Chapter 10 #3
Jack leaned forward, placing his forearms on the table and meeting my gaze head-on. “Don’t be sorry. I feel like I learned more about you than I could ever understand about him.”
I smiled, thinking that was a really nice way to put it.
The server showed up then to take our order, and I used the moment to regroup.
I made sure that the rest of our lunchtime conversation was easy and light. We talked about the bar and my job, and the girls on Jack’s soccer team.
I laughed a lot, and he did too. It balanced out the intensity of our earlier conversation, soothing the burn of brutal honesty and some definite oversharing on my part.
I found myself easily distracted by his throat working as he swallowed.
Awareness crashed through me in a steady wave when he rested an elbow on the arm of his chair and cradled his chin in one hand—thoughtful and attentive as he listened to me talk about my family.
A single diverting fingertip tapped lightly across his lush bottom lip, and I had a difficult time organizing my thoughts beyond a steadily building attraction.
I was a watched pot, set to a slow simmer, conscious of Jack’s body and the way it moved. It made me curious, how those patient, rugged hands of his might feel on my skin. I was curious about a lot of things that had my stomach flipping over itself.
By the time we finished up our meal, I was looking forward to the ride back. It was hard to be nervous when you’d already shown your hand as well as your skeletons. And while this hadn’t felt like a date, it had felt like the start of something.
Or, rather, I hoped it might be.
The second half of the trip went by faster than the first. I lost myself in the purr of the engine, the passing scenery, and the feel of Jack’s body nestled against mine. Before I realized it, we were back in Kirby Falls, passing the orchards and farms on Highway 64.
A sinking feeling settled in my belly the closer we got to my house. Maybe I wasn’t too far off from a first-date cliché, trying to hold someone’s attention without seeming desperate because I worried that all of this—all of me—might have been too much for Jack.
I didn’t even know what I wanted, but I knew I didn’t want it to end.
Maybe that meant more rides on the parkway or kisses in the moonlight. Meaningful conversations and getting to know him. Or late-night texts and Jack asking me what I needed.
“You seemed pretty relaxed on the way back,” Jack said, accepting the helmet from my outstretched hand as we stood in my driveway. “Who would have guessed? A good girl turned biker.”
I frowned. He was always doing that, creating space, highlighting our differences, reminding me who I was.
I thought about arguing, admitting I was selfish and judgmental.
Or telling him about the time I’d snuck over here to the house in the middle of the night after Danny had kicked me out so I could dig up the orange daylily bulbs my great-grandfather had given me.
Sure, I’d ended up replanting them after I’d gotten the house back, but whatever.
It had been the principle of the thing. I hadn’t wanted Danny to end up with my plants, so I’d risked trespassing and getting caught to get what I wanted.
I wasn’t some one-dimensional good girl. I didn’t fit neatly in the box Jack had labeled for me.
Instead of rehashing more of my divorce drama, I settled on, “I’m not just a good girl, Jack.”
His face softened, somewhere between reluctantly amused and unwittingly fond. “I know, Clyde. I know.”
Then he stepped close, and I sucked in an unsteady breath. Jack raised his hands and smoothed down my messy helmet hair. As he brushed the loose waves back from my face, I watched him standing there, looking impossibly handsome, smiling gently, those hazel eyes focused only on me.
As I stared, I thought how I’d never really asked for what I wanted. I’d always just taken the leftovers, made do with the crumbs.
My hands shook at my sides as Jack’s thumb tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, the feeling of his tender care making my stomach dip agreeably.
I was tired of settling, of saying I was fine, of rolling with the punches and accepting the disappointment as my due.
Jack’s words came back to me. It’s okay to be a little scared, I reminded myself.
My fingertips settled on his waist, and I pushed up onto my toes.
Jack’s hands cupped my cheeks as he leaned down to meet me.
But just before our lips touched, I blurted out, “I think we should have sex.”
Jack paused, his nose a hairsbreadth from grazing mine, and blinked.
He pulled back to look at me, and I closed my eyes as mortification set in.
Warm, rough hands drifted down my neck to my shoulders, where they squeezed gently. “What was that?”
I forced myself to open my eyes, grateful when Jack didn’t appear to be laughing or disgusted.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I confessed.
“I don’t know how to date. I haven’t since I was a teenager.
Not that you’re even interested in that.
” I fought the urge to close my eyes again.
Jack didn’t seem like the monogamous type, and he’d already said he didn’t really believe in marriage or relationships.
Plus, I was a boring elementary school art teacher.
It was almost laughable that this ridiculously hot, interesting man would want to date me.
“Anyway,” I said quickly, “I just thought—I feel safe with you. I like you and I’m attracted to you. We’re adults.” I snapped my mouth shut, then quickly added, “You can say no. Obviously.”
Jack watched me, that same careful, solemn expression in place. “This feels like you’re trying to prove something to yourself. But lucky for you, I don’t usually drive the moral high road. So my answer is sure.”
I shook my head. “Don’t do that. Don’t say that about yourself because it’s not true.”
He had the decency to look a little sheepish.
“And I’m not out to prove anything,” I insisted.
“I’m not killing time or ripping off a Band-Aid or looking for—for spite sex.
I like you, Jack. I want you. I don’t plan on having expectations or being overbearing or demanding.
And we’re friends, right? You and me? We could be friends with benefits. Is that still a thing?”
His lips twitched, and he squeezed my shoulders again. “Yeah, I think that’s still a thing.”
After a long moment that had me squirming, Jack finally said, “I’m off tomorrow night. Would you like to come over?”
I bit my lip before replying, “Yes, I would.”
He grinned. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I echoed, smiling back.
And then he leaned in to kiss me. This time, I didn’t even think about stopping him.