Team Chat
Sully: Am I the only one who didn’t know that Camden got married?
Rico: CAMDEN GOT MARRIED?
Dylan: Bro, I joked with you earlier in the season? I thought you were kidding about not being single.
Ryder: Why would he be kidding?
Dylan: Because who wants to be married to him???
Titan:
Ryder: Easy now.
Sully: Well, I’m glad to hear this wasn’t a defense versus an offense thing where you all keep secrets. It’s not nice to keep secrets from your friends.
Camden: You know only 15% of coworkers are considered real friends.
Sully: That can’t be true. I consider all of you my friends.
Camden: Statistics don’t lie. 41% are coworkers, 20% are at-work-only friends, 22% are strangers, and 2% are enemies. For those who can’t math, that equals 100%.
Dylan: Do you spout statistics off when you’re at home getting busy with your WIFE? That has to be her kink, because why else would she have married you?
Ryder: Can we at least leave Lola out of this?
Rico: LOLA?
Bryan: Ha, that’s funny. Lola and The Kinks.
Dylan: The Kinks?
Bryan: Yes. There’s a song called “Lola” sung by a band called The Kinks.
Rico: I just looked that up for accuracy. Why the hell do you know this song? It’s old.
Bryan: Gigi liked it.
Darius: Personally, I like “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow. Her name was Lola . . .
Rico:
Dylan: There is definitely a difference between offense and defense.
Sully: I still want to know when Camden got married? Who, where, when, why?
Tyler: What do you mean, why? Why does anyone get married? He loves her.
Rico: I call bullshit. Camden doesn’t believe in love. He once spouted off about love being constructed in the mind due to neurotransmitter releases. Besides, we’ve never seen him with anyone.
Dylan: I just googled his name with hers, and DAMN, you’ve been holding out.
Camden: Stop.
Sully: Wait, there’s actual proof.
Dylan: (Attaches wedding photo.)
Bryan: Well, look at that. Congratulations, man.
Rico: I’m sorry. Was there a bachelor party that I was, for some reason, not invited to?
Titan:
Ryder: No bachelor party. Don’t get your panties in a wad.
Sully: Wow. Color me flabbergasted. There’s a story to be told. Should we invite him to team dinner?
Tyler: Flabbergasted? Who uses words like this?
Dylan: Team dinner? What for? So we can sit around, gossip, and braid each other’s hair?
Sully: What do you mean, what for? To hear the story!
Rico: I bet Ryder knows this story. He can tell us.
Ryder: I’m not telling you shit.
Sully: Superman?
Sully: Camden?
Sully: Hello?
Camden has left the group chat.