43. Forty-three Freya
Forty-three: Freya
“ I can’t believe we got VIP tickets to see Madison Ainsley!” Hannah squealed from beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
I laughed as we stopped and stared up at the massive stadium in front of us, crowds of people chattering as they swarmed in.
“I know. I’ve missed you,” I replied.
I hadn’t seen Hannah for around three weeks. We’d both been busy since scoring our new jobs after graduating from college early.
My friend was settling in nicely in her role as an artist talent scout, and I’d secured the position I wanted at the indie book cover design company. I hadn’t worked on my own project yet. I was still learning the ropes and helping my colleagues with their clients.
So far, I was enjoying it—to the degree that I could.
I couldn’t help but feel deflated, though. It was as if I couldn’t fully put my heart into my work—because somebody else had taken it.
Tonight wasn’t about that, though. It was about Hannah and I—a celebration of our new careers in the art world.
We’d purchased the concert tickets eight months ago, but when I’d received an email from the ticket company last week, claiming that we'd been randomly selected to have our tickets upgraded to meet Madison Ainsley after her concert, I was more than sceptical. I was convinced it was a scam, but after some research and a few emails, Hannah and I were both bewildered to discover it was legit. She saw the gift as a sign that we were on track.
Things didn’t feel that way, though. My train was slowly veering off course.
My father had been sentenced to thirty-five years in prison, and the man that I loved had almost shot him to save my life—as well as keeping the fact that he was working to put him behind bars a secret. And to add more to the mix, I'd killed Will Sheffield.
Murderer.
Killer.
I mentally cringed, remembering my therapist’s advice, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, imagining the thoughts dissipating into thin air until my mind went blank.
Noticing the struggle in my eyes once I opened them, Hannah cupped my cheeks. “Hey, we’re going to have the best time. I’m proud of us. You’ve got this.”
I smiled, nodding at my best friend before heading into the stadium. Our tickets were scanned, and we entered the pits, squeezing past a few people for a better view. Madison was due to come out any minute, and as excited as I was, I wasn’t looking forward to a few of her slower and more emotional songs. If there was one thing that Madison loved to do, it was to sing about heartbreak. That was not what I needed.
People surrounded me, and even though it was slightly overwhelming to be stuck in the middle of a large group of people, I reminded myself that we were all here for the same reason. We all wanted to have a good time at a concert. Nobody would be focusing on me.
The crowd went wild as Madison stepped out onto the stage, dressed in a beautiful long white dress, her dirty blonde hair curled to frame her face. It was hard not to be jealous of someone so naturally stunning. Not only that, but she was blessed with the voice of an angel. God really had his favourites.
Hannah and I sang along with Madison—as did most of the crowd. I tried my best not to choke up at some of the songs, pushing Kaleb from my mind before the tears threatened to spill over. Her lyrics reminded me of him, and I hated it and loved it at the same time.
You're stuck in my mind.
I want no one else, baby.
You and me, against the world.
A shiver wracked down my spine, and my mouth curved downwards as I attempted to block out Madison's beautiful voice for the remainder of the heart-wrenching ballad.
The rest of the concert was incredible, and my throat burned from singing. Hannah and I followed the sign leading to the meet-and-greet, my hands slick with sweat and my blood pumping through my veins at a rapid speed. We waited in the short line outside the red-curtained room, but I struggled to feel the excitement, my entire body numb.
“What do you think she’s like?” asked Hannah as she bounced excitedly.
“I just hope she’s nice.” Nothing was worse than discovering that your favourite celebrity was actually a raging diva.
“Next.” The beefy bouncer eyed us suspiciously before nodding, opening the curtain and gesturing for us to enter the room.
I plastered a smile onto my face, immediately spotting a beaming Madison, who stepped forward to wrap her arms around us in a spine-crushing hug. I released an exasperated laugh. However, my heart skipped a beat, and my blood turned icy when I noticed the tall, muscular man standing behind her.
Grey eyes.
Tousled dark hair.
Tattoo-covered arms.
Oh my God.
There was no way.
Kaleb.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him, and his own bored into mine with apprehension, a frown masking his face. I assumed he’d left to continue work at another base, but that clearly wasn’t the case.
