Chapter 11
eleven
JACK
In the last twenty-four hours, I’d thought a lot about what might happen with Bonnie.
She’d agreed to come over tonight with a very specific purpose in mind. Yet I wondered if she might get cold feet. If, when the time came, she’d fail to show or she’d chicken out before she got what she wanted.
I’d thought about the length of her relationship with Danny and how she’d probably only ever been with her husband. Admittedly, that hadn’t been a deterrent. Maybe it was my arrogance or pride talking, but I wanted to make this good for her.
I’d considered the fact that despite her assurances, she might catch feelings or be interested in more than I could give. Or the very real possibility that she might be unable to handle something casual.
There were a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head, most of them giving me pause and raising red flags. So I didn’t know what it said about me that I hadn’t once considered calling this thing off.
Bonnie’s directness had taken me off guard yesterday. People were rarely so inclined to ask for exactly what they wanted. There hadn’t been any subtlety on her part, but she’d also skipped over any scheming or game playing, which was kind of refreshing.
Part of me thought that Bonnie and I had been on a collision course since that very first night, with her drunk on a barstool and me completely baffled by her sudden appearance in my life.
She was someone I was attracted to, yes. But I also liked her. I enjoyed spending time with her—talking, texting, getting under her skin. And I hadn’t had that with a woman . . . ever.
But a little voice inside warned that the timing could have been better. Even if we’d made it here on our own, naturally, without a roadside proposition, I didn’t know if it was the right choice.
She was fresh off a heartbreak, still flailing around in it. Someone like her wouldn’t just fall out of love with someone. She’d admitted as much, sick and miserable on my bathroom rug. I was more than prepared for a post-sex freak-out or even tears.
I was selfish enough to know I wouldn’t turn her away, though. I liked that she’d asked for what she wanted, and, even more, I liked knowing that what she wanted was me.
So when—if—Bonnie got here, I’d do my best to put her at ease and make sure a night in my bed was really what she wanted. And if it was, then I’d make it a night she wouldn’t forget.
A knock sounded just after eight.
I ignored the bright rush of anticipation as I made my way to the door, opening it wide to see Bonnie standing on the other side.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi,” I replied, taking her in.
Bonnie wore a dress the color of the leaves on the Japanese maple tree in my grandmother’s front yard. The deep red complemented her blond hair and made her pale skin glow. The hem of her skirt hit mid-shin, and the fabric looked soft. Everything about her looked soft and sweet.
The good girl standing on my doorstep, wanting to be bad for the night.
“Come in,” I finally said, pulling my attention away from where her fingers were twisting themselves into knots.
She hesitated a beat, and if I had to guess, I’d say it was nerves keeping the soles of her ballerina flats glued to the floor.
The television was already on, and Bonnie’s attention snagged there.
She smiled and looked at me. “I love this show.”
That’s what I’d been counting on. She’d mentioned the 2000s sitcom in our previous texts, and I thought it might go a long way toward taking the edge off any nervousness she might be feeling.
“Make yourself comfortable,” I called as I went to grab her drink from the fridge.
Bonnie’s attention stayed on the screen as she made her way into the living room. A moment later, she laughed, the sound familiar and happy, like she’d heard that joke before but couldn’t resist her reaction.
I returned and sat next to her on the couch, passing her a fountain soda in a glass from the bar downstairs.
“Oh,” she said, accepting it. “Thank you.”
Her gaze found the bowl of popcorn, glistening with butter, on the coffee table in front of her. Then the packages of Cookie Dough Bites stacked neatly beside it.
Wide brown eyes met mine as her face did something complicated.
Confusion wrinkled her brow, and her pink lips parted while a wondering smile fought to break free.
I could see it in her expression. She was pleased but trying not to get her hopes up.
Like maybe it was a coincidence that I’d arranged her favorite snacks for an impromptu movie night, and she didn’t want to be wrong in case that wasn’t the case.
“I got us some snacks,” I said simply.
Bonnie watched me for another moment before her tentative smile finally wiggled out from beneath her uncertainty. “Thanks, Jack.”
“Well, you do have to share with me.”
Her grin widened. “I’ll think about it.”
I laughed, placing my own soda down on the table.
I could feel Bonnie’s gaze on the side of my face before she eventually turned forward, her small hand depositing her glass beside mine.
