part of me to him.
“The way my husband and I have to say that since I technically never divorced him, the way he was willing to do everything in his power to turn my son against my family.” Her tears dried up quickly, her brain quickly focusing on the anger those memories held instead of the disappointment.
I knew that’s what fueled her and now I was wondering what had happened to Ori’s father.
“You mean the collective.”