Madison noticed my staring and turned awkwardly, gesturing to Kaleb. “Um, this is my bodyguard, Mr Evans,” she said hesitantly, and Hannah’s mouth popped open once she spotted who I was gawking at. “Did you girls enjoy the concert?”
I blinked, yanking my gaze away and returning my attention to Madison, nodding. I couldn’t think. My thoughts were whirling around in my head like a tornado. I felt as if I was about to pass out. “Um, yes, it was incredible, thank you.”
Kaleb shuffled from behind the celebrity; his intense stare focused on me for the entire three-minute interaction. I was shocked, though, because although memories of Will and my father came rushing back, haunting me, so did the happiness. The joy. The longing. It was intense—almost so intense that I nearly doubled over.
“Next,” called the bouncer from outside the curtain, opening it up to reveal more squealing fans as they waited for their turn to meet the star. Madison hugged us again after quickly autographing Hannah’s poster, and Kaleb stepped toward us, pulling back the curtain on the other side of the room for us to exit.
I didn’t know what to say to him. He didn’t seem overly surprised to see me, his eyes remaining the same size and holding the same emotion the entire time.
Enraptured? Check . Captivated? Check . Surprised? No. Not one bit.
My skin sizzled as I felt a warm hand gently grip my bicep, and I gulped, Kaleb, peering down at me with his jaw flexing painfully. “Freya.” He sighed, running his tongue along the front of his teeth. “I finish in fifteen minutes. Please, can you wait for me in the foyer? All I want to do is talk.”
I inhaled deeply, my throat constricting. My arm tingled from his touch, dizziness taking over briefly before I blinked a few times to bring myself back to reality.
He was here. He was actually here.
“Okay.” I inhaled deeply. “I’ll wait.”
A modest smile replaced Kaleb’s deep frown, and he nodded, taking a small step away from me. I instantly missed the warmth of his touch, feeling chilled without him. “Thank you.”
Hannah stared at me wide-eyed as we made our way down the long corridor, tiny droplets of sweat accumulating on my hairline as my clammy hands clutched onto my CD that I’d failed to get signed. I’d been far too distracted to ask.
“What the fuck?” Hannah muttered. “He’s her bodyguard.”
I nodded, exhaling in disbelief. “I know.”
“What are you going to say to him?” she asked once we reached the foyer.
“I don’t actually know. Seeing him again felt… weird. Everything came rushing back at once. The bad stuff, but also the good stuff. I wasn’t expecting that to happen.”
“I guess you just have to decide if the good outweighs the bad.” My friend smiled. “I’ll wait in the car until you’re done.”
She scurried off while I sat on the foyer floor against the wall, waiting for Kaleb. I couldn’t even begin to think about what I wanted to say to him. I hadn’t prepared for this. Tapping my fingers against my thigh impatiently, I stared at the enormous clock on the wall, longing for the hands to tick faster.Every second felt like an eternity. My eyes drooped.
“Freya.”
I jumped at the soothing voice, noticing Kaleb standing above me with furrowed eyebrows. He’d changed out of his bodyguard uniform and was sporting a pair of jeans and a tight, long-sleeved black top. Fuck, did he look good.
I wiped my hands on my jeans nervously as I stood. “Oh, hi.”
“Hi.”
“You’re still here.” I paused. “I thought—I thought you would have been shipped off to another base.”
“I was going to be, but I took this job,” Kaleb said, grinding his teeth together, “so I could stay.”
I arched an eyebrow. “What?”
“They usually give the body guarding jobs to the lower-level workers who get paid a lot less. I wanted to stay assigned to my current base, and this was the only job going, so I took it.”
Madison Ainsley was a local singer. Although she was well known around the country, she didn’t perform shows or travel often, hence why it was so hard to get hold of tickets.I had heard she lived just a few towns away.
“You took a lower-level job just so that you could stay here?”
“I couldn’t leave, Freya. Not after… everything.” Kaleb’s voice was hoarse.
I clicked my tongue, resisting the urge to pick at my fingers. They were already red raw. “Did you know about my dad the entire time?”
We were going straight for the deep stuff.
“No, Freya. It was fucked that it was all linked so closely, but I only found out about your dad being involved with Will a couple of weeks before he took you. My chief can vouch for that.”