I’d never seen this television series before. Bonnie explained a few of the running jokes, and I found myself enjoying it. Mostly, I found myself watching her as she smiled and laughed at whatever was happening on screen.
After two episodes, I felt Bonnie relax into me as she tilted the popcorn bowl in my direction. I leaned in, too, content to have her warm weight against me, the skin of her arm soft and smooth next to mine.
I watched her eyes dance. And the next time a joke landed and her lips formed a bright smile, I snagged her hand in mine before she could cover her mouth.
Two more episodes went by, Bonnie’s quiet laughter easing the tension from her body.
I didn’t want her stuck in her own head or worried about what came next. I couldn’t do anything about her own expectations, but I could damn well make sure she wasn’t anxious over mine. She was in charge here. Whatever happened tonight would be because she wanted it to.
My worries hadn’t gone anywhere. Those red flags were still waving. But Bonnie was here. She’d shown up, and sometimes that first step was the most important one to take.
Eventually, she put her snacks back on the table and curled into my side. With her fingers wrapped around mine, her head dipped to rest on my shoulder.
It was another half an episode before I realized her laughter had trailed off. When I looked down, I caught the dark fan of her eyelashes against the tops of her cheeks and the steady rise and fall of her chest. And I smiled at the sight of Bonnie fast asleep, comfortable and relaxed in my arms.
Bonnie
“Clyde,” a voice whispered somewhere near my ear.
I shivered at the sound, like something out of a dream.
A touch traced from my inner wrist to the center of my palm before circling slowly and then repeating itself.
I blinked my bleary eyes into a dimly lit room. The only light was coming from the kitchen behind us. Glasses and the remnants of our popcorn and candy were still visible on the coffee table from my tilted view.
Realization dawned and mortification gripped me.
I sucked in a sharp breath as I straightened away from the man at my side. A man who looked quietly amused.
Jack pivoted to face me, his arm bent, elbow balanced on the back of the couch as he watched me. “Sorry, it was getting pretty late, and I wasn’t sure what time you needed to be up for school tomorrow.”
I prayed silently that it was dark enough that Jack wouldn’t be able to make out the fierce blush I felt on my cheeks.
I couldn’t believe I’d fallen asleep. I’d practically invited myself over for sex—I mentally hissed—and then passed out on the man.
And after Jack had been so patient and accommodating.
He’d even watched one of my favorite shows with me and gotten my favorite snacks.
I could still feel the phantom touch of his thumb circling the back of my hand.
“Hey,” he said softly.
My attention jerked to his, as I paddled upstream against my humiliation and embarrassment.
“I don’t have work tomorrow,” I said, finally answering him. “We’re on fall break Monday and Tuesday.”
He nodded. “Well, then, I feel bad for interrupting your sleep. I know how hard that is to come by.”
I closed my eyes briefly before opening them. “I am so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? Considering how tense you were when you first got here, I thought it was a good thing that you’d relaxed enough to sleep with me.” He grinned, and I knew he’d phrased it that way on purpose.
I huffed out a humorless laugh. Of all the times for sleep to find me.
But he was right. I’d been uncomfortable when I’d arrived tonight. Frankly, I’d been a nervous wreck most of the day. So many thoughts and feelings had plagued me, making me question my sanity, wondering what the hell I’d been thinking, asking Jack to be friends with benefits.
I’d been with one man my entire life. I wasn’t adventurous or experienced. Part of me worried I wouldn’t be what Jack expected—that I’d be a disappointment.
I’d picked up my phone a handful of times earlier today, intent on texting him and canceling tonight. But in the end, my stubbornness and manners won out. I didn’t want to be someone who broke their promise, no matter how inconsequential.
So I’d pasted on a brave face, ignored the knots in my stomach, and knocked on Jack’s door. And he’d distracted me and put my restless mind at ease. So much so that I’d relaxed into a dreamless sleep, my head on his shoulder.
When I managed to lift my gaze, I found Jack still watching me, the corners of his lips tipped up, his hazel eyes bright and focused.
I liked his attention and being the center of it.
I liked the way his knee rested casually against my hip.
I liked that he’d made such an effort tonight—for me—likely knowing I’d be taking a leap outside my comfort zone.
I’d never call Jack gentle. He was too jaded and world-weary for that. But he was gentle with me.