20. Ryder
Ryder
Iabsolutely hated reliving that moment with Sully. I’ve worked hard on completely blocking it from existence that dredging it up hauls up feelings that I didn’t want to remember, and I did the thing I swore I would never do again.
I watched the video on my phone.
I watched as our lips touched for the briefest of seconds, and she pushed me away. I remember everything around us blurring and dipping to a low buzz. It’s like my nervous system and reality couldn’t connect. It was an out-of-body experience, but in the worst way possible.
To this day, it still shocks me when I watch her say no. I was convinced that she would say yes, so convinced that I knew her so well, and it’s still completely jarring that she didn’t love me the way that I loved her.
How did I not see it?
Not once did I think she wouldn’t return my feelings. I was so certain, and I was wrong.
That video, I had planned for it to forever capture and preserve the greatest moment of my life, our life. Instead, I got the worst. This is the worst video of all time.
I got rejected by the girl who meant more to me than anything else in this world.
She meant more to me than football, and that’s saying a lot for any eighteen-year-old who has his dream scholarship at his dream school.
In the video, that ache that I’d had for her for so long, the one I thought I’d be soothing that day with her in my arms, its pressure built and pushed on every organ, every bone, and it climbed up my throat, until I was suffocating and I couldn’t be there.
“Ryder, wait. I can explain,” she had said to my back as I was pushing through the other students, but it didn’t matter because all I heard was her saying, “No.”
She didn’t want me. I remember repeating that to myself as my nose stung and my eyes burned.
“Run,” my heart had said.
And I did.
She didn’t want me.
You think you know someone, that is until reality slaps you in the face, and you realize you don’t know them at all.
“Earth to Ryder. Did you hear what I said?”
My eyes flip to Rico, who stands in front of me looking like he’s annoyed that I’m ignoring him. I clear my throat. “Oh, um, no. Sorry.”
“I knew it. You’ve been staring at her since we got here,” he says, and I don’t have to wonder who he’s talking about.
I know. Like a moth to the flame, my eyes travel back to her.
She’s standing with Kelli and Lily Kent.
One side of my mouth tips up that she got up the courage to go speak to her.
Alice’s hands are enthusiastically waving as she talks to her.
I had hoped that I would get some time with her before the event.
I reached out to see if she wanted me to pick her up, but she said no.
Kelli had also decided to attend, they were going together.
I won’t tell her this, but I was disappointed.
I know tonight isn’t a date. It can’t be one, but knowing we were both getting dressed up and going to be together, it kind of felt like one. At least it did to me.
Which is ridiculous because we’ve never dated and probably never will. I hate that this thought leaves behind a whisper of sadness.
There’s a lull between the group that fills with silence, and then a low whistle. Turns out all three of them have now glanced over to see what’s holding my attention.
“Damn, bro. She looks fire tonight,” Miles says.
Instantly, my brows pull down, and I frown. “Stop looking at her,” I say between gritted teeth.
Bryan chuckles while Tyler is now staring at me. “You know she’s off-limits, right?” He crosses his arms over his chest like he’s about to give me a lecture. These tenured players—what is it with them feeling like they need to constantly enforce the rules?
“Of course I do. Maybe you should be telling him that.” I wave my hand toward Miles.
“Then why were you looking at her like a starved man, and she’s your next meal?” Rico smirks.
My jaw clenches as I look down at him. Yep, down. I am taller than him. “Is there a reason you feel the need to exacerbate this conversation?”
He holds up his hands. “Bro, all I’m saying is you are not subtle.”
“It’s not like that,” I argue, sounding defensive.
I understand how perceptions are formed, but damn, anyone can see that she is stunning.
“I’m staring at her because we’re supposed to be here networking together for the team.
I’m waiting for her to give me some sort of signal.
It’s one of our assigned events, and I’m certain Gretchen is going to pop up at any moment and scold me for not being with her already. ”
“Gretchen scares me.” Rico laughs.
“You have no idea,” I tell him.
“Well, then go over there and get it over with,” Bryan tells me, and I let out a deep sigh.
He’s right. I need to stop stalling.
Nodding to each of them, I make my way toward her and feel my heart rate ratchet up as my chest tightens. I have no reason to be nervous around her, so why are my hands getting all sweaty?