It was a relief to hear that Kaleb hadn’t known about my father for long, but my trust in him was still damaged, considering he wasn’t honest with me.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I understand you were in a difficult situation, but I deserved to know.”
“You’re right.” Kaleb nodded. “I was in the wrong for keeping it from you. I just didn’t know how to tell you. You were near graduating, and I didn’t want it to mess that up for you. I was expected to stay on the case until it was closed, and I didn't know how to explain to you that your father was a wanted man and I was supposed to be helping hunt him down. It was selfish of me, and I’m sorry. Words can’t describe how much I regret not admitting it to you right away."
“That night,” I clamped my eyes shut, “were you going to shoot my dad?”
Murderer.
Killer.
Kaleb’s voice interrupted the slimy one in my head. “I'm not going to lie to you, Freya. I don’t know. I’d like to say I wouldn’t have, but Will had a gun to your head, and I was willing to do anything to get him to let you go unharmed. I can’t truthfully tell you what I would have done if you hadn’t—“ he stopped, gulping before taking in my stiff form.
Talking about it was causing everything to resurface when all I wanted to do was bury it deep inside of my brain—so far down that I never had to think about it again. My therapist constantly reminded me of how dangerous that was, though. The coping tactic never worked in the long run.
“How is your dad?” Kaleb asked, taking the attention away from the subject of me being a murderer.
“In prison. I’m visiting him next week.”
“Right.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t seem surprised to see me.”
Kaleb dipped his chin. “I’m not. I knew you were going to be here.”
“How? What did you—“ Something clicked inside my brain, and my mouth popped open. “Oh, my God. You sent the email.”
“Well, technically, the ticketing company sent the email,” he replied, the corner of his lip curving upward. “I just paid them to do it.”
I glared at him, which caused him to chuckle. Fuck, this was confusing as hell. There was nothing more I could ask Kaleb regarding my father because he truly wasn't sure if he was going to go through with Will's request to kill him or not. I wanted a definite answer, but I understood how illogical that was. It was something I'd never know. “Tell me about work," I asked, changing the subject.
Kaleb nodded. “The bodyguard job, even though I hate it, has its perks. It doesn’t actually require me to be stationed at or near the base, so I can live where I want while watching Madison—as long as it’s within a reasonable distance. She’s only a thirty-minute drive from me, so it works out. My contract is for a year, and I've moved into my own apartment down here.”
I swallowed. “You’re staying?”
“I’m staying.”
We settled into silence, and my eyes raked over Kaleb's entire form. Not in a sexual way, but because I wanted to take every cell of him in. He didn't feel real, and I was concerned that my trauma had finally caused me to lose my sense of reality. My mind wouldn't be that cruel, would it?
“I’m sure you already know this, but I need you, Freya,” he said, his fingers twitching beside him. “I miss everything about you. The situation you were forced into—it wasn’t right. I’m so sorry that you were dragged into it. The last thing I ever wanted was for you to get hurt, and the guilt is killing me, but being without you is killing me more.”
I hesitated before answering. “It wasn’t your fault my father was a criminal.”
“It was my fault that Will discovered you, though.” His eyes flashed with pain. “Seeing you like that.” He paused to calm himself. “I felt so helpless.”
Kaleb had already gone through losing Brie, and I understood how desperate he’d been to ensure I didn’t succumb to the same fate. I couldn’t blame him entirely.
“I don’t really remember a lot from it,” I said, dropping eye contact and shuddering. “I blocked a lot of it out.”
Besides the fact that you’re a murderer.
Kaleb’s tongue skated along the front of his teeth. “Don’t do this alone, Freya. If you need to talk to someone, talk to someone. Whether that be with your mom, Hannah, your other friends, or me.”
He was speaking from experience, and I didn’t take his advice lightly. I knew I was due a mental breakdown soon if I didn’t allow myself to fully come to terms with what had happened. I was still in denial, though. I wanted to return to my old life, the longing crushing me. I shivered, inhaling when I felt my phone vibrate from inside my bag. “Hannah is waiting for me. I should go.”
Kaleb scratched at his stubble. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and I wondered how many hours a day he was actually bodyguarding Madison. Judging by how exhausted he looked, it appeared he was working around the clock.
“Freya,” he said as I turned to head towards the exit. “I’ll wait—as long as it takes.”