11. Cas
11
Cas
T he moment I said it, I wanted to snatch the words back and swallow them, but it was too late. I didn’t know what possessed me, other than my own foolish insecurities.
Rishi’s eyes widened for a fraction of an instant, and then he straightened his body, shoulders going back and jaw coming up. “No, sir, that is not why I slept with you. I apologize for the misunderstanding. I will call Mr. Alden right away and request a new guard for you, as I am sure you are now uncomfortable with my presence. Excuse me while I go make that call.”
And he was gone, closing the front door of the apartment with a snick that made me flinch more than a slam would have.
I couldn’t even go after him, because I was sitting on the sofa instead of in my chair, and I didn’t trust that I could transfer to the chair considering how much Rishi’s sudden departure had unsettled me.
I couldn’t tell Rishi how stupid I was since he had walked out, but I wanted to talk about it, so I messaged Saint instead.
I did a very dumb thing just now.
What dumb thing did you do?
I overheard Rishi talking to an ex, and I heard him say that he didn’t want to go back to CO. When he got off the phone, he told me that he was glad when his boss offered him the job here with me because that meant he had a reason to stay.
Okay……………..
I snorted softly at the number of dots Saint used.
Sooooo we’ve had a little bit of a thing.
The bubbles began to dance, and I paused to see what Saint was typing, but then they stopped. I sighed and started to type again.
We’ve been having a little bit of a thing, and we sort of like each other. I don’t know where it was going, but I’m pretty sure I just executed it.
Uh oh.
Yes. I asked him if that’s why he’s sleeping with me.
Cas. WTF, seriously?
I groaned as I typed out my response. I know. I know.
What did he say?
That he’s calling his boss and getting me a new agent. I can’t go after him right now. I’m not in my chair.
The dots danced for a minute at least.
Rio says that it’ll take a day for another one to arrive, and Rishi won’t abandon his post before a new agent comes. You could apologize, he might forgive you.
Yeah, and my leg might grow back overnight, but I wasn’t holding my breath.
Still, apologizing was the right thing to do. I didn’t mean it. I hoped that he would let me when he came back. I knew Rio was right about that. No matter what kind of asshole I was, Rishi would not abandon his post before there was someone else to protect me.
Rishi came back inside a few minutes later, sliding his phone back into his back pocket. “I’ve taken care of everything. Your new guard will be driving out of Denver soon, and we’ll switch out in the morning.” He nodded stiffly and went to the kitchen, returning with my medicine, a water bottle, and a snack. “It is 2:15, and you’ve been taking your medication at 2:30 in the afternoon. Here are your pills, water, and some turkey sticks, as protein is the best thing to take them with. I will assist you to the restroom whenever you require, of course, but for now I’m going to do a quick perimeter sweep, and then I should work on a debriefing document for my replacement.”
I swallowed, looking at the things Rishi had brought. He was so kind and attentive, and that was a large part of what had drawn me to him. His physical beauty was secondary, and he had seemed to really like me, too. What had possessed me to ask him a question like that?
I had to apologize.
“Rishi?” I asked quietly as he began to check the windows.
“Yes, sir?” Rishi asked, turning to face me, back straight and face a detached mask.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t — I don’t — think that you slept with me because then you think I’ll, I don’t know, keep you in California or whatever that was about. My insecurity popped out of my mouth without making a pit stop at my actual brain. I like you a lot, and I am glad that we are—”
“Were,” Rishi corrected crisply. “You were about to say you were glad that we are involved? That is inaccurate. We were involved.”
It took a minute to get my mouth back in gear. “Were,” I corrected myself softly, and why did that make my throat burn? “I was glad that we were involved. I was enjoying becoming close to you.”
“As was I, to you,” Rishi said. “I will remember our time together fondly. Now, I’ve the document to prepare.”
And Rishi took his laptop and went to the kitchen.
***
I stayed on the sofa for a while, until I needed to use the bathroom, and the almost-too-faint-to-hear tapping sounds from the kitchen stopped and Rishi walked back through the room to put his laptop in his bag. “I have ordered my dinner, and it will arrive at approximately 17:30,” Rishi informed me.
I nodded automatically, in the process of preparing my chair to transfer back into it. I made it without incident and went to the bathroom, then wheeled into the bedroom and transferred to the bed to lie down. I remembered lying there together the day before, how solid and warm Rishi was next to me, and sighed, turning to face the wall. This was why I was single; even when I found something good, I sabotaged it somehow.
I had given up on sleeping and was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when Rishi opened the front door to retrieve a bag of Indian food from the place we had shared the first evening here. It smelled delicious and heartbreaking all at once. I took my sandwich and wheeled to my bedroom.
“I brought in your mail,” Rishi called after me, but I didn’t stop.
My mail went to a post office box, and I had arranged for it to be delivered to my door by courier now that I was at home almost all the time.
When I finished eating my sandwich, I took my plate back out to the kitchen and looked at the stack of mail on the counter. There were bills — the medical bills that kept coming, even though they were covered by insurance, were enough to make me weak at the knees — and flyers, and then there was a white envelope with no return address. I frowned and opened it, then tossed it across the room with a startled shout.
Rishi appeared in the kitchen in a second, gun in hand. “What is it?” he demanded.
I pointed to the floor, where the envelope and its contents lay.
Rishi frowned, looked around the room, then went to the envelope and picked it up, his eyes widening when he saw the full-page photograph. “Oh.”
“Ha. Yeah, oh. That’s one of Fernandez’s little friends, like the one I met in Saint’s apartment.”
Rishi looked from me to the paper and back. “Is… Is that true to size?” he asked, the stiff demeanor momentarily gone.
“No, that’s blown up quite a bit. They’re only about two inches long,” I said. “I assume the size was for maximum shock value. They’re dangerous, though, and I don’t like spiders to begin with, let alone that kind.” I shuddered, then realized that I had started to tremble. Rishi studied the paper, and I frowned when I saw writing on the opposite side. “Rishi, turn it over,” I said.
“‘You can’t hide forever,’” Rishi read, and his jaw clenched.
I held out my hand for the paper and took out my phone, taking a photo of the paper, front and back. I sent it to my captain and to Saint, who both responded quickly.
Captain Donovan told me to bag the letter, which I should have done immediately, and someone would be over to collect it ASAP.
Saint sent back a grimacing emoji, and a moment later a text. Rio said he now understands the value of a trigger warning.
Sorry. Unfortunately it didn’t come with one.
I laid my phone down and scrubbed my hands over my face. “Christ,” I breathed out slowly. I was still shaking a little, and warm hands on my shoulders startled me.
“Sorry,” Rishi murmured. “Are you all right?” His hands were still there, and I covered them with my own. His touch was unexpected, but I leaned my head back against his belly nonetheless, grateful for the solid feel of him behind me.
We stayed there for a minute, and the tremble in my hands finally died down. “Thank you,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry.” I lifted my head and took a deep breath.
“I know,” Rishi said, and I sighed softly. “Casimir…”
I turned my head and looked up at him. He looked sad, and with one final, gentle squeeze he took his hands from my shoulders. “I should do a perimeter check,” he said, and left before I could respond.