The museum has been transformed into a Dr. Seuss wonderland.
Different sections are themed based on one of his books, and all around the gala space are large, colorful trees from The Lorax.
Needing a moment to myself, I glance over my shoulder to see if my teammates are watching me.
They aren’t. They’ve moved over to the bar, so I dip behind one of the trees.
It’s easy to see her from there, and I soak in the private moment when I can fully take her in.
God, she is beautiful. This is the worst kind of torture.
She’s wearing a shimmery teal dress to represent the Tarpons.
There are tiny straps over her shoulders.
The dress dips down to show off some of her cleavage.
It does some bunch thing at her waist, and then the fabric cascades to the floor.
It’s elegant and looks comfortable at the same time.
No, she looks elegant and lovely, and I’m just the fool who apparently didn’t learn his lesson the first time around.
Letting out another sigh, I pull on the sleeves of my shirt making sure the cuffs are visible, straighten my back, and step out from the tree to make my way over.
Her eyes widen as she sees me coming and excuses herself to meet me.
Kelli shoots me a dirty look. I’m not surprised, but tonight, Alice and I are supposed to do this.
“Hey,” I tell her when she stops in front of me. Lavender drifts my way, and I simultaneously stiffen and relax. That smell has always been therapeutic for me. “You look beautiful tonight.”
She looks down at herself, and then her gaze drags up from my feet to my head. This weird feeling in my stomach swirls around at her perusal.
“Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”
Heat floods into my cheeks. I stick my finger under the edge of my collar and tug. Did this shirt get tighter? An awkward silence falls between us as she stares down at the bracelet she’s fidgeting with and I stare at her.
“Listen.” Her gaze pops up to find mine. “I think I owe you an apology for the game last weekend.” I tuck my hands into my pockets to finagle a way to wipe them off. I’m trying to act apologetic and nonchalant at the same time. I’m not sure that it’s working, though.
She frowns. “I think you do, too.” And then she crosses her arms over her chest.
Well, shit. I definitely hurt her feelings.
“I’m sorry. I know we scored, but I messed that play up, and I was in my head.
For what it’s worth, I was looking for you.
I just . . .” I let out a deep sigh and pull one hand to run it over my face.
“I’m trying to do my best, and Sully is always talking about the handbook and the rules.
I don’t know where the line gets drawn between the campaign and the handbook.
I ran past, and then the moment was over. I’m sorry. Did I get you in trouble?”
She drops her arms. “No, I didn’t get in trouble.”
“Good. I really am sorry,” I tell her.
“Okay.” She gives me a small smile. There are no traces of animosity, and I know we’re once again good. Well, as good as she and I can be.
“Where do you think we should start?” I want her to lead us today. I want her to be happy and feel in control.
“Well, this is all about the media and representing the Tarpons, so let’s go get our picture taken, say hi to people while we’re standing in line, and then make our way to the silent auction.”
“All right.”
Alice turns, and my hand falls to her lower back as we make our way to the line for the charity step and repeat.
Her dress is cut low in the back, we’re skin to skin.
I feel like I’m indecently touching her, but that’s not going to stop me.
She doesn’t ask me to either. She shivers once, as if my hand startled her, and then kept walking.
One by one, Alice charms everyone around us.
She’s good at opening conversations and introducing us.
We take more photos than we have at any other event, and eventually, we’re standing next to the Cat in the Hat.
Alice slides under my arm, where one arm wraps around her other hand, and one rests on my chest, and I tentatively place my hand on her hip.
She’s small, and this material is so thin, I can feel the heat of her skin, and it makes the heat inside me radiate off my back.
This shirt is going to be wet by the time the night is over.
With that, I am pathetic.
The tiniest bit of contact and my body reacts like it’s the Fourth of July.
“Okay, folks, now for a fun pose.”
Without thinking, I scoop her up into my arms bridal style, and she throws her head back and laughs. I do my best to keep my eyes off her chest and neck, both of which are fucking tempting. I’d love to run my tongue right over them both.
“Ryder, put me down!” She’s amused.
I do. Slowly. And most definitely where her body drags over mine. Her eyes flash, and they are a clear, dark brown. They are beautiful.