42. Forty-two Freya
Forty-two: Freya
I glared at my sketchpad with fatigued eyes, my retinas burning due to the lack of sleep. Falling into a restless slumber wasn't easy for me, and my body was feeling the effects.
I ripped at my cuticles—watching as blood rushed to the surface of my skin—and glared down at my artwork, the pieces deepening my already sullen mood. Sketching my emotions onto paper was helping me come to terms with what I was feeling.
After the incident with Will, I’d refused to even look at a pencil, but after some conversations with my mom, she'd managed to convince me to lean on my sketchpad for comfort.
Blue was the distinct colour covering my page, though.
A lonesome man standing in the rain, clutching onto a blue umbrella.
Roaring blue waves crashing onto a sandy beach, the gloomy moonlight reflecting on the surface.
A woman and her small child—both of them dressed in knitted blue scarves and coats as they trudged through a snowstorm.
Every scene was sad, but I couldn’t find it in myself to draw anything else.
My therapist was pleased, though. Despite the glum artwork I was producing, she was insistent that the fact that I was drawing again meant I was coming back to myself.
I was happier—not by much—but I noticed myself smiling and laughing throughout the day, and even if those moments of happiness only lasted a few seconds, it was a step in the right direction.
Hannah gently pried my sketchpad from my hands, gesturing to the scenic park in front of us. “Take a breath for me,” she insisted, smiling. “This is the first sunny day we’ve had in a while. Allow yourself to be at one with nature.”
Hannah had been taking yoga classes recently, and apparently, her instructor was a huge wellness freak. It had clearly rubbed off on her, and she encouraged me to shut my eyes and inhale deeply, allowing the crisp morning air to fill my lungs.
Being outside was more refreshing than I’d thought it would be. Getting me out of bed at the crack of dawn had been a struggle for my friend, but now that I was here, I was glad she’d convinced me to leave the house.
I knew as soon as I was alone, though, my inner demons would take the reins. I was never going to be the same person, and not only because I’d been kidnapped by Will. My heart was still beating, but I wasn’t sure how. It had crumbled into a thousand tiny pieces, and there was no fixing it—not after everything that had gone on with Kaleb.
I was now able to think of his name without my stomach lurching painfully. Saying it was another story, though, and the thought of moving my mouth to form it caused my heart to twinge. I missed him. Everything about him. About us.
Was I a coward? I wasn’t too sure. All I knew was that I wasn’t ready to delve into the details of why things had happened the way they had. Not yet, anyway. Especially since I wasn’t even sure which base he’d been stationed at.
I needed to heal first, but that was a hell of a struggle when there was a giant wedge between me and the one person I needed to survive.